jeni4566 Posted May 2, 2013 Posted May 2, 2013 (edited) Hey! I'm infatuated with a guy and can't stop thinking about him... I met him during a recruiting event. He gave me his business card. After that, he has been giving me career advice. He's always really helpful. I sometimes wonder why he wants to help me. He's only a few years older than me and it's not like he's retired and has nothing to do. He's busy, just like me. Our interactions have mostly been emails with me asking him questions and he answering them. Recently, he has been hinting about getting together for coffee, so he can answer my questions better. When I ignored it, he made it more clear that he could explain things more thoroughly if we meet. I have been very attracted to him from the start. I think about him all the time. I didn't want to meet him, because I don't want to ruin the professional relationship. Do you think he's into me or am I reading too much into it? He has never flirted with me. Always helpful, formal, and professional. Edited May 2, 2013 by jeni4566
Author jeni4566 Posted May 2, 2013 Author Posted May 2, 2013 By the way, we're both in our 20s, young professionals. He's a few years older than me.
crederer Posted May 2, 2013 Posted May 2, 2013 Why did you ignore the text? Playing games? It's okay for a woman to show interest as well. It seems women always want the guy to make the move but as a guy I can say It'd be a bit of a turn on to see a woman confident enough to do that.
charlietheginger Posted May 2, 2013 Posted May 2, 2013 Word of advice.... Never tell a guy your infatuated by him.. Tell him you like him alot
pteromom Posted May 2, 2013 Posted May 2, 2013 It's smart of him to be professional and cool, but since he is hinting that he would be able to help you more if you meet, it seems he may be interested in more. The only way to find out - meet him for coffee! You aren't "ruining" a professional relationship by meeting for coffee. You are building a friendship. And possibly more. But take it one step at a time. 3
bob the brave Posted May 2, 2013 Posted May 2, 2013 Congratulations, he likes you! A guy will not suggest meeting in person if there is an alternative unless he likes you. However, if there is something to gain from your professional relationship, it may be that as well. So, you can be the judge. I agree with Crederer, texting to meet or whatever to make a connection is perfectly ok. Dosen't look desperate, slutty, needy or any of that. Perfectly fine and he will be flattered, I'm sure. 2
Author jeni4566 Posted May 2, 2013 Author Posted May 2, 2013 Thanks so much for your help. I am wondering if he wants to meet because I ask too many questions and it is too much for him to type. In our most recent email, he said there were a lot more than what he cared to type out. Perhaps we should meet for coffee. After I said yes, he suggested lunch at an elegant cafe. I am really into him.
StanMusial Posted May 2, 2013 Posted May 2, 2013 Thanks so much for your help. I am wondering if he wants to meet because I ask too many questions and it is too much for him to type. In our most recent email, he said there were a lot more than what he cared to type out. Perhaps we should meet for coffee. After I said yes, he suggested lunch at an elegant cafe. I am really into him. What kind of recruiting event? You might want to make sure this is not just a professional connection... let him make the first move.
Author jeni4566 Posted May 2, 2013 Author Posted May 2, 2013 Thanks Stan. Good question. The recruiting had ended last year. I got an interview offer, but decided not to take it, because I wanted to try things out on my own. After that, we just email once a while. He never suggested to meet until my recent 2-3 emails when I ask him for career advice.
Author jeni4566 Posted May 2, 2013 Author Posted May 2, 2013 I am embarrassed to say this, but I might have said something inappropriate. He never suggested to meet, until at the end of a recent email, I said I really appreciated his advice and I hope to make him proud one day. He said he was very proud of me and if I want to discuss more, he would be happy to make himself available. He's very polite and helpful.
pteromom Posted May 2, 2013 Posted May 2, 2013 I don't know why that's inappropriate. You could have totally meant you wanted to make him proud as your mentor. Just relax and take it one step at a time. You don't KNOW that you are into him, because you don't really know him yet. You just know that you are intrigued so far. So go with him for coffee. Keep it professional, but friendly. Listen more than you talk, to avoid saying embarrassing things. Build up a friendship with him and see if there is a reciprocal spark. Or who knows, after spending more one-on-one time with him, you might find you aren't into him as much as you think. After all, much of your current feelings are based on fantasy. 1
Author jeni4566 Posted May 2, 2013 Author Posted May 2, 2013 He wrote to me:"have a good night ..." at the end of an email recently. That ... gave me butterflies.
pyramid Posted May 3, 2013 Posted May 3, 2013 He wrote to me:"have a good night ..." at the end of an email recently. That ... gave me butterflies. Oh dear. Relax. Start picturing him in your head as having really bad breath or a miniature penis. 1
Author jeni4566 Posted May 3, 2013 Author Posted May 3, 2013 Lol That sure chased away the butterflies
phineas Posted May 3, 2013 Posted May 3, 2013 OP please explain to me why you would ignore an invitation to coffee from a guy you like? I fail to understand this.
