My patience levels are getting frustrated with the Ex-bf. He has tested my limits!

[sunshine001]

We moved in together, lived together for 1 year in a crappy neighborhood. I would never mind living in a crappy flat or even a small hut if the neighborhood is good. You are walking around drug addicts, criminals, etc. This neighbourhood is called Tenderloin which is in San Francisco. Got attacked by a guy walking on the street during the day (luckily not raped as someone came out there to save the situation) but being a victim of an attack and staying strong, keeping it together is not easy. I am not boasting about it and agree that I was depressed. Once in a while everyone gets depressed and I believe that being in a situation that I was in it is not a crime to be depressed. Now, by depressed I don't mean crazy stuff but alright it came out of my mouth when I said "I will jump out the window" and that was the sole reason he left me. I beat myself up for it after that, moved out, blamed myself, went to therapy, took medication and what not. I don't come with a baggage nor a dysfunctional family nor a tragic past. Everything in my life was and is normal except that dark period for which I have beaten myself up for months in a row after he broke up. I accepted the final fact that for whatever reason he had to leave me it makes sense for him and he was right to do so for himself. No one needs to deal with something they don't need to, it's their life. It can be wrong for me but if it was right for him then there is no problem. However, I can no longer beat myself up for it and no longer do. He dumped me, I dealt with it, took responsibility for what I said, moved on, met a ton of wonderful and inspirational folks on the way and dating a wonderful man right now.

 

What surprises me is my ex-bf still cannot move on. He still cannot stop hating me for me being in a depressed situation back in the day'. He still hates me and tells me how I wasted his time. I have maintained NC with him since the last 1 week. Until then we had to keep in touch to return each other whatever stuff was left after I moved out. Irony of the matter is that he kicked me out of his place. Didn't give a notice or anything. And it was really not like I was harassing him or making his life miserable. I was just down due to the attack and yes was weak and he didn't like that I was weak. But everyone is weak in life at least once. No one can be strong as a rock their whole lives. I took it in my stride, moved out, learned from it and moved on but his bitterness towards me still exists and I am not interested in people who are bitter towards me because I was down and weak at some point. He left me VMs yesterday and day before for one small tiny thing of mine that's still at his place and I can totally do without it. I don't need it. It just looks like an excuse to me. Now that I am strong, happy and moved on from the attack I no longer want to take his BS about him telling me how awful I am and what not. And it is not as if he ever was there for me when I was attacked. So I seriously don't want to hear any of his crap anymore. What are some of the things I can say back to him if he starts bothering me and putting me down again? Please give me some hints because my patience levels are almost getting over with this guy. It's been 4 months since he broke up and I have moved on. The guy I just started dating is quite nice and other things in my life are going great.

 

Also wanted to mention that he does come from a strange family. His mother and father hate each other, live under the same roof but don't talk to each other at all. The only way his parents communicate is by being bitter to each other/fighting. Which is exactly what he did as well. I seriously no longer want to deal with this guy!

[crederer]

I've been in relationships, twice now, where the partner is very depressed. They become very emotionally selfish and it hurts and is hard to be a partner to someone like that. You probably didn't even realize it at the time, but I'm sure you were doing the same.

 

I never hated my partners for it after leaving, but there were times where I felt angry towards them. All I ever tried to do was help, and give, and I got nothing back in return except bitterness, bitchiness and ultimately being taken for granted. It is quite possible he feels that way too.

 

What happened to you sucks, it's not a reflection of you as a person and it sounds like he just couldn't deal with the consequences of what happened.

[mtnbiker3000]

Yeah, the Tenderloin is a rough place. At least it's not Hunters Point

[sunshine001]

I've been in relationships, twice now, where the partner is very depressed. They become very emotionally selfish and it hurts and is hard to be a partner to someone like that. You probably didn't even realize it at the time, but I'm sure you were doing the same.

 

I never hated my partners for it after leaving, but there were times where I felt angry towards them. All I ever tried to do was help, and give, and I got nothing back in return except bitterness, bitchiness and ultimately being taken for granted. It is quite possible he feels that way too.

 

What happened to you sucks, it's not a reflection of you as a person and it sounds like he just couldn't deal with the consequences of what happened.

 

I dealt with it quite well, is what have been told by the therapist. After the attack he actually told me let's both move out of the neighborhood but kept delaying. The more we stayed the more it became inconvenient for me as the guy who attacked me was stalking around and it took 1 month for the cops to finally catch him! Ex's stance was that he didn't want to lose the $3000 deposit he put in for the deposit so wanted to wait till Jan 2013 and it was already September 2012. I told him I will cover up for it as I have savings but let's get out of here but to no avail. I felt like a fool because he never moved out of there. When I wanted to move out alone he said "It will be difficult for me to live without you please don't" and then eventually after I waited until Jan 2013 dumped me and kicked me out. Like literally. That is not a good treatment. As a human I will respect him but as a person he has lost all the respect I had and will never earn it. I endured too much as I loved him truly. Four months after breaking up I realise that I compromised but he never did or wanted to and in spite of that has all this bitterness towards me.

[CC12]

What are some of the things I can say back to him if he starts bothering me and putting me down again? Please give me some hints because my patience levels are almost getting over with this guy.

 

So, you've moved out, no longer have any of his stuff, and there's no unfinished business, right? Then there's no reason you need to respond to him at all, except for one final time, to tell him to stop contacting you. Wait for him to text you, then say, "I don't think we should talk anymore. Please don't ever call or message me again." And then block his cell, Facebook, emails, Twitter, etc. And seriously, never, ever respond to him again for any reason.

[Am4Real]

Can I assume you are venting and not asking the board for any advice?

[CC12]

Can I assume you are venting and not asking the board for any advice?

 

Why would you assume she's not asking for any advice? She said:

 

What are some of the things I can say back to him if he starts bothering me and putting me down again? Please give me some hints because my patience levels are almost getting over with this guy.

[inaya42]

I'm sorry that you're going through this. it is very very difficult to deal with a depressed person, and I do not say this to judge you. but depressed folks have very little to contribute to a relationship emotionally (and sometimes physically). it sounds like your ex is better because this story doesn't end with him getting the healthy loving girlfriend. four months later you have recovered AND moved on. this is why he's bitter. this is also not your problem. if you did really care for this man and would like to be friends later, offer one more heart-to-heart, healing conversation where you both express your grievances, disappointments, and wish each other well. then go strict NC and embrace your current life... or you can skip the conversation and go NC anyway. totally up to you...