jezebella Posted May 3, 2013 Posted May 3, 2013 I am only 2 weeks NC and in a very low place. But this forum has made me wonder if there is something different - and more difficult - about recovering from an A rather than a regular R. I see people posting about still hurting many years after the A is done... some of whom have moved on to new relationships. I had four boyfriends before my husband, and I remember breakups being very sad and very hard. My first love was the worst - worse than this - where I literally couldn't get out of bed for two weeks. But the rest were much briefer, and I don't think about any of them anymore. I don't hurt at all for any of them...ever. Three of them email me about twice a year, and tell me they still think about me, etc. I reply in a friendly way, but feel none of that for them. I believed the old adage of "it takes half the amount of time you were together to get over someone," and that was about right in those relationships. I loved all of them at one point. I don't now. Does something about the nature of an A make the heartache longer, and worse? This does feel different to me - more irrational and devastating. Desperate, even.
Goodbye Posted May 3, 2013 Posted May 3, 2013 I think there are lies involved, which is so hurtful. And, because you are an OW usually in secret, you can't really share your grief and receive comfort from your friends and family. I've told very few people about my relationship with exMM and I'm dealing with the loss alone. People will come on here and say it wasn't a loss, because he was never mine, etc, etc. But it is a loss, and a very difficult one to heal.
RickFox Posted May 3, 2013 Posted May 3, 2013 I agree fully with Pierre and I agree with Goodbye. No, he may not have been yours fully or you hers or what have you but they were yours while they were with you and if you gave of yourself to them, allowed yourself to fall for them, then yes, it hurts like hell and it goes back to what Pierre said. Of course, if you choose to believe as I do, and that is it meant very little for xmw, then you can see how easy it was for her to move on while I sat there holding the door wondering ...wtf... And on we go... I need a sports car .
Author jezebella Posted May 3, 2013 Author Posted May 3, 2013 I agree fully with Pierre and I agree with Goodbye. No, he may not have been yours fully or you hers or what have you but they were yours while they were with you and if you gave of yourself to them, allowed yourself to fall for them, then yes, it hurts like hell and it goes back to what Pierre said. Of course, if you choose to believe as I do, and that is it meant very little for xmw, then you can see how easy it was for her to move on while I sat there holding the door wondering ...wtf... And on we go... I need a sports car . I agree with you all, and I've never left a relationship when it was "good" - meaning, we were deeply "in love" and excited about our future. Had we not got caught, or had we been a "real" relationship, there would have been no way this would have ended. Instead, we were caught, and it abruptly got cut short. Re: sports car, when I was hurtling towards this, I told my best friend I thought I was in a mid-life crisis and had been thinking about buying a motorcycle too. She said, "Get the motorcycle. It's less dangerous." Wish I'd listened. 2
amaysngrace Posted May 3, 2013 Posted May 3, 2013 Outsiders perspective here. Everything swings on a pendulum and because affairs are higher than regular, the lows are lower than regular too. 1
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