Cam116 Posted May 4, 2013 Posted May 4, 2013 Started dating this guy about a month and a half ago. We've been on 4 dates, one of which was a weekend away at his shore house with his parents last weekend. I had an AMAZING time. Obviously, we have not talked about exclusivity, or what we expect. I think it's still way too early to be having "the talk", if it's even going to happen at all. He went back down to his shore house this weekend with some friends, and his parents were under the impression that we were exclusive because they kept saying things like "oh well you two will be back down next weekend", to which I didn't really say anything because I didn't get an invited. I'm doing my very very best to just enjoy this dating experience, and let things flow naturally. But, being a woman, I'm starting to overthink things. I wasn't necessarily expecting an invite this weekend, but deep down was hoping for one. Maybe he just wants to be with his friends this weekend? Maybe he's not ready to bring me around his group of friends since we're not exclusive? I'm starting to think that he's just not that interested, but at the same time I'm trying to remind myself that he has his own life. Any insight? My last two relationships pretty much became exclusive right off the bat, so this "taking things casually and slowly" thing is a little strange to me. Do you think maybe he's not interested? Or does he just have his own life?
pyramid Posted May 4, 2013 Posted May 4, 2013 I think only time will tell. Has anything changed as far as his behavior otherwise? Frequency of contact, etc? 1
Author Cam116 Posted May 4, 2013 Author Posted May 4, 2013 Frequency has gone down since we met for the first time (met online, so we were texting/calling for weeks before our first date to get to know one another). He's busy with his job, travels alot, and lives an hour and a half away so it can be tough to schedule things. He does initiate, but like I said it has gone down. But then he brings me to his shore house for the weekend. I think I'm at the point where I'm going to stop initiating and just see what happens. I'm talking to someone else that I'm interested in, so I haven't put all of my eggs in one basket. I just have a really hard time figuring him out
Archgirl Posted May 5, 2013 Posted May 5, 2013 (edited) Texts messages always decrease after the first date - it's because they were for a different purpose than they are after meeting you - pre texts are for getting to tht first meet and then once you have there is less anticipation and you have become a real person to him. Contact then is usually for specific purposes. He introduced you to his parents. BIG sign of clear interest. I bet he already assumes you are not seeing anyone else. Guys re dumb like that. His parents wouldn't be assuming that you are exclusive just because he brought you - it would be based on what they know of him and how he has spoken about you. So I can see three possible reasons for the lack of invite this week: He's taking someone else He does just want to spend time with his friends/someone will be there like an ex that would make things awkward or something similar. He's deliberately backing off because he's made this big move by introducing you to his family and he's freaking out that he's come on too strong and you haven't shown the same level of interest. So what clear signs of serious interest did you give him? Coz only you have the right info to guess which of the above is the most likely. I also agree that showing less interest at this point by stopping initiating just because youve suddenly got the "oh sh*t I really like him so now i feel teally insecure" jitters is a terrible idea and will probably come off as disinterest. Edited May 5, 2013 by Archgirl
Author Cam116 Posted May 5, 2013 Author Posted May 5, 2013 (edited) I'm pretty sure he knows that I'm interested. I haven't acted any differently. I ended up sending him a picture if something that was an inside joke between us. He responded, then sent me a couple of funny videos from the weekend. I continued to be a little flirty with him, and he wasn't really flirting back. I know he's busy with his friends so I don't want to read too much into it. I just don't want to come across as being....pushy, or annoying. Which is why I've been afraid to contact him this weekend ( even though I already did). That's a good point about why his parents thought we were exclusive. His dad did know some stuff about me, so he talked about me to them to some extent. We met on an online dating site, I'm still talking to other people at this point. I've just never had to do this dating thing, I was always pretty much exclusive with my exes from the first date. I think at this point in going to leave the ball in his court. Wait to see if he contacts during the week once he gets back. I just don't want him to get annoyed with me. Oh and I really don't think he brought anyone else. In fact, I think it's only him and another couple, and one other guy who went away this weekend. And I guess it's a good sign that he at least responded. EDIT: He just texted me after I wrote all of that. He said last night was epic, and he hoped I had a good evening. Wrote him back that I was glad he had a good time. So he made contact. I need to go drink away this hangover. Edited May 5, 2013 by Cam116
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