MidwestUSA Posted May 2, 2013 Posted May 2, 2013 OP, have I told you how much I love your attitude, LOL? Stick to your guns. 1
RedRobin Posted May 3, 2013 Posted May 3, 2013 Sometimes if you play your game you have to play hers. Sorry fella not all women are gonna drop what they are doing Spread their legs jump in bed with you on the drop of A dime got that right. Some of us are pretty wary and weary of the dating treadmill. I agree with Charlie... One more get together wouldn't have killed 'ya. She was willing to pay her share and she was spending her time. Most women aren't going to do that for just anyone. 'friend' or no friend. Not sure why guys get so bent out of shape or calling that game playing. I suppose the ones trying to get 'poosie' by the third date or shortly afterward. Yea, ok, move along. She successfully sorted 'ya. good job, GF (whoever she is!!)
SJC2008 Posted May 3, 2013 Posted May 3, 2013 @CTG: You have openly admitted here that most/all of your gf's have asked you out so to act like you're an expert carrys ZERO weight with me. TBS your "advice" was worth it's weight in gold for it's entertainment/humor value. OP: My eyebrow went up when I read that she said 'I'll talk to you soon' and my gut was confirmed when you got downgraded to bacon and eggs boy. She was being passive aggressive and I bet if you took the cue (all due respect) that she'd talk to you soon and waited you'd of never heard from her again.
SJC2008 Posted May 3, 2013 Posted May 3, 2013 got that right. Some of us are pretty wary and weary of the dating treadmill. I agree with Charlie... One more get together wouldn't have killed 'ya. She was willing to pay her share and she was spending her time. Most women aren't going to do that for just anyone. 'friend' or no friend. Not sure why guys get so bent out of shape or calling that game playing. I suppose the ones trying to get 'poosie' by the third date or shortly afterward. Yea, ok, move along. She successfully sorted 'ya. good job, GF (whoever she is!!) Your tunnel vison is misleading you once again. He agreed to a breakfast date but asked to reschedule thank you very much.
RedRobin Posted May 3, 2013 Posted May 3, 2013 (edited) Your tunnel vison is misleading you once again. He agreed to a breakfast date but asked to reschedule thank you very much. No, it's you guys with one hand on your d*ck and the other on the phone/keyboard, whatever, that is misleading you. Jeez. Chill guys. Not every meeting, date, whatever has to have breadcrumbs leading to your crotch. Capeesh? I've given the 'friend' line to guys who I was interested in, but they were clearly on the fast track. Most of them moved on. One of them didn't, and I'm currently dating him now. Sorry... that is how things are these days. Women who don't like jumping into bed ASAP with a stranger and don't want to be pressured for shyte have to put guys in the so-called friendzone so they will chill the f*ck out or leave. Edited May 3, 2013 by RedRobin
Author ddc579 Posted May 3, 2013 Author Posted May 3, 2013 No, it's you guys with one hand on your d*ck and the other on the phone/keyboard, whatever, that is misleading you. Jeez. Chill guys. Not every meeting, date, whatever has to have breadcrumbs leading to your crotch. Capeesh? I've given the 'friend' line to guys who I was interested in, but they were clearly on the fast track. Most of them moved on. One of them didn't, and I'm currently dating him now. Sorry... that is how things are these days. Women who don't like jumping into bed ASAP with a stranger and don't want to be pressured for shyte have to put guys in the so-called friendzone so they will chill the f*ck out or leave. I'm glad you're working under the assumption that my primary goal was to get her into bed, but again...I don't work that way either. If you have given the friend line and it worked out for you, good for you (although you admitted that most of them moved on). Our first date ended in a hug. No kiss. No other physical contact. A hug and a "good night." I'm not "every other guy," so you really shouldn't make assumptions as such. If I was "every other guy," I would have played into the chase, but I didn't. If I was "every other guy," I would have seen this as a challenge and tried to get a notch under my belt, but I didn't. I prefer respect and honesty, and hence I respectfully stopped the whole thing once she said she wanted to be friends. I'm doing OLD for a relationship, not friends or FWB. Yes, people like us exist. 2
RedRobin Posted May 3, 2013 Posted May 3, 2013 If that was that case an escort would be less trouble. He wouldn't have to wine and diner her, jump hoops and all that crap. ... ah, but the escort is more expensive than a meal and is no challenge. I find the best way to weed guys out is simply time. Not $$... and I don't waste my time (friend or otherwise) on people I don't enjoy being with. Nope. I still think this was a missed opportunity on the OP's part... but I guess we'll never know.
