witness Posted September 23, 2004 Posted September 23, 2004 WEll I have been lurking for a while and thought it time to share my story. Sorry if its too long. BTW, I have gotten good advice from all of your posts...thank you I was dating a my ex for two years. I am 29 and she is 22. The age barrier did not affect me. It may have if our first encounter hadn't had a tremendous impact on me. We met at a music festival and it was love at first sight. I didn't believe in that myth, but then I met her. I always thought she was my soulmate. Well we moved in shortly after and everything was going well. After about a year we got engaged. We were due to be married last June. Due to a couple unavoidable situations we had to postpone the wedding...not due to feelings or trying to put it off because one of us was unsure. A little more backround (my apologies if this is all over the place, but its tough for me to put it all to paper) I have a good job that I work mon-fri. She barely ever worked. I pretty much took care of her. Yes sometimes it was tough. Well I think I got comfortable and she got bored. We did go out but sometimes I just wanted to relax or the funds were not available to do the things she wanted to do...like go out for a drink. I think this had an impact on the relationship because we started fighting and she became more nad more unhappy. I tried to do what was in my power but it was not good enough apparently. We have been split up for a couple of months now and its been more than tough..as I'm certain most of you know. I still talk to my ex everyday and we still spend time together every once in a while. She has started dating a friend of mine that I have known for 13 years. Yes its safe to say that we are no longer friends. She has been unfaithful to him with me. I know I should just walk away but its tough. I'm blinded by love. I dont think that we will get back together and if we did I know that it would never be the same. Well I just got off the phoen with her and she is feeling guilty about our relationship and wants to keep it as friends. She wants to still hang out and talk and see me once in a while. She also claims that she wants me in her life always. yeah yeah yeah...walk away and never look back. I dont think I can be just friends..I'm fairly positive that post breakup friendships are few and far between. I wish I could but its just not possible, because I really dont want to lose her. She is special and she is or was my best friend. I'm not sure if I'm looking for advice or if I just wanted to vent and get this out on paper. I dont talk to my friends much about it however because she is also friends with them...yes I brought her into my life and now she is friends with all the people that I've known for 10+yrs. I know that I shouldn't be upset by that but it does make it tough to get through a breakup. Well anyway...thank you for reading this. If you have any thoughts you would like to share I would greatly appreciate it. And to all the folks going through something similar...good luck! I'm not good at taking my own advice but I know that better days are ahead and everything happens for a reason...all good things in all good times! peace witness
YellowLioness Posted September 23, 2004 Posted September 23, 2004 actually, it is possible to be friends after a break up. I don't think that immediately after the break up that should be attempted, but I think that after a while you can be friends with your exes. I'm friends with my exes. In my opinion, you are not at all over your ex. And, by staying friends with her so recently after your break up, you are prolonging how long it will take you to get over her. In my opinion, you should try a long period of "no contact." Don't call her, text her, e-mail her, answer her calls, meet her for lunch to discuss closure, get horny and sleep with her, anything. Just let her go. Let her be with her new man, and let him deal with her. I also recommend going out on light hearted dates to booster your self-esteem and also to remind yourself that your ex isn't the only fish in the sea. Notice I did not say "rebound," which is a transferrence of feelings directed towards an old flame onto a new girl. Date other people, but let them know that you're not looking for love at this time. Hope this helps, I know it hurts. Good luck!
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