EmotionallyDriven Posted May 3, 2013 Posted May 3, 2013 II posted recently that my husband and I separated in late January. I had a child coming into the marriage and he had two.. we blended the family as he had full custody of his as well. To make a long story short.. he cheated four months before the marriage, and I found out about another time 2 1/2 years ago. We've been married for five years. The last two years we've been intimate one time. At any rate, he is a good provider as far as keeping the bills paid, etc. I am successful in my job and make more than he does but that's irrelevant, just putting it out there. Our problems were number 1... my lack of trust in him.. and 2.. parenting differences. We've never been on the same page at the same time, ever. Competitive, debative, you name it. He thinks I'm all about my child, my family, my friends and then him. Meanwhile, I'm the one ALL THREE kids come to when they need something, I'M the one who goes to school functions for the three of them, mostly alone. At any rate, my child and I moved out. Mine is 16 and his are 18 and 12. I've gone out of my way to go to the house just about everyday to see them, I've had them over for dinner, taken them places, and tried to keep things normal as possible. He has been to our place 4 times in as many months (i could walk from my place to his in 5 minutes literally)... So at any rate, I've been checked out emotionally for a long long time. I have a good friend who is a man, back home where I am from. We talk every day, we are friends, we went to school together. He has two children who are grown and out of the house, they are 19 and 20. We all started young because we are all still in our 30's. This man who I talk to everyday, while just an old friend, and we've been talking since before I moved, means a lot to me. I saw him for the first time, in a very very long time, in February, when I went back home for a long weekend. There were definitely sparks, but I did not cross the line. However, I saw him again two weeks later for a few days and the sparks are just there. We "get" each other. We talk and laugh and I tell him honestly that I still love my husband but I know we are just not right for each other... because we basically just can't get along... plus the trust factor and I'm sure I am no picnic on the beach from time to time either. However, one thing I can say and feel good about is that I was faithful to him for eight years, through the two infidelities of his and a few other text things; at any rate, just curious... Is it possible to have feelings for someone else like I do? I make myself feel so guilty every day because I have feelings for someone else, but meanwhile, my husband and I were over intimately and emotionally a long time ago... Just looking for some thoughts... thanks!
Minnie09 Posted May 3, 2013 Posted May 3, 2013 Don't feel guilty. He cheated at least twice while in a serious R and it's perfectly understandable that you have trust issues and become open to the attention from some other guy. Who could hold that against you? You did the right thing - separating, and are still a good stepparent to his biological kids. That's more anyone could expect from you. Very mature. He cheated first. He broke your trust. You're perfectly entitled to have your own love life. Good luck!*
GuyInLimbo Posted May 3, 2013 Posted May 3, 2013 I think you need to chill out a bit until papers are signed before jumping into another relationship right away. Believe me, I totally see where you're coming from. But you may want to get yourself together for a while. It's very exciting to have someone that you click with, but you don't want it to be a rebound. 1
Gunny376 Posted May 3, 2013 Posted May 3, 2013 Nature abhors a vacuum. If a man (or woman) is out catting around with some other ally cat and not taking care of his business at home like he should he should? Then he shouldn't be surprised when he comes home to a cold dark and empty house when he finally gets around to coming home. One doesn't have to be alone to feel alone! Life is too damn short to spend it end a dead and anthropoid marriage. Life is for living, and just because a man is a good provider ~ does not make him good husband? Many men make the mistake of this assumption, (I did in my youth). What it takes to get her, is what it takes to keep her. Its takes two to light each others fire and to stroke the flames of intimacy, passion, love, respect, togetherness, coupleship, etc. I don't think your justified in feeling guilty ~ if he was 'handling his business ~ then he wouldn't have to worry about another man handling it for him ~ now would he? 1
Mr. Lucky Posted May 4, 2013 Posted May 4, 2013 I think you need to chill out a bit until papers are signed before jumping into another relationship right away. Believe me, I totally see where you're coming from. But you may want to get yourself together for a while. It's very exciting to have someone that you click with, but you don't want it to be a rebound. Agreed. Too soon and too confusing for everyone involved. You owe anyone you're involved with your full attention, something impossible to do when you're dissolving a marriage. Focus on yourself and your son, the rest will come in time... Mr. Lucky 1
Darren Steez Posted May 4, 2013 Posted May 4, 2013 If he "gets you" then he'll be a gentlemen and wait until everything is kosher..just don't string STBXH around or give him any crumbs of hope
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