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Just sad tonight

bellasue

By bellasue
in The Other Man / Woman

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bellasue Established Member

bellasue

Posted
Posted

I want something from xMM. I miss you, I love you, I want you. Nothing. I know I need to be strong, but damn I just want *something* from him. I know, I am completely lame. I just want to curl up and cry.

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Lillyfree Established Member

Lillyfree

Posted
Posted

then curl up and cry :)

 

it will feel better once you get some of it out.

 

and when you get up, go and do something that makes you feel good.

 

it's not the end of the world, it will feel awful for a while and then it will get better.

 

*hugs*

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ComingInHot Established Member

ComingInHot

Posted
Posted

I think it's hard to want something from someone who can't or won't give it.

I hope that each day you struggle to move past the A, for all the things you want from exMM, you can fine one of those things from yourself or surprisingly by someone else.

 

It is alright to cry, scream, write in order to get it out.

Time REALLY is both your best friend and worst enemy right now.

 

Try this a couple times;

For everything you feel you have lost and each time you think of those thing/s, think of something you've gained or reclaimed.*

 

Ex:

I want ex's Love... okay, now... I am so thankful I have the love of ____________ (bff, sibling, parent/s, yourself)

 

I wish you well*

  • Like 1
DelusionalOne Established Member

DelusionalOne

Posted
Posted
I want something from xMM. I miss you, I love you, I want you. Nothing. I know I need to be strong, but damn I just want *something* from him. I know, I am completely lame. I just want to curl up and cry.

You are not lame. You are hurting. And it's justified. I understand what you are feeling I have felt it myself many times. You just want something, anything, that will tell you that it wasn't all a lie, that it wasn't all Just some twisted game on his part. You want to know that his feelings were real and that he still has them for you. It's okay to feel that way. But you can't let them drag you down. What you are looking for may never happen and if it does it probably isn't going to be a good thing. Because nothing will have changed. As much as it sucks, the reality is is that he really doesn't care. Right now he is taking a deep sigh of relief that he escaped virtually unscathed. He is convincing himself and his wife that he never really loved you that he thought he did but he really didn't And they just need to work on their marriage to be happy again. It's sad but true.

 

I have been on both sides if this fence and I assure you, the bucket of crap he is feeding his wife is no more real than the bucket of crap he was feeding you. He may have chosen to stay with her for a variety of reasons but NOT because he had some kind of epiphany of love and devotion to his W and family....and I am not saying that he doesn't love them... He's just spewing a lot of crap around right now.

 

Don't focus on him. Focus on you. Take care of you so when he does slither back with some breadcrumbs you will be strong enough to tell him to shove them up his arse!

  • Like 4
Athens Established Member

Athens

Posted
Posted

Delusional One- I have to disagree- not all reconciling men are feeding their wives crap- we have had very open and honest conversations about his feelings towards our OW and where we are now. As men move further from their affairs, they get clarity- what felt like something strong sometimes in hindsight was not- I know that as he talks and thinks he realizes that their relationship was not what it seemed- while most marriages start from a positive place, most affairs start from lies and deceit which is not usually a strong foundation for anything lasting.

 

Now to the OP- I am sorry you are hurting, no one wants anyone to feel like crap-all I can say, is focus on you- that is what pulled me through my worst days-eat well, sleep when you can and above all do something just for you- for me, its yoga- I love the focus on me- something I had lost along the way-

 

Hang in there and remember, focus on you-probably for the first time in so long-

DelusionalOne Established Member

DelusionalOne

Posted
Posted
Delusional One- I have to disagree- not all reconciling men are feeding their wives crap- we have had very open and honest conversations about his feelings towards our OW and where we are now. As men move further from their affairs, they get clarity- what felt like something strong sometimes in hindsight was not- I know that as he talks and thinks he realizes that their relationship was not what it seemed- while most marriages start from a positive place, most affairs start from lies and deceit which is not usually a strong foundation for anything lasting.

 

Now to the OP- I am sorry you are hurting, no one wants anyone to feel like crap-all I can say, is focus on you- that is what pulled me through my worst days-eat well, sleep when you can and above all do something just for you- for me, its yoga- I love the focus on me- something I had lost along the way-

 

Hang in there and remember, focus on you-probably for the first time in so long-

 

You are absolutely allowed to disagree with me. And I remember in vivid detail the "very open and honest conversations about his feelings towards our OW and where we are now. As men move further from their affairs, they get clarity- what felt like something strong sometimes in hindsight was not". I, in all sincerity, hope it all works out for you.

  • Like 1
Mycatsnuggles Established Member

Mycatsnuggles

Posted
Posted

How I wish he could have been honest with me. I would have loved to hear the last day. "I no longer (never) loved you".

 

They don't have the guts. Honestely, I don't thing they can be honest with themselves enough to admit to their feelings. They do believe they loved us and miss us but we no longer give them the all consuming high they are looking for so they have moved on. Be thankful your not his wife. She is truly the one to feel sorry for. You escaped - no matter how much it hurts. She has to live her life with a lying bastard.

  • Like 1
DelusionalOne Established Member

DelusionalOne

Posted
Posted
Be thankful your not his wife. She is truly the one to feel sorry for. You escaped - no matter how much it hurts. She has to live her life with a lying bastard.

 

This really is very true.

DelusionalOne Established Member

DelusionalOne

Posted
Posted (edited)
Delusional One- I have to disagree- not all reconciling men are feeding their wives crap- we have had very open and honest conversations about his feelings towards our OW and where we are now. As men move further from their affairs, they get clarity- what felt like something strong sometimes in hindsight was not- I know that as he talks and thinks he realizes that their relationship was not what it seemed- while most marriages start from a positive place, most affairs start from lies and deceit which is not usually a strong foundation for anything lasting.

 

Now to the OP- I am sorry you are hurting, no one wants anyone to feel like crap-all I can say, is focus on you- that is what pulled me through my worst days-eat well, sleep when you can and above all do something just for you- for me, its yoga- I love the focus on me- something I had lost along the way-

 

Hang in there and remember, focus on you-probably for the first time in so long-

Athens, I remember your story now... Your the one with the OW that appears to be a little unhinged. If you talked to both and the stories line up, that's great. And I really do wish you all the success in you reconciliation.

 

You got to remember though... A lot of us out here got the "I'm leaving her... She's such a .... She did this and she didn't do this" kind of stuff. While my xMM didn't necessarily bash his W... He told me an awful lot of things (in writing-idiot) that I am absolutely sure would hurt her deeply and completely derail any reconciliation attempt. He is damn lucky I am not a bunny boiler.

 

I know some of the outright lies my DH told his OW about me... You can reconcile, do MC, work on the marriage, the A fades into a blur... But you NEVER forget the words... No matter how many times the apologize for it and tell you they didn't mean them.

Edited by DelusionalOne
  • Like 1
Athens Established Member

Athens

Posted
Posted

Delusional, yes, I am the on with the crazed OW. I think that is why I advocate so much for healing for the sake of ones self rather than for the other person. It's truly hard to say what is true and untrue in these situations, but I do know that if you do not heal for you and put you first you are doing yourself a great disservice. I love my husband, but you know what, I am doing this for me, to know that I am better prepared than ever for what life throws at me.

 

Take care!

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