emily22202 Posted May 3, 2013 Posted May 3, 2013 It hasnt even been 24 hours of No Contact for me. Just yesterday is when he texted me, Not to call or text him again. I said "Ok". I am sure he dosent think i will do it. He knows i usually would keep texting. I feel like crying now. I feel like, Its really over now. I am sad. Does it get easier?. I even stopped looking at my phone, I usually am taking the battery out to make sure its working. He broke up with me last Friday.
ViciousCycle Posted May 3, 2013 Posted May 3, 2013 Yes, it gets a lot better. Be proactive about your recovery, while understanding that it is going to take some time. These forums are a good venue for you to discuss what you're going through if you so desire. I'd recommend reading some books on break ups and/or journaling. I read "Getting Past Your Breakup" and "30 days to heal a broken heart" and found both to be helpful. It's nice to know that so many people have dealt with similar problems to the point where there is consistent literature on what you're going through. I was shaking, constantly thinking of my ex, and borderline depressed a few weeks ago. Now I am just neutral. Doing a lot less thinking, and I have accepted things. You will too, in time.
Author emily22202 Posted May 3, 2013 Author Posted May 3, 2013 I feel so foolish. A few days ago when he was ignoring me, to get his attention i texted him saying. I know its over and i will move on, That i already have a date for this weekend. AND he did text back saying.."Lol your trying to get back with me and you have a date already".....I feel so STUPID for saying that. Did i screw up any hope of us getting back together?. I did text after that several times asking if we can work it out....I am a mess. I wish i would have thought of doing this NC thing days ago.
ViciousCycle Posted May 3, 2013 Posted May 3, 2013 I'd love for you to learn the lessons that I learned not too long ago. I'm no expert, but here's what I have gathered 1. People on this forum will constantly remind you that your ex made the thoughtful decision to move on without you. (I am assuming you're the dumpee here) Let that sink in. They don't want to be with you. You shouldn't want to be with someone that doesn't want you. 2. On a similar note, don't look up ways to get your ex back. Don't make this a game. 3. This is about you being selfish. You need to be selfish. It is not a bad thing, especially now. See this as an opportunity for growth. There's a lesson somewhere for you here, whether it is about your conduct or what you need to look for in a man. 4. NC isn't a tool for you to manipulate your ex. It is for your renewal process. 5. Try and be active, as much as possible. Exercise works wonders. Meet new people if possible. Value the friends you have. 6. You're not alone. So many people are going through the exact same feelings. Don't let it destroy your ego. Finding love is a process, and your loss here is more about that process than anything about you as a human being. 7. Connect with who you were before the relationship. Do what you enjoy. Try new hobbies if there is anything that has been on your radar. You're gonna get through this. It seems like the worst thing right now. Each day should ease the pain some. If it doesn't, that's okay. Take your time. 1
GI_Joy Posted May 3, 2013 Posted May 3, 2013 Once you focus less and less on "maintaining NC" and more on your own life and the people and lovely moments in it, you'll realize how much more fulfilling life is and eventually NC will come naturally. You wouldn't feel the need to contact him because you'll already have so many other things going on But of course, we have those moments and off days, but have faith that you will get out of it.
TheBladeRunner Posted May 4, 2013 Posted May 4, 2013 I love my child to death, she is the best! But because I have a child, complete NC is just not possible for me. I have very Limited Contact w/ the STBXW, and have done so for the past four months or so. I will say that by keeping it strictly business and only discussing divorce or child issues it has helped me heal. I have actually been able to move to a point where I forgive her and have accepted what has happened. If you can do complete NC you will be doing yourself a HUGE favor! Wish I could, but with a child in the mix, it just ain't gonna' happen. The longest I have gone w/o any contact is 7 days, then inevitably I get a text like I got today regarding my daughter's medication. It's all good, I am doing fine; a few weeks of NC will work wonders for you. Trust me!
thefooloftheyear Posted May 4, 2013 Posted May 4, 2013 (edited) I feel so foolish. A few days ago when he was ignoring me, to get his attention i texted him saying. I know its over and i will move on, That i already have a date for this weekend. AND he did text back saying.."Lol your trying to get back with me and you have a date already".....I feel so STUPID for saying that. Did i screw up any hope of us getting back together?. I did text after that several times asking if we can work it out....I am a mess. I wish i would have thought of doing this NC thing days ago. Dont feel bad... Some of the advice given here is good. Use it.. Here is my take... -I guess books can be helpful..I didnt find them to be, but that doesnt mean you wont. Franklly no one on the planet can get over someone that they truly loved and cared for in 30 days. Not humanly possible, IMO. -Take care of yourself. DONT do the crazy stuff like starve yourself or lock yourself in a room for hours. Get out and do your best to do whatever makes you feel good, even if its seemingly ridiculous. Lean heavily on family and friends and confide in them if you can, it helps greatly. Force yourself to not be alone. I like to workout so the gym was/is my best ally. Endorphins released during exercise give you an unbelievable high and feeling of euphoria/omnipotence. It only lasts a few hours after the workout, but it will help you, and the side beneift will be that you will wind up being that much more attractive to your next potential mate when you are ready to get back on the horse, so to speak. -NC will be the toughest thing you will likely do in your life, especially if you do it right and stick to it. Here is what you should expect, although everyone is different this has been my experience. The beginning is actually the easiest time. I know that sounds crazy, but you will likely tell yourself in the beginning that he is going to come to his senses and take you back, blah, blah... Then it starts to get worse when some time passes and you get no response(or worse yet, breadcrumbs),,then it will get REALLY bad in a couple of months(this was in the 4/5th month for me), when you realize that this is no nightmare and it really is OVER...then little by little it will start to fade into the rear view mirror.. Hang in there, your journey begins now. I'll leave you with this last thought. While its easy to sit here and think you are worthless and no one will ever want you, that is just NOT the case. Someone(several someone's) are out there just waiting for the opportunity to be with you. This I can say with 100% certainty. TFY Edited May 4, 2013 by thefooloftheyear 1
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