Estate Posted May 2, 2013 Posted May 2, 2013 Hi everyone... So just posing a question. Since the beginning of the year I've met and dated a few girls (yes, some seemed a little crazy before anyone cities my last topic) but a lot were quite nice. I just didn't feel anything "special" being there though... so I took a step back. Once upon a time, if a girl so much as showed interest in me that was enough to want to date her... but I've grown a lot. I'm a much more confident guy now and have worked on many aspects of myself and I begun to realise, it's not so hard to meet new women, I do have some options. Also, because of my LTR's in the past, I begun to realise that just dating someone because they were "there" doesn't always make for the greatest longterm thing, there has to be something more there. So the last week or so I began meeting people. I've had lots of replies to OLD and I've met girls during the day and at night. Right now I ahve 2 dates lined up early next week and have a few more in the pipeline if I chose to follow through. The things is... I can't make up my mind. I want to feel that "spark" or the tingle in my stomach at the thought of meeting a girl. That's been lacking for a while with anyone I've met. Maybe since women don't seem so "scarce" anymore I've just become a little immune to it. I've turned down girls that in the past I'd have jumped at. Looking at my OLD inbox right now there are messages from girls I'd have definitely jumped at before but right now I'm looking at them going "Eh? I don't know..." Sometimes I feel like just blowing off the dates because I feel there might be someone even better around the corner. But I hate being flakey. I go and really wish meeting this girl in person will be the difference and she will turn out to be really awesome but it's not very often that's the case. I don't know what I want to do. On one hand I think it's good for me to just go out, go on dates and see where or if things go anywhere but on the other hand I feel like if I'm not sold on someone already, maybe I should just not bother and wait for that one special one to come along... dating is time consuming not to mind expensive... I generally like to take girls somewhere nice and pay since I think it's only right if I ask them out. When people here "multi-date"... do you often accept dates from people you're not sure you like to see what might come of it and the experience, or do you wait for only people you are really into?
BluEyeL Posted May 2, 2013 Posted May 2, 2013 I usually go out with people from OLD that I'm not "really into", because before I meet them, I'm not "really into" anyone. I have some general criteria and if the fit in, I go out with them and see who they are. In my stint, this worked, as I liked at least 2 of the people I met, who didn't "look" great in pictures at all, for example. Takes some time to be into someone, and that's the main problem with this way of dating, it is "express dating". Feelings of sorts need time to develop, we just don't give it a chance, because there are other options "in the store".
Author Estate Posted May 2, 2013 Author Posted May 2, 2013 So you're willing to put in all that work to change and improve yourself in reading, working out, building a business, etc, etc, etc.... But refuse to improve yourself in terms of dating? Sounds a bit hypocritical... or just plain lazy or scared. It's you're life, waste it how you want. Where have I read that before?
ddc579 Posted May 2, 2013 Posted May 2, 2013 So you're willing to put in all that work to change and improve yourself in reading, working out, building a business, etc, etc, etc.... But refuse to improve yourself in terms of dating? Sounds a bit hypocritical... or just plain lazy or scared. It's you're life, waste it how you want. You might want to ease up on the CTRL-V, buddy. 1
Leigh 87 Posted May 2, 2013 Posted May 2, 2013 Wait for the spark! You will just feel it, and it may be with a girl your not that attracted to, physically speaking! My boyfriend felt a connection to me from just talking to me for a few minutes. Sometimes, you really just "feel" something about a women, which makes you take notice of them, and become increasingly interested in them. Yes, you have to be attracted enough to them to have sex with them! In my case, I am not attractive in the face, but I had a great body that made him horny enough to have sex with me. He passed up attractive girls in order to be with me, so it really is about a "feeling" you get about a women.
TheGuard13 Posted May 2, 2013 Posted May 2, 2013 If the "spark" you're after is chemistry, you probably won't really feel that unless you meet and interact with the person. That's kind of the point of dating.
sillyanswer Posted May 2, 2013 Posted May 2, 2013 When people here "multi-date"... do you often accept dates from people you're not sure you like to see what might come of it and the experience, or do you wait for only people you are really into? Yes, the first option, because I don't know if I'll like them without going on a date. (But they still need to have good photos, and preferably a common interest.)
salparadise Posted May 2, 2013 Posted May 2, 2013 I've been in this situation several times. I've had in-person first meetings with a lot of women, and two or three relationships (depending on definition) from online meetings, and here's a somewhat surprising thing that I've learned that runs contrary to my earlier logic and assumptions... I can feel the chemistry, or lack thereof, before actually meeting the person. It's a learned skill and it's not perfectly reliable but nevertheless, it's consistent enough to take seriously. It's definitely not about how hot they seem in their pics, although that probably factors into the overall impression. It's mostly about communication style. I have finally figured out that to some degree, the feel of a woman's style and patterns in messaging and on the phone correlates to the chemistry that will ultimately be felt in the first meeting and beyond. I've had it fail significantly only once, and that was with a woman who is a professional writer, so it might have been that she was adept at control rather than letting it flow freely. I thought we'd have chemistry and it just wasn't there. She seemed completely different and it's still puzzling. In each of the relationships that did work out, the degree of chemistry was definitely felt before the first meeting. After once swearing I'd never again drive a significant distance to meet someone I'd met online, I felt so much chemistry with one woman that I rode through six states to meet her and it work out wonderfully. I think it's just a matter of experience, knowing cognitively what appeals to you emotionally, and learning to feel a person's vibe through their written word and voice. Rhythm is also a factor. Someone who is inconsistent in responding to messages, or who has a pattern of ignoring questions asked of them, will probably be that way in person as well. So I tend to discount based on rhythm and consistency.
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