Compromize Posted May 3, 2013 Posted May 3, 2013 Question for all of you going through/being put through a BU: Has anyone had an ex contact them, tell you they want you back, but not yet..? My ex did this to me. Called me, said she wanted me back, but was not ready for it yet. Or as time goes by I take that as never? Have not heard from her since the day after the phone call, almost 2 weeks. Anyone else ever have this happen to them and if so, more than once and what was the outcome?
TearyEyedPride Posted May 3, 2013 Posted May 3, 2013 "She wants you back, but she's not ready for it yet" = She doesn't want you back, right now. Ultimately it's a well-worded breadcrumb to boggle your mind. 1
Author Compromize Posted May 3, 2013 Author Posted May 3, 2013 "She wants you back, but she's not ready for it yet" = She doesn't want you back, right now. Ultimately it's a well-worded breadcrumb to boggle your mind. That's exactly what it is at face value. It has boggled my mind and left me in a weird place of a tiny fraction of hope that I probably shouldn't have and some in-deference. But I am doing what I have been doing and working on myself as a single person and trying to find happiness in that. Ultimately when and if I enter another relationship I will be a better man and potential partner for it. I don't think I will hear from her again but in this case I would like to be proven wrong.
McGriff Posted May 3, 2013 Posted May 3, 2013 This puts her in the perfect position to have her cack and eat it too. You are put in a position to wait, hope---while she can do as she pleases until the time comes, IF it ever does. That's bullsh*t. 2
thefooloftheyear Posted May 3, 2013 Posted May 3, 2013 That has got to be the dumbest thing I have ever heard posted on this site... I would have sarcastically said, "Sure, no problem. Ill wait here like an idiot until your current boyfriend dumps you. Just let me know and Ill be right over":rolleyes: Then I would have said something like "Go shyt in your hat, and wear it" Sheesh.... TFY 4
Author Compromize Posted May 3, 2013 Author Posted May 3, 2013 That has got to be the dumbest thing I have ever heard posted on this site... I would have sarcastically said, "Sure, no problem. Ill wait here like an idiot until your current boyfriend dumps you. Just let me know and Ill be right over" Then I would have said something like "Go shyt in your hat, and wear it" Sheesh.... TFY Well do I kind some kind of prize at least?! It was the ultimate breadcrumb I know and an extreme act of selfishness. I was just curious if anyone else had ever had it happen as well. I have no excuses, love has made me do some stupid shyt but I am not waiting on baited breath for her to come back. It appears since there is such a HUGE variety of posts on here and if this is the dumbest I must be the fool of the year
thefooloftheyear Posted May 3, 2013 Posted May 3, 2013 Well do I kind some kind of prize at least?! It was the ultimate breadcrumb I know and an extreme act of selfishness. I was just curious if anyone else had ever had it happen as well. I have no excuses, love has made me do some stupid shyt but I am not waiting on baited breath for her to come back. It appears since there is such a HUGE variety of posts on here and if this is the dumbest I must be the fool of the year Nope....You dont know the half of it:o:laugh: Hey, I didnt mean to be so harsh, but what the hell is she thinking with a comment like that? Effin ridiculous... Hang in there, bro.. Rest assured..You are NOT alone. TFY
SadPanda22 Posted May 3, 2013 Posted May 3, 2013 When my previous ex broke up with me he said, "who knows, maybe we will get back together in two years." Really A-hole?? I don't think so. If you want to be single for a bit so you can eff around, be my guest, but I sure as hell won't be sitting around awaiting your return like some pathetic little lovesick puppy. Don't let this girl string you along. She either wants to be with you or she doesn't. Whether or not the two of you reconcile should not be at her convenience. Sounds like she wants you in her life strictly on her terms, and that isn't fair to you. She sounds like a selfish ass to me. Don't let her use you and string you along, you deserve so much better than that. 2
Author Compromize Posted May 3, 2013 Author Posted May 3, 2013 Nope....You dont know the half of it Hey, I didnt mean to be so harsh, but what the hell is she thinking with a comment like that? Effin ridiculous... Hang in there, bro.. Rest assured..You are NOT alone. TFY It's cool man, I know what you meant, and there are a lot of us who made fools of ourselves for women we love (or loved) and got f'd over in the end. I think she found out that the grass wasn't greener and wanted to at least hear I would take her back, (I said I wanted her back too ) but I thought she was talking about right now, the not yet part came at the end of the conversation. I am not putting any energy into her, just into me and my kids. I can't stop myself from thinking about her but you know how it is.. Don't let this girl string you along. She either wants to be with you or she doesn't. Whether or not the two of you reconcile should not be at her convenience. Sounds like she wants you in her life strictly on her terms, and that isn't fair to you. She sounds like a selfish ass to me. Don't let her use you and string you along, you deserve so much better than that. I keep telling myself this on a daily basis. She does only want me in her life on her terms and her terms only. When I expressed this I was summarily dumped. For my own good so I can "find my happiness and the woman who will give me what I need" Thank you both for the replies!
