ddc579 Posted May 1, 2013 Posted May 1, 2013 My date with the girl from OLD was supposed to happen this weekend. She had friends coming in from out of town this past weekend, so I sent a text on Friday, wishing her a happy weekend and telling her I'd call this week to finalize plans. She replied, saying she hoped I had a nice weekend and that she'd talk to me soon. On Monday night, I called and got her voicemail. I said I was calling to say hi and to firm up plans for our date. Monday night and Tuesday went by without any response. Finally, this afternoon, she texts me and asks if we could move our dinner date to breakfast because she had a previous engagement she forgot about. She said there were a ton of breakfast places out her way and she'd be happy to pay this time. I told her (truthfully) that I couldn't do breakfast that day, but I could certainly do it the following day. She texts back that it wouldn't work, and closes it with, "I like you, but I feel more of a friend vibe currently." She said if I wanted, I could still come down for a quick bite and conversation and (again) she would pay. I respectfully declined and wished her the best of luck. I don't care about being told that she's not feeling it. That's perfectly fine. I just can't quite figure out why she'd still try to keep some semblance of a date...and then tell me that I got the "friend vibe" when I said I can't do it that day. Even if she was just trying to let me down easily, why even invite me her way to begin with? She already hadn't responded to my voicemail -- why not just tell me flat out that she doesn't feel that way? I mean -- what if I said yes? Was I going to have to drive down and meet her just to be told the same thing? I'm not upset at all -- I just have a hard time wrapping my head around the logic of this one.
Treasa Posted May 1, 2013 Posted May 1, 2013 She wants to be your friend and/or doesn't want to hurt your feelings/feel guilt. 3
Author ddc579 Posted May 1, 2013 Author Posted May 1, 2013 But why not just say that from the outset? With her asking if I still wanted to do breakfast, I was still thinking this is a date until she responded later on with the friend comment.
charlietheginger Posted May 1, 2013 Posted May 1, 2013 You shoulda went and hung out. Alot of women "test men"by seeing if he wants poosie Or are really interested in her as a person. Her saying im not sure if it will work im getting a friend Vibe is her way of saying "im on the fence about you are you a clingy desperate guy or maybe a dooch that just wants sex" Your response shoulda been. Yea id like to hangout for Breakfast im a pretty laid back guy its always nice to Get to know new people " When you plan for a woman to be more than friends And get all pissy when she says maybe just friends that's Her signal as a redflag to exit. You the op your job is to take the breakfast date opportunity And use it as a sales job. You goto breakfast exchange convo . Make yourself someone She WILL WANT TO BE MORE THEN FRIENDS WITH" Sorry op but you blew it this time. Next time a woman offers breakfast,hangout,get together go and go with no intentions other than having a goodtime And if something comes out great if not ohwell 1
Author ddc579 Posted May 2, 2013 Author Posted May 2, 2013 You shoulda went and hung out. Alot of women "test men"by seeing if he wants poosie Or are really interested in her as a person. Her saying im not sure if it will work im getting a friend Vibe is her way of saying "im on the fence about you are you a clingy desperate guy or maybe a dooch that just wants sex" Your response shoulda been. Yea id like to hangout for Breakfast im a pretty laid back guy its always nice to Get to know new people " When you plan for a woman to be more than friends And get all pissy when she says maybe just friends that's Her signal as a redflag to exit. You the op your job is to take the breakfast date opportunity And use it as a sales job. You goto breakfast exchange convo . Make yourself someone She WILL WANT TO BE MORE THEN FRIENDS WITH" Sorry op but you blew it this time. Next time a woman offers breakfast,hangout,get together go and go with no intentions other than having a goodtime And if something comes out great if not ohwell I agreed to breakfast -- I just could not do it that morning. It was afterwards that she said the friend thing. Ufcrocks said it exactly -- I'm not playing that game, sorry. 2
charlietheginger Posted May 2, 2013 Posted May 2, 2013 I agreed to breakfast -- I just could not do it that morning. It was afterwards that she said the friend thing. Ufcrocks said it exactly -- I'm not playing that game, sorry. Sometimes if you play your game you have to play hers. Sorry fella not all women are gonna drop what they are doing Spread their legs jump in bed with you on the drop of A dime 1
ForeverHopeful1 Posted May 2, 2013 Posted May 2, 2013 Good for you. I would have said and done the same, OP. In the event he (charlietheginger) was right and she is testing you, who the hell wants to play that game? The operative word here, "game." There are definitely more straightforward, level headed women in this world who dont "test you." 3
Author ddc579 Posted May 2, 2013 Author Posted May 2, 2013 And what game is he playing? Also a confident man isn't going to stress over one woman. There's plenty of single women out there he can date. Why would he waste his time playing her game Yup, I did not play a game here. I tried to confirm the date, waited two days, tried to compromise, and ended up with no date. But I have my dignity intact. DDC - 1. Date - 0.