MidwestUSA Posted May 3, 2013 Posted May 3, 2013 ... ah, but the escort is more expensive than a meal and is no challenge. I find the best way to weed guys out is simply time. Not $$... and I don't waste my time (friend or otherwise) on people I don't enjoy being with. Nope. I still think this was a missed opportunity on the OP's part... but I guess we'll never know. I think the missed opportunity was on her part. Guys who know exactly what they are looking for and who don't play games are rare gems. 3
RedRobin Posted May 3, 2013 Posted May 3, 2013 Not every guy is wanting sex on first let alone 2nd date. You have just using it trying prove your point. If OP was after sex he would have done almost anything to meet her. She either lack respect or she's not organized. She doesn't reply to him for more than 2 days. She could have reschedule then but she didn't. OP tried to be flexible but she didn't he couldn't do breakfast. Not too many people change their plans the day before unless it's emergency. Also just because you were interested in guys you dated doesn't mean they were interested you. For whatever reason they moved on. It doesn't necessarily mean they wanted sex from you. Some people don't like to be friend zoned. Some people are just picky because there's there's plenty of women to date. Why would a guy want to be friends? He's expected to pay for dates, entertain her and so. Friend zone to me is I don't trust you or like you. Maybe it could turn out a relationship or not. But dating is more clear of interest. Also she could have picked a different day to meet but she was inflexable and decided to friend zone him. It's a game me or huge lack of respect I surely wouldn't date someone like that. Your lack of respect for men shows and you will probably won't succeed in keeping a man until you do so. I don't expect men to pay for 'dates'. That's so 19th century. I expect we are getting to know each other on an equal playing field. We are both 'spending' our time. Either person is free to walk away at any time. When you are first getting to know someone, all kinds of misunderstandings come up. Here's an example: The guy I'm dating now for instance... I forgot my phone at home the morning of a road race I told him I"d be at. I didn't text or call to confirm I was going to be there... his plans were a little 'iffy' too. So. I went to the race. My enjoyment and plans were not altered by his 'iffiness'... nor were his plans altered by the fact I didn't confirm. He showed up, we had a great time. He smoked me in the race too. *That* I could respect My impression of the interaction with the OP was that plans were fluid. I get that he tried to be flexible. I don't think it was a huge deal that she made it breakfast instead. If he was thinking positive, instead of annoyed, maybe he could have turned that breakfast into an all day activity or another outing. Who knows? all I'm saying is that people deserve more than a date or two to make up their minds about someone.
RedRobin Posted May 3, 2013 Posted May 3, 2013 I think the missed opportunity was on her part. Guys who know exactly what they are looking for and who don't play games are rare gems. ok, whatever makes him feel good. I don't see the scenario he painted as playing games. My impression of guys who think they know 'exactly what they are looking for' is that they don't. Mostly they are getting their cues based on stupid shyte, that had they taken more time, would see through it or picked someone else. Someone else they got to know more organically and not through OLD, usually.
StanMusial Posted May 3, 2013 Posted May 3, 2013 All this over some strange, random girl off the internet. Amazing. 3
Author ddc579 Posted May 3, 2013 Author Posted May 3, 2013 (edited) I don't expect men to pay for 'dates'. That's so 19th century. I expect we are getting to know each other on an equal playing field. We are both 'spending' our time. Either person is free to walk away at any time. When you are first getting to know someone, all kinds of misunderstandings come up. Here's an example: The guy I'm dating now for instance... I forgot my phone at home the morning of a road race I told him I"d be at. I didn't text or call to confirm I was going to be there... his plans were a little 'iffy' too. So. I went to the race. My enjoyment and plans were not altered by his 'iffiness'... nor were his plans altered by the fact I didn't confirm. He showed up, we had a great time. He smoked me in the race too. *That* I could respect My impression of the interaction with the OP was that plans were fluid. I get that he tried to be flexible. I don't think it was a huge deal that she made it breakfast instead. If he was thinking positive, instead of annoyed, maybe he could have turned that breakfast into an all day activity or another outing. Who knows? all I'm saying is that people deserve more than a date or two to make up their minds about someone. I really think you're missing/misinterpreting a key part. I said, "I'm sorry, I can't do it that morning, but I would be more than happy to meet the following day!" (smiley face and all) That's when she said it wouldn't work and that she felt the friend vibe. I didn't have any problem that she tried to make it breakfast -- I just could not do it at that time. I could not break plans that I had made months ago with friends who were coming out of their way to see me. If I did not have plans that morning, I would have happily met her for breakfast. (And last I checked, breakfast isn't prime "booty call" time, so that also defeats your theory of what it is I was "looking for.") If she wanted to have breakfast the next day, I would have done it in a heartbeat...especially since I offered to do it the next day. Edited May 3, 2013 by ddc579
serial muse Posted May 3, 2013 Posted May 3, 2013 I think the missed opportunity was on her part. Guys who know exactly what they are looking for and who don't play games are rare gems. This, exactly. I think he successfully weeded her out, in a way.
