all_cats_rgray Posted May 5, 2013 Posted May 5, 2013 Looking back I was lonely in my ex-relationship. Because he was withholding. So.... I really don't know, "Is this loneliness because of him gone or just the general loneliness of being in a withholding relationship" I'm starting to learn to be happy, single and alone. Question, are you SINGLE and happy. Have you been SINGLE and happy. CAN you be single and happy ( that a silly question right, OF course you can be single and happy) RIGHT.....right....right?
apple OR orange Posted May 5, 2013 Posted May 5, 2013 This will depends on what YOU want, i know monks who are super happy, and never had sex ever, i would think most of the rest of the planet would question are they happy, they know they are. So what ever would make you happy is what you need to do and more to the point is what you need to make you happy in your power to get?
HoneyBadgerDontCare Posted May 5, 2013 Posted May 5, 2013 Looking back I was lonely in my ex-relationship. Because he was withholding. So.... I really don't know, "Is this loneliness because of him gone or just the general loneliness of being in a withholding relationship" I'm starting to learn to be happy, single and alone. Question, are you SINGLE and happy. Have you been SINGLE and happy. CAN you be single and happy ( that a silly question right, OF course you can be single and happy) RIGHT.....right....right? I used to be single and happy. Now I'm in a relationship and happy. Happiness is a choice that can be made at any moment. 1
DrStrangelove Posted May 5, 2013 Posted May 5, 2013 single and happy.. waves on loneliness here and there though.
El Brujo Posted May 5, 2013 Posted May 5, 2013 I may be single and lonely... but I sure can write good fiction, baby!
apple OR orange Posted May 5, 2013 Posted May 5, 2013 Everyone writes their own destiny. If you don't like your life situation, change it. and the end of that sentance is ... "when its your own life, however you are never able to MAKE anyone love you so thats way out of your hands"
Buttercup84 Posted May 5, 2013 Posted May 5, 2013 I have been single for two years, but felt lonley with my ex. I do understand that it gets lonely but you need to make yoursrlf happy too. Get more hobbies, meet friends, do sports etc. 1
Titania22 Posted May 5, 2013 Posted May 5, 2013 I'm single and happy, but I have the advantage that I have offspring, so if I feel lonely I just tell them and they make some time for me. 1
dreamsgone Posted May 5, 2013 Posted May 5, 2013 just remember for every happy couple you see there might be one of them looking at you wishing they had your freedom, grass is always greener and all that 4
Sav Posted May 5, 2013 Posted May 5, 2013 When I had a relationship I wanted to go fool around, when I'm single and fooling around I want someone to just be romantic with. Human greed can never be satisfied, couples around you might seem happy but know that people dont air their dirty linen in public, you never know what goes behind closed doors 1
Ninjainpajamas Posted May 5, 2013 Posted May 5, 2013 You'll come to find that you can feel very alone, even in a relationship. You've caught me in an emotional state so I'm to going to say a few things...that maybe will give you a different perspective. I've had relationships that I wanted to get out of but made to feel very guilty about leaving, and obligated to stay by my SO. I had an ex who always seemed to have a reason of why we should try and work things out, the solution was never to end the relationship...it was never even an option, even when it was clearly an unhappy life together. I realized eventually she was just as unhappy without me or more, just with herself, so there wasn't really that much of a trade-off, combined with abandonment issues. In the end the relationship headed down such a destructive and depressive state I had to walk to save my own sanity, one day she was out of state visiting family and I decided to just pack my things in my car and leave (we lived together)...it actually took me some time just to recalibrate to a "normal" state after that. Hell, even though I am sure I did the right thing in my head, I still can't help shake the guilt of leaving her like that, and I doubt apart of her will ever completely forgive me for it either, but It had gotten that bad and I wasn't going to wait until it was too late to finally leave. I've also been alone, someone who in periods of my life dreaded being alone. I loathed the feeling, I felt the anxiety and emptiness of not being with anyone, it felt purposeless and just unfulfilled to be...even though it was for a very short period of time usually, days felt like months and months would feel like years. It was incomprehensible to me to even imagine not having a companion or someone to depend on. I had become dependent on women, even though I had largely made it through the most difficult times in my life alone...but it was long ago and I had become accustomed to "relationships" or at least having someone to depend on without realizing it until I assessed my behavior. It probably took those variations of experiences to realize that I should be alone for some time, and fight the good fight on becoming independent and again...more self-sufficient. I was able to appreciate the lack of drama and time consuming investment it took in maintaining relationships with others, the emotional roller coaster or just getting involved with someone new, losing myself somewhere else. But it also gave me time to work on myself, as by then I had a slew of lessons and experiences to reflect and learn from. I've talked to enough people in my life that were very unhappy or miserable in their relationships and marriages (men and women) to know better and that it wasn't the key to happiness, It wasn't that simple or just be like everyone else and assume I am "special". That I had to search within for answers instead of depending on someone fulfilling things within myself that could only be addressed by myself, and to myself. By taking responsibility for my own happiness and fulfillment really changed the way i looked at life. I had realized that so many things failed in the past because I had unrealistic expectations, I had set a bar so high...that because I couldn't reach it or fulfill myself that I expected someone else to, I had placed the burden on their shoulders, the responsibility, the dependency, the in ways...neediness...so much that I had to have several women at a time giving me attention just to feel in a way "relaxed". I was a person who thrived in the fire