reaching out after messy "mutual" breakup and LC - to call or not to call?

[6monthson]

we broke up a little over six months ago after several years together (and living together for over two). our relationship had a very strong, loving, fun, passionate foundation but we started growing apart for various reasons (i.e. growing pains) and stopped communicating properly in the last six months (i was pulling away because i was confused, he was doubting our future and marriage and kids etc, and pushing me away)... finally we reached a breaking point and had a few major fights and he pushed me to the edge where i felt like the only way to go was out. so i made the ultimate decision to leave him and move out, i didn't want to but then he didn't stop me. it broke my heart but he let me go and i could see he was already done and didn't want to make the effort with me anymore which hurt me so much, i didn't know what to do or think.

 

we texted a few times and met a couple of times after the BU but i walked away fairly easily because i knew in my heart needed time and space and he would come after me after he took that time, and i didn't want to let him see how upset i was. after a few weeks, i told him not to contact me unless he wanted me back.

 

its been 5 months since we've seen each other or talked (aside from a few logistical cold texts). and i am now confused now whether i left him or he broke up with me, and if i should have stuck it out rather than leaving when things got tough. it doesn't look like he is ever going to contact me again as i asked him not to but i miss him still, every day. i have a new life, new friends, new house, new job, new part of town, am moving on as bet i can but my life is missing him. i know there are other fish in the sea, but i feel i deserve to have the one that i want, and i truly feel he is the love of my life but we just hit a rough patch and gave up too quickly (we were both dealing with other external life issues at the time).

 

we are both stubborn, proud people, a bit relationship-immature, and very alike in many ways. and now i feel like his male pride and ego wouldn't let him contact me if he feels i left him and i am not making the effort to contact him either. 6 months on, i still feel like this is a nightmare and i will wake up next to him. every day, i think about calling him and every day i think i probably shouldn't because its been so long and its probably too late and he is not reaching out either.

 

i really want to reach out and call him, and just say hi and see how he is. i want to hear his voice. i want to know what he is thinking and how he is feeling, and if there is any hope left/residual feelings. we can't get any more broken up, it can't get any worse. i have been hoping for months he would call or text or email or want to meet up but its not happening. maybe i should take the initiative. is this a bad idea?

 

i don't know who broke up with who or if that matters when trying to reconcile... if had just been him, i would think it was up to him but because i was the one to walk out in the end, and i was the one to cut off contact, should it be me??

 

is it too late to call 6 months after the fact? (i tried to ring him only once months ago and he didn't answer but responded by text, and at the time he thought it was too soon to meet or talk).

 

thanks so much for any input!! i want to move on but i don't want to regret not doing anything...

[swiftly333]

If you feel like you need to contact him, contact him. Don't put too much pressure on the situation, just say hi and hows it going, that you think about him and still care. See how it goes. You won't know unless you try. But be ready, because talking to an ex will stir up a lot of emotions and it might feel like you're breaking up all over again if things don't work out or he rejects you. So prepare yourself for that.

[chinacat sunflower]

I am curious, did you end up contacting him? I am in a very similar situation.......