insomniax Posted May 2, 2013 Posted May 2, 2013 Hello everyone, i am new and had an question that i hope some light can be shed upon. A little backstory on the two of us, we were involved in a 3 year long distance relationship that ended 2 months ago. Things got bad between us, from some faults from me and from her. Things didnt end bad or have bitter feelings attached, i even wrote her a letter about how i was glad she came into my life and that i hope she finds happiness. She texted me after she got it saying she read it several times and it made her cry. We decided that for now (that being 2 months ago) that we were done, which i felt was really needed. I havet spoken a word to her since but miss her everyday. Getting back to my op, out of the blue last night she called crying saying she needed someone to talk to. I say ok whats wrong? She then procedes to say shes sorry and it was a mistake to call and hangs up. Me still caring about her even tho we havent spoken in a bit, text her to make sure shes ok. She goes on to say that i wouldnt be interested in her problem, i tell her that if she wants i will gladly listen. We chat for a bit and i end things telling her to hit me up sometime. I am now a bit confused on what to do, i plan on just letting her come to me and continuing no contact as i have been. I really do miss her and i just wonder if she feels the same? I would like to add the call was at 9 pm so it wanst a middle of the night drunken call. Any insight is much appreciated, thanks.
aisuru Posted May 3, 2013 Posted May 3, 2013 (edited) Awww, I'm sorry. Sounds like she is going through hard time and wants your support, but knows she doesn't deserve your support right now. Let it go for right now. As hard as it is. She needs to figure out whatever is going on in her life right now. Stay strong. Stay no contact. You'll be okay. Edited May 3, 2013 by aisuru
Author insomniax Posted May 3, 2013 Author Posted May 3, 2013 Thank you for your reply, i havent heard from her since and i am keeping myself from contacting her. It is pretty hard being that i really miss her and a big part of me wants her back. I wanted so badly to tell her i miss her but i am not sure if its the right thing to do. I will keep this updated if anything progresses, any more thoughts or ideas are much appreciated.
Sososad Posted May 4, 2013 Posted May 4, 2013 I'm not a expert and probably make too many mistakes. But If you are worried and you believe she's a good person and going through tough times send her a text to ask if she's ok. If your using no contact to try get her Back I'd give up its rare you hear it working but if your a bigger person and think you can handle helping without the relationship I'd ask . You could be opening yourself up to hurt but in my case I would offer my help .. I'm 3 months since breakup now but it's taken that time to be able to say that !
Author insomniax Posted May 4, 2013 Author Posted May 4, 2013 Hello everyone she called again last night. I am not sure how to put this so i will do my best. She said the night she called me crying she tried to kill herself, she said she had a gun and pulled the trigger but the safety was on so it didnt fire. I was pretty shocked by this, she went on to tell me she would make sure the safety was off next time. I am very scared for her well being and also very confused as to why she choose to tell me these things after all this time of not talking to each other. She has gotten professional help in the past and has had a rough time in her earlier years of life. I dont want her to die and still care deeply for her but i am really unsure of what to do.
swiftly333 Posted May 4, 2013 Posted May 4, 2013 She needs help that you cannot provide her. Tell her friends and family and contact the local authorities. She's either being insanely dramatic and asking for attention Or it was a serious cry for help Either way this is a woman who is unstable and you should not get you're self involved with item. You can't save her. And you need to protect yourself. 1
Author insomniax Posted May 5, 2013 Author Posted May 5, 2013 Thank you for the response, i feel really bad for her but its alot to deal with. Its been weighing on my mind if i should try and call her. I texted her yesterday but no response so i am fairly worried. I sent one of her parents a message but no word back, she lives no where close to me (i am in kansas and she is in wisconsin). The distance doesnt help. Shes always been fairly dramatic, i still find it strange for us not speaking for so long she would just come to me with something like this.
