egalew Posted May 3, 2013 Posted May 3, 2013 (edited) Recently, I went on a date with a man I met online. During the course of the meal, he said something -- can't remember what -- that seemed off. So I asked: "Wait a minute. Are you married?" "Yes," he said, very casually, matter-of-fact. Never flinched. He then proceeded to tell me with great bravo that he had two long term affairs, one of which just finished, and both of the women fell in love with him. It was clearly a badge of honor to have accomplished such a feat. "I don't fall in love," he said smugly. "And it was very heady, having these women want me." I cringed and all I could think was, "Is this how my exMM feels? Is this what he says about me?" He didn't know me or my story. I am six months from a D-day. These past six months have been extremely difficult, with me experiencing a full range of emotions that come post affair, while questioning every little aspect of the affair, myself and my exMM. Thus, as sick and disgusted as a I was by this person, it provided me a "glimpse" into the mind of the MM and I sat quietly and listened. The real shocker was that he thought he was so cool, intellectual and sophisticated about his affairs. Toward the end of the meal, he proposition me and I, of course, said no. He said he'd honor and then proceeded to e-mail and try to re-engage me. I, like many, wanted to think my exOM was different. A nice guy just trapped in a bad marriage. Someone who genuinely cared about me. That I meant something to him. Yet, when I heard this man carry on, I saw shadows of my exMM. A couple years ago, I might have been a tad bit more tolerant of this guy. But now I'm sick. Edited May 3, 2013 by egalew 1
IfWishesWereHorses Posted May 3, 2013 Posted May 3, 2013 Bless you! Don't know how you made it through! It's too bad when people can't see how foolish they look! I don't think ALL MM are like that, a good bit are! It's a game of cat and mouse! Can't believe he is so bold as to show you his hand like that though! 2
underwater2010 Posted May 3, 2013 Posted May 3, 2013 I guess we can give him credit for being up front about his marriage. But OMG. I am pretty sure that most of the online dating is frequented by MM and serial cheaters. May I suggest finding dates from people you know, church, school etc. It should lessen the chances of a MM meeting up with you. Sorry that was your date experience so soon after ending the affair. HUGS
Author egalew Posted May 3, 2013 Author Posted May 3, 2013 I am a very social person with a high level job. Just don't meet people other means. The shocking thing for me was how casual and blasé he was about the affair and the women. There was a predator instinct in him showing, which I now see is the underline trait of these men. As I said, pre-affair I would have had a different taken. But having been the other women, spending months on this board, reading posts, seeing, feeling and hearing the pain of others, I found what he said shocking. 3
SweetBella1 Posted May 3, 2013 Posted May 3, 2013 WOW! That guy's an emotional sadist. Did he have "single" on his profile? I often wonder the same thing, did I mean anything to exMM or is he somewhere right now, telling a new OW that I couldn't handle our relationship because I fell in love with him? (Actually, that was true so he wouldn't be lying.) He very well might be, but damn, I don't want to think of him being so flippant about me. I have to hold on to some shred of self esteem! Good observation. It's a wake up call, for sure!
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