GB25 Posted May 2, 2013 Posted May 2, 2013 Don't be naive - she doesn't want to be your friend, despite what she texted you. You met this girl online and went out one time and then she wasted your time jerking you around for the last two weeks. She definitely knew she wasn't interested in you after the first date, but she chose not to tell you and effectively gave you false hope. You must be young so trust me, you'll probably experience this type of behavior again. Delete her number from your phone and never contact her again. If you do, she'll treat you like a doormat and won't respect you. You should never, ever tolerate disrespectful and rude behavior from a woman. A woman who is into you tries to prove herself to you and won't try to pull stuff like this. Agreed 100%-Thats how we do in chicago
gdes32 Posted May 2, 2013 Posted May 2, 2013 What happened is she canceled wanted to reschedule and make you flex your.schedule...... You told her a new date and time. You took back control So she punished you by friendzoning you... If she was important you woulda canceled your plans Took the time she offered.... If she truly liked him and was interested in him, any time would have worked. Two AM on a Saturday morning and she'd go out. OP did the right thing. As soon as she brought up friends you drop it and move on. Confident men don't take the time a woman offers. You tell her "I'll pick you up at 7, dress casual, and we're going to be walking a lot so bring some comfortable shoes."
charlietheginger Posted May 2, 2013 Posted May 2, 2013 If she truly liked him and was interested in him, any time would have worked. Two AM on a Saturday morning and she'd go out. OP did the right thing. As soon as she brought up friends you drop it and move on. Confident men don't take the time a woman offers. You tell her "I'll pick you up at 7, dress casual, and we're going to be walking a lot so bring some comfortable shoes." Not true..... If she gave in and went anytime it would make her Look desperate.. Then the op would think " i can have her anytime I Want" and the challenge would be over. The book "the rules" claims if a woman is to available To eazy to get men wont look at her the same as if She had a buzy.schedule and was in demand. Simply put ... Thats the game the woman plays if the OP won't Play it then he wont get any. If the OP wants to be a success with women he needs To read the book.
Author ddc579 Posted May 2, 2013 Author Posted May 2, 2013 Not true..... If she gave in and went anytime it would make her Look desperate.. Then the op would think " i can have her anytime I Want" and the challenge would be over. The book "the rules" claims if a woman is to available To eazy to get men wont look at her the same as if She had a buzy.schedule and was in demand. Simply put ... Thats the game the woman plays if the OP won't Play it then he wont get any. If the OP wants to be a success with women he needs To read the book. It wouldn't have made her like desperate. It would have made her look accommodating. I don't operate with the "typical male" mindset. Again, you're working under the assumption that everyone plays this game. She very well may have been -- I did not. I don't need to read the book. If the game works for you, good for you. If the game works for others, good for them. I'm looking for a meaningful long-term relationship...which is not gonna start based on manipulations and game-playing. 2
Author ddc579 Posted May 2, 2013 Author Posted May 2, 2013 Don't be naive - she doesn't want to be your friend, despite what she texted you. You met this girl online and went out one time and then she wasted your time jerking you around for the last two weeks. She definitely knew she wasn't interested in you after the first date, but she chose not to tell you and effectively gave you false hope. You must be young so trust me, you'll probably experience this type of behavior again. Delete her number from your phone and never contact her again. If you do, she'll treat you like a doormat and won't respect you. You should never, ever tolerate disrespectful and rude behavior from a woman. A woman who is into you tries to prove herself to you and won't try to pull stuff like this. I'm not young or naive (she's not young either -- we're both early-to-mid 30s). I suspected something was up for at least week, but I gave her the benefit of the doubt. Unfortunately, my gut instincts were right, but that's fine...you live and you learn. There will never be another attempt at contacting her from my end, and that's not coming from a place of bitterness. It's for the exact reason you said -- I won't be a doormat, nor will I allow myself to be played with. I still hope for the best for her...but I'm moving forward.
