jussie Posted May 3, 2013 Posted May 3, 2013 My boyfriend dumped me a week ago after dating for almost 3 months. We spent almost every day together (including sleepovers most nights of the week), and we had enough in common that our differences didn't matter (to me at least. I can't speak for him). He doesn't have any friends here, and spent 90% of his free time with me. And I sort of gave up my friendships when I started dating him too (I know this was a bad decision) because I was so excited about him and wanted to spend all my time with him. I feel we are good for each other in the long-run because of our common values and morals, and our families are both still in southern California, so we share a common base/frame-of-reference. He divorced 2 years ago after 6 years of marriage (13 years together total) and has and 8-year-old daughter from that marriage. His ex-wife and daughter live in a different state that is a 4 hour drive from us. Leading up to the break-up, we had been having small arguments over the past month regarding his unwillingness to open up to me (about previous relationships, including his marriage, or even be friends with me on Facebook), which led me to distrust him, which angered him because he felt he didn't do anything to lose my trust. The small arguments were making us resent each other, though we still wanted to stay together, and so I decided to call a 1-week break just to press the "reset" button. He agreed, and we went into it saying that we were staying together, but we just needed some time apart, though we would stay in contact via text and phone. The break was going well for the first few days, but I felt he was texting me less and less (this could have been paranoia on my part), and so I decided to call him because hearing his voice makes me miss him less. We discussed weekend plans, but that led to a disagreement and a huge argument where he was angrier than he had ever been, and he asked me to leave him alone for the remainder of the break. The next day he said something about our relationship possibly not working out, which freaked me out because he had never said anything like that before, though we both agreed we had problems in our relationship and that it was going so well. But since I knew he didn't want to talk until our break was over, I let it go for another 2 days, even though there were signs that at the end of the break he just wanted to meet to dump me to my face, rather than actually discuss how we could fix our relationship. On the day we met after our break, sure enough, he dumped me. But this was only after 4 hours of hanging out at a park, kissing and holding hands, and having a really nice conversation about everything except our relationship! He totally led me on to think that he might not dump me, that he might actually want to discuss our problems and work things out so we could stay together! After he said his piece, I flipped out and yelled at him for about 20 min about "how could you wait so many days to tell me? If you made the decision a couple days ago, why couldn't you just tell me? And why did you let me kiss you and hold your hand all this time, like nothing was wrong?!" His response was that he waited because he was unsure, but I feel that is BS. I think he knew deep down that he wanted to end it, but he was afraid to because he is a very conflict-avoidant person (it took him YEARS to end his marriage because he didn't tell his ex-wife he was unhappy). When he left my apartment after dumping me I slammed the door. I still had stuff at his place, so we met up two days later so I could get it from him, and at that time I apologized for my horrible reaction to the dumping. I said that I could have handled it better, and he said he appreciates the apology. Then I said, "I also wanted to thank you because I learned a lot from you, and I had a really good time with you. I think you're awesome." And then he looked bashful and said, "Well...you're a really sweet person [i interrupted and said " you don't have to say all that just because I did"] and friendly people are at a premium for me [like I said, he doesn't have friends in this city]." I said, "I was thinking the same thing...I feel like we have a good time with each other and we can still do the things we planned to do [we had discussed hiking, going to amusement parks bc we both love rollercoasters, going to certain movies, going golfing, etc.]