RedRobin Posted May 3, 2013 Posted May 3, 2013 I really think you're missing/misinterpreting a key part. I said, "I'm sorry, I can't do it that morning, but I would be more than happy to meet the following day!" (smiley face and all) That's when she said it wouldn't work and that she felt the friend vibe. I didn't have any problem that she tried to make it breakfast -- I just could not do it at that time. I could not break plans that I had made months ago with friends who were coming out of their way to see me. If I did not have plans that morning, I would have happily met her for breakfast. (And last I checked, breakfast isn't prime "booty call" time, so that also defeats your theory of what it is I was "looking for.") If she wanted to have breakfast the next day, I would have done it in a heartbeat...especially since I offered to do it the next day. Sorry it didn't work out. This is one of my biggest gripes with OLD. Too much weirdness and missed cues because there is nothing else to go on. So, what are you looking for... validation you did the right thing? Suggestions for the future? don't know what to tell you....
Author ddc579 Posted May 3, 2013 Author Posted May 3, 2013 Sorry it didn't work out. This is one of my biggest gripes with OLD. Too much weirdness and missed cues because there is nothing else to go on. So, what are you looking for... validation you did the right thing? Suggestions for the future? don't know what to tell you.... In terms of my initial posting? It was shortly after the whole thing happened, so I was trying to comprehend why it went from breakfast to friend within a span of three texts. At the time, I couldn't wrap my head around her logic, but again...it was all very fresh at the time. I've had many dates where I or the date individually or mutually decided it wasn't going any further. In all of those cases, it was one of two things: One or the other flat-out told the other person, "No thanks, I'm not interested."Communication just stopped. It was admittedly this particular situation that stumped me (at the time), because I never quite had it go down this way. I wasn't really looking for validation as to whether or not I did the right thing; I was immediately comfortable with my reaction, even if not everyone agreed with it. My feelings about my reaction have not changed. In fact, I've been in a good place about it since it all happened. The days of me beating myself up are long gone (and trust me -- the "old me" would have beaten myself up for weeks about this). I certainly didn't expect the floodgate of responses I received, and I appreciate anyone taking the time out to post (whether we agreed or disagreed). 1
SJC2008 Posted May 3, 2013 Posted May 3, 2013 No, it's you guys with one hand on your d*ck and the other on the phone/keyboard, whatever, that is misleading you. Jeez. Chill guys. Not every meeting, date, whatever has to have breadcrumbs leading to your crotch. Capeesh? I've given the 'friend' line to guys who I was interested in, but they were clearly on the fast track. Most of them moved on. One of them didn't, and I'm currently dating him now. Sorry... that is how things are these days. Women who don't like jumping into bed ASAP with a stranger and don't want to be pressured for shyte have to put guys in the so-called friendzone so they will chill the f*ck out or leave. I find it funny that you pick your argument with someone who has a good reputation here for not taking sides and having a good moral compass. This thread has nothing to do with sex or guys not wanting to wait. If you're so upset start your own thread. 2
SJC2008 Posted May 3, 2013 Posted May 3, 2013 In terms of my initial posting? It was shortly after the whole thing happened, so I was trying to comprehend why it went from breakfast to friend within a span of three texts. At the time, I couldn't wrap my head around her logic, but again...it was all very fresh at the time. I've had many dates where I or the date individually or mutually decided it wasn't going any further. In all of those cases, it was one of two things: One or the other flat-out told the other person, "No thanks, I'm not interested."Communication just stopped. It was admittedly this particular situation that stumped me (at the time), because I never quite had it go down this way. I wasn't really looking for validation as to whether or not I did the right thing; I was immediately comfortable with my reaction, even if not everyone agreed with it. My feelings about my reaction have not changed. In fact, I've been in a good place about it since it all happened. The days of me beating myself up are long gone (and trust me -- the "old me" would have beaten myself up for weeks about this). I certainly didn't expect the floodgate of responses I received, and I appreciate anyone taking the time out to post (whether we agreed or disagreed). You can post for whatever reasons you want and don't have to explain anything to her. No man can do right in her eyes so you fighting an uphill battle... 1
Imajerk17 Posted May 3, 2013 Posted May 3, 2013 got that right. Some of us are pretty wary and weary of the dating treadmill. I agree with Charlie... One more get together wouldn't have killed 'ya. She was willing to pay her share and she was spending her time. Most women aren't going to do that for just anyone. 'friend' or no friend. Not sure why guys get so bent out of shape or calling that game playing. I suppose the ones trying to get 'poosie' by the third date or shortly afterward. Yea, ok, move along. She successfully sorted 'ya. good job, GF (whoever she is!!) In principle I agree with this, except SHE was the one who made the "I feel this is more of a friendship thing" text. I am wondering why SHE couldn't have waited at least until during or after the breakfast date. At any rate, I couldn't imagine the OP showing up for the "date" without looking a little foolish, even if both parties really were amenable to friendship. Sounded to me that she was following through with breakfast and the offer to pay because she would have felt bad about flaking. 2
serial muse Posted May 3, 2013 Posted May 3, 2013 In principle I agree with this, except SHE was the one who made the "I feel this is more of a friendship thing" text. I am wondering why SHE couldn't have waited at least until during or after the breakfast date. At any rate, I couldn't imagine the OP showing up for the "date" without looking a little foolish, even if both parties really were amenable to friendship. Sounded to me that she was following through with breakfast and the offer to pay because she would have felt bad about flaking. Agree. If a guy had given me the "I see this as more of a friends thing" line, I would have taken it as a polite brush-off, frankly. I wouldn't have gone either. And I agree that the timing is significant - it's not like he was breathing down her neck; they'd had one date two weeks earlier and barely any physical contact, so it seems pretty clear she wasn't trying to slow him down. To say that before even going on a second date is, IMO, tantamount to "I like you, but I met someone else, sorry".
