nevadagirl Posted May 3, 2013 Posted May 3, 2013 Weird little story. About 7 years ago I was way into games and had several gamer friends. I'm not a gamer anymore and most of them aren't either, but over the years I actually met a lot of my old gamer friends in person and it was always a good, positive experience. We became friends in and out of game. I recently moved to a new city and knew one of these old friends was from this area so I contacted him a few months ago to say hi and that I'd be moving to his city soon and that we should meet up. He said he'd love to and to let him know when I got settled. I contacted him a few days ago about of all random things in the world, potentially going country line dancing with me. I'd recently made friends with a girl up here that really wanted to go, and I remembered that this old gamer friend of mine loved to dance, so it seemed like win win and a fun way to meet. Turns out that he was a regular at a bar that did line dancing regularly. It's about 40 miles from where I live and I asked if he'd be interested in going out there this past weekend. Originally my new friend (the girl) was going to come but turns out she couldn't, so I Just invited my roommate to come along (a guy). I didn't tell the gamer friend this but it hardly seemed to matter. It was a bar, it was line dancing, and it wasn't a DATE. But I felt a little awkward honestly because we hadn't talked in so long and I was worried that we'd really have nothing to talk about but YOLO so we go and I met him. He didn't make eye contact with me at all. He only met my gaze a few times. It was really disconcerting. I'm pretty easy going so often even in awkward situations I'm pretty okay but I just can't put my finger on what went wrong here. My roommate is very personable and chatted amicably with him but it all seemed very one sided. So we line danced and oldgamerfriend helped me learn some dances, danced with me at one point, and we had sorta awkward chats in breaks in the dances. But I don't know WHY they were awkward. I don't know why he couldn't or wouldn't look me in the eye when he was talking to me. For one he's a lawyer so it's not like speaking is a challenge for him and two he's also an actor. I was very surprised by his...whatever that was. When we said bye he said something or other about some sushi place that him and his friends go to in the city and that he was sure we'd see each other again sometime and he'd be sure to let me know when he came to the city for sushi or whatever, but again he wasn't looking at me and it just sounded like...I dunno. A lie? He texted me the next day said he hoped that my roommate and I had fun and asked me how the drive home was. That gave me a little hope that maybe there was a potential there for a friendship so I responded nicely and with a little joke. To which he said nothing. It was really odd and disappointing. Did he just flat out not like me? Have no interest in talking to me? That's honestly how I feel it was. Like perhaps all either of us had was a mild interest in meeting someone we used to know but then it was like whatever.
baRx Posted May 6, 2013 Posted May 6, 2013 i'm surprised no one responded to this. maybe he thought it was supposed to be more date-like, and when you showed up with a guy you neglected to tell him about, he probably got put off. i think he was just being polite about the sushi thing and texted you the next day so you didn't think he was completely weirded out, but who am i to know? oh, next time - can you avoid the whole YOLO thing?
SincereOnlineGuy Posted May 7, 2013 Posted May 7, 2013 I can't decide which is more baffling: that you actually did that to someone... or that you can't figure out what you did. First of all, guys have zero interest in being your friend when in reality they wouldn't rather be banging you. (exceptions for family, coworkers, neighbors, etc.) Whether this was (formally) a "date" or not, doesn't matter. You terribly insensitively brought a (male) third wheel without even running it by the guy beforehand. I can't believe you condescended to actually dance with gamer guy at one point. Why give up your perfect evening with your third-wheel-buddy to go and dance with the gamer guy (at one point, no less)?? No matter whether you didn't have to classify this as a "date" (on your Facebook page, to the other girls at your office, or on your dating profile), there is every reason to perceive that this man was exploring romantic interest IN you. And now you've done this to him! Do you think it would have been appropriate for this gamer guy to go on this NON-date if he were involved in a serious romantic relationship with a woman at home?? Gee, why not???