MidwestUSA Posted May 2, 2013 Posted May 2, 2013 I'm not young or naive (she's not young either -- we're both early-to-mid 30s). I suspected something was up for at least week, but I gave her the benefit of the doubt. Unfortunately, my gut instincts were right, but that's fine...you live and you learn. There will never be another attempt at contacting her from my end, and that's not coming from a place of bitterness. It's for the exact reason you said -- I won't be a doormat, nor will I allow myself to be played with. I still hope for the best for her...but I'm moving forward. I love your attitude!
charlietheginger Posted May 2, 2013 Posted May 2, 2013 It wouldn't have made her like desperate. It would have made her look accommodating. I don't operate with the "typical male" mindset. Again, you're working under the assumption that everyone plays this game. She very well may have been -- I did not. I don't need to read the book. If the game works for you, good for you. If the game works for others, good for them. I'm looking for a meaningful long-term relationship...which is not gonna start based on manipulations and game-playing. from her view a woman that gets hit on everyday Guys always wanting sex and thats all. Her only option Is to screen guys to see if they are serious or only Looking for booty calls. If you showed up only expecting conversation and Maybe friends then she knows your interested as her In a person not as a piece of ass. Friendships can Build into relationships. She didnt know you from tom dick or harry. You could be some hiv infected filth ball looking For sex. After see your reaction to being friends Means i wont drive to see you. Her thought was great another player expecting To get down my pants the third date. Had you gone on the date no expectations she would have been able to feel you out and see you Really are looking for a longterm deal not just a piece Of booty then bail. Your goal if you are wanting to attract a woman is " be open minded To new people and friendships" not "im a pout like a 12 yr old if i dont get my way" She tested your maturity level... You failed... A strong confident man looking for a ltr would Have gone to breakfast with confidence and Excepted the outcome be it friends or maybe you Clicked. By not showing up she weeded you out .
Author ddc579 Posted May 2, 2013 Author Posted May 2, 2013 from her view a woman that gets hit on everyday Guys always wanting sex and thats all. Her only option Is to screen guys to see if they are serious or only Looking for booty calls. If you showed up only expecting conversation and Maybe friends then she knows your interested as her In a person not as a piece of ass. Friendships can Build into relationships. She didnt know you from tom dick or harry. You could be some hiv infected filth ball looking For sex. After see your reaction to being friends Means i wont drive to see you. Her thought was great another player expecting To get down my pants the third date. Had you gone on the date no expectations she would have been able to feel you out and see you Really are looking for a longterm deal not just a piece Of booty then bail. Your goal if you are wanting to attract a woman is " be open minded To new people and friendships" not "im a pout like a 12 yr old if i dont get my way" She tested your maturity level... You failed... A strong confident man looking for a ltr would Have gone to breakfast with confidence and Excepted the outcome be it friends or maybe you Clicked. By not showing up she weeded you out . I'm just closing my conversation with you like this... You are entitled to your opinion. But I am not engaging in this any further. You have chosen to read what you want to read in terms of my accounting of things, and I'll leave it there.
charlietheginger Posted May 2, 2013 Posted May 2, 2013 So play a game to feel him out? Playing a game is maturity? He had already made plans. Is he suppose to ditch his plans just for her? For someone he hardly knows? Im not trolling... Its not a "technical " game... yes if she was important you would change your plans. If you keep plans then she wasnt important enough. You seriously need to read the book man if not your Gonna strike out everytime. A few of the rules "always let him take the lead" "always play hard to get" "always end calls first" I was the same as you my friend... Once i read the book I finally got it. The bases of the book is make the man chase you. If he won't chase. Then he is not a alpha male he a passive Male and will never be successful in life as he is the guy Afraid to take risk. Once again im not trolling. If your a beta male or passive Then you wont get the woman. a alpha male would have the mindset " i want her ill cancel Plans , ill drive to her town reguardless of the outcome" The alpha is take charge versus ill go online pout i got Friendzoned. For the love of god just read the stupid book its free and Online.
