Jilly10340 Posted September 23, 2004 Posted September 23, 2004 he actually sent me an email today. He said that the point of not seeing me for a few days was so that he could see how strongly he missed me and how strong his feelings were for me and he called me last night because he missed me and wanted to hear my voice. But after I dumped him he realized that things weren't not going to work or change and that it was all my fault that it didn't work out. I told him that if he really cared he would have came over the minute he made up his mind about me and he would have made time for me in his "busy" schedule. I just asked him when he wanted to come get some of his clothes. he said that he was super busy this week which is something i couldn't understand before so it would have to be next week. I said that yeah, I know he has such a demanding life. You know, going out drinking with friends and smoking pot with his roommate can be soooooo exhausting. I told him that his clothes may be there next week or they may not. He then said that I was crazy and I said no, that I was just tired of being stepped on. Any opinions?
CurlyIam Posted September 23, 2004 Posted September 23, 2004 From this point forward remember you have the game into your own little pretty hands. You can: A. Mail all his clothes, no explinations neede, over, the end, finito, kaput B. Not send him his clothes... which means you can: 1. settle a date when he can come so that you won't be home. 2. be home and... I don't know, either humiliate him, make himfeel like crap for the jerk that he has been or actually be cold and polite and show him the door or be opened to discussion. Now... may I ask if he has any chance with you? What do you think? As I said before, it's all about what you want from him. So... do you? Allow him another go? or is it Revenge you're after? What will it be?
Author katie79 Posted September 23, 2004 Author Posted September 23, 2004 Jilly- You were not being childish at all. In fact, you were being a mature adult about this. OMG. I didn't know you were together w/him that long. I thought you two were dating for more like 3 months or something. Getting rid of him was long overdue! Think I'll pick that book up on my lunch break today! LOL! Not ALL men are like this, but most can be when they find a woman who allows them to treat them like that. One of her ways of communicating that is waiting for him in whatever way, accepting his crumbs, and giving him excuses for his behavior. And I'm one to talk, I did the same thing like an idiot. No more though. Men like to test waters and see just how far you'll go; how much he can get away with. Why must he wait till next week? That makes no sense. He sounds weird. My fiancee wouldn't put up with that excuse from me and vice/versa. Maybe somethings really the matter with him that you wouldn't want to be a part of anyway. Men out there in love don't make their dreamgirl wait. In fact, when he's really fallen for you, he'll do what he can to avoid you from running or doubting him. He'll go the extra mile. He pursues. Whatever issues he has he fixes. They aren't obsticles to prevent him from being with you at all. Men who disagree with me prob haven't been seriously in love. So there you have it. Does this book change my outlook? Ummm...YES! Why would that bother a guy anyway? Most of you don't want an annoying woman clinging onto you anyway.
Merin Posted September 23, 2004 Posted September 23, 2004 I read the book.... Why did I get it.... Because I have spent the last 2 years trying to "Figure my boyfriend out" Why he SAYS one thing, and DOES another.... while a book or a television program isn't going to change my life, IF a book or a television program helps me or Jilly or Katie or anyone of us to find understanding, then there is no damage in that. I wouldn't say that you should read the book, then read what you want to into it, make a hasty decision and dump your man... and amazingly enough there is a lot of content in the book, that I didn't really want to "believe" but know is true... Obviously IF you choose to read the book, you have to apply your own situation to it, sort through what might apply to you and what doesn't... but bottomline be honest about it if with no one else... youself. This isn't a book for people who have an "awesome" relationship with thier guy... you know that guy that calls when he says he will, shows you that he cares about you, doesn't give you mixed messages.... this isn't a book for the ladies who have that guy who is all about having great communication and are open to discussing issues that may be