." He said, "Yeah, that would be ok, as long as no one has any expectations." I didn't like that he said that, but I said "Yeah! Definitely!" And I told him, "Well, for that movie you want to see in 2 weeks, since you already bought the tickets, I'd still want to go with you. And since it's a movie, we don't even have to talk to each other, haha!" And he chuckled. Then I said, "Well, take care of yourself." And we hugged and said goodbye. I told myself I wouldn't contact him after that, but of course I didn't have the discipline. The next day, I texted him to ask if I could continue using his Netflix account, and he said sure, and even said "I'm watching the same show, so make sure you're watching the right episode." Then I said, "Have fun in North Carolina this weekend." And he said, "Thanks. Have fun at your event. I'd be interested to know how it goes." The next day, I emailed him a Groupon for a golf tournament we were planning on going to together and said, "Saw this, thought of you" and pasted the link. He responded only 2 minutes later (with the texting the day before, he took his time replying) and said, "I appreciate you thinking of me. Didn't Groupon get hacked recently? I thought of you when I saw that." The next day, I didn't contact him at all and he didn't contact me. The day after that, however, I told him that I ran into someone who was in the same Army base that he was at before he moved here through something I'm volunteering at. He said, "that's interesting. What will you be doing for the volunteering?" And I told him, and he said, "Sounds like the stuff you like" and I said, "Yeah. Hope you're doing well." But he didn't reply. At this point, I'm not sure what to do, or if I've already screwed things up. The thing is, I'm pretty sure he misses me, but I don't know if he would want me back. I definitely want to get back together with him; I don't want to be JUST friends. I'm thinking we can be friends and ease back into dating. The big disclaimer, however, is that he is moving to Europe in 6 months, and part of the reason why he dumped me is that he thinks we won't be able to fix our relationship problems and get it solid enough to survive him being in Europe for a year (after that he has to go to grad school for a year, probably in a different state, so I would most likely have to move), and if we're not going to stay together while he's in Europe then there's no point in continuing dating (since we don't date casually, only for marriage). I disagree with that - I feel we do have enough time to start fresh and fix our problems (I know my putting pressure on the relationship was a huge part of that, and now I'm ready to just let go and let our relationship develop at its own pace), and I don't want to think/worry about what will happen when he moves until the time comes. He hasn't initiated contact with me at all, but when I initiate contact he (obviously, see above) replies and inquires about me. This is getting my hopes up that maybe we can be friends and eventually get back together. But I don't know if I'm right. All my friends are telling me to just leave him alone and that he's only replying because he's just a nice guy like that and doesn't want me to be angry at him if he didn't reply. But if I cut off contact suddenly today, I don't want him to think that I don't want to be with him anymore. I very much want him back, but I feel like this is a delicate balance between giving him space and not letting him forget about me. I'm afraid that if I stop contact, he'll forget about me and think, "Well, I guess it's not that bad being without her." And then start dating other people, and then I'll never have a chance to get back together with him. Usually I'm the one that gets dumped, and it's such a horrible process that I end up cutting them off completely. I'm not in contact with any of my exes, mostly because they were *******s. But this guy is different. He was very kind and nice, and I feel like the relationship ended mostly because of things I did to irritate him, and also bc of things on his side (baggage from his marriage, inability to communicate effectively, maybe not being ready for a LTR), RATHER THAN anything malicious, like the other guys I've dated. So I'm trying to say that it is more worth it for me to be friends with him than with the other guys I've dated. We both came in with very good intentions, but for the reasons I stated above, it just didn't work out. However, things were very good when we first started dating, so that's why I still feel there is a lot of potential for this relationship. I know how good it can be bc I've seen it already. We just need a fresh start to get back to that. Any advice? Is it a bad sign that he's not initiating contact with me at all, and that I'm always the one initiating? Does he really just want me to leave him alone? Was he just being nice when I asked him about being friends, but maybe he didn't really mean it? Is he just being nice when he replies to my texts/emails, but really he's thinking "I wish she'd just leave me alone?"
