brightlitbluesky Posted May 2, 2013 Posted May 2, 2013 I just found this forum and have been reading through some posts before I decided to finally join in. This is long, but here's my story: I've been married to my husband for three and a half years. We had some rocky times in the past (including him serving a six month term in jail, where I worked two jobs in order to pay for his lawyer and bills.) About a month after he got home from jail I became pregnant. We were both thrilled, as we had been trying for some years. At the time my husband had gotten a 28 hour a week job making next to nothing. I have always had a good job, that pays well and work full time. I told him as soon as I became pregnant that I needed to rely on him more, and that I wanted to be able to stay home with our child for a few months after he was born. So, he had nine full months to find a better job, or even just a second job. However, this never happened. We fight constantly about everything, and he publicly embarrasses me every time we go somewhere (he's screamed some pretty terrible names at me across parking lots, grocery stores, parties, etc..) Six weeks after delivering our beautiful son I realize we cannot afford to pay our bills, and I must return to work. So, I go without too much complaint, letting him know he still needs to try and find something better himself. A week after I return to work I find out he has been cheating on me with another man, and with a woman. That while I was at home taking care of our child he was out with other people. Because I am possibly insane, I give him the benefit of the doubt and forgive him, I give him another chance. Say let's work through this. (I had cheated on him in the past, and he had forgiven me, it's only fair.) However, a month after this I find out he is having daily chats and sending messages back and forth with the woman. For some reason I still can't leave him. I still can't let go. So I stay on. Now my son is almost 8 months old, my husband and I have been fighting daily and the fights are truly terrible. The other day he told me he wanted to stab me in the face. That was the final straw. I told him I could have no more of that, and I am moving out. So, here I am, moving out of our apartment in two days with my son. I am truly devastated, but also wanting him to beg me to stay for some reason. I want our family to work, but it is too flawed. We tried counseling after the infidelity but it really hasn't helped. I guess this is the end, and I am really terrified about the future. My parents were together from the time they were teenagers until my father passed away in his 60's. I never thought I would be a single mom. I feel like a failure in every way. Thanks to anyone who managed to make their way through this long post, I really appreciate it. Just needed to get this out. I have a long road ahead of me, and I really need support to stay strong, to stay my ground and to not listen to my husband's excuses and sob stories. I can't live like this any more, and I don't want my son to witness the verbal abuse.
coaches24 Posted May 2, 2013 Posted May 2, 2013 Hang in there, you are doing the right thing for both you and your son from the sound of it. They say time heals all wounds and while its extremely hard at first (Im in the middle of a terrible time in my marriage as well) you have to keep pushing ahead and do right by your son. When your ready you can find someone who will treat you right and then your son can see what a loving relationship looks like. I just found this forum and have been reading through some posts before I decided to finally join in. This is long, but here's my story: I've been married to my husband for three and a half years. We had some rocky times in the past (including him serving a six month term in jail, where I worked two jobs in order to pay for his lawyer and bills.) About a month after he got home from jail I became pregnant. We were both thrilled, as we had been trying for some years. At the time my husband had gotten a 28 hour a week job making next to nothing. I have always had a good job, that pays well and work full time. I told him as soon as I became pregnant that I needed to rely on him more, and that I wanted to be able to stay home with our child for a few months after he was born. So, he had nine full months to find a better job, or even just a second job. However, this never happened. We fight constantly about everything, and he publicly embarrasses me every time we go somewhere (he's screamed some pretty terrible names at me across parking lots, grocery stores, parties, etc..) Six weeks after delivering our beautiful son I realize we cannot afford to pay our bills, and I must return to work. So, I go without too much complaint, letting him know he still needs to try and find something better himself. A week after I return to work I find out he has been cheating on me with another man, and with a woman. That while I was at home taking care of our child he was out with other people. Because I am possibly insane, I give him the benefit of the doubt and forgive him, I give him another chance. Say let's work through this. (I had cheated on him in the past, and he had forgiven me, it's only fair.) However, a month after this I find out he is having daily chats and sending messages back and forth with the woman. For some reason I still can't leave him. I still can't let go. So I stay on. Now my son is almost 8 months old, my husband and I have been fighting daily and the fights are truly terrible. The other day he told me he wanted to stab me in the face. That was the final straw. I told him I could have no more of that, and I am moving out. So, here I am, moving out of our apartment in two days with my son. I am truly devastated, but also wanting him to beg me to stay for some reason. I want our family to work, but it is too flawed. We tried counseling after the infidelity but it really hasn't helped. I guess this is the end, and I am really terrified about the future. My parents were together from the time they were teenagers until my father passed away in his 60's. I never thought I would be a single mom. I feel like a failure in every way. Thanks to anyone who managed to make their way through this long post, I really appreciate it. Just needed to get this out. I have a long road ahead of me, and I really need support to stay strong, to stay my ground and to not listen to my husband's excuses and sob stories. I can't live like this any more, and I don't want my son to witness the verbal abuse.
Once_a_sunshine Posted May 2, 2013 Posted May 2, 2013 You are not insane and you are not alone. I have let my cheating husband back into my life probably 15 times for the past 5 years. And today, I regret that I didn't get on that plane 4 years ago, because he begged me to stay. I could have recovered, I could have gotten better during that time and maybe even started my personal life over by now. Don't be me! Move out, start over. It will hurt, but it will get better. Staying will only leave you stewing in resentment. Trust me, I have been there. And I'm still there today.
Gunny376 Posted May 2, 2013 Posted May 2, 2013 First you've probally have "programmed" your brain from since an early childhood over and over and over ~ that you would never get divorced ~ you would never put your child through that? "X" that out! Reality! What a concept! Reality? Simply the difference between the way its suppose to be? And the way things are? Mrs Gunny and I don't really argue ~ but we have one thing we fuss about ~ so it may be? Me? Its because she wants me to have this or that, etc. Her wants and needs, then the kids, then grandchildrens wants and needs come before me. If I have to go without? So be it! If I have to make do? So be it! But her wants and needs, the wants and needs of the children, and the grandchildren come before me and my wants and needs. If I have to sleep in a hollow log, drink muddy water, and eat road kill? Then so be it! Its a Marine thing about me? Taking care and providing for others before taking care and providing for your own wants and needs. Its basic "Leadership by example" ~ if they're hungry? I'm twice as hungry! They eat before I do. If they're cold ~ I"m twice as cold! If they're thirsty? I'm twice as thirsty ~ you get the idea? Its really not a Marine thing? Mom's have had the corner on 'this" market LONG before the Marines ever came along and picked up on the idea of such? 1
GuyInLimbo Posted May 2, 2013 Posted May 2, 2013 You are not a failure. He is a grown man and made his own bed. Did you goof in forgiving him? Yep. So take that as a lesson learned. Your #1 priority is to give your child a stable, healthy environment. This guy clearly is NOT part of that equation. A serial cheater? Criminal past? Yeah, time to get the hell away from him for good. 1
SmokeRat Posted May 2, 2013 Posted May 2, 2013 Agree with all the above posters, especially since this 'man' (and I use that term loosely), has threatened you with bodily harm. Walk away, and come to us when you need to vent. We're all behind you ready to support and listen when you need it.
Mr. Lucky Posted May 2, 2013 Posted May 2, 2013 They say time heals all wounds Yes, but stab wounds can take months to heal. Get out and file a restraining order. He's a danger to you and your child... Mr. Lucky
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