Starting conversations with women

[Estate]

So a lot of the guys on here have big problems when it comes to starting a conversation or talking to girls. They won't approach girls anywhere.

 

On the opposite side a lot of the girls have been saying lately that they hate the "tricks" guys learn to meet women....

 

So lets start some discussion.

How would YOU like to be approached? During the daytime and at night in a bar/club... what would a guy say and what would he do that would catch your attention but also not be a "trick" (I don't believe any of these are ticks but thats the word being used here lately).

 

My approach:

Nighttime - Be honest, walk over, tell her she looks cute and I just had to say Hi, tell her my name and extend my hand. As long as she doesn't do the weird "OMG, someone's talking to me, what do I do" thing, we are gold after that.

 

Daytime - Depends on the situation but I may do the above or else I will just use the situation to comment on something even if it's as lame as saying "nice weather". I don't think that's really a pickup trick, it's how I'd interact with men and women of all ages.

 

Of course some women are just not interested in talking, it's not the end of the world and no reason to never approach again. Infact if should be a catalyst... "She seemed a bit closed off to a compliment, weird, maybe this next girl will be nicer...".

[NYC-BigKat]

So a lot of the guys on here have big problems when it comes to starting a conversation or talking to girls. They won't approach girls anywhere.

 

On the opposite side a lot of the girls have been saying lately that they hate the "tricks" guys learn to meet women....

 

So lets start some discussion.

How would YOU like to be approached? During the daytime and at night in a bar/club... what would a guy say and what would he do that would catch your attention but also not be a "trick" (I don't believe any of these are ticks but thats the word being used here lately).

 

My approach:

Nighttime - Be honest, walk over, tell her she looks cute and I just had to say Hi, tell her my name and extend my hand. As long as she doesn't do the weird "OMG, someone's talking to me, what do I do" thing, we are gold after that.

 

Daytime - Depends on the situation but I may do the above or else I will just use the situation to comment on something even if it's as lame as saying "nice weather". I don't think that's really a pickup trick, it's how I'd interact with men and women of all ages.

 

Of course some women are just not interested in talking, it's not the end of the world and no reason to never approach again. Infact if should be a catalyst... "She seemed a bit closed off to a compliment, weird, maybe this next girl will be nicer...".

 

Yea I know . Me & my friend said hello to a girl yesterday but she ran.

[outsidethebox]

a really good topic, Estate. Probably one of the most important concepts to understand better for many of us.

[StanMusial]

When I used to go out and meet girls at bars or whatever, I would just ask the girl her name. "Hey, what's your name?" Or if there was some other kind of "in" like a situation going on or some observation to be made I might say something like "Holy cow, did you see that guy?" Or "Hey, do you know which band is playing tonight?" "Oh, really?" "They're pretty good, I like their cover of Brown Eyed Girl".

 

If it was a dance club or a place with a dance floor I would just ask them to dance.

[Estate]

If I did your approaches

nighttime - she'd be creeped out

daytime - she'd not respond

 

I can't win no matter who I approach and when.

 

Have you tried?

And has it anything to do with the WAY you approach her?

 

Who doesn't like a compliment? But there's be a difference in her reaction if George Clooney said it to her and some tramp on a bus.

Because they present themselves very differently.

[Estate]

even that offends them and if her boyfriend is with i'll end up a pancake on the floor after being punched by the boyfriend.

 

Are guys REALLY that sensitive?

 

Like come on... this is a real topic that might help a few people who keep asking the same questions... why do these threads fizzle out when the missery ridden ones go on for weeks.

[sillyanswer]

Like come on... this is a real topic that might help a few people who keep asking the same questions... why do these threads fizzle out when the missery ridden ones go on for weeks.

 

If this thread doesn't get overwhelmed by the "i'm bitter because nothing works" crew, and if a few women contribute suggestions about how they've been successfully approached or what works for them, then it'll be useful.

