DelusionalOne Posted May 3, 2013 Posted May 3, 2013 So, I really just posted to say goodbye. As Metal_Chick put it... It's time for me to put this (The EA) in a box and walk away. (paraphrasing). I've gotten to the point where I have accepted the whole thing. I have no illusions about it and I'm not clinging to any false hope anymore. I am grateful that NC has worked for me. By both of us staying NC it has helped me to start to really put it in the past where it belongs. As odd as it sounds now, I am actually thankful that he has never contacted me. What has also helped me is all the reading I have done out here...what to expect, not expect and potential pitfalls. But now, the reading has become triggers. In my attempts to "help" by sharing my experiences I revisit the memories, anger, pain, stupidity over and over again....that can't be helping. I don't want to hold onto this forever. There is still some sadness, but I realize that the sadness is for an illusion that was never real. I think that's what earlier this week was all about.... the realization and acceptance that it was an illusion that I needed to get past. And time will take care of that. So many of you have helped me with your advice, your knowledge and most of all your caring support..... Sometimes, it's just a godsend to know that you are not in this quagmire alone.... and the very nature of the relationship that brought us here alienate us from seeking support from those we usually go to. So thank you soooooo much. You'll never know how much I appreciate it. I wish you all the very best with wherever this journey takes you. God bless. 13
GreySkyMorning Posted May 3, 2013 Posted May 3, 2013 Take care of you. Fwiw, I don't think you're that delusional anymore. 2
Praying4Peace Posted May 3, 2013 Posted May 3, 2013 D.O.- Take care of yourself...its been great reading all your insights and knowing that I'm not the only delusional one. Come back if you ever need to! P4P
Author DelusionalOne Posted May 4, 2013 Author Posted May 4, 2013 Thank you all for you kind wishes. I'm going to miss you all. You've become friends. I wanted to share one last thing with you ... Not 2 minutes after my original post xMOM "breadcrumbed" me. The nature of the breadcrumb was so absurd that I figured either he contacted the wrong person or he has seriously lost his mind. All I thought was... "WTF... Psycho" I am fine. It did not rock me. Did not send me spiraling. Actually made me laugh... And there was no one else I wanted to share it with then you all. Take care. 2
lilmisscantbewrong Posted May 4, 2013 Posted May 4, 2013 Not surprising - I think whenever you really let go the universe knows it - honestly if it is meant to be I believe it will be. I will miss you but I understand. 2
SweetBella1 Posted May 4, 2013 Posted May 4, 2013 I think you're doing the right thing. How long were you on LS & in NC? I also plan to begin limiting my time here soon as I believe it is encouraging me to fixate, & like you said, dredge up those memories & hurts over & over. I'll give myself another week or two of limited time, then move along with such gratitude for all of the wonderful people on this forum. People who stuck by me when the rest of the world would judge & shun. Good luck with everything. P.S. Did you respond to the breadcrumb?? 2
Author DelusionalOne Posted May 4, 2013 Author Posted May 4, 2013 I think you're doing the right thing. How long were you on LS & in NC? I also plan to begin limiting my time here soon as I believe it is encouraging me to fixate, & like you said, dredge up those memories & hurts over & over. I'll give myself another week or two of limited time, then move along with such gratitude for all of the wonderful people on this forum. People who stuck by me when the rest of the world would judge & shun. Good luck with everything. P.S. Did you respond to the breadcrumb?? Hi SB1... Yeah fixating is kind of the downside to the board. I've lurked on LS. For about 2 months and been an active poster for a little over a month. I've been NC for a bit over 3 months. I don't respond to breadcrumbs... LS taught me that it's just his attempt to f#%!? with my mind and see if he still has me hanging on the hook. I'm not giving him that ego stroking. Good luck to you too! 1
SweetBella1 Posted May 4, 2013 Posted May 4, 2013 Hi SB1... Yeah fixating is kind of the downside to the board. I've lurked on LS. For about 2 months and been an active poster for a little over a month. I've been NC for a bit over 3 months. I don't respond to breadcrumbs... LS taught me that it's just his attempt to f#%!? with my mind and see if he still has me hanging on the hook. I'm not giving him that ego stroking. Good luck to you too! Wow, good for you! Were these the first breadcrumbs/contact you've gotten from him in the 3 months of NC? Or has he tried to contact you other times?
