desperategirl Posted May 1, 2013 Posted May 1, 2013 Hi all, This probably sounds pretty stupid and vague, but if you do have an opinion, please share it! I have a guy friend who i work with, that I've known for about a year. He always says nice things to me, like I'm one of the only people he likes, and how work is no fun without me. When we met, I was in a relationship with someone else. Looking at body language stuff, there were some positive signs, eye contact, preening, touching his face a lot. Nothing totally conclusive though. He moved away for work (to another country, but will be back). He's made a pretty good effort to keep in touch, we email quite a bit, and skyped for well over an hour the other day. My friend thinks he may like me simply from the effort he makes to stay in touch. He 'liked' one of my old pics on facebook the other day, which means he was looking at my pictures (it was late at night). I know, I know I haven't got much to go on, but are we friend's, or is there a chance of more? Thank you!
AverageCat Posted May 1, 2013 Posted May 1, 2013 There s always a chance for more! However you should evaluate yourself. Do you think your values and attractiveness match? I.e. if you're a good looking girl he probably likes you a lot. If you're less good looking he probably likes you as a friend, but things still can happen.
Author desperategirl Posted May 1, 2013 Author Posted May 1, 2013 (edited) Thanks for the quick reply! It's weird...I was quite overweight,and took no care over my appearance when we met. Now I'm a much healthier, slim weight, and take care with my clothes etc. But not sure if he'll always see me as the chunky, "one of the guy's " girl, or if he'll notice I've changed? Do men change their opinions on women, or once you're 'friend zoned' is that it? Forgot to mention...I am seven years older than him. Edited May 1, 2013 by desperategirl
AverageCat Posted May 1, 2013 Posted May 1, 2013 Sorry, he probably sees you as just a friend. Work more on your appearance and physique. He will come around when he notices. In his mind you're one of the guys so if he likes you he won't be shy. EDIT: Do me a favor and check my thread below! : )
Star Gazer Posted May 1, 2013 Posted May 1, 2013 OP: Why did you choose that particular user name? Is that how you see yourself? 1
Author desperategirl Posted May 2, 2013 Author Posted May 2, 2013 OP: Why did you choose that particular user name? Is that how you see yourself? Hey. Interesting question. I think that when I joined, and was really in a tough relationship, yeah, that's how I saw myself. It was an awful time, a really quite scary and upsetting time, and at that time, yes, I would have to say that's probably how I saw myself. Now? Not so much. Thankfully!
Archgirl Posted May 2, 2013 Posted May 2, 2013 What does it matter if he likes you if he's in another country? It can't really go anywhere for ages right? But I suspect if he's just moved he's lonely and needs people to talk to. This doesn't mean he can't also be interested in you as more than a friend because in my experience one usually leads to the other. It just means that may not be his primary motivation for the keeping in such close contact right now. Hope this helps and please let us know if you get any more deets!
Author desperategirl Posted July 21, 2013 Author Posted July 21, 2013 What does it matter if he likes you if he's in another country? It can't really go anywhere for ages right? But I suspect if he's just moved he's lonely and needs people to talk to. This doesn't mean he can't also be interested in you as more than a friend because in my experience one usually leads to the other. It just means that may not be his primary motivation for the keeping in such close contact right now. Hope this helps and please let us know if you get any more deets! Hey, since I posted this thread, I've continued to talk to the guy a lot - in the last week alone we've had four phone calls, lasting around four hours each. We are in contact daily via text, and he often initiates it. I feel like he has started to be a bit more open, talking about his family, and worries etc. I am seeing him in a couple of weeks when he visits, and we have plans to hang out. Only problem is, I sometimes worries he sees me as one of the guys, sometimes calls me "dude" and stuff like that. After we;d spoken for a few hours today, he said, "Ok, well I'll talk to you before next month" (when I'm seeing him). How weird is that, considering how often we've been talking? He also made a point of saying I was missing out on picking up on clues from guys liking me, when I was talking about how these guys were helping me out. This is nuts. Very tempted to kind of withdraw a bit from the friendship, not for any kind of game playing, or to get a response, more as a peace of mind tactic, to try and not dwell on it. Any thoughts, or advice, would be welcome as usual.