 

(someone will be along in a moment to tell me now to take dating advice from women, I'm sure)

[StanMusial]

even that offends them and if her boyfriend is with i'll end up a pancake on the floor after being punched by the boyfriend.

 

Well I never met any girls that were really offended. Some were not interested in talking to me for whatever reason and made that pretty clear. The few I talked to who had a bf hanging around just said, "I'm here with my bf" and that was that. I always approached with a smile on my face and an open attitude.

[StanMusial]

Of course some women will feel comfortable, however not all of them will. That's what you need to keep in mind.

 

Best way to talk to women isn't to compliment her because she will probably get plenty of them. The best way is to get her laugh.

 

There will be women who gives you signals. Most guys don't know how to read them. Then when you know you should approach her however it doesn't mean she's always single. It's a number game.

 

I could say something like excuse me but I noticed you have toilet paper stuck on your shoe. She will look and maybe she might laugh, grin or look displeased.

 

 

Women can sense if you are nervous, insecure or any of the negative traits so you need to build some confidence. Even if you fail learn from it. It's a process.

 

Honestly I never really thought about it before I saw another thread on here, but I think growing up with three sisters put me way ahead when it comes to reading women. That and being observant by nature I suppose. There are subtle cues and facial expressions sort of like a "tell" in poker that can help guide your interaction. It's not something that is easy to describe in written words.

 

And sometimes, the girl just doesn't really have a better option.

[Feelin Frisky]

Of course some women will feel comfortable, however not all of them will. That's what you need to keep in mind.

 

Best way to talk to women isn't to compliment her because she will probably get plenty of them. The best way is to get her laugh.

 

There will be women who gives you signals. Most guys don't know how to read them. Then when you know you should approach her however it doesn't mean she's always single. It's a number game.

 

I could say something like excuse me but I noticed you have toilet paper stuck on your shoe. She will look and maybe she might laugh, grin or look displeased.

 

Women can sense if you are nervous, insecure or any of the negative traits so you need to build some confidence. Even if you fail learn from it. It's a process.

 

 

^ This (mostly). Don't fawn with compliments. Do use humor. Another issue is that bars absolutely suck. Just look at it: a place where strangers congregate where self medication with alcohol is at the ever ready for all the nerves of having NOTHING whatever to say. One should make it a point to see every other aspect of social opportunity as the conduit. The more one over-thinks, the more nervous one gets. And when people go to bars with big wants, needs, expectations, the chances are that it's going to be humiliating at times. What does one do when he gets up the nuts to go over to two girls who seem to have been looking at him and talking to each other about him and when he say hello they immediately say "we have boy friends"? OK, never mind and walk way? Try to entertain them anyway when they just told you to gear off? I'd rather meet anywhere else: super-market, Laundromat, school, commuter train, conferences any place where I'm not already on the spot to face humiliation and a fleecing by an alcohol peddler. The answer to "we have boyfriends" is "so why are you two here drinking and gawking at me? I of course never said that but one wonders. This happened to me and just coincidentally I encountered one of the two lovelies on the subway the following Monday morning. I looked at her over my NY Times and with dimple puckered as "still have a boyfriend?" She smiled and exhaled. As if to say, "men". I'm just glad she got to see what she passed up in the light of a sober day.

[apple OR orange]

i never start conversations with anyone, waste of time, start filling your life with problems, read this forum, its full of proplems why people dont like sex, whey someone watches porn instead of sex, why he left once pregnant.

 

Better to just do your own thing and not talk to others. Easier as well as you dont need to post of forums like this.

