mrsKay Posted May 3, 2013 Posted May 3, 2013 I decided to sign up on LS after hearing some of my girlfriends gab about getting some insight on their relationships through these forums. My husband and I have been married for 3 years and we are a very social couple. We have lots of friends coming over to our house. I have a very close girl friend of mine, Carol who comes over weekly and have known her since I was in high school. On one occasion, I had come back from my morning jog on a Saturday afternoon and Carol stops by to bring over lunch for my husband and I. As my husband and Carol are talking I'm going to the fridge to take out some orange juice and I notice that my husband has a boner. I WAS MORTIFIED. I was completely absolutely taken aback. This bothered me to no end, and once my friend left, I confronted my husband and he just said "i dont know why it was up, im so sorry.." After many sleepless nights, I have all sorts of scenarios running through my head, does my husband find my friend Carol attractive? Do I need to limit her coming over because my husband finds her attractive? Is this normal behavior? My mind is all over the place!!! Can anyone give me some insight as to if this is something I need to be concerned about, and is this really "normal..?"
annaballerina Posted May 3, 2013 Posted May 3, 2013 I wouldn't read too much into it unless you see him acting inappropriately around her. I have a friend who I find her hubby so delicious to look at. But would I ever mess around with him? Never!!! I'd never do that. With a guy sometimes they can't control their erections. I'm surprised he didn't hide it though. Just because we find people attractive doesn't mean we want to have an affair with them. I can see why you'd be bothered though. I'm sure it's nothing. He also could be telling the truth and just had a woody that particular moment.
todreaminblue Posted May 3, 2013 Posted May 3, 2013 I decided to sign up on LS after hearing some of my girlfriends gab about getting some insight on their relationships through these forums. My husband and I have been married for 3 years and we are a very social couple. We have lots of friends coming over to our house. I have a very close girl friend of mine, Carol who comes over weekly and have known her since I was in high school. On one occasion, I had come back from my morning jog on a Saturday afternoon and Carol stops by to bring over lunch for my husband and I. As my husband and Carol are talking I'm going to the fridge to take out some orange juice and I notice that my husband has a boner. I WAS MORTIFIED. I was completely absolutely taken aback. This bothered me to no end, and once my friend left, I confronted my husband and he just said "i dont know why it was up, im so sorry.." After many sleepless nights, I have all sorts of scenarios running through my head, does my husband find my friend Carol attractive? Do I need to limit her coming over because my husband finds her attractive? Is this normal behavior? My mind is all over the place!!! Can anyone give me some insight as to if this is something I need to be concerned about, and is this really "normal..?" that was a really awkward situation,I havent ever had this happen that i know of......i would just let it go......unless the situation arises again....uggh awkward...deb 1
annaballerina Posted May 3, 2013 Posted May 3, 2013 On the flipside I have a friend whose husband is always eyeing her friends up and once when we were at their house he wouldn't stop flirting with another friend of ours. She's very beautiful blond slim girl. I was mortified because he sat on the couch his legs apart with his erections pressing on his jeans across from her. I left the living room disgusted! The whole night he kept following this friend of ours around striking up conversations. His wife was so hurt but acted like everything was ok Our single friend told me later he had said some inappropriate things to her asking her about her dating life etc all this under the same roof. He's had a track record for cheating on his wife but she keeps taking him back. That there is intentional. I don't think your hubbys was. 2
KraftDinner Posted May 4, 2013 Posted May 4, 2013 I have no doubt that getting a boner randomly is normal. But isn't there always some way to hide it? Hold something in front of you, cross legs (if sitting) or even walk away? What was he doing? Standing there pitching a tent in baggy sweats? Where was he sitting/standing and how obvious was it? Did Carol see it?