clia Posted May 2, 2013 Posted May 2, 2013 I think she met someone else over the weekend or had a first date with some other online guy over the weekend and decided she wanted to pursue things with him instead. She didn't want to admit this to you, so she offered you a ridiculous alternative (who suggests breakfast for a first OLD meeting? LOL) which you would almost surely decline, and allow her to try to save face without having to actually tell you the truth. It seem silly to me, but that's what I'm getting out of it. With OLD, you really have to move it in person fast. Two weeks is too long. Before you meet you are just a picture through the wires, so it is easy to cancel and forget about it. I had this happen to me a few times when I was OLD, and I never understood it. I'd be talking to a guy for a week or two, hitting it off, have a first date scheduled, then he would come back with "Oh, I have been talking to someone else also and I want to see where it goes with her." I would always be like, "Really? You don't even want to spend 30 minutes meeting me in person because you are so sure this first date with this other person is going to lead to something?" I always thought it was so weird. But then again, people are weird. You sound like a nice guy; I'm sure you will find someone better. 1
Author ddc579 Posted May 2, 2013 Author Posted May 2, 2013 I think she met someone else over the weekend or had a first date with some other online guy over the weekend and decided she wanted to pursue things with him instead. She didn't want to admit this to you, so she offered you a ridiculous alternative (who suggests breakfast for a first OLD meeting? LOL) which you would almost surely decline, and allow her to try to save face without having to actually tell you the truth. It seem silly to me, but that's what I'm getting out of it. With OLD, you really have to move it in person fast. Two weeks is too long. Before you meet you are just a picture through the wires, so it is easy to cancel and forget about it. I had this happen to me a few times when I was OLD, and I never understood it. I'd be talking to a guy for a week or two, hitting it off, have a first date scheduled, then he would come back with "Oh, I have been talking to someone else also and I want to see where it goes with her." I would always be like, "Really? You don't even want to spend 30 minutes meeting me in person because you are so sure this first date with this other person is going to lead to something?" I always thought it was so weird. But then again, people are weird. You sound like a nice guy; I'm sure you will find someone better. It would have actually been our second oLD meeting, but that's neither here nor there anyway. Fundamentally, it's really the same thing -- breakfast on a second date? What? LOL Our schedules didn't mesh to meet for another two weeks after the first date, which was just unfortunate timing. No matter what, I thought she just handled the whole thing very strangely. Even if what you said is true (and it could very well be), it was just a backwards and inauthentic way to go about it. She shouldn't have even gone through the trouble of offering a "date I probably wouldn't accept." It would have just been easier to respond to my voicemail with, "I see us as just friends." For me personally, I would have thought more highly of her at the end (for whatever that would be worth). Instead, I feel oddly relieved that nothing else is coming of this.
Imajerk17 Posted May 2, 2013 Posted May 2, 2013 What I think happened, primarily: You lost momentum. Two weeks is a long time to wait to see someone after a first date. With that much time, it's easy to cool off. Especially because in the meanwhile, guys are still contacting her. RE her behavior: She agreed to a second date after your first--because she was (probably) feeling it--but as she cooled, she felt torn. On the one hand, she didn't want to lead you on, but on the other hand, she didn't want to be a flake either. That is my take anyway.
