Archgirl Posted May 4, 2013 Posted May 4, 2013 (edited) He's trying to get an emotional reaction from you. He enjoys having that power over you. It's highly disrespectful and you're giving him permission to do it. I'd be acting unconcerned and not giving him a damn thing. Then playing him at his own game by being more successful at picking up than he is in front of his face. But that's not a lot of fun. Or a way to build trust and intimacy. Cut him off dude. Tell him you were unimpressed by his manipulative behaviour and transparent attempts to get an emotional response and until you feel more properly appreciated you will be strictly plutonic - incl no physical contact. If he keeps pulling the innocent card - call him on it, every guy over 16 knows you don't flaunt other women in front of another - no matter what the relationship basis is. Then stick to it. If you keep acting slightly distant with him he'll be crawling back an applogising within a fortnight. You teach people how to treat you. Edited May 4, 2013 by Archgirl
Imported Posted May 4, 2013 Posted May 4, 2013 I could see he was never comfortable with me being hit on in front of him but I never "acted on it" even though we were both single because I really like him and I respect him too much to disrespect him like that. (Even though he is acting like a douche at the moment but I think its for a reason, its not like him to intentionally try to hurt me.) In my experience, girls that get hit on a lot are openly flirtatious and invited the attention. I go out with women that are ridiculously attractive and it is a rare case for guys to try to hit on them. I go out with women that are attractive and I can't turn my back on them without some guy trying to hit on her. Why is it the girl that is ridiculously attractive not constantly getting hit on while the girl I have been with that is not even as attractive is constantly getting "unwanted" attention? It's your attitude. You invite guys to try. It is disrespectful for the guy you are with. I wouldn't bother trying to give you a taste of your own ****, I'd just actually go for a different girl. Not make like I am. In my experience, girls like that should not be taken seriously.
ExpatInItaly Posted May 4, 2013 Posted May 4, 2013 Hi guys, I've been seeing this guy on and off for over a year now. Right now, we’re just “friends” due to certain complications from his side but we still have feelings for each other. Normally, when we go out I get quite a bit of attention from guys and I'm always friendly back but I've never acted on any of it. A few weeks ago, he and I went to a bar and he started chatting and flirting with this girl in front of me and I made the mistake of showing my jealousy. We spoke about it afterwards and he made out as if it was totally innocent and that I overreacted etc. The next time we went out, in the first 10mins that we arrived he said to me “Must I show you how to pull a chick” and he went up to a group of girls knowing how it upset me previously and flirted again. When he came back to me I asked him what he was trying to prove and why he felt it necessary to ruin our evening again knowing how it turned out last time but he made me out to be overreacting and jealous again. Am I being unreasonable since we’re not in an actual relationship and more importantly, why all of a sudden does he feel the need to make me jealous? As others have suggested, this could very well be his misguided and immature attempt to give you "a taste of your own medicine." How do you respond to guys when they approach you?
RachR Posted May 4, 2013 Posted May 4, 2013 he does it just because. guys: ignore the girls. they give very poor advice. Guys and girls: ignore org. He gives poor advice.
Author traceym Posted May 4, 2013 Author Posted May 4, 2013 He's trying to get an emotional reaction from you. He enjoys having that power over you. It's highly disrespectful and you're giving him permission to do it. I'd be acting unconcerned and not giving him a damn thing. Then playing him at his own game by being more successful at picking up than he is in front of his face. But that's not a lot of fun. Or a way to build trust and intimacy. Cut him off dude. Tell him you were unimpressed by his manipulative behaviour and transparent attempts to get an emotional response and until you feel more properly appreciated you will be strictly plutonic - incl no physical contact. If he keeps pulling the innocent card - call him on it, every guy over 16 knows you don't flaunt other women in front of another - no matter what the relationship basis is. Then stick to it. If you keep acting slightly distant with him he'll be crawling back an applogising within a fortnight. You teach people how to treat you. haha love the way you think Archgirl - wish I had your guts and wisdom! I do agree he is trying to get an emotional reaction out of me and you are right, he is a master manipulator when he wants to be. I on the other other hand, treat people the way I would like to be treated and believe in karma, therefore I dont play games of the heart. I sometimes wish I could give some people a dose of their own medicine but 2 wrongs dont make a right and I would be left feeling guilty afterwards (I blame it on my parents' upbringing). Low self-confidence leads to unhealthy boundaries which leads to poor relationships. Thank you for your advice. xx
Author traceym Posted May 4, 2013 Author Posted May 4, 2013 He does it because he's insecure. A good probability.
