I have met someone seriously amazing and I don't know how to handle it...

[lamaga]

Hello there,

 

it's been a while. I've come here today because I really feel unable to handle this without acting on irrational thoughts...

Hope you can bare with me, this story is in detail, sorry folks..

 

Saturday two weeks ago, I went to another country to visit a friend of mine (let's call him friend). Friend has a roommate (let's call him roommate), who celebrated his birthday at their house. Roomate's best friend, showed up and we talked for a good while and flirted a lot (let's call him HE).

He is a librarian, I'm an academic, so we were on the same page on many different subjects right away.

That night, we drank a lot and ended up kissing. We were both guests, HE slept on the couch, I slept on a mattress in the same room.

Nothing more happened.

 

Sunday the four of us had breakfast. HE offered to drive me into the city. The car ride was uneventful, he seemed shy. We hugged goodbye. I kinda figured the making out meant nothing and was ready to move on.

 

But then... HE didn't leave my head!!!!!

 

Monday, I wrote a text message, asking him out for the next day, but HE replied HE was busy this week.

I took it as a clear rejection.

 

Later that day, roommate came home telling me he heard about the text I sent (HE told him about it)... and that I really shouldn't take it personal, HE really is a busy guy. Friend said, HE is at a point in his life where HE is looking for something serious and might think I just want to hook up. I realized that that was clearly what I was communicating at the party and just felt like a total idiot.

 

Tuesday, I got another text. HE wrote HE would be coming to our house Thursday, to play music with roommate, and would like to see me then. I said I would be there.

 

Thursday came, but friend took me to a bar instead and I missed out on seeing HE.

 

Saturday, friend and me went to see a show and after went to the studio where HE and roommate recorded. We hung out there, but not much happened, a few looks at most.

 

I texted that night. Wrote that I had thought about HE and that I felt like a total idiot for having acted weirdly. He replied that he thought about me a lot too and apologized for having acted weirdly as well, that he was a bit unhappy lately. The next day he asked if I wanted to see him on Monday. I agreed.

 

Monday came. HE picked me up and we went to his house where we hung out, drank tea, and talked for a few hours.

We eventually made out and ended up sleeping together. It was my last day there so I spent the night. We had a lot of great conversations that night and he told me a lot about himself, and I was glad he was so open all of a sudden. There was an incredible connection between us, a familiarity I haven't felt in A VERY LONG TIME.

 

When we kissed that night, I knew I risked that I wouldn't feel what I felt a week before, since the week before was just drunk kissing. But it felt incredible, better even. He was shaking when he kissed me. The way he looked at me, it was something I rarely feel when with another person... When we said goodbye in the morning, I was so sad, I felt like I was leaving my lover behind, even though we had met only a week before. We have a lot in common and he's the sensible kind of guy I like.

 

He texted me when I was at the airport and wished me a good trip home and that he felt very happy.

 

Friend & roommate say HE is a very quiet, introvert, sensible and good guy who is at a point in his life where he wants something serious. He bought an apartment two years ago. He wants to get a garden in the suburbs. His ex and him broke up two years ago and one reason was because he wanted children and she didn't.

 

I figured this is why he was hesitant about seeing me again at first. He perhaps thought I just wanted to fool around.

I should mention that the night at the studio, while I was in the bathroom, my friend told HE that I was seriously interested in HE. I figured, maybe this was also why HE eventually invited me over.

 

We already talked about that I would be back in a month to visit (not just him, but in general, since I have a bunch of friends in his city).

He is constantly on my mind since I returned from my trip. I wanted to leave it be, but I realized I just can't.

I haven't texted him back and I have no clue how to pursue this.

 

A casual text? An email?

Telling him how I feel?

Or just asking trivial questions?

Or not at all?

I DON'T KNOW AT ALL HOW TO PURSUE THIS NOW!

How much is too much? How little is too little?

 

This hasn't happened in a while and I am a bit 'out of touch' with how to act in situations like this. I really have serious feelings for this guy.

Thanks in advance, folks.