in the relationship. It is light hearted, but it is straight forward.... Again, it probably isn't going to change your life.... but I really think that it will help you gain some insight or perspective on understanding some of those mixed message that we women often times like to commiserate with our girlfriends over even when we really already know the answer... like how often have you said or one of your girlfriends pondered.... "Why hasn't he called me, he seemed so into me, and it's been 2 weeks since I've heard from him" well we pretty much know the answer don't we ladies? LOL BUT because your girlfriends love you they sit with you and tell you "Well gee, I'm sure he has just been busy" whhhaatttt? Yeah busy with someone else! LOL Don't count on the book to change your life, or change your relationships.... but find some humor in it, find some perspective and apply it when it's needed. Jilly.... you're a very pretty girl, and clever... you deserve a damn phone call for real! My two and a half cents
Jilly10340 Posted September 23, 2004 Posted September 23, 2004 Okay....update. After I wrote him the email telling him that I was tired of being stepped on he wrote back and the butt kissing commenced. He went on to tell me that I'm an incredibly sweet girl and he still wants to sit down and talk about things with me. I told him that sure we can talk because he needs to get his clothes anyway. I told him that I didn't see what there was talk about but at least we could have some closure. I've never walked from a relationship on bad terms. I've always remained friends with all my ex's. I just told him not to expect anything more. After I sent him that little note, he writes back and says, "I never got a chance to ask you how your day is going." WTF, ladies, WTF? What is his problem? I dump him, call him a pothead and a alcoholic, and he's now trying to be all up on me? What, the meaner I am the more he likes me? This is just becoming humorous..... What do you think that's all about?
Author katie79 Posted September 23, 2004 Author Posted September 23, 2004 They didn't sell it at Barnes and Nobles, so I guess I'll have to buy it online. Do they only talk about just "dating"? Does he examine committed relationships? Long-term, engagement, or even marital problems? I mean, I don't want to buy this if it's just about how a guy doesn't call after a 1 st date b/c he's not interested. Women have more problems w/relationships than "casual dating". Can you elaborate pls?
Merin Posted September 23, 2004 Posted September 23, 2004 Originally posted by katie79 They didn't sell it at Barnes and Nobles, so I guess I'll have to buy it online. Do they only talk about just "dating"? Does he examine committed relationships? Long-term, engagement, or even marital problems? I mean, I don't want to buy this if it's just about how a guy doesn't call after a 1 st date b/c he's not interested. Women have more problems w/relationships than "casual dating". Can you elaborate pls? Katie, I got my copy at Barnes and Noble last week... No they also talk about long term relationships, and have a section in there for relationships when or if you are the OW in the relationship with a MM. The guy who co~authored the book is now a married guy and he talks about that some.... This book is more than just the "casual dating" it looks at what is happening in long term relationships as well as the first or second date things... OR how about those guys who just seem to "vanish" LMAO OMG! It's a good read.... I got my 2 closest girlfriends the book as well... This book is by two of the writers/producers of the show "Sex in the City"
Jilly10340 Posted September 23, 2004 Posted September 23, 2004 How much does the book cost. I was thinking about getting it.
Merin Posted September 23, 2004 Posted September 23, 2004 Originally posted by Jilly10340 How much does the book cost. I was thinking about getting it. It's a new release, so it's not in paperback yet, Damn it! LOL The price is 19 dollars... on the new release shelf at Barnes and Nobel... could always check out Borders as well Katie, if you can't find it at your Barnes. If either one of you (Jilly or Katie) get it, let me know what you think!
Jilly10340 Posted September 23, 2004 Posted September 23, 2004 I looked it up on border.com. It's nineteen if you buy it in the store but 13 if you buy it online. They ship it in 2-3 days. I'll probably go and buy it tonight. I got nothing better to do now that I got rid of the idiot. Now I just find it amusing that he's doing some major butt kissing to get me to talk to him again (refer to a few posts back.)