Author traceym Posted May 4, 2013 Author Posted May 4, 2013 In my experience, girls that get hit on a lot are openly flirtatious and invited the attention. I go out with women that are ridiculously attractive and it is a rare case for guys to try to hit on them. I go out with women that are attractive and I can't turn my back on them without some guy trying to hit on her. Why is it the girl that is ridiculously attractive not constantly getting hit on while the girl I have been with that is not even as attractive is constantly getting "unwanted" attention? It's your attitude. You invite guys to try. It is disrespectful for the guy you are with. I wouldn't bother trying to give you a taste of your own ****, I'd just actually go for a different girl. Not make like I am. In my experience, girls like that should not be taken seriously. Imported, anyone who knows me, knows that I am a friendly person - I suppose there is a fine line between friendly and flirtatious but I can, with confidence, say that I would never invite attention while being in the company of someone I like. I dont play games, its unnecessary and off-putting. I would also say the difference between ridiculously attractive and just plain old attractive is confidence and personality. 2 women walk into a room, 1 is beautiful, knows it and shows it, the other is less attractive yet has confidence and a friendly smile - who would you be more willing to talk to?
Author traceym Posted May 4, 2013 Author Posted May 4, 2013 As others have suggested, this could very well be his misguided and immature attempt to give you "a taste of your own medicine." How do you respond to guys when they approach you? ExpatInItaly, I think everyone loves attention, it boosts our confidence and self-esteem and theres nothing wrong with that - its how you respond to it that matters. As I said in my previous post, I would never invite unwanted attention while I was with someone I really like just to cause a bit of jealousy. Besides anything else, we always had a good time together, there would be no reason for me to make him jealous. Im not that insecure and Im not into playing games - you either like me or you dont, you cant make someone fall in love with you.
Author traceym Posted May 4, 2013 Author Posted May 4, 2013 LOL. This kid is such a douche bag. I say "kid" because he acts like an 8th grader. Good Christ. And the sad thing is, he's 38, runs a hospital with hundreds of people under him and this is how he manages his relationships.
KraftDinner Posted May 4, 2013 Posted May 4, 2013 I used to go out with a (hot) friend of mine and she'd get way more attention than I did, and yes I was somewhat jealous that she got hit on more than I did but the worst part was that she was "friendly without acting on it." She'd totally give the guys tons of attention and kind of ignore me. You don't have to answer this here, but is it possible that this is what he gets to see when you go out? Was a part of you trying to make HIM a tad jealous?
KraftDinner Posted May 4, 2013 Posted May 4, 2013 I see now that you already addressed that possibility, sorry.
Author traceym Posted May 4, 2013 Author Posted May 4, 2013 Oh my. Your bitter is showing. Again. If you'd actually taken the time to READ the post instead of jumping in just to push your oh-so-bitter agenda (which you've done in every single post since you joined under a different name about 23 minutes ago), you'd see that they're NOT boyfriend and girlfriend. Don't you have a bridge you need to be collecting tolls under? Org, majority of the people who are on this site are going through some emotionally tough times and are talking from the heart hoping to get some help, insight, advice, whatever. We're not hear to get destructive criticism and for someone to break us down further. If you cant think laterally or constructively, you really shouldnt be offering your narrow-minded advice and putting them into deeper despair - you really dont know the levels of anguish someone might be going through.
Author traceym Posted May 4, 2013 Author Posted May 4, 2013 I used to go out with a (hot) friend of mine and she'd get way more attention than I did, and yes I was somewhat jealous that she got hit on more than I did but the worst part was that she was "friendly without acting on it." She'd totally give the guys tons of attention and kind of ignore me. You don't have to answer this here, but is it possible that this is what he gets to see when you go out? Was a part of you trying to make HIM a tad jealous? I do understand that he might get a tad jealous by the attention I get every now and then but he knows it wasn't solicited and he also knows I never acted on it - why would I need to when the one I love is right in front of me. The more I think and write about it here, the more I realise there really is no excuse for his behaviour.
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