allyoucaneat Posted May 4, 2013 Posted May 4, 2013 Hi All, I met the love of my life ( I didnt know it at the time) 14 years ago when she was on a school exchange - we were 16 and 15. We never really got to know eachother too well then but we kept in contact when she went back to her home country. Over the years we maintained contact rather sporadically and we each have had several long term relationships. 3 years ago we got to talking quite regularly and she came out to my country to visit, there was instant chemistry - we were in lurrrve, completely unexpected but we were both floored by how we felt about one another. After much talk and logistical challenges, I made a move to her home country and we were married. This move was rather hard on both of us, stressful, going into the unknown etc, I'm well traveled but going to a new country not speaking the language can be a little challenging sometimes. After a while things began to unravel, we began to fight, all of this was inevitable.. we both loved eachother very much but something just didnt click and we both knew it, we tried and we tried and we tried, to the point where good days were the exception to bad. Though the course of these ups and downs, obviously very hurtful things were said, the things that came out of me were absolutely horrendous, looking back, the things I said to this woman were unbelievably UN-acceptable. She says I was abusive and looking back, I WAS - I've never been abusive in any relationship before, I think I was depressed or something and I just completely lost my mind. It takes two to tango in a situation like this but there was no excuse for my behavior. I just had absolutely no idea I was doing it - At the time I guess I felt as though I was 'fighting back' but boy did I say some terrible things when we were fighting. Shes no saint either but I'm trying to figure out what the hell happened to me We divorced 6 months ago and I have moved home, I'm deeply depressed, I'm completely f***** up. The thing is, I love this woman with all of my heart and she loves me, but she made the decision to put it to a stop. I respect her decision as much as it hurts, but I just cannot live with myself looking back on the way I acted. It was always a possibility that this wouldn't work out, but I just cannot seem to figure out where the hell this evil came from towards a woman who was so, so precious to me. I cannot understand how I could show such disrespect to a woman that I love. It's NEVER happened before, I've never so much as raised my voice to my partner let alone scream and shout and smash holes in the walls. I've never felt so much anger towards ANYONE and I am so incredibly ashamed that she had to see me that way. The breakup I can understand and accept. It's why I acted the way I did which is completely beyond me. I never raised a hand to her but often this type of abuse can be worse. I just want to curl up and die, I am so ashamed.
WreckedDan Posted May 5, 2013 Posted May 5, 2013 At this point, I would sugest seeking counceling. First couple sessions are just goong to be you letting this all out, but seeing the problem now and altering your behaviours for your future is your best shot. My 2cents, Dan Also, I'm guessing the relationship was fairly intense in other ways, tends to lead to other forms of being intense.
Gunny376 Posted May 5, 2013 Posted May 5, 2013 (edited) This really isn't that hard to understand nor comprehend. When we get married we think we're marrying one person, when in fact we're marrying three ~ potentially four different type of people. The first is the person that we think we're marrying? The second is the person that we're actually marrying ~ that is say one can never truly know one another until they spent years if not a lifetime together? The third? The third is the person that comes about as a result of having been married to your crazy azz all of the years. (More on the fourth potential person in a moment!) The combination of the three with you? Ahhhhhhhhh Hell! Look out! People, other people tend to bring out the worse and best in one another. My 6 year GS just went through this. With one teacher, he was dumb as dirt, rowdy, out of control, needed to see the school counselor, needed to see a child psychologist, needed to be on medication yada ~ yada. His Dad, (Also a former US Marine) went in and went "Gunny" on the school principal insisting that he be moved? (Actually he threatend to open up a 55 gallon can of "who-azz" on him and throw him out the window using his teeth frist!) Guess what? He's thriving and is now the perfect student? On the Honor role in four of his five subjects, and even in some advanced classes? I went through the same thing myself at work. A so-called "Team Leader" got promoted to such. She couldn't lead a bunch of drunks out of an AA meeting on Christmas Eve across the street to a liquor store giving away free half gallons of thirty year old Scotch Whiskey. She screams, shouts, uses coercion, threats, constantly riding everybody azz about being .0009 nanoseconds for coming back from break. She didn't and doesn't know my background. She thinks I'm your basic South Alabama un-educated, semi-illierate, un-skilled, worker. I've just been doing my time in the industry to break in ~ do my time in the ranks ~ learn the industry from the ground up (Auto parts manufacturing for Hyundai ~ which will eventually lead to working for Honda, Nissan, BMW, Volswagen in a short time.) She didn't know I've been in manufacturing as a production supervisor, an assistant general manager, lab techinican, QC team leader, retired military, yada ~ yada? She doesn't know that I'm on the fast track to being her boss? Upper management knows, the VP knows. She's thinks I'm just another $8 an hour wage slave as it were? Try as I may? I couldn't take anymore of her crap and abuse ~ not of just me? But other employees? I set her up, feed her some line, set the hook and reeled her in? I wasn't playing games with her, and I didn't want to assert my influence with the front office etc? I really wanted to just get out there on the plant floor and learn the business from the ground up ~ doing the "grunt work in the trenches" My point is? Even people we cherish, love totatlly, un-conditionally, absolutely, dearingly etc? Can bring out the absolute worse in us? BUT only if we let them? To prevent that from happening? You've absolutely have got to know who you are! What your about! What you believe in! What you will stand for! What your principles, morals and values are! The short answer is? You've absolutely have to got to know yourself, before your get with someone else! Just that plain and simple! Mrs Gunny knows me better than anyone on this planet ~ primarly because I've been an open book to her from the 'get-go'! I didn't just give her a glimpsh at my 'play-book' ~ I gave her a copy or two of it! With highlights, red-ink underescores, and even some of them doubled-underlined with crib notes! YET! Despiste this ~ all of this! She and I got into a knock down, drag out, cuss and fuss, no-holds-barred-tooth and nail argument over.................. (Wait for it!) OLIVES! DAMNED OLIVES! I mean forget DefConIV! It was all out and about these damned olives! By God! I got so damned mad about those damned olives, I went to work three hours early!!! :mad: :mad: (Ya'll think I joking! But I was deadly serious about my stance and view on those damned olives! ~ and I wasn't backing down!) I would seroiusly hate to go to divorce court and stand in front of a judge and tell him, "Your Honor! I want to divorce this woman over our disagreement over olives!" It can get that crazy sometimes in relationships! Oh! Before I forget? The Fourth potential person you marry? The one you meet in divorce court ~ as in ~ "I can't even believe that's the same person I've been married to all these years!!!!" Edited May 5, 2013 by Gunny376 1
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