YWONTHETELLME Posted September 23, 2004 Posted September 23, 2004 Hi everyone! My bf and I have been together for 7 months now. We are in love..he tells me I'm his soulmate..and I love him sooo much. Yesterday we were talking about sex and he said he never knew what sex was till he met me..thats cool but then and I know I'm dumb for not asking this question in the beginning of us dating..but....Heres the convo.... Me:Your a manwhore babe what do you mean you didn't know sex before me.. Him: What do you think Ive been with like 100 girls or something? Me: Actually I've never asked you..how many have you been with? Him: You never asked and I want to keep it that way I dont want to talk about it. I changed the subject. But I think I deserve to know...Should I ask him again or wait till he tells me. Its eating me alive..Why wont he tell me how many girls..he knows how many guys I have been with... We've been together 7 months I think I should know....
SoleMate Posted September 23, 2004 Posted September 23, 2004 First piece of advice...don't call him a "manwhore". Whether you intended this as funny or not, it's offensive. Your questions is, "Why won't he tell me?" There are lots of reasons. He may worry about your reaction, and with good reason. I can understand you wanting to know. If you could turn back time, you might consider asking this question BEFORE you become an item. That way, if he absolutely won't tell you and you want to know, you can just move on with no harm done. What importance does that past have in your mind? We are the sum of our experiences and actions...and you see the result of the past in the kind of person he is today. Is your relationship good other than this?
faux Posted September 23, 2004 Posted September 23, 2004 I could understand it if you had asked him, "How many girls have you slept with?", at the beginning of your relationship, or before you got serious. You have been together for seven months now, however, and you never asked him. Apparently his tally did not matter to you, and it still should not. If it did not bother you back then, why is it bothering you now? I do think that people should share this information, but usually that is done far before anything sexual happens. When I think I am going to get closer with someone, I might ask "How many people?", and if there was ever any risky business, such as drug use or lack of safer sex practices. I think SoleMate brings up a few good points. Up until now, were you happy with everything in the relationship? If he tells you that he has slept with thirty-five, seventy-four, or one hundred, sixty-three women is that going to change things between you forever? Why did you wait until NOW to ask him this question? I am of the opinion that the woman count did not matter much to you, and that it may very well not be important for you to know about. I hope you did ask if there was ever anything risky in the past, and have established that you are both physically healthy.
Merin Posted September 23, 2004 Posted September 23, 2004 Originally posted by SoleMate First piece of advice...don't call him a "manwhore". Whether you intended this as funny or not, it's offensive. Your questions is, "Why won't he tell me?" There are lots of reasons. He may worry about your reaction, and with good reason. I can understand you wanting to know. If you could turn back time, you might consider asking this question BEFORE you become an item. That way, if he absolutely won't tell you and you want to know, you can just move on with no harm done. What importance does that past have in your mind? We are the sum of our experiences and actions...and you see the result of the past in the kind of person he is today. Is your relationship good other than this? I agree 110% Something to think about as well YWONTHETELLME IS there a "Magic number" that would be a deal breaker for you? If he said 5 or 10... would it make a difference to you NOW? Just wondering....
YWONTHETELLME Posted September 23, 2004 Posted September 23, 2004 Its not the number...it's the fact that he is my bestfriend and shares EVERYTHING with me and the fact that he will not share this stupid piece of information is driving me insane.... I love him and I fell in love with him not knowing the number and knowing the number wont change anything but why does he have to be mysterious with me and not tell me? If its soo dumb as he says then why not tell me? We have both been checked so health is not an issue..thats why I guess I never asked.. But I feel that if he'll keep that from me what else will he keep? you know Im just really shocked that for once he does not want to tell me something. we share everything:( Im kinda sad about it.
JessicaAlmond Posted September 23, 2004 Posted September 23, 2004 You should've asked in the beginning before getting involved in a serious relationship, if the number bothered you that much. I personally agree with everyone else you didnt know and it didnt stop you from loving him so what difference does it make now... Besides he told you he didnt know what sex was till he met you... Those are some serious words right there girlfriend! You shouldnt be worried about anything.
UCFKevin Posted September 23, 2004 Posted September 23, 2004 Don't ask a question you aren't ready to hear the answer to. It's in the past. Leave it there.
