Jump to content

Feeling Pissed

Goodbye

By Goodbye
in The Other Man / Woman

 Share
While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!

Recommended Posts

Goodbye Established Member

Goodbye

Posted
Posted

Ok, so we all know that our MM are feeding us at least SOME lies. Right? In order to stay in a marriage...the lies go both ways. I get that.

 

My (ex)MM told me he told his wife about our relationship, and then told me he "needed time." He claimed he still loved me, but needed to work out his situation and would "come to me." We've been more or less NC for three weeks. We did speak last week and I asked him what he'd told his wife about his affair, and he then told me he didn't tell her about the affair, only that he was "in love" with me. She allegedly responded with anger (I say alledgedly because I'm not sure ANY of these conversations transpired.

 

So, I'm having a low day and did a little facebook stalking. Noticed he was posting friendly messages on his sister-in-law's FB page. She is close with the exMM's wife...so I'm thinking if he had told his wife ANYTHING about an affair, or being in love, his wife's sister wouldn't be pals right now. Who knows...JUST GUESSING.

 

Now I'm pissed. He'd begged me not to tell his wife, but now I'm having this Bunny Boiling desire to send her a letter with a truthful description of what her H has been up to over the past year with email/photo evidence, as he is one smooooth talker and seems to be able to talk himself out of anything.

 

This is NOT my style. I prefer to let people do their own thing, but I'm feeling vengeful. I want to rock his fake little world...but I know by doing so others will be hurt.

 

Talk me off the ledge...

  • Like 1
Curlyj Member

Curlyj

Posted
Posted

Dont do anything!! As tempting as it is...it's not going to make you feel any better.

Be angry, be pissed, let it all out...just not in that way. Post here instead

  • Like 2
RickFox Established Member

RickFox

Posted
Posted

I feel that way every day with xmw's H. I want to send him a text and tell him that i had an A with his W.

 

My W has asked me not to, and it would just stir everything back up again........who knows....maybe someday I will ....... or maybe I can make myself forget everything that ever happened.

  • Like 1
underwater2010 Established Member

underwater2010

Posted
Posted

FYI....I did NOT tell anyone on either side of our family. My plan was to see if he wanted to keep the marriage or not. Family resentments would make reconciliation a pain in the butt and harbor future resentments.

 

That being said...I say that you tell her. But do not do it anonymously. Own up to your side. The problem you may face is that he MAY have told her that he is in love with you, but nothing has happened. So I suggest evidence!!!

 

You need to realize that chances are high that he will drop you like a hot rock. Also, she will be pissed at you and rightfully so. Take your lumps and move on.

  • Like 4
  • Author
Goodbye Established Member

Goodbye

Posted
  • Author
Posted
FYI....I did NOT tell anyone on either side of our family. My plan was to see if he wanted to keep the marriage or not. Family resentments would make reconciliation a pain in the butt and harbor future resentments.

 

That being said...I say that you tell her. But do not do it anonymously. Own up to your side. The problem you may face is that he MAY have told her that he is in love with you, but nothing has happened. So I suggest evidence!!!

 

You need to realize that chances are high that he will drop you like a hot rock. Also, she will be pissed at you and rightfully so. Take your lumps and move on.

 

 

Yes, I have no doubt he'd drop me like a hot rock, and yes of course she'd be pissed, rightfully so...and hopefully mostly at her marriage partner.

 

I don't quite understand your situation. You didn't tell either side of your family about your H's affair? Or did you have an affair? Sorry, confused.

  • Author
Goodbye Established Member

Goodbye

Posted
  • Author
Posted
I feel that way every day with xmw's H. I want to send him a text and tell him that i had an A with his W.

 

My W has asked me not to, and it would just stir everything back up again........who knows....maybe someday I will ....... or maybe I can make myself forget everything that ever happened.

 

 

I take it there was a D-day but only on your end? Are you NC with your exOW? Why do you desire to tell the exOW's H? What do you think would be the result?

underwater2010 Established Member

underwater2010

Posted
Posted
Yes, I have no doubt he'd drop me like a hot rock, and yes of course she'd be pissed, rightfully so...and hopefully mostly at her marriage partner.

 

I don't quite understand your situation. You didn't tell either side of your family about your H's affair? Or did you have an affair? Sorry, confused.

My husband had an affair. No ILYs or lets leave and at the most oral sex.

 

Telling my mother or sister would have resulted in him being physical attacked and major resentment held as long as we remained together.

 

Telling his family would not have mattered, considering that accepted his sister AP with open arms. And quite frankly his father does not like me and the feeling is mutual.

