Starting conversations with women

[HuffmanMontana]

News flash guys. Women are humans. Talk/treat them that way.

 

You don't need cheap parlor tricks or lame pickup lines to initiate conversation. You don't need creepy compliments either.

 

Smile and say hi. If she's interested you will know.

[gdes32]

Humor, humor, and more humor. There's a reason that every man and woman's list of traits they find attractive includes a sense of humor... Just make an observation about someone in the room. Maybe the way too drunk guy/girl in the corner? How about the woman dancing by herself? Maybe the woman you are targeting just got hit on before you walked up to her. Just point out something funny going on around you.

[El Brujo]

I can say from experience that's why there are groups for men & women who have similar interests. That definitely takes a lot of the "cold" out of the cold approach.

 

If you're at a sports-fan meetup, for example, you can be pretty sure any of the men and women you approach at that meetup will talk sports.

 

Without that, it's a shot in the dark.

[fortyninethousand322]

News flash guys. Women are humans. Talk/treat them that way.

 

You don't need cheap parlor tricks or lame pickup lines to initiate conversation. You don't need creepy compliments either.

 

Smile and say hi. If she's interested you will know.

 

No. I won't. Trust me on that. I am clueless...

[Estate]

yeah but it feels like I'm mostly asking questions, because I heard that a conversation is not supposed to just be asking each other questions back and forth, its more to it than that, and oftentimes girls do not ask me questions back in return

 

Then stop asking questions... it gets boring! The same questions on every date.

 

Make statements instead.

 

Don't ask "What type of music do you like?"

Say: "Hey, so I'm gonna go ahead an guess you're a HUGE One Direction fan, posters all over you're room, am I right?"

 

It doesn't matter what you say but she'll either agree or if you make it ridiculous enough she'll know you're joking and it'll make her smile and go "No waaaaaaaay! I hate those guys! blah blah blah....."

 

It makes it more interesting, it's simple.

 

Just comment on things around you or in the news... but don't ask her about it. Put it as a statement and offer your opinion and anyone with any social intuition will offer theirs back... that's conversation!

 

Obviously if you see something funny that's better than commenting on politics or religion or something possibly controversial until you know her better.

 

So instead of "How do you like this weather?" and her responce "Fine".

Say "I gotta tell ya, can you believe how awesome the weather was today? I woke up at 8am and it was like, 70 already! And it just kept getting warmer all day! Really puts you in a good mood doesn't it? My buddy called me right after breakfast telling me to get my stuff, we're going to the beach!"

 

It opens it up. She should respond asking you about the beach and if you have a good story great but tell her how much fun it was.

She might respond with her thoughts on the weather and what cool things she and her friends got up to.

 

But can't you see how it just opens up the whole conversation in what otherwise would have been a lame 2 sentence convo about the weather?

[Estate]

it's a mystery as to how and why is knowing how to approach and talk to girls come natural to most guys but for some few guys like me, it is a struggle because we don't know how, we don't know how to talk instinctively, don't know what to say, its like "game" is in most guys genes

 

Wah wah wah wah wah.......!

 

Give me a break.

I just told you how to do it! Will you go and DO IT? No, you'll just whinge and cry..., "Oh it's a mystery????????????"

No it's not! Its there in black and white print for you right above!

 

If you ask for advice then at least be able to listen to it and use it.

Why should I waste my time trying to HELP you with your question when you literally come back and **** all over everything I told you?

 

I'm trying to help you and you literally **** on the advice I give you.

 

That right there might be your biggest problem dude.

 

 

 

 

And before you cry all over this message.... these are not "in your genes".

I was an incredibly shy and quiet kid. I was bad at even small talk but you know what? I got to a point in my life where I actually went through all the pain and embarrassment and awkward conversations until I GOT IT RIGHT. Because I am willing to do whatever it takes to achieve what I want in my life.

 

Its not even rocket science and I've just saved you the "pain" part if you just DO what I just said.

 

What is so hard about it? Just say EXACTLY what I said above!

Edited May 8, 2013 by Estate

[Estate]

yeah well most guys have known how to get girlfriends and how to pull chicks since high school, or from the moment they hit puberty which is when we start being attracted to the opposite sex for those of us who are heterosexual

 

Yeah man, sure.... go with that.

