How do I deal with taking a break with my girlfriend who is also my best friend?

[davisanthony276]

We have been dating for about half a year and have been best friends for several years. I constantly had apprehension about us dating for the longest time, but finally chose to try because she convinced me. She is great and is still my best friend. Recently a lot of stressers have come into her life (end of her junior year in college, summer, president of her sorority, etc.) and I haven't helped the situation. I have a jealous side and I just cant help it, but her need for independence and being friends with her exes brings that side out.

 

We had a long talk the other day and we laid out pro con list and reasons to break up and reasons to stay together. I know she wanted to break up yesterday, but didn't want to hurt me. She has asked for space and I am giving it to her now, but I feel miserable. I think it is mainly the aspect that she is also my best friend. I still without a doubt want to be with her though. How do I deal with this feeling? How can I get her to come back to me?

 

Thanks!

[will1988]

Number one, those things you listed are not stressers... she has summer break to look forward too, and she is the head of a group of co-eds. I wish I had that job.

 

 

It seems like you two are handeling this in a mature fashion. I would say, take some time a part, come back as friends, and play it by ear and see where it goes. Take the summer to clear your thoughts and to do your own thing.

[Chi townD]

Well, you two were really good friends and she pushed the envelope and sorta opened Pandora's box and venture into something more than just friends. Sorry dude, but when you agreed to take things further, you literally changed the dynamic of your relationship. You know the old saying, you can never go home again. And what I mean by that, is that as much as you try, you're never truely able to go back to the way things were.

 

What you have to understand is that even in the most busiest of relationships, two partners work together to try and spend as much quality time as possible with each other. And it takes dedication and, most importantly, communication. And, even though the two are extremely busy, they never lose sight of what's MOST important to them. So, to me, it seems like she would rather embrace these stressor more than her boyfriend.

 

So, my suggestion to you is NC. Go dark on her. Not a peep from you. She needs to know that she choosen these stressors over someone that was supposed to be the most important person in her life. And her choice was to rather have him gone than these other things in her life. She needs to miss you. And she needs to know that her decisions have consquences. As far as she knows right now is that you were curbed and she's free to do what she likes, do her thing and date other people. But, she's under the impression that you're still going to be there waiting on the sidelines if she needs a shoulder to cry on, or needs and ego boost. Once she gets her "fix" you're back on the bench while she plays on the field. And that's not fair to you.

 

Start NC and start making positive changes in your life.

Edited May 2, 2013 by Chi townD

[flitzanu]

i'm with Chi. break = breakup, as does "needing space". it's a soft breakup when people can't be forward about breaking up.

[dancesingfloss]

i can feel your pain. and i'm sorry that you are hurt.

i dated my friend, who i'd known for about 5 years before we were official.

 

we broke up because he just didn't think it was working. and for a time, it was really difficult. we didn't contact each other at all and even though i tried, he never responded. luckily, at the time, i had a great support system that i got through the hardship.

 

i started dating another guy and things were really great. but when things got rough with the new guy, i decided to contact my ex after about 4 years, not because i wanted to try again, but more as a friend. i just wanted his advice, opinion and most of all, his friendship. he was great. and i'm going through a rough breakup right now and he's still been great.

 

i guess my point is, i don't know that we will be as great as friends as we were before, but he's definitely been there for me when times have gotten rough. i know it sucks but i really do think if anything, the friendship will prevail.

[crederer]

Ya my ex became my best friend after we started dating. I think sharing the laughs and having great times, just the two of us or even in a group setting, is the hardest thing for me to deal with. It almost feels like a friend died. I'm sorry to say it but I doubt being friends again is going to happen. At least not how you were before.

 

My ex and I agreed to be friends from a distance, meaning she can talk to me if she's having a hard time, inform me of important milestones in her life, and we can act naturally when we run into each other (as it will happen fairly regularly).