Ex gf broke up with me because of drug problem and has been talking to another guy

[SNH1993]

Hello, i am new to these forums and have been going through a pretty confusing situation in the last month.

 

To start things off, me and my ex gf are both 20 years old and were together for 1 and a half years when all of this came about. Before that we had been close friends for a year.

I had an on and off drug problem before we even met(xanax) but when we met i had been clean for a year and hadn't touched the drug. Everything was going great until about 10 months into the relationship when an old friend showed up and the cyle with the xanax started all over again.

 

At first, she would put up with it and try to understand it but it inevitably led to a few break-ups all of which only lasted about a week until we would get back together.

This wasn't an everyday addiction though, i had a legal prescription for it and about 2 days of each month was spent blowing through the entire bottle and being messed up for about a week. Then i would be back to normal for the other 3 weeks of the month until i got my next refill.

 

About a month ago she got fed up with it again and broke up with me and told me she had been talking to another guy who was 27 and lived 3 hours away. Now she is saying she is confused and doesn't know who she wants to be with. I am willing to drop this drug problem not only for her but for myself because one day it will kill me if i don't. She still texts me all of the time and comes over to spend the night.

Everything pretty much is like we never broke up when we are together, still kiss, have sex, cuddle, etc. but this situation is really wearing on me with all of the mixed signals i get from her.

 

Sometimes she will be happy and other times she will be very cold and distant. I think the situation is stupid as hell to be honest because the guy lives 3 hours away and can't decide if she is just stringing me along for attention or is trying to punish me in some sort of weird way.

Even though i had a drug problem, i don't think i deserve this and think it is pretty selfish of her to put me in this situation. I love this girl and would like t be with her again, but this situation gives me mixed emotions about it all and at times i wonder if the xanax was even the real reason she broke up with me.

 

About 2 weeks ago, we had a fact to face talk and she basically told me she made her decision and wanted to give this other guy a shot. I just told her that was fine i understand and left it at that. That same night, she comes over crying and tells me she has changed her mind and "wants things to go back to how they were before she made her decision."

 

This just made me more confused and i really don't know how much longer i can put up with this so if any of you have any advice or helpful insight you can shed on the situation it would be much appreciated. Sorry about the rant.

Edited May 3, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[TaraMaiden]

It seems like you have an addictive personality.

What happened to start you off on Xanax again simply because an 'old friend' turned back up, after 10 months in?

Don't you know how to say 'No'?

 

It could be any drug really.

I'd dump you in a second.

 

Take responsibility for yourself.

She loves you, you're hurting her with your lack of dedication and will-power.

 

Get professional help to kick the habit once and for all.

SHOW her you are dedicated to the relationship, and that you want it to work.

 

But remember this:

You need to face the fact that you are prone to being substance-addicted, and heal yourself - for YOU. Not for her.

 

You have to face facts, and decide that you are going to do this for YOUR well-being, YOUR benefit, YOUR health and YOUR stability.

 

Hopefully, the by-product of your decision will be that she will SEE the changes you want to make, support you and stand by you.

 

But you keep relapsing into the same old same-old behaviour, and it's no wonder she's messed up.

This is your doing, and you have to step up to the plate and take control.

 

While I don't condone cheating, she needs someone strong, stable and loving.

She wants you to be 'it', but it can't be an easy thing for her, to be in love with someone who basically seems to desire a quick fix more than long-term stability.

[SNH1993]

I understand and appreciate your honesty regarding my situation. What started me off with it again was just the simple though of "oh it's just this one time and it won't hurt anything" type of mentality. That didn't happen obviously. I think i can kick the habit on my own and don't have the money to spend on professional help. I did it for a year before so i am positive i can do it again but this time just not associate myself with anybody who would potentially get me back into the cycle. And yeah, it was hard for me to "just say no" otherwise all of this wouldn't have happened. Over time with all of the things xanax has messed up for me in life i've started to hate the drug more and more and have never had a more clear decision in my head to never touch it again. I don't expect you to believe that nor do I expect her to believe that. I am willing to prove it to myself and her and whether she sees that and accepts the past is the past is completely up to her.

[TaraMaiden]

Talk to her.

Show her this thread.

Put your money where your mouth is, walk the talk, and prove you can do it.

 

For you.

For her.

 

Actions my friend; that's what tells.

Actions - over words.

 

Good luck to you.

 

Be well.

[SNH1993]

Thank you for being so honest with me and not sugar-coating anything to make me feel better about it. What you said in your first post helped me realize why all of this was happening a lot more than i did before and i iwll continue to work on myself regardless to what happens with me and her

[TaraMaiden]

They don't call me slapbitch 'Mrs. Tell-it-like-it-is' for nothing you know.....

 

The root of all this was your initial weakness.

 

The fact you now 'hate the drug' and what it has done to you, is extremely positive.

Yeah, steer clear of the weak leeches.

if it means changing your entire social circle, then so be it.

 

You know what they say: "With friends like those....."

 

(I'm not, conversely, suggesting you should only mix with goody-2-shoe people, like fanatical born-agains.... but you know what I mean!)

 

I don't know where you're from, but get in touch with NarcAnon or your country's equivalent....

it's a charitable organisation, and they're there to guide, support and counsel anyone with addictive issues.

But it's 'tough Love' - you have to do the work....

Incidentally, they also help, guide and support those who are involved with substance addicts too. They can help your GF, if she needs it and feels so inclined....

 

Keep plodding.

All you can do now, is improve.

Stay in touch...... I love success stories.....

[SNH1993]

Well, sending her this thread sort of backfired. She basically told me that she couldn't be in a relationship with me out of pure paranoia that the xanax would come back into the picture again. I will continue to work onmyself regarless though, thank you for your support.

[TaraMaiden]

I'm really sorry to hear that. I was hoping she would see it more as an earnest attempt on your part to 'right the wrongs'.... It's a pity she didn't take it that way.....

 

But I hope this drives you to do the best thing you could, and not let it instead set you back and fall into a spiral of depression or despondency. Please, for your own sake, hang in there.....

[SNH1993]

Thank you, im going to just let her do what she wants and continue improving myself from here on out. If anything this was a valuable lesson for me and more motivation to stay away from what put me here in the first place.

[SNH1993]

She said she still wants me in her life and that I am important to her, so i will remain friends with her just as we had been before the relationship started.