charlietheginger Posted May 2, 2013 Posted May 2, 2013 Its called dating chess She canceled = check... Now your bending her schedule for her You told her her new time would not work = checkmate She checked you took your chess piece through it in The trash ..... Were just friends. You coulda hung out at her convenance and the game Played But you walked away from the game No one wins no one loses statemate.... Its from the "the rules "book If a girl is not a challenge then the guy thinks its To eazy. If the girl puts up a little challenge the thinks he is Getting a girl thats in demand. Its basic bullcheet if you ask me.... But thats how they play. To master the game you have to bit your tounge and Just go through the motions and get to the prize.... If you dont follow the game then you get none.... Basic lion chases the rabbit.... Once the lion falls Into the dark rabbit hole he loses control.... her goal is for you to chase her girls love to be chased Makes them feel special
Dudesmobile Posted May 2, 2013 Posted May 2, 2013 My date with the girl from OLD was supposed to happen this weekend. She had friends coming in from out of town this past weekend, so I sent a text on Friday, wishing her a happy weekend and telling her I'd call this week to finalize plans. She replied, saying she hoped I had a nice weekend and that she'd talk to me soon. On Monday night, I called and got her voicemail. I said I was calling to say hi and to firm up plans for our date. Monday night and Tuesday went by without any response. Finally, this afternoon, she texts me and asks if we could move our dinner date to breakfast because she had a previous engagement she forgot about. She said there were a ton of breakfast places out her way and she'd be happy to pay this time. I told her (truthfully) that I couldn't do breakfast that day, but I could certainly do it the following day. She texts back that it wouldn't work, and closes it with, "I like you, but I feel more of a friend vibe currently." She said if I wanted, I could still come down for a quick bite and conversation and (again) she would pay. I respectfully declined and wished her the best of luck. I don't care about being told that she's not feeling it. That's perfectly fine. I just can't quite figure out why she'd still try to keep some semblance of a date...and then tell me that I got the "friend vibe" when I said I can't do it that day. Even if she was just trying to let me down easily, why even invite me her way to begin with? She already hadn't responded to my voicemail -- why not just tell me flat out that she doesn't feel that way? I mean -- what if I said yes? Was I going to have to drive down and meet her just to be told the same thing? I'm not upset at all -- I just have a hard time wrapping my head around the logic of this one. Real men go out of their way to impress girls. Even if it means going to their town and paying for them
charlietheginger Posted May 2, 2013 Posted May 2, 2013 Real men go out of their way to impress girls. Even if it means going to their town and paying for them That sir is the truth..... If he ain't willing to drive here by me dinner, Will he be to lazy or cheap during a relationship... ????? Prince charming rides a horse slays the dragon Rides to town and gets the woman... Prince charming doesn't say oh i cant make breakfast To far to drive if you might.friendzone me.... Prince charming atleast shows up for breakfast Works his charm thats why he is called "prince charming" Not prince" to lazy to.drive"
Author ddc579 Posted May 2, 2013 Author Posted May 2, 2013 I like how you guys consistently miss the part where I said, "I will go to breakfast with you." The "friend zone" part came after I said, "I will go to breakfast with you." Where did I ever say it was too far to drive? Going into her town had nothing to do with the issue (in fact, I offered to drive closer to her home when we first set the date two weeks ago). I simply could not change to the morning of the date, but I said I could do the day afterwards. She then said, "I feel a friend vibe." But go ahead and continue to make your argument based upon facts that have never been stated. 1