[todreaminblue]

This might seem scary but let him know that you like him, that you are not looking to fool around or a one nighter.........he has already heard it from someone else and he continued to invite you over......he likes you......tell him you want to get to know him, that you have enjoyed your time with him and you think about him often....

 

 

if a shy introverted guy steps up enough to kiss you and you said he was shaking.......he likes you too .............

[lamaga]

I know... I feel that too.. I just sense also an ambivalence.. like, as if he is confused about if he should like me or not, simply because he knows I am at a different point in my life, also, I am a bit younger than he is.

[todreaminblue]

I know... I feel that too.. I just sense also an ambivalence.. like, as if he is confused about if he should like me or not, simply because he knows I am at a different point in my life, also, I am a bit younger than he is.

 

 

when you start caring about someone, you get a range ofemotions....love.....fear...happiness and scared crap all at the same time......the ambivalence is a barrier......he is worried about making a move that might push you away maybe......introverted ....means.....internally motivated....so any action he makes he thinks about really deeply....makes him turn in......on himself.....

 

 

theres only a couple of years difference between you and when two people are serious about each other....that age gap is not one that is threatening,do you like the same things, do you enjoy the same pursuits....seems that you do ...if you have many common interests knock a year off for every one that you do .......if you have the same beliefs and values and here is an important thing about age.....maturity level....i have known older men.......who have no maturity...in fact ..one of my exes is older than me...yet he calls me mum...dont particularly like it but i understand why he does........he has never had a mum......not really ...bought up as an orphan, a ward of the state.......his maturity and mentality is very young always was always will be.........he was always too young for me even when i was eighteen i was so much older than him....and he is older than me in physical years.......he is heading towards fifty now...age is not a consideration if the guy is mature in mind and heart, if he knows what he wants and from what i have read ...he does like you.....i wish you nothing but the best....dont get hung up on the age difference...concentrate on the similarities that you both share and the beliefs you hold, the interests you have ...and age becomes just a number......hugs............deb

[lamaga]

when you start caring about someone, you get a range ofemotions....love.....fear...happiness and scared crap all at the same time......the ambivalence is a barrier......he is worried about making a move that might push you away maybe......introverted ....means.....internally motivated....so any action he makes he thinks about really deeply....makes him turn in......on himself.....

 

 

theres only a couple of years difference between you and when two people are serious about each other....that age gap is not one that is threatening,do you like the same things, do you enjoy the same pursuits....seems that you do ...if you have many common interests knock a year off for every one that you do .......if you have the same beliefs and values and here is an important thing about age.....maturity level....i have known older men.......who have no maturity...in fact ..one of my exes is older than me...yet he calls me mum...dont particularly like it but i understand why he does........he has never had a mum......not really ...bought up as an orphan, a ward of the state.......his maturity and mentality is very young always was always will be.........he was always too young for me even when i was eighteen i was so much older than him....and he is older than me in physical years.......he is heading towards fifty now...age is not a consideration if the guy is mature in mind and heart, if he knows what he wants and from what i have read ...he does like you.....i wish you nothing but the best....dont get hung up on the age difference...concentrate on the similarities that you both share and the beliefs you hold, the interests you have ...and age becomes just a number......hugs............deb

 

 

thanks for the encouraging words.. you are right... i have also met his ex-girlfriend once and she is 30 and acts way more immature than i do.

i think he does realize that i am more mature than most women my age (by the way, i am 26, he is 32).

[lamaga]

I thought I start with one text.

 

Here are my two options so far:

 

1)

"You probably are already sleeping, but if you read this in the morning, know that I would really like to stay in touch with you somehow. Being with you felt good. Talking to you felt good."

 

2)

"How did you like the rest of the movie?"

 

 

As you can see, I am extreme.

[todreaminblue]

I thought I start with one text.

 

Here are my two options so far:

 

1)

"You probably are already sleeping, but if you read this in the morning, know that I would really like to stay in touch with you somehow. Being with you felt good. Talking to you felt good."

 

2)

"How did you like the rest of the movie?"

 

 

As you can see, I am extreme.