OwlSoul Posted May 3, 2013 Posted May 3, 2013 I think... previous posters are right. Although, there is a little probability the ex intuitively understands that more time she spends away, more attractive you seem to be for her. 'Wanting to have something, what you do not have'. 1
Am4Real Posted May 3, 2013 Posted May 3, 2013 More than likely she is witness to some desperation and frustration in your ability to process and accept the break up. As a wordsmith, she is letting you down as easy as possible, hoping that as time passes you will get accustomed to life without her and she won’t ever need to be the “bad person” in the break up. Unfortunately, her verbal positioning is doing the exact opposite as you try to comprehend your options and her end-goal. The only thing of significance is knowing this is a break up, a termination, a parting of ways and she does not want to be with you. Accordingly, your only option for moving on is giving her what she wants and working on your healing. To answer your question directly: YES, I have been told that by an EX. We broke up and like you I was never settled with the break up. Six months later she called me to tell me she was engaged. We spoke on the phone for four hours reminiscing our relationship. We ended the conversation with her saying she was to be married in a few months but in her heart felt “we would be together one day”. I didn’t laugh, but did tell her that would not happen and this is good-bye forever. She insisted in her beliefs and we hung up.. Three months later she married. Two months after that she divorced. She called me every month, once per month for the new two years. I would never answer the phone and let her calls go to voicemail. The messages were short but always the same, she wanted to get back together, life without “us” was not the same, it led to her divorce. The calls eventually stopped, geez, I think they halted nearly one and a half to two years ago, so whatever occurred she was finally able to find someone or move on. Regardless, the point of my story is there is a chance they mean what they say but they go ahead with their options to be with someone else or b/u anyway…and to that would you really want to be with someone who did not see you as their only priority in life. I certainly didn’t! 1
FailedFirstLove Posted May 3, 2013 Posted May 3, 2013 umm something similar happened... I asked him if he was gonna ever come bak to me... He told me he doesn't know bu maybe in the future... There's some reason why he can't and maybe he can. Too confusing and the more I think the more confusing it gets. So I try not to think and live life as if he isn't. It's hard 1
bluecrabroll Posted May 3, 2013 Posted May 3, 2013 Same thing happened. "I want to get back with you but I am not ready yet, I still need some time, but don't worry honey everything will work out in the end for us being together." This phrase was said on a monthly basis with me and I trusted her and used it as my beacon of hope while she was mentally preparing to break up with me and when that time came "I've already moved on cause I've had a lot of time to think about it." It could be real or false hope but in the end the fact is that they are not with you and do not want to be with you now. Take her actions for it and try to move on and protect yourself. Hope for the best, prepare for the worst but in the mean time make yourself a better person. 1
Author Compromize Posted May 3, 2013 Author Posted May 3, 2013 (edited) It's hard to not have a little bit of hope when that phone call was the one I was waiting for. But I know she was dating and knows that I knew this and that's partly the reason she called. Not mad at her for dating, just made me sad but we are not together so she can do as she wishes. I was waiting for that day to come to truly say goodbye and it's after I said it that she called me. Holding onto hope would be a foolish thing for me given the fact I haven't heard from her since, even after I initiated contact, instead I am moving forward with the knowledge that at some point in the future she will probably contact me again. I have reached out to her since then and have gotten nothing, as I have gotten so many times in the past. Being ignored makes you in turn want to ignore if they ever do reach out. It's a messed up cycle isn't it? At this point the only thing that would make me believe any of what she said was her doing it. wanting to see me in person. Every day that goes by forces realisation that that day will most likely never come. I will never understand the why of the situation. My mind doesn't operate that way so all I can do is be thankful for the times we had that I cherish and love my kids and myself as much as possible. I do still love her tremendously. Maybe our story's not over but I can't live that hope unless she is there living it with me. I have done everything I can, nothing is in my hands and I have poured out my heart so many times. I leave it up to destiny now. Whatever happens I will be ok, maybe not as happy and fulfilled as I once was or thought my future would be but I will be the best Dad I can be. Edited May 3, 2013 by Compromize