Quiet Storm Posted May 4, 2013 Posted May 4, 2013 Men are going to find other women attractive. It's natural. His actions are what matter. Not his thoughts. Does he act inappropriately with her? Does he flirt with her? What matters is that his character is strong enough to not act on his thoughts. 2
Author mrsKay Posted May 4, 2013 Author Posted May 4, 2013 (edited) It's certainly reassuring to hear men and women both saying that it is natural for a guy to randomly get a hard on. I was just so mortified and so shocked!! He talked to her, nothing inappropriate or anything. The conversation between them was about how Carol loves to play video games and how I should let my husband play without nagging him so much.. then I walked to the fridge and BAM! pitching a tent inside his basketball shorts.. its hard to see if he has an erection or not because he was sitting on a stool underneath the bar and the bar kind of hangs over this crotch and I was only able to glimpse at it because my mind was wondering elsewhere.. but I guess I was bothered at the fact that he would have a boner while talking to her.. And however natural an erection may be, it still does very much bother me that he would get a boner from a small interaction with a member of the opposite sex. Thank God Carol didn't see.. but damn. I did talk to him again and he said that honest to god truth he didnt even realize he had a boner, and that yes he finds her pretty but nothing more. Having him find my friend Carol attractive makes me on guard everytime she comes over... this small issue became so big. I suppose I should let it go as his actions have not betrayed but just the mere thought of him getting a boner while talking to my friend.. UGH disturbing!!! Edited May 4, 2013 by mrsKay
Keenly Posted May 4, 2013 Posted May 4, 2013 Boner's happen everywhere at all times. At work. Driving in traffic because the seatbelt moved a little bit. Daydreaming about killing zombies. It just happens. If you get mad at him for this its going to cause a lot of stupid fighting. 2
wheream_i Posted May 4, 2013 Posted May 4, 2013 I usually get a hard-on when talking dirty to someone or during the build-up to the deed (and of course, during). Were they having an inappropriate conversation? For him to sport wood by just having a normal chat seems weird. There had to be something going on. Maybe he was fantasizing? Maybe he was showing it off to her? Again inappropriate. I get hard pretty easily but if sex is not in the air then there's nothing to get me hard. 2
Keenly Posted May 4, 2013 Posted May 4, 2013 I usually get a hard-on when talking dirty to someone or during the build-up to the deed (and of course, during). Were they having an inappropriate conversation? For him to sport wood by just having a normal chat seems weird. There had to be something going on. Maybe he was fantasizing? Maybe he was showing it off to her? Again inappropriate. I get hard pretty easily but if sex is not in the air then there's nothing to get me hard. That's you, personally, though. Every guy I have ever talked to about these things is not like you. 1
RickFox Posted May 4, 2013 Posted May 4, 2013 It's certainly reassuring to hear men and women both saying that it is natural for a guy to randomly get a hard on. I was just so mortified and so shocked!! He talked to her, nothing inappropriate or anything. The conversation between them was about how Carol loves to play video games and how I should let my husband play without nagging him so much.. then I walked to the fridge and BAM! pitching a tent inside his basketball shorts.. its hard to see if he has an erection or not because he was sitting on a stool underneath the bar and the bar kind of hangs over this crotch and I was only able to glimpse at it because my mind was wondering elsewhere.. but I guess I was bothered at the fact that he would have a boner while talking to her.. And however natural an erection may be, it still does very much bother me that he would get a boner from a small interaction with a member of the opposite sex. Thank God Carol didn't see.. but damn. I did talk to him again and he said that honest to god truth he didnt even realize he had a boner, and that yes he finds her pretty but nothing more. Having him find my friend Carol attractive makes me on guard everytime she comes over... this small issue became so big. I suppose I should let it go as his actions have not betrayed but just the mere thought of him getting a boner while talking to my friend.. UGH disturbing!!! LOL, I'm sorry, the highlighted part of your comments struck me as hilarious. Sure it happens, but the only thing I'd say is I've never gotten a boner without knowing it....It's hard (oh the puns!) not to notice if you're aroused so I'd say he knew it, but if the conversation wasn't inappropriate you've got nothing to worry about. Those damn things can pop up at the most innappropriate of times, it does happen.
Whatitistoburn Posted May 5, 2013 Posted May 5, 2013 Like you, id be so shocked and paranoid, too, and like what the previous poster had said he could have been fantasizing and he couldve even be thinking about something or someone else, not Carol. But if you feel like you guys need to see less of Carol as this way youd feel more secure and comfortable and will help you forget what happened, then, do it, anything to help you forget or help this issue disappear and so you and your husband can put this behind you and soon you can even laugh about it
2sunny Posted May 5, 2013 Posted May 5, 2013 It may be useful not make an agreement with your H that opposite sex friends don't enter the house if you both aren't home. It's a boundary that may bring more peace of mind. 1
Keenly Posted May 5, 2013 Posted May 5, 2013 (edited) It may be useful not make an agreement with your H that opposite sex friends don't enter the house if you both aren't home. It's a boundary that may bring more peace of mind. Because that's what trust is all about, jealous rules. And we want to establish the rules why? Because "He got a boner." This is insanity. Edited May 5, 2013 by Keenly
Eve Posted May 5, 2013 Posted May 5, 2013 Be careful of female 'friends' coming over when you are not home. I had a so called friend make a play for my gorgeous H using those tatics. Take care, Eve x 2
freestyle Posted May 5, 2013 Posted May 5, 2013 During the discussion of your H's video game usage , was she siding with him? If so--I would be watchful for triangulation dynamics in the future---it's not enough to be a red flag,(yet) --- but for one of your female friends to side with your H about a marital conflict, and tell you what you *should* let him do, or not do....is a yellow flag. I don't like that she was accusing you of "nagging him so much about playing video games". That right there created a a dynamic where they bonded of playing video games, and painted you as "The Mean Mommy".... This might look to some, as if I'm overreacting---but this is the kind of dynamic that creates affairs.... She's YOUR long-term friend, OP--she should have YOUR back. Keep your eyes open. 5
Eve Posted May 5, 2013 Posted May 5, 2013 Yup. The wife's best friend screwing around with her hubby is so damned stereotypical it isn't even funny anymore. I don't know what to say to the OP. If my H had responded like that (the erection) I am not sure I would be able to look at him the same way. The friend would be gone, no turning back. My H doesn't like oversexualised women who come onto MM so my former friend didn't stand a chance with him. Take care, Eve x
stillafool Posted May 5, 2013 Posted May 5, 2013 Maybe you shouldn't let this friend bring you two lunch anymore. Sorry but your h obviously can't handle it.