Merin Posted September 23, 2004 Posted September 23, 2004 Originally posted by Jilly10340 I looked it up on border.com. It's nineteen if you buy it in the store but 13 if you buy it online. They ship it in 2-3 days. I'll probably go and buy it tonight. I got nothing better to do now that I got rid of the idiot. Now I just find it amusing that he's doing some major butt kissing to get me to talk to him again (refer to a few posts back.) LOL Yeah Free time without an idiot around Ugh! It's wierd how that can happen sometimes isn't it? When you've bent over backwards to make your guy happy... how some of them just seem to take and take and never give sh*t in return.... then you take a different route say f*ck this, tell them to get lost... and WOW look at that... "I looovveeeee you girl!" blah! LOL I hope you like the book Jilly;)
Scangie Posted September 23, 2004 Posted September 23, 2004 They didn't sell it at Barnes and Nobles, so I guess I'll have to buy it online. They do sell it at B & N, but if yours is like mine -- they sold out quickly! I went this morning to get the book, and they had already completely sold out and I was 38th on the waiting list to get one Guess I'll try the Internet... it will be faster!
Jilly10340 Posted September 23, 2004 Posted September 23, 2004 I think guys just like the chase. When they already have you then they pull away. They like the challenge of chasing and pursuing you. What dillholes...
Jilly10340 Posted September 23, 2004 Posted September 23, 2004 That was the only word that I could think of that would describe their true nature. Oh, and I called everywhere. The book is sold out.
Author katie79 Posted September 23, 2004 Author Posted September 23, 2004 Damn! And I live in New York! Figure here things like this would be abundant! I ordered it online. I think I'm helping this guy advertise his book! hehehehe He should pay me! Kidding! Yeah, Jilly, some men like the chase only. But they are separate from the ones that leave once they have you. Most guys stay stimulated b/c enough chemistry is there to keep him stimulated. The other dudes who get bored after getting you suck anyway. I dated someone like that once. I was 17 and he called me almost everyday asking me out. He turned out to be a dud. Once he had me(I really wasn't interested in him anyhow, I just went out with him cuz he kept nagging me and I had nothing else to do for the momment), he started being an a$$. He kept trying to make me jealous and it didn't work. He kept saying how he was interested in another girl, etc. I wound up blowing him off.
Jilly10340 Posted September 23, 2004 Posted September 23, 2004 I ended up ordering the book online also. It was cheaper that way so it's a plus. It'll just take longer to get here. I've never had a guy treat me like crap before. I've never had a guy just chase me then act like a total jerk once he had me before this. I hate mean guys.....
SoleMate Posted September 23, 2004 Posted September 23, 2004 Jilly, you did the right thing, and I am so glad to hear it! So proud of you for being strong! It's a refreshing change after reading on Loveshack about so many women who cling to a man who barely gives them the time of day. Even as tenacious and loyal as you are, you have a limit, and you reached it. Faux, I respect your point of view, but I don't think you had all the facts. If Jilly's ex really wanted to hang on to her, he would have been crawling over broken beer bottles to talk to her face to face after she had been begging him to. He just made it clear - for the umpteenth time - that she doesn't even crack the Top Ten on his priority list. Jilly - And now he is back after you. That may feel good, but PLEASE don't let him hook you again. You already know the ending to this story. Also...this pattern may be common among men, but there actually are plenty out there who know a good thing when they have one. So don't give up expecting that. You give, and he should too.
Merin Posted September 23, 2004 Posted September 23, 2004 Originally posted by katie79 Damn! And I live in New York! Figure here things like this would be abundant! I ordered it online. I think I'm helping this guy advertise his book! hehehehe He should pay me! Kidding! Yeah, Jilly, some men like the chase only. But they are separate from the ones that leave once they have you. Most guys stay stimulated b/c enough chemistry is there to keep him stimulated. The other dudes who get bored after getting you suck anyway. I dated someone like that once. I was 17 and he called me almost everyday asking me out. He turned out to be a dud. Once he had me(I really wasn't interested in him anyhow, I just went out with him cuz he kept nagging me and I had nothing else to do for the momment), he started being an a$$. He kept trying to make me jealous and it didn't work. He kept saying how he was interested in another girl, etc. I wound up blowing him off. LOL I got the book last week.... It is probably sold out a lot of places now because of the exposure on Oprah.... There is a CO~Author of the book as well, her name is Liz... but for real, LOL they should pay you!