Author desperategirl Posted July 21, 2013 Author Posted July 21, 2013 Also, we have dinner plans, but I have no idea if anyone else is coming or if we're so 'friendzoned' that we could go for dinner without it being weird!
RebelWithoutACause Posted July 21, 2013 Posted July 21, 2013 You are wasting alot of time on someone who has questionable intentions at best. Why are you spending hours and hours on the phone and online with someone who hasn't expressed any kind of clear interest in you? Keeping in touch is one thing, but being available 24/7 to someone who's barely an acquaintance is a waste time. Trust me, if he genuinely likes you, he won't stop liking you if you keep a reasonable distance until he makes his intentions clear. 2
Author desperategirl Posted July 21, 2013 Author Posted July 21, 2013 You are wasting alot of time on someone who has questionable intentions at best. Why are you spending hours and hours on the phone and online with someone who hasn't expressed any kind of clear interest in you? Keeping in touch is one thing, but being available 24/7 to someone who's barely an acquaintance is a waste time. Trust me, if he genuinely likes you, he won't stop liking you if you keep a reasonable distance until he makes his intentions clear. Oh sorry, didn't make it clear - we've been friends for about a year, and over the last six moths have become very close friends. I guess we spend so much time in touch on the phone etc is because he's living so far away at the moment. At the least, we are good friends, just wondering if it sounds like there's possibly more.
Author desperategirl Posted July 21, 2013 Author Posted July 21, 2013 You are wasting alot of time on someone who has questionable intentions at best. Why are you spending hours and hours on the phone and online with someone who hasn't expressed any kind of clear interest in you? Keeping in touch is one thing, but being available 24/7 to someone who's barely an acquaintance is a waste time. Trust me, if he genuinely likes you, he won't stop liking you if you keep a reasonable distance until he makes his intentions clear. In addition, thanks for this advice. I'll be not contacting him until I hear from him first now.
RebelWithoutACause Posted July 22, 2013 Posted July 22, 2013 Oh sorry, didn't make it clear - we've been friends for about a year, and over the last six moths have become very close friends. I guess we spend so much time in touch on the phone etc is because he's living so far away at the moment. At the least, we are good friends, just wondering if it sounds like there's possibly more. It's nice you are friends but don't invest so much time and emotions in someone who might not have any romantic interest in you. Cut back on the contact until you meet him in person in a couple of weeks and take it from there. Long distance relationships can work but both parties need to be equally invested.
forgetmenot75 Posted July 22, 2013 Posted July 22, 2013 Wait... He called you dude??? He doesn't have any romantic interest on you, he just sees you as a friend to talk with while he's away. You have two choices; or you start giving him clues, or you forget about him.
Lonely_Girl615 Posted July 22, 2013 Posted July 22, 2013 Um excuse me, but you DO have a lot to go on! It's so obvious that he likes you, girl! Now do you like him? If you do, take it to the next level. Just saying. Don't waste any time. I had a coworker I crushed on for a few years and never told him despite that we got along great. It turned out he quit and I never saw him again (I don't count Facebook friends). I always wonder what would've happened had I told him how I felt!
Author desperategirl Posted July 23, 2013 Author Posted July 23, 2013 Um excuse me, but you DO have a lot to go on! It's so obvious that he likes you, girl! Now do you like him? If you do, take it to the next level. Just saying. Don't waste any time. I had a coworker I crushed on for a few years and never told him despite that we got along great. It turned out he quit and I never saw him again (I don't count Facebook friends). I always wonder what would've happened had I told him how I felt! Thanks for your reply - good to hear the other opinion! I was going with the advice on here, and not contacting him, but after one day, he got in touch. So, I still don't know if we're really good friends or more, but it seems like we have a lot to talk about, at least. It feels like our relationship has changed over the last few months, and he has opened up emotionally, telling me more about his feelings and worries, family stuff, and future plans. He's also a lot more receptive to me talking about my worries. I used to think he was maybe emotionally immature, as he seemed uncomfortable with talking about too much emotional stuff. I guess at least I have a very dear friend here, with whom I can share my worries and feelings, and I can trust. In that sense, I don't feel I'm investing too much of myself, or giving him too much of my time, it's really a mutually beneficial friendship, I hope there is potential for more, as I am strongly attracted to him. I am going to continue to let him do the contacting, and then see how it pans out when we meet in person.
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