BrokenPrincess Established Member

BrokenPrincess

Posted
Posted

I've had that urge before too which is even worse of an idea because my H doesn't even know about my A. But I'd see crap online & imagine this perfect reconciliation because she thinks he only did some inappropriate texting.

 

But you know what? F$@# them. Things are not what they appear on Facebook and even if they are, good riddance have a nice life.

 

Sorry I'm not much help except maybe let you know that you're not alone feeling pissed at your MM. Logged in here because I am (obviously?) just raging mad & annoyed at this stupid vague email MM sent me as the last one of the day. I feel like crying and screaming and going silent all at the same time.

GreyhoundtoNowhere Established Member

GreyhoundtoNowhere

Posted
Posted

Please don't do it. You knew he was married when you got with him and I think that any OW outing the man to the wife because they're not happy with how the situation has turned out (in regard to their own feelings) is just not being fair (I know, nothing about this is fair to anyone.) but, my point is-- you signed up for this. Don't turn on him just b/c it now isnt going how you wanted. It's one thing to have so much guilt, to stop the A, and then feel like you need to tell the BS. But, to do it only because now he isn't holding up his end of the A-- I just don't get it.

 

I love my MM. But, I know I'm not being treated like I deserve. I know the part of him able to live two lives is not a part I necessarily like to know is there. It sucks being second and when he "just cant make it to see me" ... I still get heartbroken. BUT-- because I do feel how I feel-- I would never turn on him like that. b/c we BOTH play a part in this.

 

I think you'll regret it afterwards. Just my thoughts though. Stay strong.

  • Author
Goodbye Established Member

Goodbye

Posted
  • Author
Posted
I've had that urge before too which is even worse of an idea because my H doesn't even know about my A. But I'd see crap online & imagine this perfect reconciliation because she thinks he only did some inappropriate texting.

 

But you know what? F$@# them. Things are not what they appear on Facebook and even if they are, good riddance have a nice life.

 

Sorry I'm not much help except maybe let you know that you're not alone feeling pissed at your MM. Logged in here because I am (obviously?) just raging mad & annoyed at this stupid vague email MM sent me as the last one of the day. I feel like crying and screaming and going silent all at the same time.

 

So sorry Broken Princess. The vague and illusive crap involved in an affair is heartwrenching and confusing. How are things with your H?

  • Author
Goodbye Established Member

Goodbye

Posted
  • Author
Posted
Please don't do it. You knew he was married when you got with him and I think that any OW outing the man to the wife because they're not happy with how the situation has turned out (in regard to their own feelings) is just not being fair (I know, nothing about this is fair to anyone.) but, my point is-- you signed up for this. Don't turn on him just b/c it now isnt going how you wanted. It's one thing to have so much guilt, to stop the A, and then feel like you need to tell the BS. But, to do it only because now he isn't holding up his end of the A-- I just don't get it.

 

I love my MM. But, I know I'm not being treated like I deserve. I know the part of him able to live two lives is not a part I necessarily like to know is there. It sucks being second and when he "just cant make it to see me" ... I still get heartbroken. BUT-- because I do feel how I feel-- I would never turn on him like that. b/c we BOTH play a part in this.

 

I think you'll regret it afterwards. Just my thoughts though. Stay strong.

 

 

Actually, my affair only started after he claimed (with lots of crazy details) his wife asked HIM for a divorce. I was led to believe they were in the process of separating, and divorcing. In my long distance situation it was hard for me to know the truth, but it unfolded over the months.

 

Yes, I DO agree with you that I'd regret it. I know this.

GreyhoundtoNowhere Established Member

GreyhoundtoNowhere

Posted
Posted
Actually, my affair only started after he claimed (with lots of crazy details) his wife asked HIM for a divorce. I was led to believe they were in the process of separating, and divorcing. In my long distance situation it was hard for me to know the truth, but it unfolded over the months.

 

Yes, I DO agree with you that I'd regret it. I know this.

 

 

Oh, okay. Sorry for missing that part of your story. No harm meant by it. :)

  • Like 1
lilmisscantbewrong Established Member

lilmisscantbewrong

Posted
Posted

Do not do this. You will regret it and it will not put you in a good light at all. Believe me when I say she will eventually find out. No secret remains a secret forever.

 

As far as fb is concerned, it's a media giant and most of what is on there is not true at all. People put on there what they want you to see - period. I got rid of mine two years ago however there was a time I could still see what was being put there and it was definitely for my benefit - meaning the bs knew I could see it.

