ViresSanctity Posted May 4, 2013 Posted May 4, 2013 It was totally out of character for me. I've only had one night stands when I'm not seeing someone. I purposely sought it and made it happen tonight. I was in so much pain. I knew it wouldn't get better if I got back with my MW but I still did. I'm just tired of her lies, and I'm done with committing my values to someone who I've sacrificed all my values for in the first place. I lied to her. I told her I was watching the NBA playoffs (which I did) and my phone was going to die so I wouldn't talk to her tonight. I found someone willing to commit to me tonight and even though my feelings didn't want to, I killed it and forced myself to go along with it. Fake it 'till you make it. My resentful feelings helped me to it. I feel horrible but liberated at the same time. I don't know who I am or where my morals stand anymore. I just know I feel free from it all for once. I know I'm imperfect and I can error if I want to. I know I don't have to deal with her hypocrisy. I know I don't need her. My MW wants me to commit to her emotionally and physically, but I'm tired and if she wants me to she should first leave her husband. If she wants to play these games, I can too. I can play it pretty dam* well.
USMCHokie Posted May 4, 2013 Posted May 4, 2013 My MW wants me to commit to her emotionally and physically... Do they really request this...?
georgia girl Posted May 4, 2013 Posted May 4, 2013 IMO, probably the healthiest thing you could ever do. Yeah, you feel disloyal right now. You feel like you may have compromised your relationship. But remember: she does it everyday to both you and her husband. Start moving on. Real love doesn't make you tired; it energizes you. Real lovers don't let you down; they are the one truly safe harbor in your life. If someone you love is causing you to be looking for another safe harbor, that is your cue. Don't use other women - that's mean - but start rationally dating. It's okay. You deserve a future. 3
RickFox Posted May 4, 2013 Posted May 4, 2013 Stop with the damn games!! This isn't a who will blink first thing. She is not going to commit to you man, get it thru your head. You are not going to be anything but her toy as long as you give in and as long as you think this is some sort of game to play. You want to make her jealous, to need you, want you, beg you to come to her.....ENOUGH OF THAT CRAP! Mean what you say, say what you mean, and end it. Get ahold of your dignity and self respect! You need to free yourself of her and HER games and refuse to play at all. Walk away, don't look back, and live your life. 5
SweetBella1 Posted May 4, 2013 Posted May 4, 2013 Do they really request this...? Yes they sometimes do ask for emotional & physical commitment. My xMM wanted us to be exclusive lovers (no other lovers besides our spouses). I knew that would increase emotional attachment between us & that really worried me, knowing full well that our A would eventually end. But I agreed to it & I was right, it wasn't the right thing for me. Our A hit a brick wall at high speed. :-( 1
Sarabi Posted May 4, 2013 Posted May 4, 2013 My MW wants me to commit to her emotionally and physically, but I'm tired and if she wants me to she should first leave her husband. If she wants to play these games, I can too. I can play it pretty dam* well. This is where I find they are so full of rubbish First of all THEY should be committing emotionally and physically to the ones they choose to be with. Its all rubbish. Designed to keep us down. Make us feel bad. Make us feel like we will never have anyone to love us besides them...and that this kind of "Love" is normal. You will be committing to them emotionally and physically and having your head f**ked over trying to convince yourself that this love is real and that no matter how painful it is, its so worth it because they really do mean everything they say...whilst they carry on their nice cushy lives with their husbands/wives bragging about their kids or their night out or family party etc. ...And don't feel bad about one night stands. Please. It is not only those in society approved relationships who are entitled to experience and receive love/care/intimacy/attention 1
Goodbye Posted May 4, 2013 Posted May 4, 2013 Listen, I don't advocate casual sex...but in your case, whatever works. Everyone loves to say the OW/OM doesn't have any "rights." Well, obviously we haven't any "legal" rights...but emotional? I can't believe your MW is putting demands on you like that but can't get off her butt and end her marriage. I think you should be honest with her and tell her what you've done and move on. Much easier said than done. I'd have a one night stand (first one in my life) if I could actually find a guy, lol...anything to move me out of this place of pathetic yearning. 1
cocorico Posted May 4, 2013 Posted May 4, 2013 (edited) Asking a married person for exclusivity is an oxymoron, part of the wishy washy foggy thought process of folks involved in EMRs. That is another myth. Many people are unable to separate love and sex, and so when they take a lover they stop having sex with their spouse. Others are better able to compartmentalise. It's a myth to assume all are one way, or the other, when the reality is some are one and some the other. Edited May 7, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator 3
