El Brujo Posted May 5, 2013 Posted May 5, 2013 (edited) Let's say you joined a singles & dating meetup group... the good news is, membership doesn't cost anything, and to go to their meetups costs you 5 or 10 bucks a pop. (A lot of them are like this... but it's cheaper than a paid membership with some OLDSs) The bad news is, they only do one kind of meetup: 1. Bar/nightclub 2. Costume party 3. Morning hike 4. Picnics/potlucks 5. Beach party 6. Speed dating Which would you choose? I'd go with costume party, with potluck a close second. Bars would be dead last for me. Edited May 5, 2013 by El Brujo
mesmerized Posted May 5, 2013 Posted May 5, 2013 3, 4 or 5. I hate bar/nightclub scene. It always becomes a meat market at the end. The other ones are better places to actually get to know people.
Estate Posted May 5, 2013 Posted May 5, 2013 (edited) Let's say you joined a singles & dating meetup group... the good news is, membership doesn't cost anything, and to go to their meetups costs you 5 or 10 bucks a pop. (A lot of them are like this... but it's cheaper than a paid membership with some OLDSs) The bad news is, they only do one kind of meetup: 1. Bar/nightclub 2. Costume party 3. Morning hike 4. Picnics/potlucks 5. Beach party 6. Speed dating Which would you choose? I'd go with costume party, with potluck a close second. Bars would be dead last for me. To be honest, if you are going to a singles group to genuinely actually meet a bf/gf, then the bar night is the best. Reason being, you already have a reason to talk to the people there. You can talk to the people at the bar with the group without the fear off approaching strangers. Also, once everyone has had 1-2 drinks, they'll begin to open up and the conversation will flow. I've tried "meetups" before and while the activity things are nice if you just want to get out of the house, they are just so sterile. 8-9 out of 10 people who go to them, go because they have trouble socially so putting a big group of not very social people together, removing alcohol and expecting everyone to bond over a picnic or whatever just doesn't work. An alcohol-less costume party would be even worse, everyone would be so self conscious if would be cringeworthy. That's the main problem with these groups... the type of people they attract. It's only 1 or 2 people here and there that I ever met who were ok, mainly they were social but joined because maybe they are new in town or something but they tend to come in, make friends quickly and then don't stick around because most of the others there are just so anti-social. I get where you're coming from. I guess you're not a "bar guy", but in this case, it's your best bet. Going on a picnic or to the beach with people you don't know just becomes weird, people don't know what to do and it's not really the place to move around making small talk, it's a place to either lie out or do fun activities with friends. Speed-dating is possibily humanities worst invention ever... just don't do it. Edited May 5, 2013 by Estate
MsSmurf Posted May 5, 2013 Posted May 5, 2013 My first choice would be hiking. I like to hike and often don't want to go solo. Plus all that walking would provide plenty of opportunities for conversation. A second choice would be picnic/potluck because again it would offer plenty of opportunity for conversation. A bar/nightclub would be my last choice because I just hate that scene. I'd worry that a costume party or beach party would end up just like a bar/nightclub event. Speed dating could go either way for me, but I wouldn't want to do that all of the time.
Author El Brujo Posted May 5, 2013 Author Posted May 5, 2013 How about if they were twofers, like a hike with a picnic at the end of the trail... or maybe a costume potluck? Oh wait, I've got it---how about a drink-a-thon, in which the host has a tanker truck full of 200 proof pure alcohol delivered to the place, and guests win a prize if they get drunk enough to throw up and pass out! 1st place would go to the 1st guest who has to be rushed to the ER because of alcohol poisoning. Fun, fun, fun!!!
