PondJumper Posted May 4, 2013 Share Posted May 4, 2013 (edited) Ok, I have a best girl friend. We use to live in the same state but I moved about 4 years ago. We still keep in contact and I consider her one of my best friends. She broke up with her fiancé a couple of years ago and they had been together for a few years. I thought they would get married at some point but it quickly turned to postponing the wedding and just basic communications issues. He proposed to her.. she got a big ring, bought the dress but ended up moving out of their place and into her own place. They tried to fix it but inevitably, it didn't work. Fast forward a couple of years and now my friend is IN BLISS with a new guy(read:hormonal bliss) She met this guy on St Patricks day of this year and she is already planning on moving in with him. OMG. As her best friend, I WANT to say something but I feel a resistance there. I have only asked her to not make any life decisions for at LEAST 6 months. Her response was "Eff that! I'm too old for that $hit" and she has said he is the one and that now someone has finally offered her money for her unworn wedding dress, she wants to keep it for when she marries this guy. I have not met him but from what she says, he feels the same way. He is keen on saying "I want to take care of you for the rest of your life" over and over.... that she doesn't have to "worry about anything" and she says they click so much they finish each other's sentences blah blah blah. He has already taken her on a 6 day all expense (first class airfare) flight to Mexico. He pays for EVERYTHING. He seems to like to "throw" his money around a bit and brags about the Lamborghini is going to buy. He is part of a start up and just got promoted. I don't know how much he makes and neither does she (um, isn't this something you should know before you move in with someone?) She said champagne was flowing on the vacation and they were "so good together" She was worried as to what her parents, his parents and her friends are thinking because I am guessing this is all so fast? She JUST bought a condo and hasn't even unpacked the boxes..now they are going to his place. Just for the record she is 35 and he is 33. So, as a 43 year old... watching this... I don't want to be the poo poo friend and I am trying to be supportive here but... how do you tell your friend be careful but not make her mad because she won't "have it" told to her? Maybe they will live happily ever after but... IDK... advice? Edited May 4, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Meant to say BF as in best friend not boyfriend Link to post Share on other sites
scorpio1978 Posted May 4, 2013 Share Posted May 4, 2013 You have no choice but to sit back and allow her to do what she wants and be a friend to her to when/if this thing blows up, you're her shoulder to cry on. That's what being a loyal friend is about. I would tell her your concerns without being too negative, otherwise she will resent you for it, and just be there for her. Ultimately, she is in the beginning stages of something that could end up great, or blow up in a fireball and she is not going to let anyone tell her what to do. I can be sure of that because I know how it feels to be in her position. Honestly, if this start up company ends up being something big like Facebook or Apple, then great, but blowing money like this man is blowing may end up coming back to bite them and if there is any advice I can give you to tell her, it would be to be more involved in the finances. You don't want her to end up with a guy who pretends to have it all and actually has 10 credit cards, maxed out, etc. Men who brag about their money usually end up not having as much as they say they do. I have seen so many horror stories of women who get involved with men like this and they end up stuck in some way with debt that their partner has wracked up. Just voice your concerns gently and sit back and see how it all unfolds. I think we all have a little fantasy of a man whisking us away for a vacation of luxury, but all that stuff is just a show. It's what really happens behind closed doors that matters. Oh, and one more thing...keeping a wedding dress meant for another man. TACKY!!! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
charlietheginger Posted May 4, 2013 Share Posted May 4, 2013 Rich people annoy me.... Link to post Share on other sites
Anthony2005 Posted May 5, 2013 Share Posted May 5, 2013 Scorpio hit it on the head! She's in the honeymoon phase, sadly all you can do is sit back and let her enjoy it for the time being. As for this guy, if its an act then it'll start to slip sooner or later. I don't know this best friend but it seems as though she has a place next to her she just really needs it to be filled. And he's happy to tell her exactly what she wants to hear. I feel that as her best friend your efforts will be better suited building her own self confidence and reassuring her faith that the right guy is out there and she need only have patience. Fear of being alone can drive us to reckless decisions. Link to post Share on other sites
mammasita Posted May 5, 2013 Share Posted May 5, 2013 As the friend who always moves too fast....all you can do is voice your concerns, sit back and watch the train wreck, then be there to provide a shoulder. Best case, it all works out. Bottom line, she has to learn for herself. I know I had to figure it out for myself. Link to post Share on other sites
Author PondJumper Posted May 6, 2013 Author Share Posted May 6, 2013 I noticed they just became friends on Facebook.. which is odd because they are already planning to move in together. When you plan to move in together BEFORE you are FB friends... that seems like a barometer to me!! Link to post Share on other sites
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