cavalier99 Posted May 3, 2013 Posted May 3, 2013 meh they all say something like this during the BU and or/after (you never know what the future holds) or some BS like that. Means a big fat 0. Id tell her to f*ck off if she ever tries to pull that BS again. But then again you should be NC and she should be blocked so you wont be able to get or read these breadcrumbs! Cav 1
Author Compromize Posted May 4, 2013 Author Posted May 4, 2013 (edited) meh they all say something like this during the BU and or/after (you never know what the future holds) or some BS like that. Means a big fat 0. Id tell her to f*ck off if she ever tries to pull that BS again. But then again you should be NC and she should be blocked so you wont be able to get or read these breadcrumbs! Cav Brutal honesty: I have not yet given up on us. That's why I have yet to block her. Even with all the pain I have been put through and put myself through I have not been able to extinguish the flame I have for her. I know that means all of this that comes with it. I also know that I cannot truly move on or heal. I still want her. I realized that today. For all my bluster I am at where I am at and until either A: She comes back or B: I finally close the door to her once and for all and block all contact, I know I will remain here in this place. Maybe I am wrong but that is probably the real turning point. When you fully realize and accept that it's not going back to what it was, that everything has to die and the door is closed. I'm not there yet. I am back to NC. But it's not really NC if she it NC'ing me so it is what it is. Something will push me over the precipice. Either an event or time. For now I know I can't force myself to feel a certain way or more precisely to not feel. Time is the only thing I have. That does not mean I will pine for her or act like a fool (more than I already have of course) I just need to be realistic about where I am at mentally and emotionally and come to terms with it and heal and learn to love myself naturally rather than trying to force feed myself like I have been. Edited May 4, 2013 by Compromize
CompleteFailure Posted May 4, 2013 Posted May 4, 2013 That has got to be the dumbest thing I have ever heard posted on this site... I would have sarcastically said, "Sure, no problem. Ill wait here like an idiot until your current boyfriend dumps you. Just let me know and Ill be right over":rolleyes: Then I would have said something like "Go shyt in your hat, and wear it" Sheesh.... TFY I laughed out so loud at this, good job sir. A: She comes back or B: I finally close the door to her once and for all and block all contact, I know I will remain here in this place. How about C: You keep continuing to improve your own life, circumstances and yourself. Go out date other women let things flow where they do. Keep it casual, or not. At the same time keep that hope you have small and buried somewhere deep inside your heart. If she ever comes back you'll be having fun and will have choices. 1
Author Compromize Posted May 5, 2013 Author Posted May 5, 2013 How about C: You keep continuing to improve your own life, circumstances and yourself. Go out date other women let things flow where they do. Keep it casual, or not. At the same time keep that hope you have small and buried somewhere deep inside your heart. If she ever comes back you'll be having fun and will have choices. I know this is what I should be doing, I am working on improving myself and my life and my outlook. I just don't have the desire to date anyone yet. Sure there are attractive women but I see them and think of my ex and how beautiful and sexy she was/is. The thought of dating or being with another woman makes me feel like I am cheating on my ex, if that even makes any fu@king sense in any way. I guess that means I need more time to heal. Not going to force anything that I would regret or hurt anyone. Just not there yet. But I have been working out like a beast and will be absolutely shredded for this summer on a positive note. Not bad for an old man lol, give these 20 something year old guys some competition.
Recommended Posts