Author nevadagirl Posted May 7, 2013 Author Posted May 7, 2013 I was wondering why no one responded to this too and then the two responses I get are idiotic. I hadn't talked to this guy in oh about 6 years. There was absolutely nothing romantic about this date. He also was already under the impression that I was bringing a friend of mine, it just turns out that one friend couldn't come so I substituted it for another. "First of all, guys have zero interest in being your friend when in reality they wouldn't rather be banging you." Oh vomit. What are you, 14? Grow up.
LuckyLady13 Posted May 7, 2013 Posted May 7, 2013 Nevadagirl, as you can see, there are men out there that actually (in this day and age) feel that if they go anywhere with a woman, it's about sex or a date and get really angry to be in a friend zone. I'm pretty sure that these guys though don't have any women friends (which seems obvious from what they say) and I'm guessing no girlfriend or wife either because most people in free countries in 2013 realize being friends is how to get to know someone to see if you'd even want to ever date them. But now that that's out of the way, the no eye contact issue. I've met people in life every once in a long while who make no eye contact and it catches me off guard (since it's rare for me) and I never know how to handle them, what to think of them and get so confused! Some people just don't make eye contact with people. This old gamer friend of yours could be either one so the best thing is just ask him about it. See what he says and clear things up and move on from there. Tell him you noticed he didn't really make eye contact with you and you were just wondering why and want to make sure nothing is wrong. If he's used to having women friends, he might not make eye contact with people as a usual habit and it had nothing to do with you. And he might just straight out tell you that's a thing with him. Really, it could be nothing, or...like SincereOnlineGuy feels, this guy may feel you "did this to him" and might be really angry. You should find out either way though, shouldn't you? Only he himself can tell you what's going through his head. Nobody on LS can really know how he feels or what he's thinking.
ooglesnboogles Posted May 7, 2013 Posted May 7, 2013 I don't exactly agree with SincereOnlineGuy, but it's kinda hard to avoid his point from a less-brash point of view. Even if your gamer friend didn't classify it as a date (and went into it with a mindset like you), he may have been hopeful that it might open the possibility of something happening in the future. Exploring the possibilities with an open mindset of "either way, let's give it a try" (YOLO, I suppose) The difference of bringing along your female friend verses your male friend is big. I had a female friend a while back; we typically hung out in group settings but every now and then it was just the two of us. Neither of us was interested in the other, we just liked hanging out (for the guys who don't believe me, yes, she was hot, but I wouldn't have been able to stand a relationship with her). One time, when we met up she said she had a friend who was going to meet us (told me once we got there). Well, she and this guy ended up having a great time hanging out and I was very thrown off by him. Again, I didn't have any sexual intentions with this girl, but I felt unsure where my place was, like the third wheel on a date. Now I'm not accusing you of doing something like that, just throwing the idea out there that maybe your gamer friend felt like he was suddenly the third wheel. Did you clarify that the male friend you brought was your roommate? Even if the gamer didn't see it as a date, the surprise of it may have been enough to rattle his cage a bit. If your friend had been a girl, he probably would have felt a little more relaxed. If we were to assume he was 'exploring the possibilities', he probably would have seen her as the reinforcement: impress the friend and it makes him look even better. Ok, so, the no-eye-contact thing. Speaking as someone who absolutely hates eye-contact, it doesn't necessarily improve even if he's an actor and a lawyer. Those are defined roles where he'd be able to relax and go with his instincts/confidence/skills/etc. I have much less trouble looking people in the eyes when I'm playing music with my friends, but when we go to grab some pizza afterwards, I just don't look at them much. For me, it just feels weird and unnecessary. I've gotten better at it, but I start to get nervous and twitchy when I look people in the eyes... An absolutely terrible trait for interviews and asking girls out, neh? But yeah, it sounds to me like he was put off by either your friend being there or something else altogether. How do we know, maybe he almost ran over a squirrel on the way there and was startled by that? 1
ooglesnboogles Posted May 7, 2013 Posted May 7, 2013 Oh by the way, I gotta say, you're lucky to have met your gamer friends in person. I was really into a certain online first-person shooter that had a limited pool of players (old game at the time, more people playing the new version). We all got to know each other through the game but I don't think any of us met outside the game. I lived within 30 minutes of two of the guys I was buddies with, and a few hours drive from another, but we never met. Now that we've all moved on from that game, there's no way to get back in touch with them. So, consider yourself lucky either way =)
UpwardForward Posted May 7, 2013 Posted May 7, 2013 I'm with those who have suggested your old friend was put-off by your bringing a male friend. (and I'm not even '14') There could always be other reasons. He may already have someone in his life, etc. Since you've already asked him out once, it would seem you have nothing to loose by perhaps waiting a few weeks and calling him again. If he's hesitant, ask him why. At least it will help you to know why you didn't click. I don't think there's a problem w the no eye contact, unless he never looked at you ..