spice4life Posted May 4, 2013 Posted May 4, 2013 Do what ever you have to do, but I agree with RickFox on this one. Don't play games and don't do things that are motivated by the emotions you have for your MW; you should be doing them because you want to do it for yourself. You aren't married, you have a life and she has no right to make demands of you when she can't provide the same in return. Live according to your expectations and if she can't meet them then walk. Just because she is married doesn't mean you have sacrifice or settle for less than you want or need. If you don't honor yourself you will reman in this emotional quagmire and toture yourself. 2
Praying4Peace Posted May 4, 2013 Posted May 4, 2013 VS- Are you going to tell her? She's going to freak out and (judging from posts here on LS from way back) use it as a 'sign' that your love for her isn't true and she should stick with her H. It's total bull****. There are so many old threads from married AP's talking about how the single AP 'doesn't care' when they themselves are having their cake and eating it too! You were well within your rights. 1
Author ViresSanctity Posted May 5, 2013 Author Posted May 5, 2013 (edited) Guys, I was pretty drunk when I posted this. I didn't even want to open this thread the next morning and discover what I wrote . I'm thankful and surprised that everyone was supportive about it. Don't be so hard on yourself. I've actually been thinking I need to do this myself. Sexual sorbet. A palate cleanser. I was supposed to be taking a break from this site, but I was lurking and saw this. Be kind to yourself VS. If MW isn't being monogamous with you, she's got no right to ask you to be monogamous to her. Couldn't keep NC from us for long could you? Start moving on. Real love doesn't make you tired; it energizes you. Real lovers don't let you down; they are the one truly safe harbor in your life. If someone you love is causing you to be looking for another safe harbor, that is your cue. Don't use other women - that's mean - but start rationally dating. It's okay. You deserve a future. Probably the best advice I could take right now. Right on. Don't worry about me using anyone though. I've never really had to struggle with that. Stop with the damn games!! This isn't a who will blink first thing. She is not going to commit to you man, get it thru your head. You are not going to be anything but her toy as long as you give in and as long as you think this is some sort of game to play. You want to make her jealous, to need you, want you, beg you to come to her.....ENOUGH OF THAT CRAP! Mean what you say, say what you mean, and end it. Get ahold of your dignity and self respect! You need to free yourself of her and HER games and refuse to play at all. Walk away, don't look back, and live your life. I know what you mean by games and I agree because that's not the game I ever intend to play. I meant that if she has her sex on the side, I don't see why I can't enjoy mines. This is where I find they are so full of rubbish First of all THEY should be committing emotionally and physically to the ones they choose to be with. Its all rubbish. Designed to keep us down. Make us feel bad. Make us feel like we will never have anyone to love us besides them...and that this kind of "Love" is normal. You will be committing to them emotionally and physically and having your head f**ked over trying to convince yourself that this love is real and that no matter how painful it is, its so worth it because they really do mean everything they say...whilst they carry on their nice cushy lives with their husbands/wives bragging about their kids or their night out or family party etc. ...And don't feel bad about one night stands. Please. It is not only those in society approved relationships who are entitled to experience and receive love/care/intimacy/attention We need to rage against this machine. Seriously. Listen, I don't advocate casual sex...but in your case, whatever works. Everyone loves to say the OW/OM doesn't have any "rights." Well, obviously we haven't any "legal" rights...but emotional? I can't believe your MW is putting demands on you like that but can't get off her butt and end her marriage. I think you should be honest with her and tell her what you've done and move on. Much easier said than done. I'd have a one night stand (first one in my life) if I could actually find a guy, lol...anything to move me out of this place of pathetic yearning. She doesn't want me being soiled by other women. The thought causes her too much pain. When she told me this, I assumed she wants to leave her husband soon. That was awhile back in February. It's been swept under the rug for awhile. Oh and yeah I plan to let her know. I'm not afraid to be tell her anything. That one night stand helped me temporarily but it did give me a nice pick me up. Even though I'm not really planning it, maybe you need multiple night stands. Why not find another relationship? It's harder than it looks to find emotional stands I know. VS- Are you going to tell her? She's going to freak out