Having a very rough few days

[CorridorE]

I've been having a really rough few days and could use a bit of support from anyone who is willing to offer it... It's been about three months and I had been feeling better, but this past week I've been feeling awful and crying a lot... like I've taken a few huge steps back.

 

It just hard for me to deal with being forgotten, and the thought of starting over with someone new scares me. Maybe scares is the wrong word, but I just feel off about it. I've been thinking about the past a lot... way too much, I know, so I'm hoping that if I get it off my chest I will feel a bit better. My ex and I seemed to be on the same page about everything when we were together, and he was the only one who I really felt open to. He knew everything about me, all of it, the good, bad, my past, the psycological abuse I suffered at home, and he used to love me for all of it. Sorry this is really detailed, but I really want to be a mother some day but always feared that I would end up like my mother, and we would talk about how when we had kids we would be a team on everything and make sure they had good lives growing up. And we would give them the model of what it means to really love someone as strong and committed parents.

 

He told me that the other privates at his base would put him down sometimes for thinking about starting a family so soon and laughed at the idea of waking up next to the same person every morning for the rest of your life. But he always said it never phased him, and he would just tell them he was just a very lucky man who had found real love, and to have those things with me was all he wanted.

 

Then after three years he cheated on me and left me for someone else. Said he fell out of love. I had been feeling better, pushing him out of my thoughts and telling myself I can to so much better, because I am a faithful woman and it's what I deserve. But I had also been able to convince myself for a while that I no longer loved him, and it's just not true. I do still love him, and when our relationship was still healthy I really saw myself having a life with him.

 

Now I feel like I wouldn't know how to start over in a new relationship when the time comes. How do you go from your best friend and lover leaving you, who knew you better than anyone else and used to accept all parts of you for it, to starting over with someone who knows nothing? I miss having someone who understands me... I completely trusted him with everything and he cheated on me and broke my heart, so when I try to start a new relationship I'm scared I will have a lot of trust issues now as well. He did everything to show me he wasn't like all those other guys, but then showed his true colors and left me for someone else like I was nothing.

 

I just feel so lonely and unsure of the future... thank you for listening I appriciate it.

Edited May 4, 2013 by CorridorE

[SalientPoint]

This is one of the most difficult things imaginable, and I'm very sorry for your pain. All I can really tell you is that with time, very very gradually, you can get to where you can talk/think about him and not cry, whether you will ever really be over him depends on what kind of person you are and what experiences you went through together. I never fully got over " the love of my life" and we broke up 4 years ago. However, the bittersweet part of that is I loved my latest ex just as much, in some ways maybe slightly more, but she broke up with me too, so now I'm right back where I was 4 years ago in terms of pain and sadness. However, the good news is that you can be functional again if not completely over it in some ways, it's just really a roller coaster. Also, you will find someone you like just as much, if not more, probably many people over the course of your life. And in awhile you feel better, but still have memories. It's just getting to that point that is the hardest. You can do it though!

[LoveB86]

I just want to say thank you for commenting on my thread. You helped me with your advice. Deep down, you seem like a strong woman throughout all this and whatever you are doing, keep on doing it!

 

Also, I totally understand what you're going thru. I was cheated on and left for someone else as well. It's been a month since the BU. It's been a month of them being "official". I work with them too, so it's like constant reminder.

 

It's so hard to trust anyone else at this point. He knew alot about me and for him to throw it all away like nothing. No apology, no nothing.. He vanished! It's like... He have the decency to respect her by not talking to me as he been dead silent. However, why he disrespected me by talking to her behind my back? Wow, basically he didn't give a rats about me!

 

Only thing that helps me is reminding myself that I didn't do anything wrong. He even said I didn't do anything wrong during the BU. I remind myself of all the things I done for him and nothing he did for me in return! He didn't deserve me!!

 

They didn't have to disrespect us by cheating! Heartless jerks!!

[aisuru]

I'm sorry you are hurting. You were betrayed by somebody you shared yourself with over 3 years. Three months is still pretty early to just be over it.

 

Take some time to find yourself and love yourself.

 

I promise you, one day you will be with somebody and realize that this relationship, and even the breakup, contributed to you finding a happy relationship elsewhere. Take what you've learned and apply it in the future.

 

Right now, take care of you and know that you'll be okay.

[all_cats_rgray]

Starting off new scares me too...

 

But when I think about it. Its better and the right way. Some things are too damaged, that as much as YOU are willing to put the work into it to fix it. The other is not. AND even if you are willing... your heart is twisted and bleeding about the past.

 

DON'T be scared. Okay I'm so scared. But, we have 6 trillion people on this earth. ...and a bunch of them fall in love everday. And get engaged a few months into a relationship.

 

I would not worry...the saying "falling head over heels for someone" happens all the time.

 

You could be a pirate with one leg. ... They still laid all the time. Dam I would f u c k a pirate.

 

......

[ConfusedT]

I feel your pain, I am going through a new breakup, but my other breakup was way worse than this one. it gets better day by day, nothing is perfect and you cant expect it to be unfortunately...

 

I don't remember exact timeframes, but there was always set backs here and there but the fact that you're still pushing forward and focusing on yourself even with the heartache is great! Job well done!

[KathyM]

I'm sorry you had to deal with this. I know it's difficult to start over and start dating again after having someone special in your life for so long, but unfortunately this guy was not the right one for you. You DO deserve someone who will treat you well and not cheat on you, and that man is out there who is worthy of your love and your trust.

[CorridorE]

Thank you everyone so much for your replies and support. I'm just so scared of having future trust issues. I had been cheated on in the past before this relationship, and my ex knew it and told me things like cheaters were the 'scum of the earth' and that he would never hurt me that way because I was everything to him and he could never risk losing me. And then one day he just decided I wasn't worth it anymore.

 

But your kind words did make me feel better, and I hope eventually in my next relationship I can accept that everyone is not him, and there is someone for me that will be faithful and honest.

 

And I am proud of myself for staying in NC, despite how painfully difficult it has been. Since he picked up his things from my house it's been over a month of strict no contact. It hurts that he hasn't tried to contact me, knowing that I'm in the past to him and he really has moved on, but deep down I know it's for the best that we haven't spoken. I am on my way to getting better.