RedRobin Posted May 3, 2013 Posted May 3, 2013 I find it funny that you pick your argument with someone who has a good reputation here for not taking sides and having a good moral compass. This thread has nothing to do with sex or guys not wanting to wait. If you're so upset start your own thread. No argument. Just explaining why some women tell men (especially ones they meet online) that they would prefer to be friends... I've never used the 'lets be friends' as a brush off. I only say that to men I want to get to know better. Maybe I'll feel romantic towards them. Maybe I won't. I'm not an instant spark kind of person, and even when I do feel 'something' its not one I trust. The 'spark' is just hormones and someone's head making up nice stories. Not reality. Anyway, sometimes people need more time to get to know someone without the pressure of it being romantic (whatever that means to people here). I get it that everyone doing OLD expects an instant 'spark'... whatever that means. That is why I don't use it for dating... and my advice to the OP was based on the fact that I, personally, tell men who appear quick out of the gates to slow down. Whether or not sex is on the table. Myself and lots of other women know very well what the 'trajectory' looks like.
StanMusial Posted May 3, 2013 Posted May 3, 2013 No argument. Just explaining why some women tell men (especially ones they meet online) that they would prefer to be friends... I've never used the 'lets be friends' as a brush off. I only say that to men I want to get to know better. Maybe I'll feel romantic towards them. Maybe I won't. I'm not an instant spark kind of person, and even when I do feel 'something' its not one I trust. The 'spark' is just hormones and someone's head making up nice stories. Not reality. Anyway, sometimes people need more time to get to know someone without the pressure of it being romantic (whatever that means to people here). I get it that everyone doing OLD expects an instant 'spark'... whatever that means. That is why I don't use it for dating... and my advice to the OP was based on the fact that I, personally, tell men who appear quick out of the gates to slow down. Whether or not sex is on the table. Myself and lots of other women know very well what the 'trajectory' looks like. She told him she was vibing on him as a friend. This is not rocket science. There's no shame in admitting you're wrong.
charlietheginger Posted May 3, 2013 Posted May 3, 2013 She told him she was vibing on him as a friend. This is not rocket science. There's no shame in admitting you're wrong. She told him after he said her time would not work For him.... " heya i have to move the date will this time work" " no i have plans but i can do this date instead" " oh ok lets be friends bye"
StanMusial Posted May 3, 2013 Posted May 3, 2013 She told him after he said her time would not work For him.... " heya i have to move the date will this time work" " no i have plans but i can do this date instead" " oh ok lets be friends bye" All signs point to she did not feel any sort of strong attraction to him.
charlietheginger Posted May 3, 2013 Posted May 3, 2013 the rules Never bend for a man Never meet a man half way Never go outta your way for a man Make him chase you and court you.... If he wont go outta his way and court you Then he lacks ambition. A man thats confident Can handle chasing a women and also handle rejection Based on "lion chases a rabbit" If a lion is hungry and ambitious he chases The rabbit If the lion wont chase a rabbit you dont want a lazy Lion that lays under a tree mooching up left Overs that other lions left behind This seperates the alpha lions from the beta lions. Leaders from followers. Alphas dont care if a rabbit wants to be friends The rabbit is still a rabbit and a alpha lions Job is to chase it. That's the law of the jungle.... Eat and survive Sit under a tree and starve
RedRobin Posted May 3, 2013 Posted May 3, 2013 She told him she was vibing on him as a friend. This is not rocket science. There's no shame in admitting you're wrong. wrong about what? I've said something similar to men I was uncertain about because I wanted to get to know them better without the pressure of it getting pushed in a romantic direction right off the bat.
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