im lost again Posted May 3, 2013 Posted May 3, 2013 I discovered mf wife of 4 years was in an affair at work a year ago. After acting strange I couldn't help but look into her phone and computer. Then I found the last of evidence she failed to hide on a night she left her email open and LEFT TO SEE HER DAD at 1030pm. The pictures of her in the sexiest panties I ever bought her and topless and an email that facebook helped me find in less than 20 minutes. Once confronted her story changed by the minute as I let her know the more I knew. She confessed, and so did he as I called him, but I let time go by and their stories were so scripted it was funny. Ask one question they hadent went over and they locked up. My thing is the lack of remorse my wife has shown, she said sorry once when I mad a point of the fact she never did. Now we are talking again and I bring it up, she refuses to talk about it and says everyone is remorseful in their own way? Ok when you show no remorse at all what kind of way is that,?? Sorry for venting here, I just don't understand and she wants to know why I'd want here back, and I'm having a hard time other than I really did love her.
dichotomy Posted May 3, 2013 Posted May 3, 2013 (edited) I am Confused. You are still married? or not? You are trying to get her back? How long ago was the affair? You went to couples therapy after D day? Edited May 3, 2013 by dichotomy
road Posted May 4, 2013 Posted May 4, 2013 Is the OM married? Have you exposed the affair, and to who? Does WW and the OM still work together? Is there NC? NC letter sent? Did you get the book Surviving An Affair by Dr Harley? Has your WW and you been tested for STD's? Schedule a polygraph test. Your WW has no right to deny you the answers to your questions.
CantgetoveritNY Posted May 4, 2013 Posted May 4, 2013 You really need to read the post "pinned" to the top of this part of the site called "what every wayward spouse needs to know". Once you read this you will know what you can and should be getting from your wife. Once you read it then have her read it. It worked wonders for me and my wife both. First just me bc I stopped putting up with less than a truly remorseful wife. Then her as she became truly remorseful and took the right actions to earn a chance at reconciliation. 1
Bryanp Posted May 4, 2013 Posted May 4, 2013 Why do you remain married to a wife who had a sexual affair behind your back, put your health at risk for STD's, humiliated you in the worst possible way and shows no remorse? In addition you have only been married 4 years. If the roles were reversed would she have been so accepting and forgiving as you? The fact that she shows no remorse indicates that she simply does not care that much about you and your marriage. It sounds like it is possible that she engaged in a sexual affair because she knew if she got caught you would forgive her anyway so she really had nothing to lose. Why are you accepting this? Her actions clearly show she has no respect for you or your marriage. If you do not respect yourself then who will? 1
BetrayedH Posted May 4, 2013 Posted May 4, 2013 You really need to read the post "pinned" to the top of this part of the site called "what every wayward spouse needs to know". Once you read this you will know what you can and should be getting from your wife. Once you read it then have her read it. It worked wonders for me and my wife both. First just me bc I stopped putting up with less than a truly remorseful wife. Then her as she became truly remorseful and took the right actions to earn a chance at reconciliation. Good suggestion. The fact is that to successfully reconcile, you need (1) A truly remorseful wayward spouse and (2) a truly forgiving betrayed spouse. Rest assured that #2 cannot come before #1. In the meantime, you are accepting far less than you are worth. 1
BeholdtheMan Posted May 7, 2013 Posted May 7, 2013 I discovered mf wife of 4 years was in an affair at work a year ago. After acting strange I couldn't help but look into her phone and computer. Then I found the last of evidence she failed to hide on a night she left her email open and LEFT TO SEE HER DAD at 1030pm. The pictures of her in the sexiest panties I ever bought her and topless and an email that facebook helped me find in less than 20 minutes. Once confronted her story changed by the minute as I let her know the more I knew. She confessed, and so did he as I called him, but I let time go by and their stories were so scripted it was funny. Ask one question they hadent went over and they locked up. My thing is the lack of remorse my wife has shown, she said sorry once when I mad a point of the fact she never did. Now we are talking again and I bring it up, she refuses to talk about it and says everyone is remorseful in their own way? Ok when you show no remorse at all what kind of way is that,?? Sorry for venting here, I just don't understand and she wants to know why I'd want here back, and I'm having a hard time other than I really did love her.You are behaving like a doormat, therefore your wife will continue to treat you like a doormat. She cheats on you and suffers no consequences other than a mild slap on the wrist. Where's your balls man? File for divorce, you don't need a woman who has zero respect for you. She even has the gall to say "everyone shows remorse in their own way". Are you just going to accept that? Sorry, you just strike me as very naive. She's not showing any remorse because she's not feeling any remorse. She's not feeling any remorse because she doesn't respect you. She likely views you as a complete push-over who will cling to her no matter how much humiliation she heaps on you. Please, respect yourself my brother. If you don't, who will?
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