youngnlove89 Posted May 1, 2013 Posted May 1, 2013 Disclaimer: I wrote this letter, with the help of a good friend who has been there for me, for my own personal reference and to possibly hit "send". Feel free to bash, criticize, banter or like. R, I stand firm when I say I do need some time away from you because my thoughts and feelings on us have not changed. This “thing” we have going on is emotionally tangling and messy. Your indecisiveness about commitment has hurt me and I really feel like it is selfish and inconsiderate of you to keep dragging me along while you try to figure out what it is you want, me or something else. Soon you’ll be buying a house, you have a great career and you go on tons of trips with your friends. I look at your future and I don’t see me in it. You have all this talk about your future and your big plans, but nowhere am I mentioned. I am on the side rooting you on while you race towards the finish line to success, when instead you should want me running next to you, together. I won’t be your scratching post for your own unfulfilled yearnings anymore, and neither can any other girl. The problems you have with me will be the same problems you have with someone else. This issue stems deep within your childhood and is way more advanced than you can bare to burden. It hurts me to see you like this. I could write a more extravagant-detailed letter about all the things you didn’t do right, but you know this. You never invited me on your trips, such as: camping, Vegas, tube float, cruise, Sedona, Flagstaff etc., how you would not even commit to being my boyfriend (which makes me think that you want to be with someone else). How you stopped buying me flowers, never bought me a single present, a card on my birthday, how you can’t look at me and say, “you are the one and I don’t want to be with anybody else”, and how you don’t want to be in a relationship that prospers into something more. I appreciate you explaining to me why you are the way you are and I believe you come by the issues you have honestly. Due to your issues, you are broken and you do not have much to offer or give which is why you were not very good to me or for me. The only reason I allowed this to go on for so long was because I cared about you and loved you. I see the good in you, what you have to offer, how great things could be and I waited patiently, I hoped and I prayed that you would address, work on and fix the issues that were preventing you from being the man you can be and us having the relationship that I wanted. I made the decision to walk away from you / us because you have disappointed and hurt me for the last time. I am no longer willing to put you and your issues above what I want and need. I am not going to neglect my feelings, my needs and my happiness any longer. If you ever hope to have a chance with me again you are going to need to be able to explain to me what your issues are, how you went about addressing them, what steps / actions you have taken and what steps / actions you will take in the future to make sure I am never faced with them again. Unless you can / do those things, I will not have any sort of relationship with you. I believe in you. I sincerely think you can overcome this, but you have to want it first. You have acknowledged the issue, now you need to address it. Sure you can blame the last 28 years on your childhood. However, the next 50 years are on you. Do you want to be lonely for the rest of your life or do you want to be with someone who cares for you, loves you and believes in you? You have a choice, choose wisely. -H 1
OwlSoul Posted May 1, 2013 Posted May 1, 2013 You have a choice, choose wisely. It all seems to be reasonable, except for this part I think. You already said what to do if he wants to be with you, so why to repeat the fact that he has a choice? Also, maybe too much blaming and forecasting the person's future. Whether to send or not - depends on how you much it would help you feel better. If this letter meant to be a suggestion to reconcilation in case if the person would change, then consider how hurting would it be to a get negative reaction.
DM42 Posted May 1, 2013 Posted May 1, 2013 If you are asking someone else if you think you should send it then you shouldn't send it. I get what you are trying to do for him but he can only help himself if he wants too for himself and nobody else. Obviously I don't know the whole story but I think you will pay the price for expending emotion and energy trying to help him instead of focusing on you.
