sand936 Posted May 3, 2013 Posted May 3, 2013 I left a very repressive religious community a few years ago. I am able to relate to girls as friends, but when it comes to romance or sex, I am simply lost. I have no ability to convince of myself as a sexual or romantic being, which makes it very painful when I feel attracted to a girl. It gets me depressed cuz I feel like I'm wanting something I can never have. Has anyone experienced this? It's been a hard road making such a big life transition (very religious from birth ---> to secular) and I hope that interesting/cool girls will understand me. Or will they expect me to have sexual experience by now? :-/ Thanks y'all.
fortyninethousand322 Posted May 3, 2013 Posted May 3, 2013 I feel the same way a lot of times. Just feeling lost. I'm also a virgin male at age 25 (never even kissed a girl or held hands either). I didn't grow up religious though (my parents are nominally liberal Protestant and I rarely went to church growing up). So I can't relate to that part. But, I hope things get better for you...
Author sand936 Posted May 3, 2013 Author Posted May 3, 2013 Are you blaming religion for your virginity? I'm not sure why it's necessary to twist my words. Growing up in an environment where one is taught that it is forbidden even to touch girls prior to marriage, and taught to suppress sexual attraction/feelings can have lingering effects even after the person leaves that community. It's hard to just flip a switch and magically become comfortable with something you have spent 22 years being taught is very bad and should be avoided. Especially when most people my age have been sexually active for many years already. 2
hppr Posted May 3, 2013 Posted May 3, 2013 You a mennonite or something? Anyways the easiest way is to make friends with guys who get laid a lot and then go out and chase girls with them. Dress nice, good hygiene, COLOGNE, hit up the bars/clubs whatever. Do it often enough and you'll start meeting girls and getting laid. As far as a girlfriend goes that's a whole other ballgame...do you have any best friends? Very close friends? It's more along those lines if you want it to be successful.
DannyMason Posted May 4, 2013 Posted May 4, 2013 Has anyone experienced this? It's been a hard road making such a big life transition (very religious from birth ---> to secular) and I hope that interesting/cool girls will understand me. Currently in almost the exact situation myself. I wasn't raised especially religious, but I ended up becoming very religious on my own during my early teen years. I passed on my only realistic opportunity for losing my virginity in my mid-teens because it was a "sin". After I graduated from high school my father, who had moved out of state, offered to pay my way through school, buy me a car, and let me live with him rent free until I graduated. Too good to be true, right? Yeah. Dad used the offer to manipulate me into joining an extremely backwards fundamentalist church. He threatened to disown me if my lifestyle "caused trouble with the church". I wasn't allowed to date, form meaningful friendships, had to give up most of my hobbies, etc. I couldn't escape because Dad had put his name on all my money, was the legal owner of my car, I didn't have a job, and again, had no friends in the area. Not to mention crippling depression and anxiety issues. And just after I got a job and worked through most of my depression I saw through the whole God business, became an atheist, and back into depression I went. And then I started having heart problems. Now, after losing over a hundred pounds, writing a book, and getting my grades up I'm slowly trying to become a functioning adult. I definitely feel for you. It's hard giving up God and it's hard looking back thinking about what might have been if only you hadn't been so deceived. I'd suggest looking around for a local atheists and agnostics meetup. Those kinds of things tends to be more popular in religious areas and you're likely to find fellow deconverts or sympathizers among their numbers.
Anthony2005 Posted May 5, 2013 Posted May 5, 2013 I left a very repressive religious community a few years ago. I am able to relate to girls as friends, but when it comes to romance or sex, I am simply lost. I have no ability to convince of myself as a sexual or romantic being, which makes it very painful when I feel attracted to a girl. It gets me depressed cuz I feel like I'm wanting something I can never have. Has anyone experienced this? It's been a hard road making such a big life transition (very religious from birth ---> to secular) and I hope that interesting/cool girls will understand me. Or will they expect me to have sexual experience by now? :-/ Thanks y'all. Sand first off let me say it begins with your mindset. You need to focus on removing these negative thoughts. Because before you've even attempt to convince a woman you're worth the time you have to first convince yourself. At first it's going to feel like a lie because you're attempting to reprogram your belief system. And we learn through failures, so expect to get shot down but you have to push through and learn from it. Romance in my opinion is a woman's fantasy that we make reality. But you have to become it, its not just an act you turn on just for the night out with a friend. Now changing your perspective, You're not a man who's been repressed by a religious community... You're a man who was apart of something bigger than himself and through discipline you chose not to be sexually active during that time. Now you're in transition and your goals have changed. You're able to relate to women as a friend ok, good start but we need to keep you from being thrown into the dreaded friend zone. Contact, making contact is so crucial when dealing with women. If you find yourself never making contact with her, you seem more like a cousin and she will be unable to see becoming physical with you. Examples: Get in the habit of a kiss on the cheek when you greet. Greet and leave with hugs. Holding open doors, opening doors for cars etc. placing your hand on the small of her back momentarily etc. Sand it will feel strange at first and alien to you, push through and I know it will get better.
HokeyReligions Posted May 5, 2013 Posted May 5, 2013 All - find a church you actually like. Get some counseling. Sort out your beliefs before you jump into something that will lay more regret and depression on you. There is really nothing wrong with being a virgin. Get your head straight before you start screwing anything else -- up.
Recommended Posts