lynn1954 Posted May 4, 2013 Posted May 4, 2013 So, I really just posted to say goodbye. So many of you have helped me with your advice, your knowledge and most of all your caring support..... Sometimes, it's just a godsend to know that you are not in this quagmire alone.... and the very nature of the relationship that brought us here alienate us from seeking support from those we usually go to. So thank you soooooo much. You'll never know how much I appreciate it. I wish you all the very best with wherever this journey takes you. God bless. Oh, wishing a happy and healthy future for you, DO. Re: the support you found here when you needed it: I totally agree, I feel exactly the same way.
Author DelusionalOne Posted May 4, 2013 Author Posted May 4, 2013 Wow, good for you! Were these the first breadcrumbs/contact you've gotten from him in the 3 months of NC? Or has he tried to contact you other times? Hi SB1... Sorry for the late response but I'm trying to only log in once a day Need to break the addiction. Anywho... Yes over the last 3 months he has thrown out a couple of breadcrumbs... Nothing significant (except the first one that came 9 days after Dday) I didn't respond to any of them. The one yesterday was so bizarre in it's nature... Like we were buddies or something. Like I said... Either he contacted the wrong person or he's lost his mind. This is the first time I've gotten a breadcrumb since I heard he had another OW. Either way....Not my problem. His problem and his wife's problem. I'm just glad I escaped virtually unscathed and after reading someone else's post on LS tonight, if hell was freezing over, and he crawled back to me on his hands and knees declaring undying love, I would run as quickly as possible.....in the opposite direction!!!!! 2
Praying4Peace Posted May 5, 2013 Posted May 5, 2013 Hi SB1... Sorry for the late response but I'm trying to only log in once a day Need to break the addiction. Anywho... Yes over the last 3 months he has thrown out a couple of breadcrumbs... Nothing significant (except the first one that came 9 days after Dday) I didn't respond to any of them. The one yesterday was so bizarre in it's nature... Like we were buddies or something. Like I said... Either he contacted the wrong person or he's lost his mind. This is the first time I've gotten a breadcrumb since I heard he had another OW. Either way....Not my problem. His problem and his wife's problem. I'm just glad I escaped virtually unscathed and after reading someone else's post on LS tonight, if hell was freezing over, and he crawled back to me on his hands and knees declaring undying love, I would run as quickly as possible.....in the opposite direction!!!!! This is how I feel today. I feel like the last piece finally 'clicked' after reading BP's post. 1
spice4life Posted May 5, 2013 Posted May 5, 2013 I think you're doing the right thing. How long were you on LS & in NC? I also plan to begin limiting my time here soon as I believe it is encouraging me to fixate, & like you said, dredge up those memories & hurts over & over. I'll give myself another week or two of limited time, then move along with such gratitude for all of the wonderful people on this forum. People who stuck by me when the rest of the world would judge & shun. Good luck with everything. P.S. Did you respond to the breadcrumb?? I hope everyone is feeling a little better today. I was thinking about the bolded part above this morning and realized it's so true! I was doing so well and then became addicted to the forums again and it brought back all of the hurt and angst. Then it occurred to me this morning that I'm wasting my time and energy thinking about the situation and meanwhile, life is passing me by! I thought, "S**t, what if something happens to me and the affair stuff is the last thing on my mind?!" What a reality check. I'm wasting precious time and neglecting what is really important by letting myself stay attached to all of the dark negative feelings an affair brings. I agree delusional one, it's time to let it all go and get back to life. 2
Recommended Posts