We all just "know". It's just some magical talent we all have, everyone except you.

 

Just like someone who wins a gold medal in the olympics... it's 100% just in his genes.... he just sits in his underwear watching tv and posting on the internet and evry 4 years shows up to some stadium and just wins the gold...

 

That's exactly how life is....

Some people are silly enough to think that being good at something takes lots of hard work, lots of repeating things over and over and failing and failing until you start to become good at it.... some people even take things further and dedicate HUGE amounts of time towards things they want to achieve and learn to do and learn to be REALLY good at....

 

Those people are losers right? Nobody ever achieved anything by putting in hard work.... just between you and I that is, because we both know the TRUTH.

 

[Estate]

yeah.. and natural talent is a myth lol...

 

Some people have advantages in life, whether by chance or whatever reason. As we all know, the world is not a fair place.

 

So???

 

If you want it go and get it.

But no, so many of you just want to sit on your ass and cry cry cry on here that life in unfair when you all make NO effort to go out there and get what you want.

 

I'm sick and tired of listening to this BS.

 

I was no "blessed" with all these god given talents and attractive traits you all speak of... I never kissed or had a girlfriend as a teeneager but enough was enough and I put in the work to learn how to be more attractive.

 

 

Jesus Christ... I just wrote a conversation verbatim above when a guy asked how to talk to a girl and he can't even just memorize the bloody things and use it... apparently opening your mouth and speaking is a "god given talent" for only a chosen few.

 

Give me a break. You guys are unattractive because you want to sit on your fat ass and have the world hand everything to you on a silver platter.

[BoneyHadger]

Then stop asking questions... it gets boring! The same questions on every date.

 

Make statements instead.

 

Don't ask "What type of music do you like?"

Say: "Hey, so I'm gonna go ahead an guess you're a HUGE One Direction fan, posters all over you're room, am I right?"

 

It doesn't matter what you say but she'll either agree or if you make it ridiculous enough she'll know you're joking and it'll make her smile and go "No waaaaaaaay! I hate those guys! blah blah blah....."

 

It makes it more interesting, it's simple.

 

Just comment on things around you or in the news... but don't ask her about it. Put it as a statement and offer your opinion and anyone with any social intuition will offer theirs back... that's conversation!

 

Obviously if you see something funny that's better than commenting on politics or religion or something possibly controversial until you know her better.

 

So instead of "How do you like this weather?" and her responce "Fine".

Say "I gotta tell ya, can you believe how awesome the weather was today? I woke up at 8am and it was like, 70 already! And it just kept getting warmer all day! Really puts you in a good mood doesn't it? My buddy called me right after breakfast telling me to get my stuff, we're going to the beach!"

 

It opens it up. She should respond asking you about the beach and if you have a good story great but tell her how much fun it was.

She might respond with her thoughts on the weather and what cool things she and her friends got up to.

 

But can't you see how it just opens up the whole conversation in what otherwise would have been a lame 2 sentence convo about the weather?

 

Good post!

 

As far as I can tell, being more liviely/energetic in the interaction is a good thing, as long as you don't go other the top.

 

Also, your examples seem to contain plenty small "hooks" to keep interaction going, if other person is willing to do that, I'm pretty sure they will take some of them.

 

Gotta keep that in mind, thanks.

[sillyanswer]

I still live with my parents but I don't have those

 

Aww. You're missing out! Light sabres [1] are awesome.

 

[1] I feel sure that Obi-Wan would've spelled it this way.

[Estate]

Good post!

 

As far as I can tell, being more liviely/energetic in the interaction is a good thing, as long as you don't go other the top.

 

Also, your examples seem to contain plenty small "hooks" to keep interaction going, if other person is willing to do that, I'm pretty sure they will take some of them.

 

Gotta keep that in mind, thanks.

 

Exactly.... you need to "seed" a conversation.

Expand on things you are saying so it gives her multiple things to pick up on and comment or ask about.

 

And do the same with her... most guys don't actually LISTEN to women. When she tells you something don't just go "Oh cool" *dead silence*... pick up on something she said and question her further on it, get her to tell you more, actually LISTEN to her... and if you do that, SHE is actually doing more of the work in the conversation, it's simple.