carhill Posted May 5, 2013 Posted May 5, 2013 Carol loves to play video games and how I should let my husband play without nagging him so much.. then I walked to the fridge and BAM! pitching a tent inside his basketball shorts.. Perhaps the affair (and hard-on) is with the video games.
angie2443 Posted May 5, 2013 Posted May 5, 2013 During the discussion of your H's video game usage , was she siding with him? If so--I would be watchful for triangulation dynamics in the future---it's not enough to be a red flag,(yet) --- but for one of your female friends to side with your H about a marital conflict, and tell you what you *should* let him do, or not do....is a yellow flag. I don't like that she was accusing you of "nagging him so much about playing video games". That right there created a a dynamic where they bonded of playing video games, and painted you as "The Mean Mommy".... This might look to some, as if I'm overreacting---but this is the kind of dynamic that creates affairs.... She's YOUR long-term friend, OP--she should have YOUR back. Keep your eyes open. This is so important to pay attention to. When a female friend starts siding with the husband, the allience is with the husband, not the wife. If she is taking your husbands side over your's more often then not, she is sending him signals that he is more important to her then you. Also, he should not be complaining about you to another woman (or anyone else for that matter). His issues with you should be talked over with you, not someone else. 2
thefooloftheyear Posted May 5, 2013 Posted May 5, 2013 I wouldnt get too bent about it...If I mortified someone every time I got a stiffy, there would be plenty of mortified people. Heck, I might look at a pair of breasts on an 80 year old woman and get one.... My sister in law flirts with me all the time..My brother never said anything to me and its seems to be all in fun...I would never act on it but there was a few times I had to wait to get up from the table... I wouldnt sweat it... TFY
Author mrsKay Posted May 6, 2013 Author Posted May 6, 2013 Oh my. Reading all these different responses now got me thinking that maybe my husbands erection is something I should be more concerned about. I think I agree with the advice that Carol should no longer come over on her own without me being in the house. I do have a question to all the men: can a man get a boner without being turned on? or having any sexual thoughts at all?
2sunny Posted May 6, 2013 Posted May 6, 2013 It doesn't matter IF! You could ask questions all day long... The issue is your husband - not all men. I'd suggest cutting Carol completely out of both of your lives! IF your H won't ( or even balks at the suggestion) - then you seriously need to recognize his alliance is with her - not you. 2
thefooloftheyear Posted May 6, 2013 Posted May 6, 2013 I do have a question to all the men: can a man get a boner without being turned on? or having any sexual thoughts at all? Yes and no... Maybe when your friend came into the house it was chilly and she had erect nipples? That will set just about any man at attention. This might be a case of "where there is smoke there is fire", but I wouldnt get crazy just yet. TFY
SmokeRat Posted May 7, 2013 Posted May 7, 2013 Is this for real? Seriously? Yes a healthy man can get an erection, let calls it was it actually is, without the stimulation of sexual arousal. Morning 'wood'? The bodies natural reaction to working the muscles and blood vessels within the pelvic region. NATURAL. NO SEXUAL AROUSAL NEEDED. Listen, I get it, fear mongering is a big thing on the internet. And sure, he may have found your friend attractive. But really? Of all the issues you've found on this forum, this is the pressing, all encompassing issue? So he had an erection from looking at your friend, it happens. If I was betting man, you (the OP), have had fantasies about other men, hell maybe you've even become a little aroused. Where's the difference there? Because your genitalia doesn't pertrude from your pelvic region? Not trying to attack you, or derail this thread with spite. But lets be realistic here. You're husband seems embarrassed and remorseful for a PERFECTLY natural bodily function. Now, if you walked in and she was down there having a good ol' time with his privates, then yes, I'd understand your reaction. Trust perhaps?
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