CorridorE Posted May 4, 2013 Posted May 4, 2013 (edited) I'm sorry to have to be so honest, but personally I think that if you two were having this many problems in your relationship after only three months, getting back together since he will be moving soon would not be wise. He was married for six years, and I think he's a little confused right now but for the most part he probably knows what he wants out of a long-term relationship and I don't think it's working between you two. The fact that he wouldn't add you to social media sites seems odd... almost like he might have something to hide. It also seems like you two fight a lot for all the longer you had been together. You had your days of happiness, but I don't think the relationship would hold out long-term. I'm sorry. You seem like you became very attached to him in only a short amount of time - to the point that you admit to giving up on friendships to be with him more. This makes the fact that he is moving to Europe in a few months worry me... if you would decide to give it another shot, PLEASE do not think about moving there with him for the year. If you do and it doesn't work out, you could be stuck there for some time with no friends and no family. Just a thought. Right now, focus on moving on. He's not contacting you right now, and if he wants to try again he will come to you. But don't keep your life on hold for him. Try sticking to no contact. You said that "I'm afraid that if I stop contact, he'll forget about me and think, 'Well, I guess it's not that bad being without her.'" Since you two are broken up, if he was going to think that he probably already is. You don't want someone in your life that is okay with letting you go. Don't be afraid that he will slip away if you don't keep in contact with him, because for one he already has since you two are parted... and also if he is able to forget you easily, he's not the one for you. Don't text or call him - I know how difficult it will be, but then you will know whether or not he really misses you, and if he doesn't contact then you will have your answer and can focus on moving on. Stay strong and good luck. Edited May 4, 2013 by CorridorE
Author jussie Posted May 4, 2013 Author Posted May 4, 2013 CorridorE - Thank you so much for sharing your opinion. First of all, I sort of agree with you that if we're already having so many problems in the beginning, it doesn't bode well for the likelihood of success for the relationship. I left out, however, that I have anxiety when it comes to relationships, and I tend to sabotage them. One of the things that happens for people with relationship anxiety is that they are unable to sustain romantic relationships because they get worried about the future of the relationship. In my case, it was a huge deal that he is moving to Europe - I didn't want to waste my time with someone who was going to just use me until he left, so I put pressure on him to emotionally commit to me - which is why/how my anxiety sabotaged a relationship that truly could have gone well. Second, I also agree with you that he might be confused. It seemed to me that he really wants to be in a LTR, but emotionally he might not be ready, and the problem was that he wouldn't admit he wasn't ready. I believe we BOTH know what we want in a LTR, and I admit that arguing all the time is not what we want. But again, I feel that if I didn't have anxiety (impossible) or if I had known how to manage it better (actually possible - I'm working on this now) we would have had a better shot, regardless of whether he was ready for a LTR. You're right that I became very attached to him in a short amount of time. I was never considering moving to Europe with him; I was only talking about staying in a relationship with him during his year away, and doing long-distance. I was worried, however, about what we would do when he comes back to the US for grad school, because he would like to go to a school in a different state where his daughter lives. So I suppose I would have to move there. I know it was WAY too early to be worried about that, because it's 2-3 years away from now, but in the place where he wants to go to grad school, I have no friends. Maybe one, but I haven't talked to her in over 5 years. So that is why I was worried about it and asked him what he thought we would do. In retrospect, I see how that could have freaked him out, like, "Why is this chick so worried about stuff that might not even happen and is so far away from now?" I do have an update, and I wonder if that changes anything, so I'd appreciate your (or anyone's) input: Though I promised myself I would stop contacting him, I couldn't resist forwarding him an email about some academic events that would be helpful for him to attend (I had sent them in the past and he has attended on my recommendation). I get the emails from a mass mailing, and when I forwarded it to him, I said, "This is the last one I'm forwarding to you, only because I feel weird about always being the one initiating contact. I hope you get yourself on this mailing list so that you can continue attending these events." He took 5 hours to write back and he said, "I appreciate you thinking of me. I do need to get myself on the mailing list. And give me some time; I'm sure I'll be hitting you up about things in the future," as in doing stuff together. I've decided that, since he's put it out there that he's going