charlietheginger Posted May 2, 2013 Posted May 2, 2013 I like how you guys consistently miss the part where I said, "I will go to breakfast with you." The "friend zone" part came after I said, "I will go to breakfast with you." Where did I ever say it was too far to drive? Going into her town had nothing to do with the issue (in fact, I offered to drive closer to her home when we first set the date two weeks ago). I simply could not change to the morning of the date, but I said I could do the day afterwards. She then said, "I feel a friend vibe." But go ahead and continue to make your argument based upon facts that have never been stated. What happened is she canceled wanted to reschedule and make you flex your.schedule...... You told her a new date and time. You took back control So she punished you by friendzoning you... If she was important you woulda canceled your plans Took the time she offered....
Star Gazer Posted May 2, 2013 Posted May 2, 2013 YOU thought that breakfast was "some semblance of a date," but it sounds like SHE thought breakfast was more of a friendzone activity, not a date, hence why she suggested breakfast and followed that up by telling you she's feeling the friend vibe. 3
Author ddc579 Posted May 2, 2013 Author Posted May 2, 2013 YOU thought that breakfast was "some semblance of a date," but it sounds like SHE thought breakfast was more of a friendzone activity, not a date, hence why she suggested breakfast and followed that up by telling you she's feeling the friend vibe. Makes a lot of sense! 1
Star Gazer Posted May 2, 2013 Posted May 2, 2013 So you're willing to put in all that work to change and improve yourself in reading, working out, building a business, etc, etc, etc.... But refuse to improve yourself in terms of dating? Sounds a bit hypocritical... or just plain lazy or scared. It's you're life, waste it how you want. What??? So you're willing to put in all that work to change and improve yourself in reading, working out, building a business, etc, etc, etc.... But refuse to improve yourself in terms of dating? Sounds a bit hypocritical... or just plain lazy or scared. It's you're life, waste it how you want. Your quote purports to make me look like I said something I didn't say.
Divasu Posted May 2, 2013 Posted May 2, 2013 My date with the girl from OLD was supposed to happen this weekend. She had friends coming in from out of town this past weekend, so I sent a text on Friday, wishing her a happy weekend and telling her I'd call this week to finalize plans. She replied, saying she hoped I had a nice weekend and that she'd talk to me soon. Maybe the two week lag in between dates may have killed it for her. Not your fault, just that sometimes timing is an important role. 1
Author ddc579 Posted May 2, 2013 Author Posted May 2, 2013 Makes a lot of sense! To clarify my post...it makes a lot of sense in terms of what likely happened. But in terms of my date's logic, I still (personally) think it would be easier and more respectful to just say flat out, "Let's be friends." Instead, yes, I think it's a "semblance of a date," but all that's essentially doing is stringing me along. Because what if I flat out said yes? Would she have told me this nugget of information before I went down to see her? Obviously, I'll never know -- but it just reeks of game...and I don't play the game. If that limits my options, so be it. I can still look in the mirror and be happy with who I am.
Author ddc579 Posted May 2, 2013 Author Posted May 2, 2013 The problem is she wanted to reschedule just before they were to date. I don't know if Op had any plans that morning. But usually people do make plans, she can't expect him to just change his plans with a day's notice. She could have picked another day to meet yet she made the friend zone comment. I legitimately had plans (that I've had since before we even had our first date). I offered the very next day, and that didn't seem to jibe with her. And for the ones saying that I was stubborn about not changing my plans, remember that this date was set for two weeks. It was confirmed as recently as last Friday. She suddenly had a change of plans, not me. And that is fine -- I don't begrudge that. I don't even begrudge what she ultimately ended up doing. Things ended very cordially, with us wishing each other the best of luck. At the end of the day, I opted for the high road, while still trying to keep some dignity intact.