xpaperxcutx Posted May 2, 2013 Posted May 2, 2013 Whoever it was that brought up " The Rule", I have the book. First, while many touted the book as a dating bible for females, from my perspective, I felt it was more of a guidelines for women to avoid being doormats. Unlike the PUA books written by Mystery and all those womanizers, The Rules didn't encourage women to make men chase them. Rather, it encouraged women to not revolve their lives around a guy. It encouraged women to retain their identity and their personal independence while at the same time dating men. If men did chase, it was only because they see these women as having self-esteem and high self-worth. Now, about the OP's date, what she did was flakey and I'm glad to hear OP wasn't ready to stoop to game-playing. If she had really been interested in the OP, she wouldn't cancel in favor of breakfast, at least she would go out of her way to make another set of definite evening plans. Instead her ideals of scheduling is making the OP go out of his way for her, and he's has been far more than accomodating up until this point. 2
charlietheginger Posted May 2, 2013 Posted May 2, 2013 I think she met someone else over the weekend or had a first date with some other online guy over the weekend and decided she wanted to pursue things with him instead. She didn't want to admit this to you, so she offered you a ridiculous alternative (who suggests breakfast for a first OLD meeting? LOL) which you would almost surely decline, and allow her to try to save face without having to actually tell you the truth. It seem silly to me, but that's what I'm getting out of it. With OLD, you really have to move it in person fast. Two weeks is too long. Before you meet you are just a picture through the wires, so it is easy to cancel and forget about it. I had this happen to me a few times when I was OLD, and I never understood it. I'd be talking to a guy for a week or two, hitting it off, have a first date scheduled, then he would come back with "Oh, I have been talking to someone else also and I want to see where it goes with her." I would always be like, "Really? You don't even want to spend 30 minutes meeting me in person because you are so sure this first date with this other person is going to lead to something?" I always thought it was so weird. But then again, people are weird. You sound like a nice guy; I'm sure you will find someone better. Whoever it was that brought up " The Rule", I have the book. First, while many touted the book as a dating bible for females, from my perspective, I felt it was more of a guidelines for women to avoid being doormats. Unlike the PUA books written by Mystery and all those womanizers, The Rules didn't encourage women to make men chase them. Rather, it encouraged women to not revolve their lives around a guy. It encouraged women to retain their identity and their personal independence while at the same time dating men. If men did chase, it was only because they see these women as having self-esteem and high self-worth. Now, about the OP's date, what she did was flakey and I'm glad to hear OP wasn't ready to stoop to game-playing. If she had really been interested in the OP, she wouldn't cancel in favor of breakfast, at least she would go out of her way to make another set of definite evening plans. Instead her ideals of scheduling is making the OP go out of his way for her, and he's has been far more than accomodating up until this point. Bingo.... ! The rules is away for women to subliminally take control The problem with "the rules" is so many women use that strategy It gets to be the same ol same. Making the women who dont follow the rules the real keepers
xpaperxcutx Posted May 2, 2013 Posted May 2, 2013 Bingo.... ! The rules is away for women to subliminally take control The problem with "the rules" is so many women use that strategy It gets to be the same ol same. Making the women who dont follow the rules the real keepers I don't want you to misunderstand, but my post wasn't meant to agree with you. You are implying women play games through the rules, but I was stating that no game-playing was ever implied. The fact is, people are selfish, therefore theyplay games. I liked the OP's approach, he was considerate and giving but he wasn't bending himself backwards to make breakfast at her whims. 2
charlietheginger Posted May 2, 2013 Posted May 2, 2013 I don't want you to misunderstand, but my post wasn't meant to agree with you. You are implying women play games through the rules, but I was stating that no game-playing was ever implied. The fact is, people are selfish, therefore theyplay games. I liked the OP's approach, he was considerate and giving but he wasn't bending himself backwards to make breakfast at her whims. I agree and commend him BUT sometimes you have to meet in the middle. If two people are hard headed both personalities are Two strong nether cave in and are willing to flex for One another. Often times one person has to bend .. Nether wanted to bend. He would not bend to change his schedual for her She wouldnt bend hers and friendzoned... The OP STUCK TO HIS GUNS... game over both part ways. as the saying goes love is a battlefield
charlietheginger Posted May 2, 2013 Posted May 2, 2013 I also bet if the women was a perfect 10.. The op would have canceled his plans for her. Knowing hey she is a 10 i better go outta my way for this one.
charlietheginger Posted May 2, 2013 Posted May 2, 2013 Im trying to help the OP understand why he got friendzoned And help him avoid it in the future and atleast get past the whole Game ... The game is accommodate to her.. Play on her terms.. Then after a few dates he takes back control and Persues or ends it. LET HER THINK SHE HAS YOU UNDER HER CONTROL MAKE HER FEEL LIKE YOUR CHASING HER.... but.in reality the OP just relizes its part of the dating game Hold his breath and just go along with the bs a bit.. He has to be in the dating game....