instead of getting burned, it gave me a peace and calm...unlike others who merely wished to have things stable and secure...danger, excitement, chaos, passion, affection, new and exhilarating romances were my "quiet place" and my comfort zone. So therefore learning to be single...learning to be alone...laying in bed starring at the ceiling with only my thoughts to keep me company was one of the most difficult things for me to bear...let alone imagine. It felt like my soul was ripping away from my skin like it was a sticky band-aid on a half-dried wound. I felt like a drug-addict going through withdraws. Eventually that forced me to learn to cope in other ways, and try to find other outlets in being happy. You very likely do not have a past I do to be able to reflect on. But my advice is go with the flow of life wherever you are, whatever situation you are in. Don't try and force life, let things happen naturally and try to get the most out of where you are and what you are doing right now, try to be happy with where you are and what you have instead of hoping for this or that, because as unhappy as you may feel some days, you could easily find yourself in a situation in the future that you wished you were single and where you are essentially now. You have to be able to be happy when facing adversity in life, because life is always changing and you never know what's going to happen next. I hated with a passion to be alone, to the point where it pissed me off and I felt chained but I eventually got through that in time, you'd be surprised what you can get through if you are determined. I'm working on that ultimate "happiness" but because I've spent so much time working on myself I understand about 50 percent more about myself than I did before, more than I ever could have understood being distracted and prioritizing a relationship or other people, thinking that was the key to my happiness and fulfillment. I learned that grass wasn't greener on the other side and just because you feel a certain way doesn't mean you should react to it, sometimes you just got issues and problems you've got to work out first as those leads to bad decisions, being emotionally vulnerable is a sure way to get yourself in a situation you normally would not. I give advice on here often, from a great level and depth of understanding/experience than I could possibly express because I've really been through many battlefields personally in regards to "love", have learned a great deal about myself and the way I work as well as others. I've broken a lot of it down to a science and know the patterns and signs well. With that being said, I believe "happiness" comes from within...you have to find peace within yourself, because someone else will only be able to do so much for you. I know it's not the answer anyone wants to hear, but the reason is, it's not because "love" isn't worth it or can't be spectacular but at some point you're going to find yourself struggling to resolve the same issues, insecurities and fears within yourself..."love" is not meant to fix you, or complete you. You can't expect it to be that one thing that makes everything right, or you'll find yourself feeling alone or unfulfilled again in your relationships. 1
Toddbt12y1 Posted May 5, 2013 Posted May 5, 2013 I'm single. I am happy. Some moments...maybe I am not. Happiness comes and goes. Single or not. Can I get sad thinking of the past? Sure. I'd say more angry over the past.
Toddbt12y1 Posted May 5, 2013 Posted May 5, 2013 I'm single. I am happy. Some moments...maybe I am not. Happiness comes and goes. Single or not. Can I get sad thinking of the past? Sure. I'd say more angry over the past.
Vogeltron Posted May 5, 2013 Posted May 5, 2013 (edited) As of right now I am single and happy. Because I do not look for my happiness to be a function of anyone else being with me. Happiness starts with yourself and feeling good about yourself. If you are happy with yourself who else out there really matters? I mean I love my parents and my family I always take their advice to heart. But my happiness is dependent on me finding it from within. I haven't been in a solid relationship for a while. Would I like to be of yes. But in no way even though at times it eats at me will I ever let it get me down. I truly do believe "the only disability in life is a bad attitude". For me your attitude in life and how you approach it means absolutely everything, even life if it gets you down and you think it isn't fair. Crying or complaining about it isn't going to solve anything. All you can do is get back up have a positive approach and do what you have to do. Edited May 5, 2013 by Vogeltron
soccerrprp Posted May 5, 2013 Posted May 5, 2013 I have to admit, I am a little skeptical of the whole "happiness comes from within" idea (alone). Let me explain. I am single, voluntarily and not-so much so. I know that I need to take a break, but prefer to be in a relationship. I know that I will find someone, but prefer to have her now. I know that I don't NEED a relationship, but I WANT one and that, I suspect, blurs the line between my needs and wants at times. There is a lot that we can to help change our lots in life. A lot. But there is no question that we are inevitably and unavoidably complicated and influenced by the relationships we do and do not establish around us. It is clear to me that emotions of yearning, need, happiness are not always manipulated or controlled. I can try to convince myself that I am happy and won't allow anyone or anything else determine whether or not I am, but that will not prevent such feelings from cascading over me at the most unexpected times. Yes, how we choose to react to such inevitable feelings, we are able to control, but happiness, for example, is not entirely under our control no matter what and where we are in life. Mind you, I am speaking within the context of being in or out of a relationship. We all crave and want human interaction, intimacy, acceptance to some degree. If not, again, I would suspect some psychopathic, unhealthy dynamic going on. I agree, though, that attitude makes a huge difference. If you are not happy w/o a relationship, you are likely far less likely to be convinced that making yourself happy is enough. So, go after it. For you, happiness does, for now, depend on being in a relationship. I don't think there's anything inherently "wrong" with that....painful, yes, unfortunately, but it's what you NEED-WANT. Sorry. Don't know if any of this makes any sense. I've been in a very introspective period that last couple of days....