JessicaAlmond Posted September 23, 2004 Posted September 23, 2004 Kev is that really you? If so...has anyone ever told you, u kinda look like Ben Affleck?
Merin Posted September 23, 2004 Posted September 23, 2004 Originally posted by UCFKevin Don't ask a question you aren't ready to hear the answer to. It's in the past. Leave it there. Amen to that!
savethedrama4allama Posted September 23, 2004 Posted September 23, 2004 Originally posted by YWONTHETELLME Yesterday we were talking about sex and he said he never knew what sex was till he met me.. Hello...this is the compliment of the century. If he slept with 1 or 2 girls, that isn't much of a compliment, but as the number of partners gets higher it becomes much more so. What does it matter how many? (Unless he grills you about how many you've had- turnabout is fair play.) If that isn't the case, just revel in the fact that you are tha shii and leave it at that.
Mr Spock Posted September 23, 2004 Posted September 23, 2004 Originally posted by YWONTHETELLME Hi everyone! My bf and I have been together for 7 months now. We are in love..he tells me I'm his soulmate..and I love him sooo much. Yesterday we were talking about sex and he said he never knew what sex was till he met me..thats cool but then and I know I'm dumb for not asking this question in the beginning of us dating..but....Heres the convo.... Me:Your a manwhore babe what do you mean you didn't know sex before me.. Him: What do you think Ive been with like 100 girls or something? Me: Actually I've never asked you..how many have you been with? Him: You never asked and I want to keep it that way I dont want to talk about it. I changed the subject. But I think I deserve to know...Should I ask him again or wait till he tells me. Its eating me alive..Why wont he tell me how many girls..he knows how many guys I have been with... We've been together 7 months I think I should know.... It's none of your business.
Girlie Posted September 23, 2004 Posted September 23, 2004 Guess I'd rather hear "I don't want to talk about it" rather than "You know, I'm really not sure.":laugh: (something on of my exes said...egad!).
Mr Spock Posted September 24, 2004 Posted September 24, 2004 Once you get over 10 it's hard to keep track.
UCFKevin Posted September 24, 2004 Posted September 24, 2004 Kev is that really you? If so...has anyone ever told you, u kinda look like Ben Affleck? <sigh>
DerangedAngel Posted September 24, 2004 Posted September 24, 2004 Yes, I think he hears it a lot, Jessica. -DA
Pookette Posted September 24, 2004 Posted September 24, 2004 Does it really matter? If you think about it, does the number of girls he slept with really affect your relationship? I've never understood why this matters in a relationship, unless he's your first or you're his first blah blah. My husband doesn't know how many I've slept with, and I don't know how many chicks he's slept with. I prefer it that way.
billybadass36 Posted September 30, 2004 Posted September 30, 2004 I just got asked this question and I lied, rounding WAY down to avoid looking whore-ish. I then asked her because, ya know, turnabout is fair play. She told me one fewer than my *fake* number. Regardless, I don't believe her because she would probably lie for the same reason I did. We're both liars. What's the point? If she'd told me an astronomical number would I have broken it off? No. In short, we don't know anything more about each other after answering the question than we did beforehand.
savethedrama4allama Posted September 30, 2004 Posted September 30, 2004 I won't give specific numbers but I will tell them that I can count on one hand (okay if I had an extra finger, but give me a break)
She's Come Undone Posted September 30, 2004 Posted September 30, 2004 I am in the "it's none of your business" crowd. Actually, I'd probably put a d*mn in there. So long as he is forthwith in disclosing any pertinent information before engaging in a sexual relationship with you, you really have no "right" to know. Can you stand my use of such big words??? LOL Ben, I mean Kevin. Me no see you on Scrubs??
Stellar Posted October 1, 2004 Posted October 1, 2004 There's absolutely no need to know. His past is not your present and vice versa. Besides, it wouldn't matter what number he threw at you, you would question it anyway: "I've slept with 2 girls hun"...."2! My god, I don't believe you". "I've slept with 52 girls"...."52?! My God, I believe you, you tart!" See? It doesn't matter one iota what happened in his past because he's with you now. Whether he'd slept with 2 girls or 102 girls, all his life experiences (including sexual) have shaped him into the person he is now...the person you've fallen for. Remember - none of this happened while the 2 of you were together, so it's completely irrelevant and doesn't change the person you fell in love with.
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