Author ddc579 Posted May 2, 2013 Author Posted May 2, 2013 (edited) I agree and commend him BUT sometimes you have to meet in the middle. If two people are hard headed both personalities are Two strong nether cave in and are willing to flex for One another. Often times one person has to bend .. Nether wanted to bend. He would not bend to change his schedual for her She wouldnt bend hers and friendzoned... The OP STUCK TO HIS GUNS... game over both part ways. as the saying goes love is a battlefield I know I said I wouldn't respond to you, but here goes...(maybe I'm just flattered that you've chosen to dedicate so much time to my "plight"). It was not a matter of "not bending my schedule." It was a previous commitment. The date she and I had set was established nearly two weeks ago. I did not change the parameters of the date; she did (for whatever reason she did). She did so after numerous confirmations that "this was the date we were getting together." I offered an alternate day, which was declined. For me, it was not stubbornness. It was not game-playing. It was not being hard-headed. It was a long-standing commitment that could not be broken. If it was any other time but that morning, I would have made it happen. She made the choice to change the date, and she ultimately made the choice that this was not going any further. If she did that as a response to me being unable to break my commitment, there is nothing I can do about that. Bottom line -- I was understanding enough to accommodate her request to change it (even though my BS radar was majorly going off at this point). In turn, she could have opted to provide another date & time, but she chose to end the whole thing. I'm not bitter. I'm not even upset at this point. I find the circumstances to be unfortunate, as I think we certainly could have at least gotten to know each other a little bit better. But life moves on -- I will have other first dates on my quest to have my "last first date." And I will do so on my authentic, non-game playing terms. Edited May 2, 2013 by ddc579 1
serial muse Posted May 2, 2013 Posted May 2, 2013 I think she met someone else over the weekend or had a first date with some other online guy over the weekend and decided she wanted to pursue things with him instead. She didn't want to admit this to you, so she offered you a ridiculous alternative (who suggests breakfast for a first OLD meeting? LOL) which you would almost surely decline, and allow her to try to save face without having to actually tell you the truth. It seem silly to me, but that's what I'm getting out of it. With OLD, you really have to move it in person fast. Two weeks is too long. Before you meet you are just a picture through the wires, so it is easy to cancel and forget about it. I had this happen to me a few times when I was OLD, and I never understood it. I'd be talking to a guy for a week or two, hitting it off, have a first date scheduled, then he would come back with "Oh, I have been talking to someone else also and I want to see where it goes with her." I would always be like, "Really? You don't even want to spend 30 minutes meeting me in person because you are so sure this first date with this other person is going to lead to something?" I always thought it was so weird. But then again, people are weird. You sound like a nice guy; I'm sure you will find someone better. I don't think she was playing a game with you. I think she liked you, but then while she was waiting for date 2 (through no fault of your own, OP) she happened to meet someone else she wanted to give it a shot with. That's pretty much it. She chickened out from telling you that, and instead tried to move the date to breakfast. But then when you wanted to do it the next day (what if she wanted to spend the night with that guy) she thought better of the whole thing and realized she needed to just make a decision. Which she did. I don't think you did a thing wrong, I think circumstance sometimes plays a powerful role. As it likely did here. 1
Author ddc579 Posted May 2, 2013 Author Posted May 2, 2013 What was your other commitment ? Friends coming in from out of town that I had not seen in several years. This has been set in stone for months.
charlietheginger Posted May 2, 2013 Posted May 2, 2013 i don't know anyone who will ditch their friends over some stranger that might like them. Why didn't you show up to breakfast meet her and bring Your friends..... Lol j/k man
sydneysider1978 Posted May 2, 2013 Posted May 2, 2013 Wow. Lots if venom from guys using the "friendzone" word and time-wasting etc. This girl probably thought she may have been interested but over the two weeks changed her mind. Don't tell me you guys have NEVER changed your mind about something or needed more than a few seconds to make a decision. I guess she is conflict avoidant, it's how most "nice" girls are raised, and downgraded the date to breakfast. She probably thought she was being nicer than just cancelling outright. I guess it's confusing but you need to read between the lines. You didn't get "friendzoned" in a single moment, she just isn't that into you. You could see her as a friend or not. Making new friends can be a great side-effect of OLD.
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