to contact me, then I'm going to make him "walk the walk" as they say. If he doesn't contact me, and it was just a bluff, then I have my answer. BUT IF HE DOES CONTACT ME, I don't think I would know what to do. CorridorE, you made some very VERY valid points about not accepting someone who is ok with letting me go in the first place. I hadn't really thought of that. He DID say, when he was dumping me, that part of the reason why he waited several days before dumping me is because he "wanted to see if he could live without me". I guess he concluded that he could, which is why he dumped me. At this point, I'm trying to figure out whether I could actually be platonic friends with him without hoping/expecting to get back together (I know I'd never be able to listen to him talk about anyone new he is dating, no matter how much time has passed), and whether he even deserves my friendship. I appreciate your encouragement to move on. I have decided that this is a great opportunity to focus on working on my anxiety. It's something I have put off for at least a year (mostly because I don't have health insurance to cover going to a therapist), but losing my boyfriend as a result of my anxiety was the exact motivation I needed to get to work. (I have lost 2 other guys due to anxiety as well, not that I'm using it as a crutch - we were mostly incompatible - but I feel the relationships could have had a greater chance of working DESPITE our differences, had I been able to manage my anxiety effectively.) I've checked out an anxiety workbook from the library and have been reading through it and photocopying pages, aiming to do two chapters a week. I feel that if my ex and I do end up being friends and/or getting back together, if it falls apart again, I will not feel like I lost my whole life because my main focus will not be him, but my anxiety recovery.
CorridorE Posted May 4, 2013 Posted May 4, 2013 I do have an update, and I wonder if that changes anything, so I'd appreciate your (or anyone's) input: Though I promised myself I would stop contacting him, I couldn't resist forwarding him an email about some academic events that wouldbe helpful for him to attend (I had sent them in the past and he has attendedon my recommendation). I get the emails from a mass mailing, and when Iforwarded it to him, I said, "This is the last one I'm forwarding to you,only because I feel weird about always being the one initiating contact. I hope you get yourself on this mailing list so that you can continue attending these events." He took 5 hours to write back and he said, "I appreciate youthinking of me. I do need to get myself on the mailing list. And give me sometime; I'm sure I'll be hitting you up about things in the future," as indoing stuff together. Okay, so he is trying to leave the door open some. But don't read to much into it. He could just mean that he will also send you links if he sees something that could be helpful to you. Or he might be confused of what he wants and does just needs some time to think things through since he will be moving. Just don’t let him keep you on the hook. Focus on moving on, and if he asks you to do something later go from there. I advice you to not contact him again, let him be the one who wants you in his life, but I know how hard that can be so I will give you this advice if you do choose to message him: he doesn’t seem to be bothered by keeping in contact with you because he is being very polite in his replies. However, don’t include in the messages things like “this will be the last time” or “one more thing I’d like to send you” because if you keep saying you won’t contact him again and then breaking it, it could become annoying. He DID say, when he was dumping me, that part of the reason why he waited several days before dumping me is because he "wanted to see if he could live without me". I guess he concluded that he could, which is why he dumped me. Yeah, bad sign. I think in relationships we always wonder if we would be able to live without our partner, and the fact is that everyone does have the ability to if they stay strong. However, when you really love someone you hope to god that you never have to find out. He let you go too easily. At this point, I'm trying to figure out whether I could actually be platonic friends with him without hoping/expecting to get back together (I know I'd never be able to listen to him talk about anyone new he is dating, no matterhow much time has passed), and whether he even deserves my friendship. What I said before about not wanting someone in your life who is okay with losing you applies to friendships as well. Right now, he’s not even sure if he wants a friendship because he said “I'm sure I'll be hitting you up about things in the future.” If he misses you and wants you in his life in some way, he will come to you. HOWEVER, personally I don’t think exs can ever be just friends. I know people who claim to be friends with their exs, but in reality it is always a bit awkward for someone and only stirs up old feelings. Also, when the other person eventually does get into a new relationship, then you have to suffer through feeling like you’ve been broken up with all over again. You care about him a lot, so don’t put yourself through that. Either he's in, or he's out. And right now, unfourtunately, he's out. Don't wait for him to come around; stay strong and do your best to focus on moving on.