mtnbiker3000 Posted May 1, 2013 Posted May 1, 2013 I would NOT send. It won't do anything except invite no, or a negative response. Based on what you have written, you have a good grasp of what went down and the reasons why you are upset, so I would think that would be enough. You aren't going to convince him, and you have already convinced yourself anyway... BTW - I could really relate to what you said about the ex's future plans and not being in them. Me too. That's when I really knew we were in trouble 2
Simon Phoenix Posted May 1, 2013 Posted May 1, 2013 Absolutely do not send. Writing it is good, sending is bad. 2
McGriff Posted May 1, 2013 Posted May 1, 2013 I wouldn't send it for one main reason---it is up to him to do these things on his own. If you outline what he needs to do, whose to say he wouldn't do them just to satisfy you briefly to get into your pants and then bail again? GUYS WILL DO THIS. All it does is clues him in to the fact that you are still there to be gotten. This is a letter for YOU. If he is the "one", he will find his way to do these things on his own. Just my two cents. Good therapy for me though, and why I shouldn't do it either, because I've considered it. Good luck, whatever you decide. 2
KraftDinner Posted May 1, 2013 Posted May 1, 2013 I wouldn't send it for one reason: long letters are a woman thing. Guys, please let me know if I'm right here. Think Ross and the 16-page letter Rachel wrote when they were possibly getting back together. Condense it to a twitter post, then get back to us. I'm serious.
TaraMaiden Posted May 1, 2013 Posted May 1, 2013 Great letter. Superb. Wonderful. Envelope? Fold it, and put it in. Seal it. Write the address. Take it to the mailbox. Laugh out loud, and rip it up. (That's why I didn't tell you to put a stamp on it, see.....? ) 2
may_girl Posted May 1, 2013 Posted May 1, 2013 I really wouldn't send that if I were you. Whenever I'm tempted to contact my ex, I always think about what they could be doing that moment I contact them. How they could react to it. I have done it myself but I believe sending long messages are a no-go. On reflection it makes you look desperate and pleading. You have obviously put a lot of thought into writing it and what makes them deserve that thought? If he wants to contact you and do all those things, trust me, he will. He doesn't need to be reminded by you. 1
Author youngnlove89 Posted May 1, 2013 Author Posted May 1, 2013 He did make contact in an email virtually as long...
TaraMaiden Posted May 1, 2013 Posted May 1, 2013 Good. Then let his attempt be met by a solid wall of silence. It will convey your response in a far more meaningful way and furthermore will affect him more deeply than anything you could ever possibly say. 6
may_girl Posted May 1, 2013 Posted May 1, 2013 Silence is the most powerful thing, it's true Not only will you look incredibly mysterious, he would not know what you were thinking. It will drive him mad and when you finally pass the stage of caring, you will be so grateful that you didn't send it.
mtnbiker3000 Posted May 1, 2013 Posted May 1, 2013 He did make contact in an email virtually as long... Nooooooooooo!!!! Fact: You will set yourself back and mess yourself up. Guaranteed. We will all be reading the following post from you on Friday: "Sent me ex the following letter..." Fact: He will not respond. Or, as McGriff said, respond in an advantageous way for some nookie or other control. Fact: NC is the only thing that will help you, as you are in bad shape at the moment. You are in a plane going down in flames. Grab a chute (NC) and jump!! Or else crash and burn
TheFriend Posted May 1, 2013 Posted May 1, 2013 Don't do it. I didn't listen to anyone, sent a letter, and it was awful. I had anxiety, massive stress and false hope while it was in the mail. I then got mean call saying "I got your letter, didnt read it, and ripped it up" please save yourself from further delay of the situation. Is only going to slow down the progress you have made. You did great writing this letter. Burn it and release its energy into the universe. The message will find its way.
mtnbiker3000 Posted May 2, 2013 Posted May 2, 2013 Don't do it. I didn't listen to anyone, sent a letter, and it was awful. I had anxiety, massive stress and false hope while it was in the mail. I then got mean call saying "I got your letter, didnt read it, and ripped it up" please save yourself from further delay of the situation. Is only going to slow down the progress you have made. You did great writing this letter. Burn it and release its energy into the universe. The message will find its way. Ouch!! That must have been rough. Lesson learned I take it??
Noma Posted May 2, 2013 Posted May 2, 2013 Some people need to get burned to move forward. Everyone moves forward at their own pace. Decide what is best for you. I called my ex and told him I wanted to talk. He actually said yes. We will see. 1
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