[fortyninethousand322]

Exactly.... you need to "seed" a conversation.

Expand on things you are saying so it gives her multiple things to pick up on and comment or ask about.

 

And do the same with her... most guys don't actually LISTEN to women. When she tells you something don't just go "Oh cool" *dead silence*... pick up on something she said and question her further on it, get her to tell you more, actually LISTEN to her... and if you do that, SHE is actually doing more of the work in the conversation, it's simple.

 

Sometimes I get the feeling that I creep women out because I remember too much of what they said. So they assume I must be some kind of stalker or obsessed...

[Estate]

Sometimes I get the feeling that I creep women out because I remember too much of what they said. So they assume I must be some kind of stalker or obsessed...

 

What exactly is it that you want here man?

I offered you tons of advice and you won't listen to any of it. You have an excuse not to do ANYTHING I suggest, things that i KNOW will work.

 

Seriously??? What do you want? You literally have ALL the information you need in this thread alone but it's not good enough for you? Do you want me to take you by the hand and approach a girl and pass her a note asking if she likes my friend???????? What is it you want here????

Edited May 12, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[todreaminblue]

So a lot of the guys on here have big problems when it comes to starting a conversation or talking to girls. They won't approach girls anywhere.

 

On the opposite side a lot of the girls have been saying lately that they hate the "tricks" guys learn to meet women....

 

So lets start some discussion.

How would YOU like to be approached? During the daytime and at night in a bar/club... what would a guy say and what would he do that would catch your attention but also not be a "trick" (I don't believe any of these are ticks but thats the word being used here lately).

 

My approach:

Nighttime - Be honest, walk over, tell her she looks cute and I just had to say Hi, tell her my name and extend my hand. As long as she doesn't do the weird "OMG, someone's talking to me, what do I do" thing, we are gold after that.

 

Daytime - Depends on the situation but I may do the above or else I will just use the situation to comment on something even if it's as lame as saying "nice weather". I don't think that's really a pickup trick, it's how I'd interact with men and women of all ages.

 

Of course some women are just not interested in talking, it's not the end of the world and no reason to never approach again. Infact if should be a catalyst... "She seemed a bit closed off to a compliment, weird, maybe this next girl will be nicer...".

 

an open friendly conversation....with hi my name is.......

 

 

 

i can keep a conversation going...i have to have something to work with....that's why i normally date friends i have gotten to know.......if i can be friends with a guy...i can date them if there is an attraction....common interests can be an attraction that makes me look deeper.......if i am already attracted i am careful of what i say .......but if a conversation i am interested in is bought up i can relax into that and get to know someone better......i will often approach guys i am interested in with conversations i know i can engage them in, in what they are passionate about...the rest is on them ...i can only do so much before it becomes one sided......i have dated guys who have cold approached me....they normally start with hi.......i have dated them because i recognise courage to engage me in the first place.....friendliness is attractive, sleaziness is not.......i know the difference........deb

[phineas]

So a lot of the guys on here have big problems when it comes to starting a conversation or talking to girls. They won't approach girls anywhere.

 

On the opposite side a lot of the girls have been saying lately that they hate the "tricks" guys learn to meet women....

 

So lets start some discussion.

How would YOU like to be approached? During the daytime and at night in a bar/club... what would a guy say and what would he do that would catch your attention but also not be a "trick" (I don't believe any of these are ticks but thats the word being used here lately).

 

My approach:

Nighttime - Be honest, walk over, tell her she looks cute and I just had to say Hi, tell her my name and extend my hand. As long as she doesn't do the weird "OMG, someone's talking to me, what do I do" thing, we are gold after that.

 

Daytime - Depends on the situation but I may do the above or else I will just use the situation to comment on something even if it's as lame as saying "nice weather". I don't think that's really a pickup trick, it's how I'd interact with men and women of all ages.

 

Of course some women are just not interested in talking, it's not the end of the world and no reason to never approach again. Infact if should be a catalyst... "She seemed a bit closed off to a compliment, weird, maybe this next girl will be nicer...".

 

IDK, i'm older but i'm pretty sure she knows i'm saying "hi, i'm phineas" because I think she is cute.