Author jussie Posted May 6, 2013 Author Posted May 6, 2013 I haven't been doing a good job of maintaining NC since my last post. Yesterday I emailed him a photo of me and a friend at a horse race, all dressed up in our spring dresses and big hats. I didn't write anything in the email, I only sent the photo. He wrote back 3 hours later, "Very pretty. How's the weather? Looks like it's nice." Though I was glad he replied, I was very disappointed that he didn't ask anything more substantive and didn't share anything about what he's doing. I've noticed that whenever I contact him and share what is going on in my life, his replies are superficial and sometimes he directs questions at me, but he never shares what is going on with his life. Anyways, I never replied to his email because I was so disappointed, and I figure I better try harder to maintain NC. I'm proud of myself for not contacting him at all yesterday. Hope I can keep it up today. I think the reason why I keep contacting him is that I'm trying to stay relevant in his life. I don't want him to forget about me. And I don't want to think, believe, or accept the possibility that he has completely gotten over me, and has gotten used to me being out of his life (we used to text all the time and see each other at least 5 times a week). I want to know what sort of "superpower" he possesses that keeps him from wondering what I'm doing and contacting me. Is he SO sure that he made the right decision??? Was he SO unhappy with me that, now that I'm out of his life, he's much happier and wants me to know that we'll never get back together? I guess I have all these questions because I've never dumped anyone that I've dated for so long or so seriously. (I dumped someone I dated for 2 months, but we didn't see much of each other even though we lived across the street from each other, bc I wasn't that interested in him. I didn't think twice after I dumped him. I know I did the right thing because he was just so totally wrong for me in every way. But I don't want to believe that that's what my ex is thinking of me now!) Other than that, I've always been the one to be dumped. I'm always the one trying to hold on to the relationship and trying to make it work out. He says he needs more time before he can contact me , but I'm wondering if he really means that. And if he does, how much time does he need, and what are his intentions when he sees me again? Does he just plan to be friends? Is he going to wait until he finds someone new to date before he comes back around to talk to me again? I've tried thinking about different scenarios in my head to see if I'm ok with them: 1) we hang out as friends and he's dating someone new, but I'm not - NO, I'm totally not ok with that; 2) we hang out as friends and I'm dating someone new, but he's not - no, that would feel weird to me, and I really don't think I'll be dating anyone new in the next few months; 3) we hang out as friends and we're both dating new people - no, that's weird too, and I'm sure our new SO's would find it weird as well; 4) we hang out as friends and neither of us are dating anyone (so maybe there's a possibility of getting back together?????) - this is the only scenario I'm ok with. I wish I could be "the bigger person" and be mature enough to hang out with him platonically even if he's dating someone new, but I just can't. I'm still in love with him, I still believe in our relationship, and I still care very deeply for him. I just don't think I'll ever be able to be friends with him, unless there was an intent to progress from friendship to relationship. I'm disappointed in myself about this. I wish I could be one of those "cool" people who can be friends with all their exes (though I find this to apply only to those who were the dumpers). Also, I just don't see him dating anyone seriously before he leaves for Europe in 6 months. He hates being alone, so I think he might try dating again (we met on OkCupid, so I feel he might get back on there soon. He dated the girl before me for at least 6 months, and got on OkCupid only a month after they broke up!), but it seems unlikely that he would find someone quickly enough to establish a strong relationship to the point they would continue dating while he's in Europe. It seems he would have a better chance at a serious relationship if he got back together with me. Then again, maybe he realizes that a serious (long-term) relationship is just not possible at this point in his life, since he's moving so soon, so maybe he's just going to look for casual dating opportunities, even though he is against casual dating (as I am). I spent a good part of yesterday obsessing about him, spending a lot of energy trying to NOT contact him, and also crying a lot. It just hurts so much to know that I drove him away, and now that I'm gone, he's happier without me. Him never contacting me (and just replying with superficial, meaningless crap) makes