candie13 Posted May 5, 2013 Posted May 5, 2013 you know that woman best. there is no "dramatic" character to justify her declared attempt to suicide. there are not "dramatic" and "real" actions. the fact that she is toying with this matter is a HUGE red flag. IMHO, I think you should take firm actions: - no 1. call her and tell her to get professional help NOW - no 2. call her parents and tell her what she did - it is their responsibility to police her, not yours - no 3. call her best friend / closest friends and make sure that they see that she gets mental help until she finds a proper therapist - no 4. talk to her and be extremely FIRM: you are not to be blackmailed into submission. Her first priority needs to be herself. It actually is a matter of life and death. And only after she figures herself out, can she start thinking about her emotional life. You refuse to be responsible for her, for her wellfare or for her state of health... I believe she is very unhappy and in dire need of attention. While I think that after 3 years together, it would be nice to help her out and do the right thing - flag her alarming state of mind to her close family & friends, you should refuse to be her "savior/ scapegoat". 1
Author insomniax Posted May 5, 2013 Author Posted May 5, 2013 Thank for for replying, sadly she has been to therapy several times and on several different kinds of medications. I have a feeling if i just call and try and talk to her she will just hang up and not want to listen. I am a little frustrated that i have to deal with this but i still care so i will do what i can. Even tho its a bad thing to just clam (suicide that is) i hope she doesnt go through with it. She has gotten depressed like this before and i tried so hard to make her realize that her life was worth living. I really dont want to have to go so far as to involve the police but i suppose i will if i have to.... Sigh what a mess... Perhaps its selfish of me but i was just getting over things and really ready to move on and this happens.
candie13 Posted May 5, 2013 Posted May 5, 2013 Take her word for it. Be mad, very very mad if she acts like a high school princess & tell her you are on NO CONTACT since that moment! IMO, you should contact her and check up on her. You know what happens with people who keep "trying" to commit suicide? They almost always end up succeeding. It's serious. And you should absolutely NOT have to put up with someone taking this lightly. I honestly think that if she is not 200% dedicated to staying well and getting help, that she uses her sickness to get attention, you should cut her out of your life. Forever. Up to you to set up the boundaries in your own life. I am a fun girl, generally, but never in a million years will I stand around me someone who jokes around with suicide. INSTANT DEAL BREAKER.
Author insomniax Posted May 5, 2013 Author Posted May 5, 2013 Well i decided to call her, no answer but a text shortly after. I asked if she was alright to which she replied "i am still alive arnt i?". I asked what had caused her to be like that and she wouldnt tell me. I told her that if she really needs help to get some. By her attitude it sounds like a stunt to me, i honestly feel like telling her to delete my number and never speak to me again. She is kinda acting like a high school princess candie, i am fairly irritated now. Thank you for your replys they are helpful.
BlackGoaty Posted May 6, 2013 Posted May 6, 2013 Hey Insomniax, I know many people here would advocate walking away from this girl but when one is under depression, their thoughts just go crazy and no logical explanation can ever explain their actions and for the things they say. Right now, she need some support, if you cannot endure the "hardship" of going through a rough period with her now despite all that love, then walk away now and enforce NO contact because even if you guys were to get back together or get married, there will be a day she will fall through depression and behave in such a manner. If that happens, would you choose to walk away or stay on? I am sure before you knew her, she's already behaving like a high school princess candie. It was just the novelty of the initial dating phase that you chose to overlook everything else. Its your call.
aisuru Posted May 6, 2013 Posted May 6, 2013 Here is how you call out if she's manipulating you or not next time: "If you are feeling suicidal, I feel obligated to call the police in your town right now. If you are not feeling suicidal, but just feel this is the way to get my attention, you need to tell me now. This is not the way to win me over or get my attention. If you are suicidal, you need help that I am not equipped to help you with, but I will do my best to get you that help. Seriously. If you tell me this one more time, I will call the police in your town regardless of what you tell me." And that is it. And then you ignore her. She is MOST likely baiting you, but on the offchance she isn't, you could alert her family so that they can take the responsibility. But if she's manipulating you, you've given her a warning that you're calling her bluff. Sadly, I must admit I did this many many years ago as a teen and my boyfriend responded pretty close to above. I never said it again. I was lost and felt pretty low, but I was manipulating. I wish you all the best. Tough call. Bless you for still caring.
Author insomniax Posted May 8, 2013 Author Posted May 8, 2013 Hello everyone, well there have been some recent developments. I have been chatting with her some and found out some interesting things. Apparently she is dating someone (which i am completly fine and am not sad about) but she told me she started dating him in feburary. Something didnt sit right in my mind, i checked the call log and remembered that we offically split march 10th! Ha! So who knows if or how long she was more or less two timing me behind my back. My sympathy has dropped to almost nothing for her and i most deff will not be getting back with her. I texted her asking why she decided to call me instead of this guy she is seeing but no response. In the same text i also asked why she is so sad, being that she wanted to split on account that she was "so unhappy". She has no idea i know this or doesnt care but i am not going to play the fool anymore . I am going to gladly inform her that if she contacts me again threating suicide i will be immeadly contacting the police in her area. I am going to keep being nice to her but i am laughing on the inside feeling like i finally got some good closure on this.
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