Merin Posted September 23, 2004 Posted September 23, 2004 There is this awesome part in the book that stays in my mind.... Let me share it with you.... When you start making the excuse for your guys crappy behaviour as to why he is blowing you off or not making time for the relationship by saying he is just BUSY right now.... BUSY is another word for A**HOLE, A**HOLE is another word for the Guy you're been dating:lmao:
Jilly10340 Posted September 23, 2004 Posted September 23, 2004 LOL That's awesome! I can't wait to get the book. My mom still hasn't stopped talking about the show. If what she says is as good as what the guy who wrote the book says then the book should be awesome. It feels good to finally stick up for yourself and not let yourself be treated like crap.
Matilda Posted September 24, 2004 Posted September 24, 2004 Did anyone see the show on Wednesday about the book "He's Just Not Into You." It seems like a good book for dating single women to read. I wish I had it to read when I was dating. http://www.oprah.com/relationships/relationships_content.jhtml?contentId=con_20040922_datingtips.xml In their new book, He's Just Not That Into You, Greg and Liz have written a set of new dating standards for women. They want women to raise the bar for themselves. Standard-Raising Suggestions I will not go out with a man who: (a) Keeps me waiting by the phone (b) Is not sure he wants to date me © Makes me feel sexually undesirable (d) Drinks or does drugs to an extent that makes me uncomfortable (e) Fears talking about our future (f) Is married I will not, under any circumstances, spend my precious time with a man who has already rejected me or who is not clearly a good, kind, loving person. I especially like this quote: Bad boy: A bad boy is just a bad boy. Stay away. If you're dating somebody that's a bad boy, that's just your fault. If you say "my boyfriend's kind of a bad boy," I feel bad for you. If you say, "I like bad boys" well, then I don't feel bad for you. If you say, "I like things that don't work." Okay, good for you. Generally, guys with low self-esteem aren't worth the trouble. They're just not. And especially this sentence: "I like things that don't work." Exactly! Think about the choices you are making.
Fritz Posted September 24, 2004 Posted September 24, 2004 In their new book, He's Just Not That Into You, Greg and Liz have written a set of new dating standards for women. They want women to raise the bar for themselves. Standard-Raising Suggestions I will not go out with a man who: (a) Keeps me waiting by the phone (b) Is not sure he wants to date me © Makes me feel sexually undesirable (d) Drinks or does drugs to an extent that makes me uncomfortable (e) Fears talking about our future (f) Is married Sensible policies for sensible people. Thanks to oprah for finally bringing this to the forefront of our social consciousness.
CurlyIam Posted September 25, 2004 Posted September 25, 2004 Hi, Jilly I think I'll answer your question about that guy. He's trying to disarm you, pose as the sensitiv, intelligent guy who makes sharp statements in order to get some attention. HE starts asking you questions, actually trying to create the impression you are important to him, that he's thinking about you. A good answer would be:"I'll talk about that next week, 'cause I'm rather busy at the moment". My pov: you're dealing with a player here. Although I'm sure he's charming and quite a catch, be tough enough to limit any type of conversation with him.If you allow it, he'll play his little part and convince you to get him back. My impression is that he knows very well how to deal with women, that he has experience. He ain't worth it. If he did this now, Jil, during the first month, when he should have been most nice and kind and attentive, what will he do 5 months from now when you'll have no new thing to attract him? Maybe he realizd he made a mistake. But nice guys come to your door and admit it out in the open, they don't play stupid mind games. Be strong and don't give in. You desirve better than this!
Jilly10340 Posted September 25, 2004 Posted September 25, 2004 He's coming over next week to get his clothes, although he thinks he's coming over to "talk." What if he does admit that he was wrong? Should I still cast him off as a player, or even bother to stick around (non-commited dating) and see if he changes? Should I tell him exactly what I want from him and tell him that if he doesn't want to give me that then I'll find another guy who will?
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