ViciousCycle Posted May 3, 2013 Posted May 3, 2013 Brief update: I have posted a synopsis of my story previously. I am the dumpee. It has been one month since things were absolutely ended. I had low contact for about three weeks, and now have one week of complete NC. My confidence has been coming back in a strong way, I believe I will find love again, and I see the issues in my previous relationship much more clearly. I am now working on letting go of my anger, while still understanding that a wrong did take place. My ex was abroad and has now come home (I think), so the temptation may be there to see her at some point. I can't think of anything I would want to say to her at this point. Yet I still find myself clinging to some small bit of hope. It's as if I think she will come to her senses at some point. Part of it may come from my desire to always fix things. I want her to show some huge remorse and be able to change. I know now that it is highly, highly unlikely that anything will ever happen with us again. There's a small chance I may not speak to her again, or at least several months More importantly, I don't want a terrible relationship and I know I can do better. I guess I am holding out a small bit of hope that she will learn, and she will eventually be that mature person I want. I am certainly growing, so why can't she? Well, she's probably not. But one can hope...unless they don't want to anymore.
eucalyptus Posted May 3, 2013 Posted May 3, 2013 I can relate to the idea of having a hard time letting go of hope. I've been in NC mode for 5 weeks and broken up for 7. I think the problem is that the phrase "there is always hope" is unfortunately true. My guess is that most people continue to be hopeful until they get to the point where they just get sick of thinking about it. Obviously, this is not a process that happens over night and is different in duration for everyone. Remember, when someone leaves, they get to look at the break up from a position of strength (I needed to do it - even though I may still love her/him). Whereas, the other person is usually in a position of looking at things from the stand point of what they may have done wrong. This mentality leads us to being hopeful that our EX may come to their senses some how, forgive us, or realize what they really had with us. The real issue here is that most people that break up have been thinking about it for awhile before acting on it. So by the time it happens they have already given up hope and have a huge head start in accepting the break up. I think the phrase "as soon as I gave up hope, I felt a lot better" applies here. Though, easier said than done. Hang in there. 1
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