Author ddc579 Posted May 2, 2013 Author Posted May 2, 2013 Maybe the two week lag in between dates may have killed it for her. Not your fault, just that sometimes timing is an important role. That could very well have happened. It's unfortunate if that's the case, but I'll just have to chalk it up as "not meant to be."
Divasu Posted May 2, 2013 Posted May 2, 2013 That could very well have happened. It's unfortunate if that's the case, but I'll just have to chalk it up as "not meant to be." Yeah. It's similar to starting an engine. Turn the key, then it's left sitting idle for too long eventually it runs out of gas and plunkers out.
Author ddc579 Posted May 2, 2013 Author Posted May 2, 2013 Yeah. It's similar to starting an engine. Turn the key, then it's left sitting idle for too long eventually it runs out of gas and plunkers out. I did try to keep the momentum going with texting/calling, but the reciprocation was gradually decreasing over the week-and-a-half period. (I was reaching out every few days -- I was cognizant of keeping the momentum without being pushy). There may not have even been as strong a mutual interest as I thought, which is fine -- that's the world of dating. It's just onwards and upwards from here. 1
HuffmanMontana Posted May 2, 2013 Posted May 2, 2013 If she was interested she wouldn't have cancelled the original date. Who forgets about prior engagements? If that was infact true (which it wasn't) you don't want her anyway.
lino Posted May 2, 2013 Posted May 2, 2013 People in this topic are over complicating something very simple... She just wasn't interested and didn't have the guts to tell you outright. She's not interested in being a genuine friend, just feeding you the line. Ignore and move onto the next. 1
Chicago_Guy Posted May 2, 2013 Posted May 2, 2013 My date with the girl from OLD was supposed to happen this weekend. She had friends coming in from out of town this past weekend, so I sent a text on Friday, wishing her a happy weekend and telling her I'd call this week to finalize plans. She replied, saying she hoped I had a nice weekend and that she'd talk to me soon. On Monday night, I called and got her voicemail. I said I was calling to say hi and to firm up plans for our date. Monday night and Tuesday went by without any response. Finally, this afternoon, she texts me and asks if we could move our dinner date to breakfast because she had a previous engagement she forgot about. She said there were a ton of breakfast places out her way and she'd be happy to pay this time. I told her (truthfully) that I couldn't do breakfast that day, but I could certainly do it the following day. She texts back that it wouldn't work, and closes it with, "I like you, but I feel more of a friend vibe currently." She said if I wanted, I could still come down for a quick bite and conversation and (again) she would pay. I respectfully declined and wished her the best of luck. I don't care about being told that she's not feeling it. That's perfectly fine. I just can't quite figure out why she'd still try to keep some semblance of a date...and then tell me that I got the "friend vibe" when I said I can't do it that day. Even if she was just trying to let me down easily, why even invite me her way to begin with? She already hadn't responded to my voicemail -- why not just tell me flat out that she doesn't feel that way? I mean -- what if I said yes? Was I going to have to drive down and meet her just to be told the same thing? I'm not upset at all -- I just have a hard time wrapping my head around the logic of this one. Don't be naive - she doesn't want to be your friend, despite what she texted you. You met this girl online and went out one time and then she wasted your time jerking you around for the last two weeks. She definitely knew she wasn't interested in you after the first date, but she chose not to tell you and effectively gave you false hope. You must be young so trust me, you'll probably experience this type of behavior again. Delete her number from your phone and never contact her again. If you do, she'll treat you like a doormat and won't respect you. You should never, ever tolerate disrespectful and rude behavior from a woman. A woman who is into you tries to prove herself to you and won't try to pull stuff like this.
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