 

I do it as a time filler while working

[Jefezen]

I seldom approach women outside of bar or party settings because I assume they don't want to be bothered while tending to errands or concentrating on work. Generally when I approach someone, I try to think of some random conversational quip relevant to the situation or setting. For example, the other night I was at a crowded house party and I saw two female friends talking to one another. One was sitting down on what appeared to be the only chair in the whole room, and the other crouched awkwardly next to her. I said jovially to the one sitting down, "Lucky you, you found the one seat in the joint! I hope your friend is getting a turn to rest too!" The one standing giggled and said, "Yeah, I know, right? I'm Rachel by the way, and you are?" We ended up talking for the next three hours and leaving the party together. Another example at the same party, I saw two women looking at a cell phone laughing. I said, "Uh oh...something humiliating on Facebook?" One of them explained that no, it was a joke that someone had posted online, and she shared it with me. The three of us proceeded to talk for the next hour.

[StanMusial]

^ This (mostly). Don't fawn with compliments. Do use humor. Another issue is that bars absolutely suck. Just look at it: a place where strangers congregate where self medication with alcohol is at the ever ready for all the nerves of having NOTHING whatever to say. One should make it a point to see every other aspect of social opportunity as the conduit. The more one over-thinks, the more nervous one gets. And when people go to bars with big wants, needs, expectations, the chances are that it's going to be humiliating at times. What does one do when he gets up the nuts to go over to two girls who seem to have been looking at him and talking to each other about him and when he say hello they immediately say "we have boy friends"? OK, never mind and walk way? Try to entertain them anyway when they just told you to gear off? I'd rather meet anywhere else: super-market, Laundromat, school, commuter train, conferences any place where I'm not already on the spot to face humiliation and a fleecing by an alcohol peddler. The answer to "we have boyfriends" is "so why are you two here drinking and gawking at me? I of course never said that but one wonders. This happened to me and just coincidentally I encountered one of the two lovelies on the subway the following Monday morning. I looked at her over my NY Times and with dimple puckered as "still have a boyfriend?" She smiled and exhaled. As if to say, "men". I'm just glad she got to see what she passed up in the light of a sober day.

 

I had some good times in bars/clubs with my friends. I never went specifically to try to pull a girl out of there and take her home. I never went specifically to try to get digits. I like to have a pint or three and have fun. I suspect that had something to do with my moderate success in that environment.

 

If you don't like the scene, don't force it to try to meet girls. I have to say though, it HAS to beat the hell out of OLD. At least you have a chance to speak to a pretty girl right in front of you... even if she tells you to go straight to hell and burn forever.

[Feelin Frisky]

Instead of selling yourself, you want to be "marketable" so that it seems their idea to "buy" YOU. I know people try and it appears successful but don't know if one can do that in a bar except to appear very gregarious and totally fluid with all your manners, gestures and commentary. Most people don't develop such skills and that tends to explain the nature of having alcohol surround the whole thing. That's not to criticize anyone who simply likes to drink. I have done more than my share of that. I'm saying that outside of that one social default, and not counting OLD, there are limited opportunities to "market" yourself. So, it is very important to indeed live for those opportunities and to be marketable in them. It is actually much easier for instance if one is the type who wears a name tag and speaks publically. So go for a life style that gets you into a position of visibility where you always seem good with yourself and not a nervous nelly grabbing for a shot of J.D. and a Heiny to wash it down. If women come up to you and ask you stuff--even directions--lean in and make it count. That's like being served as opposing to chasing it.

[Ed the 3rd]

I may have to try this lol. My problem really is just meeting women I like. Just a question though is it socially except able to go to a pub/bar alone? I'm not going to approach someone in a place as hectic as a a club unless its just asking them to dance.

[HuffmanMontana]

One of my favorite scenes...

 

Passed an unattractive female in a bar and honestly thought she was a friend of a friend.

 

Me: hey, arent you.... (she cuts me off)

 

Her: No, nice try

 

I just start laughing and walk off. I had zero intentions on hitting on her. She had a few GFs with her at the table so maybe that had something to do with it.

[Estate]

what I wonder is how is it that most guys instinctively and naturally I know what to say and what to talk about with girls in order to get them interested, its like common sense and second nature for them to know how to start a conversation with them and know what to say and what not to say, its like they were born with game

 

Really?