AlexDP Posted May 5, 2013 Posted May 5, 2013 How about if they were twofers, like a hike with a picnic at the end of the trail... or maybe a costume potluck? Oh wait, I've got it---how about a drink-a-thon, in which the host has a tanker truck full of 200 proof pure alcohol delivered to the place, and guests win a prize if they get drunk enough to throw up and pass out! 1st place would go to the 1st guest who has to be rushed to the ER because of alcohol poisoning. Fun, fun, fun!!! You are not very good at understanding that people do stuff within measure. Last time I saw a thread of yours, you named everyone who wasn't a virgin promiscuous. Now visiting a bar means you're an alcoholic. See, this is why you're no fun and no woman wants to be with you. And I'm sorry, but you can't dress up like Obi Wan Kenobi every party. 1
Taramere Posted May 5, 2013 Posted May 5, 2013 How about if they were twofers, like a hike with a picnic at the end of the trail... or maybe a costume potluck? The hike and picnic would be my choice. The costume potluck...well, the last time I went a fancy dress party I made the decision to go as a black cat. As I'm sure absolutely nobody has ever done before. As I recall I spent the first half of the evening telling sympathetic couple, who were dressed as pirates, about my recent break up...then the rest of the evening causing an argument between another couple because the male half was intent on getting a piece of my drunk tail. Ever since then I've associated fancy dress parties with a sort of forced jollity concealing paranoia and insecurity. Mine and everybody else's. The morning hike is better. Maybe a glass of wine at the picnic afterwards. As AlexDP says, you can have a bit of alcohol without being a total lush. Oh wait, I've got it---how about a drink-a-thon, in which the host has a tanker truck full of 200 proof pure alcohol delivered to the place, and guests win a prize if they get drunk enough to throw up and pass out! 1st place would go to the 1st guest who has to be rushed to the ER because of alcohol poisoning. Fun, fun, fun!!! If it's a toss up between that and the fancy dress party, put my name down for the drink-a-thon.
Author El Brujo Posted May 5, 2013 Author Posted May 5, 2013 You are not very good at understanding that people do stuff within measure. Last time I saw a thread of yours, you named everyone who wasn't a virgin promiscuous. Now visiting a bar means you're an alcoholic. See, this is why you're no fun and no woman wants to be with you. And I'm sorry, but you can't dress up like Obi Wan Kenobi every party. You don't even know me IRL... so sorry, buddy, your opinions barely make the meter AFAIC. Get out and do something real.
AlexDP Posted May 5, 2013 Posted May 5, 2013 You don't even know me IRL... so sorry, buddy, your opinions barely make the meter AFAIC. Get out and do something real. I know you well enough to know that women scare you, that you are overweight and that you think people should love you because of your non-existent personality which mainly consists of escapist behavior demonstrated by playing fantasy RPG's in which you always choose to be the sexy female character.
Author El Brujo Posted May 5, 2013 Author Posted May 5, 2013 I know you well enough to know that women scare you, that you are overweight and that you think people should love you because of your non-existent personality which mainly consists of escapist behavior demonstrated by playing fantasy RPG's in which you always choose to be the sexy female character. **gasp** OMG!!! You've been sifting through my trash!!! Tell me more about myself, Dr. Freud. :laugh:
AlexDP Posted May 5, 2013 Posted May 5, 2013 **gasp** OMG!!! You've been sifting through my trash!!! Tell me more about myself, Dr. Freud. :laugh: I can only observe that you don't deny any of it.
Taramere Posted May 5, 2013 Posted May 5, 2013 **gasp** OMG!!! You've been sifting through my trash!!! Tell me more about myself, Dr. Freud. :laugh: Is he right, though EB? You have said at times that you're a-sexual, and I think quite a few of us are curious about that. I don't ask this in any kind of malignant way, but I don't get what the draw of meeting women would be for you if a) you don't like women very much as people (if I recall rightly, we travel far too much for your liking) b) you're not interested in women sexually. Anyway, if you do go for the hiking and picnic option remember to pack some lotion for the ladies. Our skin can get a little dry in the sun.