 

Eventually I had to stop. It was not doing me any good at all. My advice as hard as this is, is to not look. It doesn't change your situation and what do you do with that information anyway? It just serves to upset you. As long as he is choosing to stay where he is that information is not helpful to you.

 

Believe me when I say YOU will come out so much worse if you do this. Listen, even when his bs contacted me and wanted to see the letters he wrote me, I complied. I thought it might make a difference but you know what? He was able to explain it all away so she believed him. I wish I had never given her the letters. So I am telling you as someone who has been there, it will not serve you well at all.

 

Take the high road and let him deal with his own internal mess. It will eventually implode. It is unlikely he has covered his tracks completely. She will find out.

  • Like 2
BrokenPrincess Established Member

BrokenPrincess

Posted
Posted
So sorry Broken Princess. The vague and illusive crap involved in an affair is heartwrenching and confusing. How are things with your H?

 

Not great. MM & I had tentative plans to see each other after 7 months apart. Now he's skirting the conversation completely and I don't know why. So I am assuming its because hes had second thoughts about rekindling all the way back to our PA.

 

I'm angry & depressed & irritated with everyone, including H. I feel like I can't even focus on H because Im too busy overanalyzing why he's sending me these bs super enthusiastic emails all day except will not answer the question about whether we're going to see each other. And agonizing over how to even reply to his stupid vague email without sounding nagging or pissed (both of which I am)

Praying4Peace Established Member

Praying4Peace

Posted
Posted

No no no! Do not do this! You will regret it.

 

Listen, A's are all the same but they are different too. I don't see yours as the type where he was just using you. You guys have known each other for a long time, right? I think you said that you used to date a very long time ago.

 

Do you consider him a friend? With my A- he was my friend first and he will always be my friend...despite everything. Do you know how betrayed he'll be thinking that you would ruin his life because he didn't choose you? For men, its not all about love and romance- he is probably really torn.

 

I know its not fair that his W doesn't know but thats HIS place. He should tell her on his own timeline and then figure things out for himself. If he doesn't tell her HE has to live with that and I'm telling you that unless he's a total sociopath or was trolling AM for sex and hookups or is a complete narcissist...its not possible. You cannot hide the truth forever. I firmly believe that.

 

If the tables were turned and you were confused and he did this to you, how would you feel? Bottom line- you need to walk away from this and let him go be happy with whatever he chooses. Even if you guys don't end up together do you want him to think of you as this spiteful, vengeful, jealous, bunny boiler? Can you imagine how he'd feel knowing that you took the right for him to tell her away from him? For what? Because he didn't love you enough to be with you? I just don't think that's cool.

 

I know from reading your posts you'd regret it and be in an even worse state than you are now. You'll be sick about it :sick:I really do feel for the BW and I feel bad giving you this advice bc it seems like I don't think she deserves the truth but she deserves it from him. Let the future unfold at its own pace...

 

(trust me I've been so angry in the past I wanted to tell his W that he was with me after the last Dday and we had a wonderful last day together that she never will know about...but it doesn't benefit me and I just don't want to be involved...)

 

I hope you feel better now. :)

  • Like 1
Praying4Peace Established Member

Praying4Peace

Posted
Posted
Not great. MM & I had tentative plans to see each other after 7 months apart. Now he's skirting the conversation completely and I don't know why. So I am assuming its because hes had second thoughts about rekindling all the way back to our PA.

 

I'm angry & depressed & irritated with everyone, including H. I feel like I can't even focus on H because Im too busy overanalyzing why he's sending me these bs super enthusiastic emails all day except will not answer the question about whether we're going to see each other. And agonizing over how to even reply to his stupid vague email without sounding nagging or pissed (both of which I am)

 

Broken Princess...I think he probably knows that if you see each other and things go back to the PA he's back in it deep again. And then trying to go NC/LC would be like starting all over from day one.

Lillyfree Established Member

Lillyfree

Posted
Posted
Not great. MM & I had tentative plans to see each other after 7 months apart. Now he's skirting the conversation completely and I don't know why. So I am assuming its because hes had second thoughts about rekindling all the way back to our PA.

 

I'm angry & depressed & irritated with everyone, including H. I feel like I can't even focus on H because Im too busy overanalyzing why he's sending me these bs super enthusiastic emails all day except will not answer the question about whether we're going to see each other. And agonizing over how to even reply to his stupid vague email without sounding nagging or pissed (both of which I am)

 

BP, stop agonising and tell him that you are pissed. be honest and upfront and let the chips fall where they may.

 

that way at least you'll come to some sort of resolution. why do this to yourself anymore?