 

How is it a "birth given talent" to walk up to someone and say "Hello, I'm X"... extend your hand and shake.

 

Mind blowing, isn't it?

[Estate]

One of my favorite scenes...

 

Passed an unattractive female in a bar and honestly thought she was a friend of a friend.

 

Me: hey, arent you.... (she cuts me off)

 

Her: No, nice try

 

I just start laughing and walk off. I had zero intentions on hitting on her. She had a few GFs with her at the table so maybe that had something to do with it.

 

That was ONE girl out of over 3 BILLION on the planet... but that is your sample size? All women must be stuck up and horrible?

Give me a break.

[carhill]

Most of the conversations I start with female 'strangers' are situational. TBH, most them occur when I'm traveling, as that is when I generally interact with strangers the most.

 

Something occurs and I either make an open-air comment or ask them a question and it either goes from there or not. Some go nowhere. Others I've continued with during the flight and in the airline club after the flight on onto the hotel shuttle

 

It all depends. There is no guaranteed outcome. It's life. The guarantee is at the end.

[Estate]

no obviously that is easy, I can do that, but obviously, just saying Hi and Hello, introducing yourself, saying your name and asking their's is not enough in order to get a girl attracted to you beyond friend ship, there has to be many conversations and small-talk involved before exchanging phone numbers and the first date happens, and to make it past the first date as well

 

Well, yes, but what do you usually do? Just not talk?

 

Just be flirty? It doesn't matter what you say. As her what her favourite vegetable is if you are that bored with her and make fun of her.

 

At least if she smiles at how silly it is she'll remember you more than someone who's boring or silent.

[HuffmanMontana]

That was ONE girl out of over 3 BILLION on the planet... but that is your sample size? All women must be stuck up and horrible?

Give me a break.

 

Umm... Where did I say that? I was just sharing a story that I found amusing.

[fortyninethousand322]

I have no idea how to approach or hit on a woman. Literally no idea.

 

One of my biggest problems is that I'm just generally clueless.

[HoneyBadgerDontCare]

At night - Be aggressive and have fun.

 

During the day - Just approach and do whatever (so few guys do this anyway that you don't really need to stand out).

 

Through friends/work/school - Talk and flirt with her for a little while. Get to know her. Allow yourself to grow on her (if she doesn't like you initially).

 

OLD - Be tall and good-looking with biting wit and message at least 20 girls per day.

[Mr_Flay]

Here's a good tip that has worked for me: guys, if you want to practice talking to women, try talking to women aged 40+. Trust me on this one, they're the nicest and the most courteous, and will reward you with such a smile that you'll be encouraged to approach others as well, whereas young girls might only scoff at you and act creeped out. Just compliment them on the first thing you notice about them. Firstly, they are mature enough to know how to take a compliment. Secondly, they're maybe a little insecure because of the fear that older age may take away their beauty, so any compliment is welcomed with open arms. A few weeks ago I complimented an older women at work (whose name I don't even know), and now every time she sees me, she gives me a beaming smile. It's completely non-sexual, and it'll make you feel great about talking to strangers.

[crederer]

Are guys REALLY that sensitive?

 

Like come on... this is a real topic that might help a few people who keep asking the same questions... why do these threads fizzle out when the missery ridden ones go on for weeks.

 

Some guys are that sensitive. Just this weekend it was this girls 30th birthday. She was absolutely hammered. I'm 25. I wasn't even talking to her, but she came up and sloppily started a conversation with me. I made a couple of jokes, and then got bored with the conversation. She approached me a few times after and saying to her friends "I like this guy...I like this guy, he's fun". I didn't even respond just kind of chuckled to myself because she was so sloppy.

 

Well about 2 mins later this dude came up to me, open hand slapped me as hard as he could and started saying something about me hitting on his girl. I said "whatever dude, don't touch me" so he tried to slap me again but I ducked it, and I popped him a few times. Then got the hell outta dodge before the bouncer could whoop me.