bluegreen34 Posted May 1, 2013 Posted May 1, 2013 CONFUSING. Wanted to get some advice this guy I dated for 4 months recently. This is a very short version in a nutshell. While things were good at first, after month 2 I felt like I was more of an option than a priority to him and he would get defensive, say we need to let things happen naturally. He broke up with me and said he lost interest. One week later he comes over and we sleep together. Then I don't hear from him for like 2 weeks. I have texted him twice since to try to strike up a conversation, he answers my first text and pretty much ignores anything after that. so I quit texting him. I post something on FB (a general vent about how it sucks that you have no control over what your kids are exposed to when with the other parent). I am divorced with kids, so I was referring to my ex. Later that night, my ex that I dated for 4 months sends me a text saying "what happened"? I ignored the text. 2 days later he texts me again, and says "are we no longer friends"? and I said I am basically trying to move on, it's hard for me to think of him as just a friend because I still have feelings for me, I'm trying to do what's best for me in this situation, to which he replied "high school ended a long time ago. Bye." So he was basically mad about it. Then he said "sorry I care still because I know how your ex is"….and that was it. I haven't heard from him again. My question is, is he still interested in me, why does it bother him if I'm not his friend? If he lost interest, why doesn't he just move on?
clia Posted May 1, 2013 Posted May 1, 2013 This isn't confusing at all. He doesn't want a relationship with you, but is happy to keep having sex with you. To that end, he will throw you a bone every now and then in the guise of a text message, Facebook post, or meetup, so you will keep hanging on, and hopefully allow him to come over and have sex with you. He's bummed you won't be friends with him because then sex with you is no longer an option. Cut off all contact with him and move on. 3
Jefezen Posted May 1, 2013 Posted May 1, 2013 I don't think he's interested in you romantically. He probably used you for sex that one night after you broke up. He may still want you around as a casual acquaintance. The reasons for this could range from wanting you to potentially be available for additional booty calls, wanting to make you jealous by posting things on Facebook he knows you'll see, wanting to control things on his terms as opposed to yours, wanting to compare his situation in life to yours as a mechanism for feeling better about himself (if he figures he's doing better than you are now), wanting to know that he at least has the option to talk to you when he desires even if he doesn't plan to do it, etc. I make this mistake all the time. Trust your intuition. When someone likes you, you know it. When you think something has gone wrong, it has gone wrong. For your own mental sanity, and I know this is easier said than done, don't make excuses for people. It's okay to do it in limited fashion for anomalous events, but when a clear pattern of established conduct presents itself, you have to take things for what they are, no matter how painful.
crude Posted May 1, 2013 Posted May 1, 2013 This isn't confusing at all. He doesn't want a relationship with you, but is happy to keep having sex with you. If he's happy to keep having sex, why was it that once, weeks ago, and now he's ignoring her? It sure doesn't sound like he's interested in sex with her at all. Maybe she wanted it that one time as much or more than him. Many of the women here always jump to the same knee jerk conclusion, that the guy just wants sex, even when he's not bothering to get it when it's readily available.
Treasa Posted May 1, 2013 Posted May 1, 2013 I think he just wants attention or doesn't want to feel the discomfort of thinking you dislike him. Either way, I'd continue ignoring him.
soccerrprp Posted May 1, 2013 Posted May 1, 2013 I'm sorry, but there's nothing about his behavior that indicates to me that he wants a relationship with you. SERIOUSLY. Please move on...
AverageCat Posted May 1, 2013 Posted May 1, 2013 Delete his facebook, number, anything that reminds you of him and you will get over him a lot faster.
PogoStick Posted May 1, 2013 Posted May 1, 2013 He may like you as a friend, he said as much. He also said he doesn't like you as more than that. Pretty clear and you need to move on.
Author bluegreen34 Posted May 1, 2013 Author Posted May 1, 2013 Thank you for your responses. Crude was right, when he came over that week later, after he clearly told me he didn't want a relationship with me, I wanted it as much as he did. I think he ignored me afterward because he didn't want me to think we were "back together" because we did the deed. I don't think he wants to continue to use me or he would have initiated by now, it's been over a month since then. However, if I text him and he responds once and then ignores me, that same night he will "like" every picture I post, etc. That is what confuses me. One minute I think he wants me to go away, so why sit and like all my stuff on FB. And why get mad if I say I don't wish to be friends with you? Maybe because we hang out at the same bar and he doesn't want to be uncomfortable…..I don't know.
AverageCat Posted May 1, 2013 Posted May 1, 2013 However, if I text him and he responds once and then ignores me, that same night he will "like" every picture I post, etc. That is what confuses me. One minute I think he wants me to go away, so why sit and like all my stuff on FB. And why get mad if I say I don't wish to be friends with you? Maybe because we hang out at the same bar and he doesn't want to be uncomfortable…..I don't know. WHY ARE YOU WASTING YOUR TIME AND THOUGHTS ON HIM? You guys are not together and will never be. He thinks your feeling are high-schoolish meaning he doesnt give a **** about you. Wake up newbie. Cheers,
Jefezen Posted May 1, 2013 Posted May 1, 2013 BlueGreen, I know some of the comments here might seem very blunt and harsh but sometimes we need cold water to the face. We refuse to accept what's right in front of us even when deep down inside we know it to be true. I'm as guilty of that as the next person.
Author bluegreen34 Posted May 1, 2013 Author Posted May 1, 2013 My mom and friends tell me to get rid of him too.....and not only am I a newbie to this forum, but to dating in general. I am 34 years old, mother of 4, married for 12 years and been with him since I was 19. I have no idea how to date, and I never thought men in their 30's would still be out to use/play/manipulate women. I thought dating would be easier as an adult actually. It's very frustrating.
Recommended Posts