2sunny Established Member

2sunny

Posted
Posted

I'd expose - and exposé big!

  • Like 1
ViresSanctity Established Member

ViresSanctity

Posted
Posted

I want to oust my MW to her H. Not for revenge but to end this affair and be out and about with her without thinking it's a crime every minute.

 

I'm holding back on her word that her husband is suicida and she wants to do a proper divorce without feelings of resentment and hurt between any parties.

BrokenPrincess Established Member

BrokenPrincess

Posted
Posted
BP, stop agonising and tell him that you are pissed. be honest and upfront and let the chips fall where they may.

 

that way at least you'll come to some sort of resolution. why do this to yourself anymore?

Hi,I'm back and feeling more normal. Sorry for going off the rails a bit there. Goodbye, I hope you've ridden out the emotions a bit by now too.

 

Lilly- mostly things have been good with us...I think I just come here & post when I'm really upset. But Ive been thinking about what you said & I think I am honestly too scared to tell him. Right now I can still have hope that he's not answering because he's waiting til he has something locked in, but if I call him out and he admits its because he doesn't want to do this, then I have no choice but to end it. I can't be just friends and an EA is just frustrating after you've already been physical together!

 

My head knows I'm headed for heartache, it's just a matter of when, how deep, and who else may get hurt, but my heart just doesn't want to let him go now that I have him back in my life.

thefooloftheyear Established Member

thefooloftheyear

Posted
Posted

OP, So sorry. I know its agrravating and frustrating.

 

Truth is if everyone would STOP the Facebook nonsense this would be a non issue..What good does it do to stalk an ex(affair or conventional relationship) on their social media? What are you hoping to see? Its not even relaity anyway.

 

Save yourselves the pain and leave that crap alone. NOTHING good comes of it.

 

TFY

  • Like 1
Lillyfree Established Member

Lillyfree

Posted
Posted
Hi,I'm back and feeling more normal. Sorry for going off the rails a bit there. Goodbye, I hope you've ridden out the emotions a bit by now too.

 

Lilly- mostly things have been good with us...I think I just come here & post when I'm really upset. But Ive been thinking about what you said & I think I am honestly too scared to tell him. Right now I can still have hope that he's not answering because he's waiting til he has something locked in, but if I call him out and he admits its because he doesn't want to do this, then I have no choice but to end it. I can't be just friends and an EA is just frustrating after you've already been physical together!

 

My head knows I'm headed for heartache, it's just a matter of when, how deep, and who else may get hurt, but my heart just doesn't want to let him go now that I have him back in my life.

 

i understand how hard it is, i really do. and i get that you are desperately clinging onto any sort of contact.

 

just one question - is he worth the heartache? are you happy?

  • Like 1
RickFox Established Member

RickFox

Posted
Posted (edited)
I take it there was a D-day but only on your end? Are you NC with your exOW? Why do you desire to tell the exOW's H? What do you think would be the result?

 

Yes, there was a dday, and my W discovered it. xMW went right back to her H and cut me out pretty quick. Turned on me completely.

 

Honestly, if I told her H, it would simply be for revenge at this point, as the last contact we had that I remember was 10/11. What it would accomplish is to bring her world crashing down like mine did, to show her that her actions have consequences and that I can be the A** if I choose to be.

 

To top it off, after telling me to leave her alone, and a few other choice words that she had for me, she sent me 2 messages via FB last year ..i say messages, two one word messages. I didn't appreciate it after being told to leave her alone and having done so .... so I guess If I told it would pretty much be a don't Eff with me type deal. I am not one to be Effed with.

 

Maybe like one poster said, the truth really does come out, so maybe one day I'll have the chance to tell him if he ever comes a knockin'.

Edited by RickFox
  • Like 4
SweetBella1 Established Member

SweetBella1

Posted
Posted
Please don't do it. You knew he was married when you got with him and I think that any OW outing the man to the wife because they're not happy with how the situation has turned out (in regard to their own feelings) is just not being fair (I know, nothing about this is fair to anyone.) but, my point is-- you signed up for this. Don't turn on him just b/c it now isnt going how you wanted. It's one thing to have so much guilt, to stop the A, and then feel like you need to tell the BS. But, to do it only because now he isn't holding up his end of the A-- I just don't get it.

 

we BOTH play a part in this.

 

 

This. Exactly. Greyhoundtonowhere nailed it.

  • Like 1
ThatJustHappened Established Member

ThatJustHappened

Posted
Posted

His wife deserves to know. I vote tell. Not in a mean way, but in an honest way.

  • Like 4
 Share
Go to topic listing
×
×
  • Create New...