Author El Brujo Posted May 5, 2013 Author Posted May 5, 2013 Is he right, though EB? You have said at times that you're a-sexual, and I think quite a few of us are curious about that. I don't ask this in any kind of malignant way, but I don't get what the draw of meeting women would be for you if a) you don't like women very much as people (if I recall rightly, we travel far too much for your liking) b) you're not interested in women sexually. There are many shades of asexuality, but unlike homosexuals, we haven't had our "Stonewall moment" yet, so the rest of society continues to tar us all with one brush. Being openly asexual takes a certain measure of smartassiness and often a chip on one's shoulder; but I have no problem being out of the closet about my asexuality. To me, it feels like being surrounded by heroin addicts who make fun of me for not being hooked on the white stuff. Just because I don't have the slightest need or urges to have sex, doesn't mean I'm a cold, unloving person; I keep my heart on a VERY short leash, and a lot of women aren't used to that. Anyway, if you do go for the hiking and picnic option remember to pack some lotion for the ladies. Our skin can get a little dry in the sun. Likewise, the value of good shoes cannot be understated. A sprained ankle out in the wilderness is kind of a drag, knowhutImean?
PogoStick Posted May 5, 2013 Posted May 5, 2013 Hiking groups can work well if it attracts people your age. People tend to pair up or get into small groups and stick together for hours and talk. When I was in a larger metro this worked well, but my current location it tends to attract 50-60 y/o. I'd go with the picnic/potlucks second. It's social and friendly. The atmosphere tends to be very light, no pressure. You can invite a girl to throw around a frisbee or something pretty easily and that builds a connection.
Taramere Posted May 5, 2013 Posted May 5, 2013 There are many shades of asexuality, but unlike homosexuals, we haven't had our "Stonewall moment" yet, so the rest of society continues to tar us all with one brush. Being openly asexual takes a certain measure of smartassiness and often a chip on one's shoulder; but I have no problem being out of the closet about my asexuality. To me, it feels like being surrounded by heroin addicts who make fun of me for not being hooked on the white stuff. Just because I don't have the slightest need or urges to have sex, doesn't mean I'm a cold, unloving person; I keep my heart on a VERY short leash, and a lot of women aren't used to that. I don't know that asexual people are stigmatised in the way that gay people are. The thing is that people are often threatened by gays. A gay man might threaten other men who assume, however unreasonably, that he's going to be desperate to get into their pants...or he might threaten women who feel that he's going to take their man away (if their man is a little bit uncertain about his sexuality). Asexuals, on the other hand, don't have a sexuality to threaten other people with. I suppose an asexual partnership might look like Dick Van Dyke (ironically, given the name) and Julie Andrews in Mary Poppins. Quite charming, just not steamy.
Estate Posted May 6, 2013 Posted May 6, 2013 Can anyone explain to me how these are good dating options? Seriously? Like ... hiking?? Wearing horrible unflattering hiking clothes. Getting all hot and sweaty and horrible. No way to present yourself well in any way. Getting all puffy and sweaty and trying to maintain a conversation? Completely being distracted from the ACTUALY point of it (meeting people) because the destination of the hike really takes over. It's not at ALL a social environment. Nothing about it allows people to open up and start deep conversations, Lastly, even if you DID somehow find a girl attractive in her muddy northface clothes and someone managed to really dive deep and get a connection with her... like... how do you take it any further? You're stuck in a group, everyone is awkward about it, there's no way to break away from the group for alone time, no way to excalate the interaction. HOW COULD THIS IN ANYWAY EVER WORK???? Just go to a bar!
Author El Brujo Posted May 6, 2013 Author Posted May 6, 2013 One of my male friends (a divorced musician) suggested Open Mike Nights. I was like, WTF..? Sounds to me more like a NY thing, but he has a point... none of the singles meetups in L.A. has done an Open Mike Night/karaoke kind of thing. I think that would be a blast.
MsSmurf Posted May 6, 2013 Posted May 6, 2013 I like open mic nights, but I find they're not the best way to meet singles. People tend to show up in couples or with tight knit groups of friends. So unless you're willing to approach a group that isn't exactly inviting then you may not really meet anyone. I guess if you have a lot of confidence you can go solo, sit at the bar, and see what happens.
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