lavenderlove Posted May 3, 2013 Posted May 3, 2013 How the hell did we get to this point? Sometimes I wake up and think hey we loved each other how did this happen? How could we let it go so off the trail? Besides, from everywhere around me comes this message: be independent, be strong, and it makes sense, it helps not to get involved with people out of need. But when I feel independent and strong which happens to me most my days nowadays I feel very sad in the same time. It just doesn't feel right. We are not meant to be independent of others and especially not meant to be without a partner, not physically, not mentally, not emotionally. That would mean we succeed in life by standing tall and alone, and being happy about it. It has been two months now, we have gone through sterile conduct, no contact, "hey how is going?", sending furious e-mails and now I just wonder how did this all happen. I feel like I just woke up from this nightmare. I am on the outside. I am seeing my life from very far and not just him, but the totally random life circumstances that I have found myself in. New job, new town, new friends, financial independence, going to gym, my life has completely changed since a couple of months ago...I am a different person. I am going over to pick up the last piece of baggage from his place tomorrow, a parcel from home that has been lost in the mail for two months. I don't want him back. I know I have always seen something in him that wasn't there. Now I know it's not there. I will see him tomorrow, and I will remind myself that it isn't there.
OwlSoul Posted May 3, 2013 Posted May 3, 2013 How the hell did we get to this point? Sometimes I wake up and think hey we loved each other how did this happen? How could we let it go so off the trail? Someone found the partner not good enough.
Author lavenderlove Posted May 4, 2013 Author Posted May 4, 2013 Maybe you are right. Maybe it's just perception.
Am4Real Posted May 4, 2013 Posted May 4, 2013 You're not alone, all of us feel that way at some point after the break up and say "WTF happened to us"? The thing is, we know the answer and are not ready to deal with it. See TaraMaidens posting of THAT's NOT KARMA... If you can understand her posting, you will understand why it happened. Once you understand, we MUST learn from it to avoid cycling in similar format "again" with the next person.
Am4Real Posted May 4, 2013 Posted May 4, 2013 Here you go: LINK HERE This one is even more beneficial IMO: LINK HERE
Author lavenderlove Posted May 5, 2013 Author Posted May 5, 2013 Thanks Am I reached closure today with my Ex. I woke up this morning and saw everything in such clarity about the dynamics of my eight year relationship with him, all the deep underlying currents have become visible and I felt very calm and honest with myself for the first time in months. So I wrote down all the reasons and issues that made me act the way I have throughout the relationship outlining every major turningpoint, and problematic times we had, I e-mailed him, because he previously expressed that he is there for me should I need him, and this time I needed him just to read and react to my words with the the same openness and honesty and tell me his part of the story. He suggested to meet up. I picked a park, he agreed, I bought two beers, he brought a packet of cigarettes (we don't smoke daily, only occasionally at times like this) and ten minutes later we were there facing each other. We both sat down with nothing to gain or lose and I listened to him very carefully. There was no bickering, no blaming just putting everything into perspective and understanding it all as it is and as it was. And in the process I realised that letting go of this relationship was the best thing that happened to me in years, because his reasons have completed my picture of him, and this portrait that became so clear I instantly recognised as that part of him that I could never connect with. A part I don't want to connect with and so I just don't feel the same way about him anymore. And this is not because he is not doing well, or he is a shadow of himself, it is just that his priorities have shifted so much towards a specific direction I cannot identify myself with them anymore. (By the way I am even a bit jealous of some of his progress he has achieved in his work, the kind of things that I am very much in need of, but just can't master up the flame.) So it's not because he spiralled down, it's the opposite, he is inspired, energetic and happy in his way and still that person I fell in love with is completely gone. So all in all I feel free, no regrets, no resentment, no anger. I feel literally lighter.
Am4Real Posted May 5, 2013 Posted May 5, 2013 That is honesty with one's self. I wish you all of the best now and with your future discoveries. My signature line seems most appropriate for you this morning, doesn't it? Best of luck and good times... Thanks Am I reached closure today with my Ex. I woke up this morning and saw everything in such clarity about the dynamics of my eight year relationship with him, all the deep underlying currents have become visible and I felt very calm and honest with myself for the first time in months. So I wrote down all the reasons and issues that made me act the way I have throughout the relationship outlining every major turningpoint, and problematic times we had, I e-mailed him, because he previously expressed that he is there for me should I need him, and this time I needed him just to read and react to my words with the the same openness and honesty and tell me his part of the story. He suggested to meet up. I picked a park, he agreed, I bought two beers, he brought a packet of cigarettes (we don't smoke daily, only occasionally at times like this) and ten minutes later we were there facing each other. We both sat down with nothing to gain or lose and I listened to him very carefully. There was no bickering, no blaming just putting everything into perspective and understanding it all as it is and as it was. And in the process I realised that letting go of this relationship was the best thing that happened to me in years, because his reasons have completed my picture of him, and this portrait that became so clear I instantly recognised as that part of him that I could never connect with. A part I don't want to connect with and so I just don't feel the same way about him anymore. And this is not because he is not doing well, or he is a shadow of himself, it is just that his priorities have shifted so much towards a specific direction I cannot identify myself with them anymore. (By the way I am even a bit jealous of some of his progress he has achieved in his work, the kind of things that I am very much in need of, but just can't master up the flame.) So it's not because he spiralled down, it's the opposite, he is inspired, energetic and happy in his way and still that person I fell in love with is completely gone. So all in all I feel free, no regrets, no resentment, no anger. I feel literally lighter.
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