baRx Posted May 7, 2013 Posted May 7, 2013 I was wondering why no one responded to this too and then the two responses I get are idiotic. I hadn't talked to this guy in oh about 6 years. There was absolutely nothing romantic about this date. He also was already under the impression that I was bringing a friend of mine, it just turns out that one friend couldn't come so I substituted it for another. "First of all, guys have zero interest in being your friend when in reality they wouldn't rather be banging you." Oh vomit. What are you, 14? Grow up. The two responses were idiotic? I'm pretty sure my response wasn't anywhere near SincereOnlineGuy's response. I just said MAYBE that could have been the case. Guess what, hun? Just because you haven't spoken to the guy in 6 years doesn't mean that when you hit him up and ask him to go somewhere with you, he's not thinking he has a shot. Guess what else? You said you were bringing a friend, not a male friend. You never said you divulged that information right away, so i'm pretty sure he was under the impression it was a female friend. What are you, 14? So naive.
SincereOnlineGuy Posted May 7, 2013 Posted May 7, 2013 Yeah, she sounds 14, and indeed "7 years ago" she could have been "way into games". Clearly that remains the case. I just can't fathom the O.P.'s logic. She is invited by a man to a bar that does "line dancing regularly", and she stoops to dancing with him "at one point", and she can't figure out why he's mad. She can't even figure out why the chats were "awkward". Speaking of friends, maybe the 13, and the 14, can be playmates here, while the rest of us occupy the adult world.
Author nevadagirl Posted May 12, 2013 Author Posted May 12, 2013 Yeah, she sounds 14, and indeed "7 years ago" she could have been "way into games". Clearly that remains the case. I just can't fathom the O.P.'s logic. She is invited by a man to a bar that does "line dancing regularly", and she stoops to dancing with him "at one point", and she can't figure out why he's mad. She can't even figure out why the chats were "awkward". Speaking of friends, maybe the 13, and the 14, can be playmates here, while the rest of us occupy the adult world. Yup. Idiotic.
SincereOnlineGuy Posted May 13, 2013 Posted May 13, 2013 Always amusing when "idiotic" wins the day by a 4-to-1 count. That's a sure sign of idiocy, and that the OP was absolutely right to lead-on some guy from the past and lure him somewhere only to ignore him for all but "one point" during the evening. Whose idiotic thought process justifies doing something so idiotic?? Now what say you get off of your high horse and conduct yourself in the future according to the real world?
Author nevadagirl Posted May 17, 2013 Author Posted May 17, 2013 Always amusing when "idiotic" wins the day by a 4-to-1 count. That's a sure sign of idiocy, and that the OP was absolutely right to lead-on some guy from the past and lure him somewhere only to ignore him for all but "one point" during the evening. Whose idiotic thought process justifies doing something so idiotic?? Now what say you get off of your high horse and conduct yourself in the future according to the real world? I don't know what world you live in but the world I live in women can meet men as friends. How you inferred I "led him on" - I don't even want to know. You are revolting.
gaius Posted May 17, 2013 Posted May 17, 2013 The old stereotype of guys who play video games not being good with women is sometimes true. Did you meet him on world of warcraft? I don't think he would have texted you afterward if he was mad about you bringing a guy friend, or somehow thought it was a date, or didn't like you. He's probably just horrible with intimacy and women so he plays world of warcraft and occasionally goes out and dances to get some physical activity.
Recommended Posts