Author Idyll Posted May 8, 2013 Author Posted May 8, 2013 (edited) I truly admire you. I'll take it! You have been betrayed and you did this? Past hurts are not something to inflict forward onto other people. I hope you can find peace and an understanding of why you chose to think you could replace his wife, or why your choices were okay to you in the moment. There's a much better path out there. I know the beliefs that got me into this mess and they had nothing to do with wanting to inflict the pain that I went through as a BS onto an innocent woman and her children that I don't even know. Strangely enough, having been a BS years and years ago, I have a very compassionate attitude about infidelity. Marriages are tough work. People who get married make a promise to each other not having any idea what each partner will be like in 5, 10, 20, 30 years. You're supposed to be able to accept every change, but that's not always possible. The irony is that you get to pick soooooooo carefully the person you want to marry, weeding out all the Mr. Not Right Enoughs, but you have NO CLUE whatsoever what Mr. Right on your wedding day is going to turn into in 25 years. Maybe he'll morph into someone you don't want to be married to. Maybe you'll morph into someone he doesn't want to be married to. So then it comes down to this: staying married is about not wanting to be divorced---NOT about wanting to be with the person your spouse IS so many years in. I'm sorry but that's pathetic. No institution rules my life like that. I didn't want to divorce either but my spouse turned into someone I did not want to be married to after A LOT of work to try to R (before d-day). D-day was the final straw. I should add that I turned into someone that even I would not have been able to stay married to... I have come to accept that exH and I had our time together, and then the right thing to do was for us to go on separate paths. Infidelity can be the path good people go down while they are torn up inside about what choice to make. It's not just d-bags that cheat. It's also people who want to stand by their commitment even though they don't love their spouse anymore. Totally on my own, I really thought that MM's W might not be someone he wanted to be married to. She was rarely a topic of discussion. It wasn't until the A was cooking that he and I started to discuss the details of his M. When it became obvious to me that our A was just a fun diversion for him, I got wise and started turning into a biz-natch. Edited May 8, 2013 by Idyll 1
Recommended Posts