Stone Posted September 23, 2004 Share Posted September 23, 2004 To make a Extreamly long story short. Me and my b/f just got approved to buy a beautiful home. It is the home of my dreams so today he say's he want's me to withdraw the papers because he is depressed.WHAT!!! I have paid most of the bills in the durration of our relationship, picked his business off the ground, and I am the Bread winner of the relationship. He has bipolor disorder and is having a manic episode right now, not to be insensitive about anything but this is the wrong time to do it. and I am sorry but if he pulls out of this deal I am out of there. His rebuttal to that is "you only want me for a house!!" why does he think this he has no money!! Is it wrong for me to split if he pulls out? Yes I dearly love him but I won't be jerked around and I don't take well to being in a relationship without moving foward. I am so upset right now I need another person's objective that is not fumming Thanks love you guys Link to post Share on other sites
Mr Spock Posted September 23, 2004 Share Posted September 23, 2004 ACK!!! Please do not tie yourself financially or legally to this man. You love him yes-but you're very young, and he's very f*cked up. Thank your lucky stars he's pulling out. Buy your OWN house, for you. Without him. This is the guy that OK'd you cheating BTW...... Take a step back, and evaluate things. Link to post Share on other sites
YellowLioness Posted September 23, 2004 Share Posted September 23, 2004 It is the home of my dreams so today he say's he want's me to withdraw the papers because he is depressed.WHAT!!! I have paid most of the bills in the durration of our relationship, picked his business off the ground, and I am the Bread winner of the relationship. So, why are you with this guy? I think you could do better. He has bipolor disorder and is having a manic episode right now, not to be insensitive about anything but this is the wrong time to do it. and I am sorry but if he pulls out of this deal I am out of there. His rebuttal to that is "you only want me for a house!!" why does he think this he has no money!! I don't blame you, Heather. It's not fair for him to jerk you around, no matter what kind of mental disorder that he has. I myself am bi-polar. Sometimes it is hard to control how you feel. Is he on medication? If he's not, he should be. Also, is he going to therapy? He should talk to his therapist about this situation. Is it wrong for me to split if he pulls out? Yes I dearly love him but I won't be jerked around and I don't take well to being in a relationship without moving foward. No. Not if it's a deal breaker for you. From what I understand, the relationship isn't all that healthy, anyway. All I know is what you've posted, so I don't know about everything. I think that it's not a great idea to get financially tied to someone like this. He's not able to handle what you're asking of him. How much money will you lose if he backs out? Where will you go? From what I'm seeing, you want the commitment and stability of owining your own house; that's not something that someone who has such severe episodes can give you. Link to post Share on other sites
CurlyIam Posted September 23, 2004 Share Posted September 23, 2004 Hi, Stone Ithink love is great, but one cannot live out of love and bread for all their life. My parents have celebrated 25 yeears of marriages and all through mychildhood I'd been the witness of horrific fights over financial issues. They decided to keep it separate, split the bills and are doing great. Lesson learned: unless he calls me his wife, I'm not paying for one bill of his. Never. Not does he pay any of mine. This way we have better chances of a clean relationship. Listen to Spock. She's soooo right.And not because he has a medical issue, but because it is better and safer for you. Remember you have someone to take care of other than you! Want to make it square? Split the rest of the bills, make him take you on exquisit vacations, but buy the house yourself. I'm being a b!tch here, but hey, life ain't fair either ! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Stone Posted September 23, 2004 Author Share Posted September 23, 2004 Why do I deal with this? Because when he isn't having an episode he's wonderful. and I have a special needs son who ador's this man. My son's father walked out on him when he got sick and this man my b/f has been so wonderful to my son. It's so hard to take care of my child by myself and I couldn't ask for a better father for him Link to post Share on other sites
EnigmaXOXO Posted September 23, 2004 Share Posted September 23, 2004 You know Heather, I can absolutely see where he's coming from. Sorry for the honesty. But if my partner had just recently announced that he/she wasn't satisfied "sexually" in our relationship and asked for permission to fulfill those needs elsewhere, I might be second guessing the stability and/or long-term potential of that relationship as well. He'd have to be a complete idiot not to recognize the very real risk that you might meet someone else and leave him. If in his position, I'd be cautious about any financial entanglements at this point, too. People will gladly invest their hearts, but only fools would gamble away their assetts on a risky bet. Remember---although he doesn't know it yet---you just about threw yourself on your real estate agent. Perhaps it was just "a kiss" to you, but what it says