outsidethebox Posted May 5, 2013 Posted May 5, 2013 Been alone for 30 years after a 6 year marriage/divorce. Decided being alone was better for me. Have good relationships with family and friends but no communications with them or anyone most of the time, maybe once every three or four years. I do not go anywhere or do anything with anyone, and haven't most of my life. I never have feeling of loneliness, I don't really desire to be around people. I am very outgoing and can talk to anyone about just about anything, but only place to talk to people about things I'm interested in is on internet in forums. Being in groups of people is so banal I avoid it like the plague. But I love to talk to women and so occasionally try the dating thing through the years. I never get far enough with anyone to tell them what I just wrote above, much less anything else.
soccerrprp Posted May 5, 2013 Posted May 5, 2013 Been alone for 30 years after a 6 year marriage/divorce. Decided being alone was better for me. Have good relationships with family and friends but no communications with them or anyone most of the time, maybe once every three or four years. I do not go anywhere or do anything with anyone, and haven't most of my life. I never have feeling of loneliness, I don't really desire to be around people. I am very outgoing and can talk to anyone about just about anything, but only place to talk to people about things I'm interested in is on internet in forums. Being in groups of people is so banal I avoid it like the plague. But I love to talk to women and so occasionally try the dating thing through the years. I never get far enough with anyone to tell them what I just wrote above, much less anything else. Were you always like this? How were you before, during your marriage?
outsidethebox Posted May 5, 2013 Posted May 5, 2013 yeah, mostly always. I went out a lot and got drunk in younger days. I partied to excess in service and college. Married a girl I met in college. But I always prefer to be alone with books and then when PC's became available computers. I worked with computers before that and am a computer programmer. But in trying to be a programmer, couldn't find work and spent most of my time alone with my computer trying to learn more and be employable. Broke the marriage to be unemployed that long and ended up going to Atlanta to find work, which in itself was an ordeal. I've ended up in a homeless shelter in Hartford, living in my car behind a Denny's in Santa Cruz, a cheap hut in Tampa, and a motel in West Virginia so bare just a light bulb hanging down with a string, all with no money and throughout my life eviction notices. Somehow I have managed to survive that by eventually finding another programming job. Not a life any woman would want part of. But back to question, I was alone most of my time when married, we would have split a lot sooner but I had nowhere to go and her parents were religious and against divorce. Eventually we each overcame that to part ways anyway.
soccerrprp Posted May 5, 2013 Posted May 5, 2013 yeah, mostly always. I went out a lot and got drunk in younger days. I partied to excess in service and college. Married a girl I met in college. But I always prefer to be alone with books and then when PC's became available computers. I worked with computers before that and am a computer programmer. But in trying to be a programmer, couldn't find work and spent most of my time alone with my computer trying to learn more and be employable. Broke the marriage to be unemployed that long and ended up going to Atlanta to find work, which in itself was an ordeal. I've ended up in a homeless shelter in Hartford, living in my car behind a Denny's in Santa Cruz, a cheap hut in Tampa, and a motel in West Virginia so bare just a light bulb hanging down with a string, all with no money and throughout my life eviction notices. Somehow I have managed to survive that by eventually finding another programming job. Not a life any woman would want part of. But back to question, I was alone most of my time when married, we would have split a lot sooner but I had nowhere to go and her parents were religious and against divorce. Eventually we each overcame that to part ways anyway. Tough life. Happy you're still with us and doing okay? Keep up the fight, search to find that someone special and get the hell away from the computer every once in a while! 1
outsidethebox Posted May 5, 2013 Posted May 5, 2013 yes, sunshine, got a webcam in January because I needed a current pic to create a profile. So I took that with webcam in January or February. thanks 1
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