and (judging from posts here on LS from way back) use it as a 'sign' that your love for her isn't true and she should stick with her H. It's total bull****. There are so many old threads from married AP's talking about how the single AP 'doesn't care' when they themselves are having their cake and eating it too! You were well within your rights. Yes P4P. I don't even know what her reaction is going to be. I'm assuming she'll want to break up with me and tell me it's for good, and who knows, might never contact me again which is probably what I need from her. But with the way these patterns are going, it's hard to predict if we'll separate for long. And it is totaly BS. But in her mind, she's doing no wrong even though I all I ask is for the fairness sake of everyone that she leaves her husband if she really loves me. I don't even care about her promise or what she says now. It's all empty shelled words she hopes I forget. I never do that. I remember almost every word she says and she really hates it. Edited May 5, 2013 by ViresSanctity
whichwayisup Posted May 6, 2013 Posted May 6, 2013 It was totally out of character for me. I've only had one night stands when I'm not seeing someone. I purposely sought it and made it happen tonight. I was in so much pain. I knew it wouldn't get better if I got back with my MW but I still did. I'm just tired of her lies, and I'm done with committing my values to someone who I've sacrificed all my values for in the first place. I lied to her. I told her I was watching the NBA playoffs (which I did) and my phone was going to die so I wouldn't talk to her tonight. I found someone willing to commit to me tonight and even though my feelings didn't want to, I killed it and forced myself to go along with it. Fake it 'till you make it. My resentful feelings helped me to it. I feel horrible but liberated at the same time. I don't know who I am or where my morals stand anymore. I just know I feel free from it all for once. I know I'm imperfect and I can error if I want to. I know I don't have to deal with her hypocrisy. I know I don't need her. My MW wants me to commit to her emotionally and physically, but I'm tired and if she wants me to she should first leave her husband. If she wants to play these games, I can too. I can play it pretty dam* well. Your MW is bloody selfish and has some nerve to expect you to commit to her when she is MARRIED! WTF is wrong with these MW and MM who expect this of their AP's?! You are NOT obligated to her. Do as you please.
jnel921 Posted May 6, 2013 Posted May 6, 2013 Don't be so hard on yourself. I've actually been thinking I need to do this myself. Sexual sorbet. A palate cleanser. I was supposed to be taking a break from this site, but I was lurking and saw this. Be kind to yourself VS. If MW isn't being monogamous with you, she's got no right to ask you to be monogamous to her. Monogomany happens between two people. Not three or four. If he wants to align his life with hers like a big dummy then it's his loss.wasted time, energy, emotions. For what? She won't leave her H for him. Why should she? She gets it at home too and then some. That's the reality of marriage.
thefooloftheyear Posted May 6, 2013 Posted May 6, 2013 She gets it at home too and then some. That's the reality of marriage. Really? So you are saying that there are NO marriages where the partners are only "in it for the kids/finances" whatever, yet do not share a bed or any type of intimacy or connection other than that of a parent or cohabitant? Its FAR more common than most people think. I am not saying that the OP shouldnt do as he wishes, thats fine, but to say that as a blanket statement without knowing the details in this case isnt really fair. She could easily be totally emotionally and physically connected to the AP and not the H. At that point she should get a d, but we all know how that goes... TFY 1
Author ViresSanctity Posted May 6, 2013 Author Posted May 6, 2013 Really? So you are saying that there are NO marriages where the partners are only "in it for the kids/finances" whatever, yet do not share a bed or any type of intimacy or connection other than that of a parent or cohabitant? Its FAR more common than most people think. I am not saying that the OP shouldnt do as he wishes, thats fine, but to say that as a blanket statement without knowing the details in this case isnt really fair. She could easily be totally emotionally and physically connected to the AP and not the H. At that point she should get a d, but we all know how that goes... TFY I'm less curious what happens these days when my AP turns off her phone at night and I go to bed than I used to be. I definitely believe there are married couples who deny sex from one another. Such a couple was an older friend I know. He didn't get any sex at all for 16 months and I'm sure there's longer out there. Eventually he got a D and met a wonderful woman who gives it to him every night. They are blast to go out with as well. My MW on the otherhand... ehhh. What she says is to be taken with a grain of salt and think of the more enjoyable things with her. I've gotten drunk with her several times and squeezed out more information than she ever wants to admit when she's sober.