about your commitment to this relationship speaks volumes. Yes, I understand that he is good with your son and this is one of the reasons you have decided to stick around and try to work things out. But in the end honey, if you step outside of yourself and your own "wants" and "needs" for just a moment…and try to see things from his point of view…you are a loose cannon right now. And you know it. Can you really be angry with him for being a little more intuitive than you gave him credit for? I wouldn't co-sign a d*mn thing either (whether current earnings or future) until I was certain my partner had gotten their head together and decided one way or another whether they had both feet "in" this relationship for the long haul or not. OF COURSE he's starting to feel "used!" If you are the bread winner, and want this house badly enough, then why not just go ahead and purchase it on your own and leave his name off of the title. This way, if anything does happen to your relationship some time down the road, you won't have to get mixed up in messy property settlements and lose the roof over your head. If you want something bad enough, isn't it better to just do it yourself rather than rely on someone else? Link to post Share on other sites
CurlyIam Posted September 23, 2004 Share Posted September 23, 2004 I understand, but if you ever breakup,I mean if he ever gets tired of you and he leaves, it means you'll be in debt and have no house. Don't put the two of you to such a risk. And don't think you're anything but alone. Stay real, Stone, it will keep you out of troubles... Link to post Share on other sites
loveregardless Posted September 23, 2004 Share Posted September 23, 2004 although I'm not sure that is actually what is going on, it is a very good point to consider. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Stone Posted September 23, 2004 Author Share Posted September 23, 2004 Well his mother just called me and told me that he acts this way every couple years and he has his whole life!! She said if I we're smart I would leave him because I have alot going for me and he will never offer me anything. and he doesn't want to get better.... That being said I called him and told him not to come home this evening.... I don't think I have a decision to make anylonger.... It's over I am just worried about my son now and I am sure I have a long heart broken road ahead of me. I wanted to thank all of you on LS for always being there... This is the best place in the world and even though I will probably never meet any of you, I will always consider you good friends. Thanks for caring about me Link to post Share on other sites
EnigmaXOXO Posted September 23, 2004 Share Posted September 23, 2004 I'm hoping you still go through with the purchase of the new house. What a great way to manifest and make tangible this new chapter in your life and keep your thoughts focused and busy on positive change! After my divorce, I spent two years fixing up and redoing the entire house…and it felt GOOD to vent my frustrations on ripping out the old and replacing with the new. It was almost like an emotional purge or "high" (…or maybe I was just buzzed on the paint fumes) Depending on your son's age, it might also provide a good distraction for him. Maybe you can keep him busy helping with the ideas for his new room. Let him do it up the way he wants. If any man deserves to depend on you (emotionally or financially)…it's your little guy. Cause he's the one who needs you the most. How he sees mommy handle this will make all the difference in the world on the kind of "man" he grows into. Link to post Share on other sites
meanon Posted September 23, 2004 Share Posted September 23, 2004 I don't think I have a decision to make anylonger.... It's over I am just worried about my son now and I am sure I have a long heart broken road ahead of me. This has been on the cards for a while now, stoneheather. Hugs to you. There will be some tough times ahead but at least now you have a chance of making a happy life for yourself and your son. Make sure you get some time to yourself. Find that sitter, teach them to sign Link to post Share on other sites
aFighter Posted September 23, 2004 Share Posted September 23, 2004 In my opinion you weren't very committed to him anyway. I wonder who's doing who a favor here? Link to post Share on other sites
Mr Spock Posted September 23, 2004 Share Posted September 23, 2004 Yes, and stoneheather your special needs son DESERVES a good role model-no matter HOW nice this guy is, someone with bipolar disorder isn't going to be very stable emotionally. You need to stop shopping for a father and start shopping for a boyfriend. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Stone Posted September 24, 2004 Author Share Posted September 24, 2004 Originally posted by aFighter In my opinion you weren't very committed to him anyway. I wonder who's doing who a favor here? How do you fuigure? I've always been open and honest.... and I am dammed sure he will come crying back in a couple days....... They all do!! I just wont tolerate it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Stone Posted September 24, 2004 Author Share Posted September 24, 2004 Originally posted by meanon Make sure you get some time to yourself. Find that sitter, teach them to sign Thanks meanon ........ I do need to do that Link to post Share on other sites
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