Cricket96 Posted September 22, 2004 Posted September 22, 2004 My boyfriend is racking up a lot of debt. He makes good money, but sees none of it because he pays his parent's mortgage (Asian culture thing because his parents don't make a lot), pays his truck that he bought for his dad (but now it belongs to him 'cuz his dad decided he doesn't like it anymore because it's way too big) and now his mom is making him buy another house for investment purposes. So don't know if this house is a good deal or not. He was thinking that if the value goes up within the next year he could sell it off and profit from it. It seems all his life he deals with debts and his family living beyond their means sometimes. Since he dated me, he thought of clearing his credit card debts because I had suggested it. He's done a good job with that and only has one left. I thought he was on his way to financial freedom, but then he bought this truck that has a 7 year loan on it at $500/mos. Isn't that crazy? So anyway, I really love this guy, but it seems his financial problems are scaring me. First it was under control and now I think it's about to get out of hand? Money issues are the leading problems of marriage and it's really scaring me. Dr. Laura says to clear all your debts before marriage because it's only fair, but that's going to be years and years from now. What do I do?
Sundaymorning Posted September 22, 2004 Posted September 22, 2004 I think you both need to sit down and talk seriously about a possible future and what not. With him being Asian, he might at one point have to choose you over them in the sense that he will no longer carry their financial burden. Asian culture is so different. I too, date an Asian. He WILL have to choose because no one can afford to support their parents and their own family, unless they are very very wealthy. You need to tell him what you need from him and he needs to do the same. Compromise or get out basically.
CurlyIam Posted September 22, 2004 Posted September 22, 2004 Money is only the tip of the iceberg, honey. It's about controll. How cn a fatherask his son to buy soemthing and than refuse it because it's too big? Especially since we're talking 7 years loan. Tell him to becaome totally independent andonlyafter that come back to him. He can send then a monthly sum of money,in order not to totally cut them off. But basically... he must be his own master. He's not. His family is. And they shall not hesitate to interfere in your relationship either should it threatern their wellfare. Tell him to grow a spine and keep it. Forever. Or leave....
Leikela Posted September 22, 2004 Posted September 22, 2004 As for your boyfriend's truck, convince him to sell it. $500 a month for 7 years is insane!! He can take his truck to a dealership, trade it in and buy a MUCH CHEAPER vehicle. The dealership will pay off the remainder of his loan and if he owes more then the car is worth, they will just apply that balance to his new loan on a cheaper car. He could definitely reduce his car payment by half if he goes with a more economical vehicle. As for getting married with debt, it's really up to the couple. I know a couple of my friends that married their husbands with debt. If you don't mind taking on his debt yourself and helping him pay it off, then go for it. However, if you have a problem with his debt and taking it on as your own then wait to get married. First and foremost though, he needs to get rid of that truck!
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