thefooloftheyear Posted May 6, 2013 Posted May 6, 2013 I'm less curious what happens these days when my AP turns off her phone at night and I go to bed than I used to be. I definitely believe there are married couples who deny sex from one another. Such a couple was an older friend I know. He didn't get any sex at all for 16 months and I'm sure there's longer out there. Eventually he got a D and met a wonderful woman who gives it to him every night. They are blast to go out with as well. My MW on the otherhand... ehhh. What she says is to be taken with a grain of salt and think of the more enjoyable things with her. I've gotten drunk with her several times and squeezed out more information than she ever wants to admit when she's sober. Either denied or one(or both) lose interest... Again, more common than you might think.. TFY
jnel921 Posted May 7, 2013 Posted May 7, 2013 (edited) Really? So you are saying that there are NO marriages where the partners are only "in it for the kids/finances" whatever, yet do not share a bed or any type of intimacy or connection other than that of a parent or cohabitant? Its FAR more common than most people think. I am not saying that the OP shouldnt do as he wishes, thats fine, but to say that as a blanket statement without knowing the details in this case isnt really fair. She could easily be totally emotionally and physically connected to the AP and not the H. At that point she should get a d, but we all know how that goes... TFY Getting upset over what a M person you are involved with does or doesn't do is pointless. The AP should take another look at themselves and ask himself why are they willing to share someone? If you love someone, you say it, show it, do it. This involves 2 people. if this woman is with her H and family, she is not going to legit go because her OM is great In bed. I read a lot of posts here by OW/OM and the most you guys have going in your A is the sex. Sex is just a small part of what makes the marriage and that can be sparked again.. A married person will lie about the state of their M to keep stringing the OM/OW along. When I spoke to the OW whom my H had an A with, she had no clue. She thought she knew something about us that compelled her to open her apt and legs to my H. She was a fool. In the end, he didn't want her. He wanted his M, he wanted me. What we have is more than what goes on in the bedroom. BTW, our sex life is better than ever. The OW did me a favor. She reminded my H how great his W is. Edited May 7, 2013 by jnel921
Author ViresSanctity Posted May 7, 2013 Author Posted May 7, 2013 Getting upset over what a M person you are involved with does or doesn't do is pointless. The AP should take another look at themselves and ask himself why are they willing to share someone? If you love someone, you say it, show it, do it. This involves 2 people. if this woman is with her H and family, she is not going to legit go because her OM is great In bed. I read a lot of posts here by OW/OM and the most you guys have going in your A is the sex. Sex is just a small part of what makes the marriage and that can be sparked again.. A married person will lie about the state of their M to keep stringing the OM/OW along. When I spoke to the OW whom my H had an A with, she had no clue. She thought she knew something about us that compelled her to open her apt and legs to my H. She was a fool. In the end, he didn't want her. He wanted his M, he wanted me. What we have is more than what goes on in the bedroom. BTW, our sex life is better than ever. The OW did me a favor. She reminded my H how great his W is. Are you speaking for both MW/OM and MM/OW affairs as though they are the same? I'm curious because I don't know any OM on here that isn't/wasn't married during the affair. Guess I shouldn't feel sorry for you since you got what you wanted, whether your H lied to both of you or not...
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