How do I go about this?

[kool]

So, my ex and I broke up around a month ago. Prior to the break up, I initiated a break which went for a few weeks. I initiated a break due to our constant arguments and the lack of time I was having for myself. I have a lot on my plate. I just had my first semester in university, along with work, volunteering, homework, and judo. I felt like I didn't have time to do other things and felt like I was missing out. We had been together for 4 years.

 

Due to all the activities in my life, I was only able to hang out with my ex one or two times a week. My ex felt this wasn't enough and whenever I wanted to hang with my friends I would get guilt tripped by my ex. So, that is why I initiated the break. A few weeks into the break, my ex would call multiple times a day, until I get fed up because they weren't respecting the time I asked for. Two weeks into the break, I answered a call and told my ex I didn't know if I was in love with them (I said it to so they would back off a bit more) This destroyed my ex. After a few more days, I told my ex I was ready to talk about working on the relationship. My ex told me that when I said, I didn't know if I was in love with her, it broke her heart and she couldn't handle going through it again.

 

Before she left, I handed her a letter I wrote saying how I was sorry I put her through pain but didn't mean what I said when I told her I didn't know if I was in love with her. I explained the reasoning behind it but it didn't have an affect.

 

 

During the break, a friend of hers told her that I cheated on her. Which is not true. I have never cheated on anyone. I went out with some friends when we were on our break and some female friends came as well. One of the girls got really drunk and tried to make out with me. My ex's friend heard about this incident and told my ex. I told my ex that a girl did kiss me on the cheek and that that was it. I don't know if this is also factoring this into her feelings towards me. When we spoke after the break, my ex never brought this up.

 

It's now been around a month of not hearing anything from her. I have sent a few texts to see how she was doing but no reply.

 

I really want to be with her but she won't give me the chance to show her I care and want to be with her.

 

During our talk after the break, she brought up some other issues she didn't like about the relationship. She said that because I wasn't serious about the thought of marriage, it made her mad. I'm still in university and she hasn't even started yet so I feel like it's not something to discuss until we have finished uni and obtained a career.

 

The next thing was that she said I didn't make enough time for her during our relationship. I told her that I have many things to do in life and cant hang all the time. She only works and has more time than me. She doesn't understand that I'm really busy with school, work, volunteering and she thinks all I do is hang with my friends.

 

Another issue was that her mom and I didn't get along. I felt like her mom didn't like me from the first time we met. She has also done some really mean things to me. I have never done anything to give her mom a reason to hate me. My ex is the last child at home and maybe her mom doesn't want to see her daughter leave home. I don't know how to resolve this issue. But I'm willing to suck it up if it meant I could be with my ex again.

 

How can I show my ex that I have taken what she said into consideration during the break up and have really thought about how to resolve the issues. I can't do it all on my own and would need her help and feedback to improve these things. If she won't communicate how can I show her. Should I send her a letter explaining everything I have thought about. A relationship is a joint effort.

 

Please don't tell me to move on. I really feel I want to spend the rest of my life with her. There are other girls I have a chance with but all I want is my ex.

 

Thx

[Simon Phoenix]

You can't force someone who doesn't want to be with you to be with you. If she's not willing to hear you out, there's nothing that can be done. The answers you get in this thread will not change from the previous one.

 

All you can do is move forward and work on what you feel you need to work on. Maybe in time she'll take notice, but there's no way to "trick" her and even if you could, would you really want to? Don't send a letter, just do what you need to do. If she ever chooses to look, it will mean a lot more to her if she feels you are doing it for you and not to try to impress her.

 

Wish I had a better answer for you, but you can't make her do something she doesn't currently want to do.