 

And that's how I do it actually, just walk up, say "hi" and introduce myself. if they want to talk to me it just happens if they don't, they start playing with their phones or just pretend i'm not there. LOL!

[ltjg45]

What exactly is it that you want here man?

I offered you tons of advice and you won't listen to any of it. You have an excuse not to do ANYTHING I suggest, things that i KNOW will work.

 

No offense, Estate, but this is one of the "problems" that I notice when it comes to approaching women (which is a total of less than 5 but still): Women, according to you, likes men that actually listens to them but I also noticed the small sampling I had also wasn't too impressed that I listen too much.

 

I can basically remember almost everything that a woman would say to me, down to the small bits.

 

Apparently, listening too much is just as bad, if not worse, than not listening at all. Lastly, since the "bad boys" doesn't typically listen at all, something tells me they have the right idea to some degree. After all, despite how much I hate the mentality, they are getting women with some form of success.

[serial muse]

Sometimes I get the feeling that I creep women out because I remember too much of what they said. So they assume I must be some kind of stalker or obsessed...

 

I can basically remember almost everything that a woman would say to me, down to the small bits.

 

Can one or both of you guys elaborate on this? Not the part about remembering, but specifically how you convey to women that you remember these minute details of things they've said.

 

I ask because I get that you're unclear on where to draw the line, but it's not clear to me where you've been drawing it so far. I mean, you wouldn't actually just repeat to people word-for-word stuff they've said, right? Not computer-like. So I'm just trying to picture a conversation where you repeat too much and what that looks like.

 

((Generally the way to go is to use a topic they've indicated interest in, or a comment they've made, convey that you found it interesting and then use it as a jumping-off point for discussion or flirting or whatever. But I have a feeling you guys think you've done that already...))

[ltjg45]

Can one or both of you guys elaborate on this? Not the part about remembering, but specifically how you convey to women that you remember these minute details of things they've said.

 

I ask because I get that you're unclear on where to draw the line, but it's not clear to me where you've been drawing it so far. I mean, you wouldn't actually just repeat to people word-for-word stuff they've said, right? Not computer-like. So I'm just trying to picture a conversation where you repeat too much and what that looks like.

 

((Generally the way to go is to use a topic they've indicated interest in, or a comment they've made, convey that you found it interesting and then use it as a jumping-off point for discussion or flirting or whatever. But I have a feeling you guys think you've done that already...))

 

It's hard to explain it, to be honest.

 

An example is when I can remember a female I have interest in talk to me about an event she went to a month ago and how she explained as to what she did there. I tend to remember that and base my future responses to her given the information I got and what kind/type of woman she really is.

 

Sometimes I go too far and then mention what she did at said event by accident.

[Infnitysign]

I've never opened up with a compliment before and I believe women in general gets compliments too much. They'll be more intrigued about themselves and what they have to say.

 

Girls on phone (texting) should be the first one you should approach because they are bored and they need entertainment. When initiating a covo use text language because you'll be somewhat of interesting and hilarious.

 

Girls sitting in a group should be avoided at all costs and only initiate if you are willing to become numb to rejection. Great way to accept rejection and should be used at least once every now and then. Don't hold a drink when you approach because they might want you to buy a drink for everyone one of them and then thats 60 dollars down the drain just for names.

 

Girls that are on work are always friendly because thats part of the job and don't mistake it for flirting. Go ahead and compliment on these girls because they need for all the crap they deal with other customers. Don't ask for their number because they will just give you the number for their work place. Tell them they did a great job when you leave and smile to them.

 

Girls that are at a club are not girlfriend material and you need a better place to find a girlfriend. First of all its too loud to even talk and get to know each other. The girls are looking for a 10/10 physique in a guy and if you fall short it's too bad.

 

Location location location, think about the location before you go out and try to find a girl.

[therhythm]

I think the approach is the less important part of the whole game. You need to use the body language and eye contact. If you get eye contact you should smile with confidence and maintain the eye contact till she breaks it, if she hold the eye contact for a while or smiled you back just make any kind of nice comment.... depending of her body language you can just make a observation about anything in the environment (for example if you are in a coffee bar just make a comment about the coffee, it is not really important, is just to begin the conversation), the level of aggressiveness you can use to approach a woman is directly proportional to her body language, in my case it can range from a typical stupid comment "nice day today" to just get close to her and kiss her in her lips even before I have ever said hello to her. It is something you need to feel, as bigger the connection you feel as more aggressive you can be in your approach.

