EmptyWalls Posted May 2, 2013 Posted May 2, 2013 Well its been a little over 3 months now... shes in a new relationship (online) and from what I can tell she seems to be happy in the honeymoon stage. Shes driving to where he lives this coming week where she will meet him for the first time. She has shared our song, our sayings, my nickname is now his. I couldn't help but feel pain and pity all at the same time. I mean really... talking of marriage and kids to someone whom you haven't met I did not take her to be so naive. Shes been talking to this guy for awhile now. I don't get it.... I don't think she knows that I know shes in a relationship but I do. She has her "boyfriend" now and yet calls me yesterday for a favor when I've been limited to no contact. Since I've confirmed this information I feel different.... I thought it would kill me but I feel almost numb. I still love her but yet I almost feel bad for her and I don't know why. I'm not angry or upset yes it hurts to know shes with another man but... I think or would like to think that its pushed me more into healing than contributing to the spiral down. Its strange she did not pop into my mind the other day until a friend of mine asked me if I had heard from her. I would like to think im healing and moving on but at the same time there is this fear I have that says I can't trust my self or my emotions. I feel something is going to hit me like a ton of bricks soon I hope to god im wrong. How do you'll feel? When a ex enters a new relationship does it help? Is it weird to not be angry or jealous?
McGriff Posted May 2, 2013 Posted May 2, 2013 When I found out my ex was dating someone, it didnt hit me as hard as I thought it would. I mean, don't get me wrong, I would have rather not known, but I wasn't floored or anything. I think it partially had to do with me having someone at the time as well. Maybe if I didn't, it would have been harder, I don't know. I still miss her, but I take solace in knowing that the dude has already cheated on her. Careful what you wish for... 2
CCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCC Posted May 2, 2013 Posted May 2, 2013 Well its been a little over 3 months now... shes in a new relationship (online) and from what I can tell she seems to be happy in the honeymoon stage. Shes driving to where he lives this coming week where she will meet him for the first time. She has shared our song, our sayings, my nickname is now his. I couldn't help but feel pain and pity all at the same time. I mean really... talking of marriage and kids to someone whom you haven't met I did not take her to be so naive. Shes been talking to this guy for awhile now. I don't get it.... I don't think she knows that I know shes in a relationship but I do. She has her "boyfriend" now and yet calls me yesterday for a favor when I've been limited to no contact. Since I've confirmed this information I feel different.... I thought it would kill me but I feel almost numb. I still love her but yet I almost feel bad for her and I don't know why. I'm not angry or upset yes it hurts to know shes with another man but... I think or would like to think that its pushed me more into healing than contributing to the spiral down. Its strange she did not pop into my mind the other day until a friend of mine asked me if I had heard from her. I would like to think im healing and moving on but at the same time there is this fear I have that says I can't trust my self or my emotions. I feel something is going to hit me like a ton of bricks soon I hope to god im wrong. How do you'll feel? When a ex enters a new relationship does it help? Is it weird to not be angry or jealous? I just found out 2 days ago that my ex was in a new relationship, I've been NC and blocked her from everything and still managed to somehow find out, always feared that happening. Anyway, for me I honestly feel worse than I did after the initial break up, I guess because it pretty much severs any hope that you may have had left and you feel replaced. I'm continuing NC and hoping to get out of this funk soon. 2
Author EmptyWalls Posted May 3, 2013 Author Posted May 3, 2013 Thanks for the reply guys! He cheated on her? Wow she probably stayed with him too. I will never understand the thinking in that. This new guy she is with, I think she is setting her self up for a big fail. Its not what I want to believe but its what I feel. Maybe that's not why I'm not so hurt by it. I just found out 2 days ago that my ex was in a new relationship, I've been NC and blocked her from everything and still managed to somehow find out, always feared that happening. Anyway, for me I honestly feel worse than I did after the initial break up, I guess because it pretty much severs any hope that you may have had left and you feel replaced. I'm continuing NC and hoping to get out of this funk soon. That's the best thing to do! I wouldn't say it demolishes all hope but I sure would not hold on to any for your own sake. I don't know... we lived together for a month after the break up and that was pure hell! Seeing her talking to this other guy over the computer. I mean she always seemed to be kind and thoughtful but boy she acted as if I cheated on her or killed somebody. NC NC NC! Love them so much!!! But we deserve better!
