Beat your broken heart before it beats you

[may_girl]

I came across a video recording online by a self-help author, Ellen Smoak. She uses the technique of mantras to help people overcome their broken hearts. Having been through it herself, and seen others successfully achieve through them, she knows it works. It has also been scientifically proven to work after 30 days; this is the case whether you broke up a month ago, 2 years ago, or even 5 years ago.

 

It is based around the way that our brain is programmed to think about our break up. I have written parts of the recording down which i believe would be useful for people to read and utilize during their recovery process below.

 

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After a break up, we go through 5 stages of loss:

Shock, denial, anger, depression, acceptance.

 

However, we do have things working against us on the way to acceptance: One of the main things working against us is our own minds.

 

Our own minds are so strong - we are struck by memories of our exes even through doing things like walking down the street or listening to music. We remember vividly the first time that we saw our ex or the first time you kissed each other.

 

Unless we take steps to extract those memories, to control or erase them, they're going to keep haunting us. They'll keep creeping up and crippling us. Its like were driving down the street and the walls suddenly start caving in on us.

 

This is what is working against us when it comes to beating a broken heart.

We have to make a conscious decision; the broken heart isn't going to go away on its own - we have to WANT to heal, we have to WANT to move forward.

 

We have to acknowledge the practical things we can do and use them to beat our broken heart, because it wont happen on its own - this brings me to one of the myths about getting over a heart break; that time heals all wounds:

Time does not heal all wounds - how many of us are carrying around baggage from our childhood? From people that hurt us? Our mothers, fathers, grandparents, other children on the playground, our best friend who betrayed us at school, our previous partners that betrayed us... So when you think about it time does not heal all those things you go through. We still carry the painful, emotional, detrimental baggage of those wounds. We enter a relationship and continue to repeat those patterns over and over again, based on what happened to us in our previous years. So time does not heal all wounds, and this break up is not going to be any different.

 

The only person who has control over our strength is us.

The biggest problem that we have? Our thoughts. How do people stop thinking about their ex? If you keep thinking about your ex, you're never going to be happy the way you deserve to be, you're never going to be loved the way you deserve to be - because your mind is working against you - its almost as though your brain is conditioned and programmed and wired right now, to think about the past. And the reason it's doing that is because you've been there, it's familiar and also comfortable. Thinking about the past is more comfortable for our conscious and subconscious minds than thinking about the future, because it's been there. Your mind doesn't know the difference between the painful and the happy when it comes to these thoughts. Thinking of the future will bring you anxiety and fear.

 

So the secret to beating a broken heart before it beats you is to get control of the mind.

 

What we are doing now is re-wiring our brain. We are replacing the thoughts in our mind - the crippling, painful, negative thoughts that we have of our exes; sad thoughts, angry thoughts, resentful thoughts, memories. They are crippling, because they are crippling our ability to move forward.

 

We have a thought, it comes up subconsciously; maybe it's triggered by a song that's playing on the radio, maybe a smell, a restaurant, a car. There are all sorts of ways that our thoughts can be triggered and when they're there, they make us angry, resentful, upset. They can ruin the rest of the day.

 

So here is the trick. As soon as we have those thoughts come up, that is when we start reciting these mantras. In this way, you are literally changing the way your brain is wired and conditioned to these moments. so instead of feeling pain, anger, rage... We're going to start feeling great, having positive vibes and positive energy.

 

The mantras are as follows:

1. I’ll be ok.

2. The universe is on my side.

3. Keep the faith.

4. Trust the process.

5. Breathe.

6. Stay strong.

7. I deserve only love.

8. I’m worth it.

9. I’m beautiful.

10. And I’m brilliant all on my own.

 

If you recite this about 10 times a day, it has been scientifically proven that it will change your brain in 30 days.

 

For example, you are driving in your car and "your song" comes on the radio. You are crippled, you start crying, it has ruined your day... If you repeat the mantras, eventually, your brain will be conditioned to feeling great and empowered whenever that song comes on.

 

Right now, if you're waking up in the morning feeling crappy - you miss your ex. If you have these mantras with you and you repeat them to yourself in the morning, you're going to start feeling great. Say them as you're going to sleep, you'll feel great.

 

The more you say it, the faster you will heal. You've been though hard times before. it doesn't matter if you believe in the mantras or not, your brain doesn't know the difference. It just becomes re-programmed as it gets charged with your energy. This is a chance for you to use your energy from the breakup for good. You can refocus all the sadness and regret into something good and productive.

 

The more you say it, it's going to get easier. These mantras are going to feel more believable to you. After 30 days, you're going to stop having those thoughts and painful memories of your ex, stop waking in night and morning thinking of them - why? Because you've reprogrammed your mind. All those triggers you had before that triggered pain, sadness and anger, are going to trigger joy, faith, trust, strength, love, worthy, beautiful and brilliant feelings.

Edited May 2, 2013 by may_girl

[all_cats_rgray]

You forgot NC, and no facebook stalking... I think I spent a hour looking at my ex's new gf. ... DONT judge you know you do the same.

[may_girl]

Yeah, obviously those rules apply too, but I think this one particularly focuses more on getting yourself in a good frame of mind during NC, working your way through being alone and knowing you can be okay alone.

 

The above hasn't come from me, it is from the self-help author I mentioned at the start.

Edited May 2, 2013 by may_girl

[McGriff]

Sign me up.

[Am4Real]

All be it great, but most of what I'm reading in the OP is mind-trickery. It works less ofthen than successfull because eventually your mind knows you're attempting to work around the feelings and stages rather than go through them.

 

I beleive the key is to comprehend the stages of grief, they are often labled differently than the OP but basically the same with the exception of forgiveness which was omitted and "shock" was added, regardless, understsanding the stages and the normalcies of processing your emotions at each is paramount. Again, you need to go through the issues and challanges and not around them.

 

May_Girl, if you want to venture along these lines with any technique and still go through the stages try using "dismissal". I've posted on it several times; it most defineltly helps me and many others have commented on the success of it as well. Think of dismissal as an antidote for "snowballing".

 

If you need more information or can't find the post, send me a PM and I'll elaborate.

 

Thank you for taking the time to write down your thoughts and review of the self-help; for the record I'm not critizing you or the intent, rather my beleifs in dealing with break up memories and snowballing are different than the originator.

 

Am4Real

[may_girl]

Hi again Am4Real!

 

Thanks for your input. I do however believe this is a good tactic and I don't think there is any harm in trying it out. It actually makes me feel really good when I say those 10 mantras!

 

I think it is very important to believe yourself that you are beautiful, you will be ok, you can be fine without your ex. Telling yourself that every day is surely a way to move forwards.

 

I hope things are okay for you. I have looked for your suggestion but can't seem to find it.

[EmptyWalls]

Goosfraba... (breathe) Goosfraba (breathe). Nice post girl, training our minds to be in a positive state. I'm guilty of the triggers part, I would tell my self its gonna be ok... stay strong! Never tried chants or mantras, I did listen to a self motivational tape. Couldn't stop laughing the people on there sound so funny. I'm gonna give this a try!!!