 

 

the kamikaze in me says number one number yeah number one, the logical part of me says number two number two yeah number two and the undecided part of me says........what do you feel comfortable sending......over to you....lol.......deb

[lamaga]

the kamikaze in me says number one number yeah number one, the logical part of me says number two number two yeah number two and the undecided part of me says........what do you feel comfortable sending......over to you....lol.......deb

 

Sent NUMBER ONE! I am excited for what happens...

[todreaminblue]

Sent NUMBER ONE! I am excited for what happens...

 

 

yaaaayyyyyy kamikazeeeee sister.....:bunny:........lol.....i wish you all the best......hugs....deb

[scorpio1978]

Ooooh, do number one! Number one!!

[ja123]

So, what happened?

 

Did he write back?

 

P.S. I agree with the other poster who said start actually talking on the phone, rather than email or texting. Or maybe you could Skype.

[lamaga]

So, what happened?

 

Did he write back?

 

P.S. I agree with the other poster who said start actually talking on the phone, rather than email or texting. Or maybe you could Skype.

 

 

 

I sent it last night around 11.30pm.

He hasn't texted back yet. Then again, he is a Swede.

And after reading this: Dating in Sweden: sex, booze and mobile phones - The Local

 

...and having realized that up until point J) EVERYTHING HAPPENED EXACTLY LIKE IT WITH US, I think I am on the safe side, even though I might have to wait for an answer until later tonight...

[ja123]

That's a funny article. It does put things into perspective.

 

Yeah, it sounds like you're on the safe side.

 

Let us know how it goes.

[lamaga]

So, he wrote back... Telling me he wants to leave it like the way we did things and doesn't want to complicate things and not create any expectations from either side.

 

I guess I was absolutely wrong. Thanks anyways for the advice guys. I will have to move on.

[lamaga]

This is what he wrote: "I also had a good time, still I would like to leave it like that. I don't want to complicate things and create expectations on any side."

 

That's super cold and I am confused as to why he would go down that road.

I mean, I can accept that, I guess, I just had the hundred percent feeling he was into me too.

[lamaga]

anybody out there? please?

[BluEyeL]

I'm sorry this happened to you, there is no more comfort that I can offer, it is clear he doesn't want to continue with you. Try to move on and don't ask why. You could try to reach out to that friend for more answers, maybe he knows. Again, be strong and recover quickly! Do not contact him again, if there is a chance for him to come back, it's going to happen only if you end contact now.

[lucy_in_disguise]

I feel like I've been in this situation a thousand ones. Meeting someone I really like, opening up and/or getting physical faster than I normally would because I feel a strong "connection", only for the guy to lose interest.

 

I think the lesson learned here is that most guys prefer a challenge, no matter what they say. Regardless of the level of connection/ common interest/ intimacy, it comes too easy, many will feel it is not worth pursuing.

 

Next time you meet somone you like, don't ask him out if youve alteady made out with him, and don't put out so easily.

[clia]

I think he had a fun week meeting you, but isn't up for a long distance relationship. (How far away are you, by the way?). He wants to leave things how they are, and keep it casual. There really isn't anything you can do about that.

 

I know I'm weighing in after the fact, but I do want to give my input on this:

 

I thought I start with one text.

 

Here are my two options so far:

 

1)

"You probably are already sleeping, but if you read this in the morning, know that I would really like to stay in touch with you somehow. Being with you felt good. Talking to you felt good."

 

2)

"How did you like the rest of the movie?"

 

As you can see, I am extreme.

 

I would have sent Number 2 and kept it light and casual. The fact is, you've only known this guy a week. It may feel longer and I know you felt a connection and had sex with him and all that, but Number 1 creates all kinds of expectations about keeping in touch and starting a relationship and feelings, which is exactly the kind of thing that can scare a guy off. (And maybe did, but who knows.) It's also very wordy. I have had far more success with men by keeping early conversations light and short and fun and steering away from any expectation talk or future talk.

[Buttercup84]

So sorry to hear that. Think we all experienced something like this, and it hurts a lot x