JourneyLady Posted May 3, 2013 Posted May 3, 2013 How do you'll feel? When a ex enters a new relationship does it help? Is it weird to not be angry or jealous? Depends on the ex. With ex-husband, he married his AP, and I was not thinking much about it at the time -- I was in a new relationship (the 5 year one) myself and we broke up briefly about the time my ex-husband got married again so I was sad about the break-up instead. If that ex-bf had moved on at that particular time, that, I would have been sad about. (Not now though). 5 year ex-bf.... I don't know if he's moved on or not, but I'd be surprised if he didn't, quite frankly. Bad case of GIGS in him - he won't be alone long and probably will jump at the first good looking thing to come alone. 3 week ex-bf.... Actually I'd be happy for him. He considers himself to be far too damaged (not by me) to try another relationship. But I feel like he won't get past it unless he does -- and works on his emotions. So like I said. It depends on whether I'm over them or not I guess, and whether I expect it that soon.
soccerrprp Posted May 3, 2013 Posted May 3, 2013 I hope my ex moves on and finds someone that will make her happy, not just content. I know what she needs and wants and my heart would break if I found out she settled. Not for my sake, rather hers. I've moved on and come to grips with our failed relationship, so I'm feeling pretty good about our separation. It also helps that she has moved 1500 miles away.
robaday Posted May 3, 2013 Posted May 3, 2013 You know, in the past, id say id feel way worse. But with experience, Ive realised that finality is a good thing, anything to finally make you 100% sure that it is over and done with is good.....and really you should be the minute you know its over but most of us go through denial, etc. My ex did me a huge favor by cutting all ties, then 3 months later bragging about all the guys shed met.....i dont need or want people like her in my life and to be honest rather than be jealous, i just thought well your not my problem. Seriously, the sooner you can reach acceptance the better....
Amelie1980 Posted May 3, 2013 Posted May 3, 2013 Am I the only one who thinks this relationship hasn't started and won't until she meets him?
jovan Posted May 3, 2013 Posted May 3, 2013 Am I the only one who thinks this relationship hasn't started and won't until she meets him? I agree with Amelie. It doesn't mean anything...
bluecrabroll Posted May 3, 2013 Posted May 3, 2013 I hope my ex moves on and finds someone that will make her happy, not just content. I know what she needs and wants and my heart would break if I found out she settled. Not for my sake, rather hers. I've moved on and come to grips with our failed relationship, so I'm feeling pretty good about our separation. It also helps that she has moved 1500 miles away. I hope to reach this place someday. I always feel like time is a crunch for females because of reproductive constraints (biologic clock) and such. I mean.... sure you want everyone to feel happy with their life and be in a happy marriage and these things take time to form without "settling" because they have to.
all_cats_rgray Posted May 3, 2013 Posted May 3, 2013 I have the hardest time believing that he loves her. That one day he will grow out of her. To me I feel he's just with her to not be alone. And to get over me (yes trying to make my ego feel better) But why the f would you take her to the special places we went. Try to recreate memories? What i know from dating is don't take you date to places where you have fond memories of your ex. YOU will always compare the two experiences. And I think one day he will be like "Hey you aren't as awesome as my ex" AND all these thoughts piss me off. Some of them may be true, but all this sound like rants of a bitter ex. He is happy as pie, and so is she, and thats going to last.. for a long time. People will tell you, just wait it will crash and burn. I say just wait, your ex will make it last.
Author EmptyWalls Posted May 10, 2013 Author Posted May 10, 2013 Thanks for the responses all! I thought to my self today or well now yesterday since I didn't sleep. How much of the bolony I tell my self do I really believe? Thought I was past this crap! So shes driving 8 hrs away to meet this guy today!! I keep telling my self not to worry about it and what will be, will be. You know that ton of bricks I was speaking about above? Just hit me in the forehead. Im confident in knowing that I did what I could to salvage this relationship since the break up occurred. I loved her more than anyone truly has including her own parents and I honestly believe that, she even admitted that at one point. After 7 years of not even looking at another woman, I struggle to sort my feelings out for her much less even try to establish anything past a friendship with another woman. Yet shes with another man. ... should tell me all I need to know right? Maybe I just miss my best friend... the best friend I ever had, my baby, my pudding, my love. This is going to be the worst weekend since she broke it off. Lets see what I can make of it, Tuesday can't come quick enough car club and the track. Even that will suck cuz she used to come watch me race 1
Author EmptyWalls Posted May 13, 2013 Author Posted May 13, 2013 Well guess its official, knowing her though it wont last. Im not hoping that but I just know and so does everyone else that knew her or thought they did. Most people are still shocked when I tell them she broke it off and we are no longer together. Seeing them together (her in another mans arms) is upsetting but hmmmm didn't shred a tear. Guess im upset that im not as upset as I should be if that makes any sense? Time to keep moving forward with my plans. Maybe in time that girl who wants to be loved and cherished will pop up, shes out there somewhere. I just hope when I meet her im not to shy to say "hey wanna have coffee some time?". My advice (which I need to take and remind my self everyday). If your in a similar situation, stay strong work on things you know you need to do and want to do. Rather it be exercising, school, better job, etc. Things will get better, they wont get easier its still a fight. Im just learning to be alone again, be happy being me. I was so caught up in her and helping her achieve her goals I forgot who I was. Well its back to the drawing board folks.
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