I don't think my wife "DESERVES" me,why she is still living with me

[drake43]

Me and my wife are married for 10 years and we have 2 kids.I was the sole provider of my family and my wife was a SAHM.

Life was good until i had a very bad car accident which made me paralyzed below down the waist. I lost the ability to walk ,to run and most certainly i lost my job.My wife was forced to return to work.She is the sole provider of our family now.I take care of our kids as much as i can but its really difficult. Wheel chair is my only means to walk.

I talked her about it the other day.

" Why you are still living with me ? I can't even fulfill your needs nor i can do a job.Why you are ruining your life like this "

She becomes extremely sad and said "Don't ever say these words again.I am living with you because i love you fiercely.You are still my hero with whom i fell in Love with. We will together face the world "

 

I don't know how much i appreciate this woman.She do everything BUT never complains and never expect anything in return and most importantly she loves me unconditionally. She is an amazing mother and a godly wife.

 

But she has a whole life ahead of her.Why she is living with a person who can't have sex with her ? Who can't fulfill her needs ? Who can't go with her in parties ? Who can't take her out for dinner ? Who can't even walk.Who cannot take kids to the park ? Who always remain in the wheel chair and see his wife shouldering the burden of whole family without complaining ? And that what she has to live with all her life

I always want to see my wife happy and smiling.Her happiness makes me happy and i don't think she will remain happy with me.

I remain extremely depressed most of the times and sometimes want to commit suicide to end my misery and most importantly to remove the "Burden" from my wife's life.

Why she loves me so much ? Who am i ? I person who can't even walk !

[darkmoon]

in sickness and in health...i think your wife knew what she was signing up for, in plain language, my sis-in-law does everything for my multiple sclerosis brother, he has to face the music and never complains, which could put people off, imho, and my sis-in-law likes being the household's lynchpin, she's in her element when fussing around

Edited May 2, 2013 by darkmoon

[dreamingoftigers]

Sigh.

 

As much as I truly, truly feel the level of pain shining through ( my brother was severely brain-injured he now lives on a hospital bed in my parent's living room).

 

You don't get it, and here's why: your wife tells you point-blank that you are her HERO. And that you'll face the world together.

 

Did you ever think that maybe she needs a HERO much more than "random guy that can walk and screw."

 

If she was into just random guy who could walk and screw, she probably wouldn't have settled down and married you, because random guy who can walk and screw are in abundance. And they aren't very special.

 

Clearly you provided her with, and continue to provide her with some need that is being met for her that she values much higher than either walking or screwing.

 

You LOVE her. And it seems that you've loved her quite well over the years providing and holding her first in your mind to the point where you are willing to self-depricate and remove yourself from her life so she can be happy.

 

Here's the thing, you are willing to remove from her life the guy that is her HERO that has LOVED HER WELL for many years. You are willing to abdicate that throne, for what, exactly? Random guy who can walk and screw? Maybe bring home a few more $?

 

That clearly isn't what SHE wants. She wants a hero and the guy that loved her well. If she didn't want that, you would've been a replaceable commodity when the depth of your injuries became apparent.

 

However. This doesn't seem to be about her as much as it is about you. YOU don't seem to feel worth it because you can't fulfill the typical stereo-typical guy stuff that keeps men's self-esteem afloat. Sexual, financial, physical prowess. While these traits have made higher turnouts on the female wish list, I truly, honestly in my heart believe it is largely because we, as a gender have largely given up on finding loyal men that love us well.

 

Dude, you are that guy, and your wife knows it. And somehow you figure your injuries took you out of the game. It's probably more painful to her to watch you beat yourself up than to do the day-to-day stuff. She would probably be totally happy if you just appreciated it and showed gratitude.

 

I know plenty of women who would trade "walk and screw" for the guy that loves and appreciates them. And as you get older, you'll see it aspen more and more. Housewives cheating on their wealthy, provider husband because the pizza guy was nicer to them and made them feel special. Etc. (okay, went a little off-topic there).

 

The physical prowess, financial stuff and often even the sexuality of a man are often just the WRAPPING PAPER to us. Most guys don't like to hear that. But it's true. Do you have any idea how many times women open up what seems like a shiny package to get the equivalent of dirty socks? Like, all the freaking time. And hear you are, looking like you're wrapped in a paper bag, and you are the real deal!

 

I have no idea how men repeatedly miss this.

 

Do you not realize what else is out there? You are the father of her kids. She can't just up and replace that? You don't abuse her, you aren't manipulating her, you aren't screwing around on her. And you keep her in the front of your mind and heart. Dude, give yourself some credit. If it makes you feel better, start getting into game design or something to take up some extra income. Whatever. I'm sure it wouldn't greatly shift her opinion anyhow. But maybe it will help yours.

 

I'd club some sense into you, but it seems you ate already beating yourself up pretty good.

[Country_Girl]

Listen, you've got to cheer up an realize that you do contribute to society, and you are worthy of love and caring.

 

Believe me, we are all connected - and the illusion of this reality is the greatest deception of all. That we are all somehow separate from one another, as if there is somehow an imaginary scale, ranking some above others.

 

So friend, take yourself off that scale today, because it doesn't exist. Job/Education/Ability - none of that matters. What matters is the heart and intention. If you're good on the inside, then really that's all that matters.