Author jeni4566 Posted May 3, 2013 Author Posted May 3, 2013 (edited) Good question. He was subtle at first. He said if i wanted to talk more, he's happy to make himself available. I ignored this. Then a few days later when I hit him with another question, he said perhaps we should meet for coffee sometimes to talk more. I jumped on that. I was confused at first, because he never emailed me first or asked to see me. He was just very helpful with thoughtful advice whenever I email him. I am crazy about him. Edited May 3, 2013 by jeni4566
Author jeni4566 Posted May 4, 2013 Author Posted May 4, 2013 Hey! I'm infatuated with a guy and can't stop thinking about him... I met him during a recruiting event. He gave me his business card. After that, he has been giving me career advice. He's always really helpful. I sometimes wonder why he wants to help me. He's only a few years older than me and it's not like he's retired and has nothing to do. He's busy, just like me. Our interactions have mostly been emails with me asking him questions and he answering them. Recently, he has been hinting about getting together for coffee, so he can answer my questions better. When I ignored it, he made it more clear that he could explain things more thoroughly if we meet. I have been very attracted to him from the start. I think about him all the time. I didn't want to meet him, because I don't want to ruin the professional relationship. Do you think he's into me or am I reading too much into it? He has never flirted with me. Always helpful, formal, and professional. I'm meeting with him tomorrow. Can I send him an email telling him that I'm excited to see him? My instinct says No, because this is a professional relationship and some of you have recommended to let him take the lead. But what if he's waiting for me to give him some hints that he can push it beyond a professional relationship?
snowflakes88 Posted May 5, 2013 Posted May 5, 2013 Oh gosh, absolutely not. If you're this obsessed before meeting him, I'm nervous for how obsessed you'll be after. For your sake, I REALLY hope he's into you. 2
joanna13 Posted May 5, 2013 Posted May 5, 2013 (edited) Wait! We don't know if he is into you or not, it's his job, he wants to help... My friend was emailing some trainer to help her with her injury, they met for a short period before, now he asked her to come to visit him at his gym. She refused to go because this trainer is really expensive, he said that he just wanted to help her for free, that its easier. It doesn't mean anything. Maybe a guy you are talking to gets tons of emails and he doesn't want to type. I personally hate to type and I refuse to do it, so I suggest people to meet them in person. Don't get to think there is something more about it, when it is probably just a profesional realtionship. when you like someone you are blind and you can't see things clearly, every move he makes you think it's about you and you start analyzing it over and over again, I am like that too. Just stay cool, meet him if you want. Why didn't you ask him why does he wants to go to coffe, when you can communicate throught an email? Ask him that question. You'd know your responsce instead of asking here. Edited May 5, 2013 by joanna13 1
pteromom Posted May 7, 2013 Posted May 7, 2013 I'm meeting with him tomorrow. Can I send him an email telling him that I'm excited to see him? My instinct says No, because this is a professional relationship and some of you have recommended to let him take the lead. But what if he's waiting for me to give him some hints that he can push it beyond a professional relationship? So how did your meeting go? Yes, you can give hints. But hints should be subtle. A smile; using open body language; touching his arm while you are talking. Then you gauge the reaction to see if he appreciates it or not. 1
jeni45667 Posted May 8, 2013 Posted May 8, 2013 Thanks so much for checking in, Pteromom!! You're the best We had lunch at this very elegant cafe, then he suggested we go somewhere else. I told him I wanted to take a walk, so he took me to a nice park. The total meeting was about 3 hours. After the walk in the park, he said "that was fun." I did what you suggested. I gave me compliments, touched his arms a few times, and laughed at what he said. He didn't flirt with me. He was very professional, very helpful, and gave me tons of advice. When he dropped me off at my place at the end, I gave him a hug and he had this very thoughtful look on his face and he said "I hope this is helpful." After that, he didn't email me or contact me. No mention of meeting again. I sent him another question earlier today about my career. Again, he was just like before, and replied with very thoughtful answers to help me within a few hours. I don't know what's going on with him. It seems that this meeting did nothing to advance or change anything. He was just like before.
outsidethebox Posted May 8, 2013 Posted May 8, 2013 That's what's going on with him. Nothing. Need to find another crush. 1
scorpio1978 Posted May 8, 2013 Posted May 8, 2013 He is not thinking the same thing as you are. It was a professional meeting for him and in your mind, an opportunity for you to try to set up more. It's not what he is thinking. Sorry. Do NOT send him another question about your career. This will just come across as a bit desperate in my opinion. Let it go. There will be somebody else who gives you butterflies. You got your point across with the flirting and touching his arm, etc. and he didn't bite. He knows how to contact you if he wants to. 1
jeni45667 Posted May 8, 2013 Posted May 8, 2013 Could he not get the hints? Why does he keep helping me if he doesnot like me? And why do I keep obsessing about it?
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