me feel like the whole relationship was a waste. I mean, yes, I had a great time with him and learned a lot about myself and about relationships, but I still feel like all the little, thoughtful things I did for him meant nothing, that none of it was enough to make him believe this relationship was worth saving. And I find it very unfair that he invested less in the relationship, and therefore, had less to lose. For example, he didn't want to be Facebook friends with me because he "has work friends he doesn't know very well on there," which made me upset and suspicious; but even so, I changed my relationship status on my profile to "In a relationship"! I doubt he changed it on his (it probably says nothing, and he just left it like that while we were dating). I would like to know where he is going to find another woman like me, who accepts the fact that he is divorced with a daughter (and made a horrible mistake marrying a total bitch when he was so young), accepts the fact that he will be moving in 6 months to Europe where he will live for a year, and then move back to the US for grad school for a year, and then move to Europe again for his first assignment, AND STILL WANTS TO BE IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH HIM. Where?! I just feel deep in my heart that we are right for each other on many levels, and that he was lucky to find someone like me who is so supportive of his career even though it involves moving around a lot and being away from each other, and so supportive of his relationship with his daughter, and so willing to help him apply to grad school and listen to all the problems/concerns he has regarding his ex-wife and his daughter. I felt I was so understanding and compassionate toward his difficult situation, and I was never appreciated for that. For some reason, he never felt comfortable enough to open up and talk to me about things that were bothering him. But even so, I tried to be patient and accepting of everything. And what did I get in return? DUMPED.
CorridorE Posted May 7, 2013 Posted May 7, 2013 I didn't write anything in the email, I only sent the photo. He wrote back 3 hours later, "Very pretty. How's the weather? Looks like it's nice." Though I was glad he replied, I was very disappointed that he didn't ask anything more substantive and didn't share anything about what he's doing. I've noticed that whenever I contact him and share what is going on in my life, his replies are superficial and sometimes he directs questions at me, but he never shares what is going on with his life. Again, I say try to keep to no contact, but don't expect to find out what is going on in his life if you don't ask him. He seems like a pretty decent guy, so since you only sent a picture maybe he doesn't want to make it all about him. Maybe he's trying to ask about you and your life to be polite. I guess I have all these questions because I've never dumped anyone that I've dated for so long or so seriously. No offense, but so long and so seriously? You're relationship with him only lasted three months. It's really not that long... my ex left me for another woman in Feb. and we were together three years and were talking about marriage. You might need to just let this one go... He says he needs more time before he can contact me, but I'm wondering if he really means that. You won't know because you keep contacting him. I've tried thinking about different scenarios in my head to see if I'm ok with them: 1) we hang out as friends and he's dating someone new, but I'm not - NO, I'm totally not ok with that; 2) we hang out as friends and I'm dating someone new, but he's not - no, that would feel weird to me, and I really don't think I'll be dating anyone new in the next few months; 3) we hang out as friends and we're both dating new people - no, that's weird too, and I'm sure our new SO's would find it weird as well; 4) we hang out as friends and neither of us are dating anyone (so maybe there's a possibility of getting back together?????) - this is the only scenario I'm ok with. And this is why you should drop the idea of you two ever being friends right now, because in your head the only reason you would even want a friendship is to try and force your way back into his heart. You don't want to be his friend, you want the relationship and you even admit that when you say that senario 4 is the only one you'd be okay with. If he wants you back enough, he will come to you. Don't try to start a friendship; it will only make things more difficult. Also, I just don't see him dating anyone seriously before he leaves for Europe in 6 months. Not to be a downer because I really have been trying to follow along and help, but you might be suprised. My ex always said that his greatest fear in life was being alone, and he said he broke up with me mainly because he couldn't take the distance anymore in our LDR and needed someone physically with him. Then he got a new