Please do not take the advise of just going and kiss the woman you like in the supermarket just like that... you probably will get slapped! To do such a move you need to feel the connection between you and her and she really needs to be into you even before you have open your mouth (this is only going to happen if she is physically attracted to you)

[El Brujo]

Funny, it's been my experience that having common interests works better than anything else because it takes a lot of the cold out of the cold approach because both of you will know what the other one is talking about.

 

Re body language... people read me wrong all the time, I'm used to it. If body language is that important to you, then you're probably better off associating exclusively with others who rely heavily on it too. The two of you can play body language trivia games.

[todreaminblue]

and is it true that a woman's body language indicates more than the words that come out of her mouth as to whether she is interested or not interested am I correct?

 

 

sometimes body language can be a guide......give me some examples of what you believe interest shown is in regards to body language is......see i cross my arms if i am nervous......doesn't mean i am closed off, it means i am freaking nervous and yes i like the guy.....i will consciously try to open myself when i catch myself doing it.....the last thing i want to appear is aggressive or stand offish

 

 

i would say more voice inflection......a woman will often make her tone softer.....as will a guy.....a softly spoken guy....mmmmm...captures my attention.....a guy who doesnt have to proclaim loudly to the world anything...shows inner core strength............its attractive.......when i am around someone i like.....i will try not to make my voice softer......but unconsciously....i slip...it feels natural...and me hiding how i am feeling feels unnatural......i honestly think....men are meant to feel confused....makes more sense......smilin......being a woman is hard.......men ought to know that...feminism hard core i am talking about...didnt help matters at all.......deb

[PCS991]

I have a VERY difficult time approaching women out in public. I do strike up conversations when I am having dinner at the bar in a nice restaurant but it never goes anywhere.

The few (very few) women I've been in relationships with I have all met through introductions with friends.

 

I met a women through my sister last year and I was so happy, everything just seemed great, it's not, she just wants to be friends, I'm not her type.

[Estate]

No offense, Estate, but this is one of the "problems" that I notice when it comes to approaching women (which is a total of less than 5 but still): Women, according to you, likes men that actually listens to them but I also noticed the small sampling I had also wasn't too impressed that I listen too much.

 

I can basically remember almost everything that a woman would say to me, down to the small bits.

 

Apparently, listening too much is just as bad, if not worse, than not listening at all. Lastly, since the "bad boys" doesn't typically listen at all, something tells me they have the right idea to some degree. After all, despite how much I hate the mentality, they are getting women with some form of success.

 

Dude, you've talked to 5 women(?!?!?!).

That's how many numbers I got this weekend.... and YOU are schooling ME?

You don't know what you are talking about... I am giving you SOLID advice that WORKS because I've tested it over and over, I failed over and over and now I at least have a good idea what does and doesn't work.

 

You can't possibly tell me you know better when you self admittedly DO NOT TALK TO MANY GIRLS.

 

Sure, tell me girls don't want a puppy dog boyfriend following them around "Oh, let me hear your deepest thoughts" when all she's thinking is "I want ice cream"... but this isn't even about girls... how do you even talk to friends... you make statements, they make them back... you follow up on th things thye SAID... how in ANY WAY is talking to women ANY different?

[ltjg45]

Dude, you've talked to 5 women(?!?!?!).

That's how many numbers I got this weekend.... and YOU are schooling ME?

You don't know what you are talking about... I am giving you SOLID advice that WORKS because I've tested it over and over, I failed over and over and now I at least have a good idea what does and doesn't work.

 

You can't possibly tell me you know better when you self admittedly DO NOT TALK TO MANY GIRLS.

 

Sure, tell me girls don't want a puppy dog boyfriend following them around "Oh, let me hear your deepest thoughts" when all she's thinking is "I want ice cream"... but this isn't even about girls... how do you even talk to friends... you make statements, they make them back... you follow up on th things thye SAID... how in ANY WAY is talking to women ANY different?

 

Huh?

 

Who said that I was trying to school ANYONE?