gf within a month that lives in my town. So.... lies. I just feel deep in my heart that we are right for each other on many levels, and that he was lucky to find someone like me who is so supportive of his career even though it involves moving around a lot and being away from each other, and so supportive of his relationship with his daughter, and so willing to help him apply to grad school and listen to all the problems/concerns he has regarding his ex-wife and his daughter. I felt I was so understanding and compassionate toward his difficult situation, and I was never appreciated for that. For some reason, he never felt comfortable enough to open up and talk to me about things that were bothering him. But even so, I tried to be patient and accepting of everything. And what did I get in return? DUMPED. You don't know for sure that you weren't appriciated. Maybe he was/is still struggling with his divorce on some level and just doesn't know how to handle it or talk to you about it. Maybe he thought he wanted a new relationship, but then decided he was still confused about what he wants. Maybe you two seem great for each other, but the timing just isn't right in his life right now. Focus on getting past him and stop obsessing, and if you guys are supposed to be together you two will reconnect later. But you can't force it. He said he needs time and then he will contact you. You just have to trust him on that, and if he never does then it isn't meant to be because he won't be able to love you the way you want him to. Focus on realizing that you can get on with your life without him now, and just let whatever happens in the future happen.
Author jussie Posted May 7, 2013 Author Posted May 7, 2013 I apologize if the following totally makes it seem that you wasted your time replying. I meant to post this yesterday, but I was in no condition to do anything: First of all, to address any confusion, when I said "so long or so seriously" I just meant in general, I was not referring to this past relationship, which I agree was very short. I just feel like none of my relationships were all that long (longest was 1.5 years, but it was a mutual break-up) and I really have no experience being the dumper, so I don't really know the mindset of a dumper. That's all I was trying to say. Anyways... UPDATE A friend of mine informed me last night that he is back on the dating website where we met, AND IT'S ONLY BEEN 10 DAYS since our break-up. She emailed me a screenshot of his dating profile to prove it. I was in complete shock. I was extremely angry and couldn't believe it. Now I just feel so STUPID for ever having thought that I meant anything to him and ever thinking we could get back together! I mean, if he can get back online so quickly after the break-up, it must mean that he got over me really quickly, or was already over me before we actually broke up, which means he led me on, in which case he is an *******! I had a friend tell me that, just because he's back online doesn't mean he's over me or feeling great about everything; that he's just super lonely and this is his way of coping with the break-up - just slap a band-aid on it instead of actually dealing with the emotions. I had another friend tell me that I shouldn't care, that he doesn't owe me anything - he is allowed to move on as fast or slow as he wants - and I shouldn't let his actions affect me. EASIER SAID THAN DONE. I guess I'd like to know more about where his mindset is at. I mean, just 3 days ago he said, "Just give me some time and I'm definitely going to be hitting you up about things in the future." How the hell can he say that with a straight face? Does he think I'm actually going to want to spend time with him knowing that he moved on so quickly, or knowing that he's out there on dates with other girls???????? REALLY?????? I understand that this is a great catalyst to get me to move on faster. But at the end of the day, I just feel like the whole relationship meant nothing to him if he's able to just move on at the drop of a hat.
CorridorE Posted May 7, 2013 Posted May 7, 2013 I do understand how you feel. My ex of three years cheated on me, but when he told me about what he had done he said he regretted it and wanted to work things out. Then about a week later he said he had fallen out of love with me, and needed space to figure things out and said he didn't want to be involved with anyone right now. He said goodbye, but he said it wasn't forever and we would talk in the furute. Then, less than a month later he's in a new relationship and I haven't heard from him in over two months. It's so heartbreaking when people can move on so fast and forget about you... I thought I was his everything and now I too feel like the entire relationship was a waste and that I meant nothing to him. Only I had given him three years and almost married him before all this happened.
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